Nightmare's Beginning
by Kerwin
Summary: Completed! Will be continued in Part 2 Nightmare's End AU after Cell Games, Chi Chi dies horrifically, Gohan and Goten are separated. Gohan is raised in an abusive home until he contracts Leukemia. Contains explicit rape and abuse scenes R&R!
1. 0 to 10 Sesshomaru

Disclaimer: Dragon Ball Z and all character names, and likenesses thereof are trademarks of Toei Animation and are property of the original author Akira Toriyama. Any other original character names, places, or overall storyline/plotlines are property of the author (meaning myself) Kerwin. Thanx for your support!

WARNING: For those of you unfamiliar with the acronym NCS, this stands for Non-Consensual Sex; in other words it means RAPE. Please be advised that I will not accept flames regarding any lack of warning. Thanx.

x-paragraph breaks  
xxXXxx-scene change  
**ooo**-Flashback/dream sequences

**Nightmare's Beginning  
**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Somewhere deep inside me  
I hold a picture of a time long gone  
A time of ease and simple pleasures  
And days in shadows not so long

Now with my mind I'm struggling  
Holding on to what I believe  
Listen to the fragments of my thoughts  
That leave me broken and deceived

Sarah McLachlan-Trust

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Birds chirruped in the trees and smaller crawlers slinked along the shadows of the afternoon heat. The grass shifted as bugs scuttled to shade themselves against the rays of light that speared through the tall, loosely clumped trees. Gohan was just making his way through the woods carrying some firewood for the hearth. As he reached the petite house he gazed at the open, cloudless blue sky and wished his father was with him. He frowned and hung his head as the guilt assaulted him. 'It's my fault he's dead, if I hadn't let my power go to my head…He probably refused to come home because I betrayed him, and what he taught me...' Gohan's pity fest was interrupted by a wailing cry he recognized as his month old baby brother's. Gohan dropped the stack of dry wood by the side of the house and hurried inside to Goten.

x

Goten was lying on the floor screaming, obviously, about his discomfort and pain. Gohan could clearly see that Goten had fallen from the couch where his mother had undoubtedly set him down. Gohan felt anger tighten within his chest. How his mother could be so irresponsible and neglectful of Goten was beyond Gohan's comprehension. Ever since Goten's birth, Chi Chi walked around as if in a daze. She disregarded Goten completely; often she would let him cry, starving and wet, in his crib. Gohan found the care of his little brother solely his own responsibility. Scowling, Gohan picked up the screaming infant, calmed him and placed him in his crib, then went in search of his mother. Gohan didn't know whether to scream at her or just ignore her from fear of actually doing something he'd later regret.

x

Gohan didn't find Chi Chi in the kitchen-where Gohan had learned to cook quite a bit in the past month-or in her bedroom. As he passed the bathroom, Gohan stepped in a puddle of water that had leaked from under the door and almost slipped. Suddenly, he could hear the water running from behind the door, being too preoccupied by his anger before to notice. It only fueled his fury that his mother would take a bath, and leave Goten lying on the couch without anything to prevent him from falling.

x

Gohan banged on the door. There was no answer, not even a reprimand for pounding on the door. Gohan reach a point beyond caring if he saw his mother naked; she would answer his questions now. Gohan took a lock pick from his jeans-his own means to getting in locked rooms now that his strength was repressed-and inserted it into the door. When the lock clicked, Gohan shoved the door so hard that it made a riveting _bang_ against the wall.

x

Gohan had a scowl set on his face, ready to yell at his mother, as he walked into the bathroom. The first glimpse of his mother silenced any words Gohan would speak for the next seven years. Sliding down the wall onto the soaked floor, Gohan simply stared in utter horror at the sight that would forever haunt his dreams, turning them into nightmares.

* * *

x

Chapter 1: Memories

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey you, see me, pictures crazy,  
All the world I've seen before me passing by.  
I've got, nothing, to gain, to lose,  
All the world I've seen before me passing by...  
Silent my voice, I've got no choice,  
All the world I've seen before me passing by...

I don't feel it, anymore.  
I don't sleep, anymore.  
I don't eat, anymore.  
I don't live, anymore.  
I don't feel.

System of a Down-ATWA

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"...staring at nothing...say a word...selective mutism...traumatic..." the words were meaningless and dulled by the simple fact he did not care what they said. He couldn't remember what happened after he left the bathroom. He could dimly recall clutching Goten to him because the people who came had to pry the crying child from his arms. Gohan didn't know who they were or how they found him, but none of that was important now. He sort of shut down and stopped thinking all together.

"...shock...infant brother...unstable..." the voices continued.

x

Gohan dimly noted that he was in a bed with a curtain and that the walls were white. 'This must be a hospital or something.' Gohan deduced calmly. Sitting up slowly, Gohan blinked as if in a daze and stared bluntly at the nearest wall.

"Look, he's awake." a man in a white coat stated and came toward Gohan. The other man, dressed in a blue business suit, followed. "So, what's your name kid?"

"..." Gohan didn't even bother to look at the man who asked the question. 'I wonder where Goten is.'

"Son, we can't help you if you don't tell us your name." the man in the suit butted in, to the annoyance of the doctor.

"..."

"All right, we'll have to take him to social services; they have his brother in custody." blue suit man told the doctor sternly. Gohan was given his clothes and he changed mechanically. He was ordered to follow the suited man and did so wordlessly.

**ooo**

Gohan stared despondently out the window of the orphanage; he'd sat in the same position since the social worker dropped him off.

"Young man, dinner is ready, come to the table." the owner, a kind woman, tugged on Gohan's shirt-sleeve. Gohan turned away from the woman's plaintive order and continued to stare out the window. 'Why won't they leave me alone? Goten's gone, what more do they want from me?' The social worker explained to him how he couldn't be with Goten because most parents wanted babies and not pre-teens. Goten was snatched up like a prized colt at auction time while Gohan was shuffled into an overfull orphanage. He didn't care anymore, life was something to endure or give up on. Gohan was tired of fighting; he'd long since reached the stage of giving up.

**ooo**

Gohan felt the needle slide into his wrist, he lay in the hospital bed too feint to even protest. The doctor was shaking his head and muttering about Gohan's complete disregard for his health. Gohan could not make out the words, in fact; his vision was blurry and unfocused, a side effect of starvation he knew well. 'They'd think after five times of this shit that I want to die.' Gohan thought listlessly. He felt the familiar feeling that signaled he was going to lose consciousness and welcomed the blanket of darkness, any reprieve from life.

**ooo**

"I'm so sorry, I can't handle it anymore! He won't eat and I can't watch his self-destructive behavior any longer!" Gwendolyn, the kind orphanage owner, cried out. Gohan lay in the hospital bed having starved himself once again. He could hear Gwen protesting his return to the home; he was a bad influence on the other kids, no doubt.

"He needs professional help, help I can't give." Gwen's voice shook but there was no brooking her decision.

"We understand," the social worker answered calmly, "We'll move him to a facility that specializes in this sort of thing."

**ooo**

Gohan was surrounded by cold steel furniture and sterile walls. He wore a white uniform and slipper shoes without laces least he take it into his head to strangle himself with them. The door to his room opened and the orderly walked in. He was a buff man that dispensed medication to the patients and helped subdue those who went crazy. Gohan felt the chills race up his spine, 'Not again!' his mind screamed helplessly. The man smiled and laughed harshly as he approached Gohan.

"Miss me?" he smirked and groped at Gohan's clothes. Gohan closed his eyes and swallowed his whimper as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Mmm...yeah...uhn..uh..uh..."

**ooo**

"Well, he doesn't speak much, but he's well behaved." the social worker explained to the prospective parents. A pencil thin man wearing wire framed glasses and a smartly dressed woman of average proportion looked toward Gohan who wore a dark blue suit with a tie.

"What's you're name?" the man asked Gohan who was dwarfed by his seat looking far too thin and malnourished.

"..."

"His name is Sesshomaru, we call him Ru for short." the social worker supplied helpfully. Gohan looked on with eyes dulled of any feeling whatsoever. He ate now, not nearly enough for his saiyan appetite, but of his own will. The man and woman gave Sesshomaru dubious glances then stood as one.

"I'm sorry, but we really want a child more..."

"Open." the man supplied for his wife.

"I understand." the social worker replied with a sigh then shook the couples' hands and showed them out.

**ooo**

Gohan stood before the filthy door as the social worker frowned at the doorbell. It hung beside the door by its tangled wires. With a muffled groan she knocked on the wood that seemed covered in grime and wiped her hands on a handkerchief as they waited for an answer. A thin woman with graying hair tied in a bandana answered the door holding a broom in one hand.

"Hello, Mrs. Hiai, I'm Ms. Sukiyo. I called you earlier? This is Sesshomaru, your new boy." the social worker stated smiling graciously.

"Yes, please, do come in." the woman, Mrs. Hiai, invited after shaking hands with Ms. Sukiyo.

"Oh, sorry, but I have another client to see to. Say hello to Mr. Hiai for me?" Ms. Sukiyo politely declined. Gohan stepped in the house on Mrs. Hiai's insistence.

x

The living room had a small television and three boys sat around it as a person on the screen droned on about volcanoes. The three boys looked up when Gohan entered.

"Sesshomaru, this is Toshiro, Keitaro, and Rei." Mrs. Hiai introduced the three boys. They each nodded to him; Toshiro was undersized but had an intelligent glint to his eyes; Keitaro was over large but did not look particularly intimidating; and Rei looked average all around. Gohan nodded in return out of politeness' sake.

"You see that there program? It's a home school video; you'll be expected to watch it during the day." Mrs. Hiai explained with a nod at the TV.

**ooo**

Sesshomaru flinched as the fist flew and connected with his jaw causing his teeth to clash together with a sick grinding noise. Ru saw Toshiro and the other two boys cowering in the corner. Rei had a bloody nose and Toshiro was holding an injured wrist to his chest protectively. Keitaro had a bruised cheek and a tooth missing after trying to help Ru. It was obvious Hadrian Hiai was not going to settle for Sesshomaru's usual; Hadrian was drunk and that only enforced his special goal to make Gohan cry out in pain.

Gohan prevented all sound from escaping his lips though tears made wet streaks down his cheeks. Hadrian became frustrated and pummeled Ru with twice as much effort until his own knuckles bleed and Ru lay broken at his feet. Still lacking satisfaction, Hadrian grabbed a knife and dug into Sesshomaru with vengeful abandon as the others looked on in horror...

* * *

IMPORTANT! This next part takes place where Gohan is sixteen, the last chapter contained flashes of memory from those years since Chi Chi died. Now, we go to regular time but there will be flashbacks/memories littered throughout.

**Chapter 2: Dream**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I linger in the doorway  
Of alarm clock screaming  
Monsters calling my name  
Let me stay  
Where the wind will whisper to me  
Where the raindrops  
As they're falling tell a story

In my field of paper flowers  
And candy clouds of lullaby  
I lie inside myself for hours  
And watch my purple sky fly over me

Don't say I'm out of touch  
With this rampant chaos-your reality  
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge  
The nightmare I built my own world to escape

In my field of paper flowers  
And candy clouds of lullaby  
I lie inside myself for hours  
And watch my purple sky fly over me

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming  
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights  
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming  
The goddess of imaginary light

Evanescence-Imaginary (Origin)

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Gohan could feel the warm bed beneath him and the floating sensation he instantly recognized as drug induced. He knew not how long he'd been here; he knew only of various times waking to pain and being drugged again. Gohan could feel the first twinges that signaled the medication was wearing off, but no one came in. No doctors in white lab coats offered him that black velvet, silky silent escape from living. Gohan closed his eyes, determined to sleep before the drugs wore off completely.

**ooo**

The door down stairs slammed as if by the force of a gale wind. Gohan felt Toshiro shiver through the covers of the bed they shared. Keitaro and Rei slept in the bed beside theirs. Gohan could see the whites of their, Keitaro's and Rei's, eyes peering out from their covers in the dark room. The four boys waited with baited breath for the verdict to come.

"Ru! Get your ass down here!" The bellow could be heard throughout the whole house; Gohan swore it echoed in their attic room.

"You don't have to go, maybe he'll pass out?" Rei commented hopefully. Gohan pulled the covers back and swung his badly bruised legs, souvenirs of his last encounter with Hadrian, over the side of the bed.

"Yeah, just stay here." Keitaro agreed following Gohan's movements with his eyes. Gohan shook his head and snatched up a pair of tattered jeans that he quickly pulled on in the fear chilled air.

"Ru, it's not fair, he always picks on you!" Toshiro whispered hoarsely as tears leaked from his eyes. Gohan could hear the relief in the small boy's voice, it wouldn't be _him_, though the boy tried to mask it.

"Ru, don't go." Keitaro ordered. Gohan shook his head again and motioned to the door. They knew what he tried to communicate without words. If Gohan didn't go down then Hadrian would come up and it wouldn't just be Gohan on the receiving end of his temper.

"I'll, I'll c-come with you." Keitaro stuttered in obvious fear and made to get up. Gohan shook his head vehemently and gently pushed Keitaro back into bed.

"Ru, don't make me come up there!"

x

Gohan slipped silently out the crack he made opening the door, as if by allowing the door to open fully he would be inviting the devil himself into the room. Quickly as a wraith he made his way down the stairs. The boards creaked and groaned despite his light weight and attempts to walk carefully and near the wall.

"I hear you tip toeing down the stairs; you must know what you've done if you're sneaking like the guilty." Hadrian laughed caustically. 'Yeah right; He has no reason and he knows it. He makes those reasons up, all of us know that.' Gohan could see the silhouette at the bottom of the stairs and the looming shadow the figure cast on the wall.

"Come here." Hadrian snarled, reaching out a hand for emphasis. The demonic specter on the wall reached out a shadowy appendage toward Gohan's neck. Gohan glared angrily and, just to spite the loathsome man, continued down the stairs slower than he'd gone before.

"Don't give me that damn look! You're no better than me, you little bastard!" Hadrian sneered grotesquely.

x

The moment Gohan was within grabbing distance, Hadrian roughly lay hold of Gohan's neck and pulled forward. Gohan lost his purchase on the steps and felt himself fall forward. Hadrian let go so that Gohan lost his balance completely, and was left grasping at empty atmosphere. Gohan felt the jarring impact and heard the sickening snap of his right arm as he fell the last three steps and tried to catch himself with his arms. From long habit, Gohan ignored the pain and instinctively threw himself sideways before Hadrian could kick him.

"Quick little shit aren't you?" Hadrian did not sound complimentary.

x

Hadrian stalked Gohan as he tried to scramble away from the large brute. Then, in a fast move inconsistent to his size, he seized Gohan's left leg and dragged him into the living room. Gohan kicked out with his other leg and caught Hadrian squarely in the gut. With a soft oof! and a muffled curse Hadrian twisted Gohan's foot mercilessly. Gohan felt tears prick his eyes but, he stifled his cry by biting his lip. As his teeth punctured the soft skin of his bottom lip, coppery blood assaulted his tongue. Strangely, the familiar sensation and taste of blood in his mouth calmed his fears. 'There's nothing he can do to me that hasn't been done before by some evil villain, human or otherwise.'

x

Hadrian fisted his hand and slammed it into Gohan's left cheek. Gohan's head was knocked back and hit the floor with a resounding thud that left Gohan's ears ringing. The edges of his vision wavered and Gohan felt a stab of pain from his lip as he couldn't help but smile. 'I've won; he'll knock me unconscious soon.' Hadrian spotted his smile and roared in outrage.

"Don't you smirk at me, you ungrateful wretch!" Hadrian snatched Gohan's broken arm and jerked it roughly. Gohan winced and more tears escaped his eyes as pain like a fire engulfed his arm. 'I won't scream, I won't scream, I won't scream.' the mantra kept his mouth firmly closed and all sound imprisoned within him. Hadrian was clearly frustrated with this broken but unbreakable boy before him. Yanking Gohan's arm a second time produced only a repeat of the previous time and nothing else. Hadrian swore at Gohan ceaselessly and punched him multiple times in hopes of beating the boy into submission. The other boys cowered and broke easily but this boy was different, he fought back. Maybe Gohan didn't fight physically but he did so mentally, that was what drove Hadrian over the edge. After not so much as an overly audible gasp, Hadrian punched Gohan again, only this time the floor made itself acquainted with Gohan quite forcefully.

**ooo**

Gohan's eyes snapped open in a brightly lit room. The sounds of his fast beating heart and harsh breathing occupied his mind completely. Slowly, other sounds insinuated themselves into his awareness, a low murmuring and the impression of people walking by. His bed sheets were twisted around his legs and his body was drenched in sweat. A quick look around proved the room to be vacant with the exception of himself. 'It was only a dream, Gohan, calm down.' he ordered himself. Gohan swiped a trembling hand across his clammy forehead and gave the room a more thorough examination after his first cursory glance.

x

He was situated in a bed that had its curtains drawn back to allow sun from the windows nearby to bath him in its warmth. His right arm was in a sort of plastic cast with velcro straps and his left leg was encased in a plaster cast from below the knee down. There were three other beds with curtains, but no one occupied those. There were identical dressers and chairs situated beside each bed too. There were windows on one wall (the one closest to Gohan) and a side door that Gohan figured led to a wash room. The remaining wall featured a door that supposedly led out of the room. Gohan sat up slowly feeling sharp pains in his chest, and a bit light headed. Everything in his body ached in protest, but Gohan ignored the pain. 'Let's see where the hell I am.' Gohan thought and began untangling the sheets from his legs.

* * *

**Chapter 3: The Hashukos**

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I was a long lost soul  
I was a burnt out case  
I felt my heart grow old  
I wore a stranger's face

I built a wall so high  
I built a gulf so wide  
I saw my life go by  
On the other side

I wasn't looking for a miracle  
Just hoping for relief  
But you gave me something  
Something to believe

Lee Ann Womack-I Saw Your Light

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Gohan was sweating profusely by the time he reached the bathroom, clutching to his chest clothes he'd found in the dresser beside his bed. Having been severely underweight for years now, a long ('How long?') period being bedridden greatly depleted what little strength he had. He entered the washroom intent on cleaning up a bit. When Gohan caught sight of himself in the mirror he grimaced at his reflection. Where once there had been a vibrant, strong, full bodied saiyan boy with a childish glint of mischief in his eyes there now stood a pathetic, weak, frail wretch of a teenager whose eyes showed any who looked into them that he already had one foot in the grave and the other soon to follow.

x

His hair had grown long past his shoulders, but it was limp and tangled after tossing and turning in a hospital bed. His forehead, cheekbones, and jaw stuck out in sharp relief, a distinctive contrast to his sunken cheeks and eyes. His skin was pale with too many days locked within the hell-hole social workers dared to call a "home". His skin was like a thin covering over his well defined bones giving him a fragile, skeletal look as if any small pressure might break him.

x

Gohan sighed mentally and made short work of bathing himself with a sponge he found in the basin. Then, he dressed himself with the extreme care of the injured in the black sweat pants and dark blue turtleneck he'd found in the dresser. Gohan hobbled toward the door of the bathroom with a feeling of rejuvenation now that he was clean. Before he left, though, he spotted a closet, and a peek inside proved advantageous. He came out with a stand on wheels, the type used to hang IV drips on, that he could use to walk. Gohan made his way to the door but stopped short when he heard voices just on the other side.

"Mr. and Mrs. Hashuko, I cannot express how grateful we are for the time you took to see us. I am required to inform you of exactly what you're getting yourselves into. Sesshomaru is no ordinary orphan." a deep male voice was saying.

"We know that; that is why we'd like to take him. He needs someone he can depend on without having to think about it." another man, Mr. Hashuko Gohan presumed, replied.

"Sesshomaru is...how should I say this? To be blunt, Sesshomaru has been beaten so badly that he'll need several correctional surgeries performed on his arm and leg to restore them to normal. Not only that, but we've found evidence that he has been sexually molested. His mutism is self-induced and he hasn't broken his silence in six years. Quite frankly, we don't know if he'll ever grow to trust anyone; or even if he can form any semblance to a normal relationship with anyone." the doctor explained despondently.

"That doesn't mean we shouldn't try!" A woman's voice cried out, Mrs. Hashuko's, no doubt. "With all the people surrounding him giving up on him there's no doubt why he doesn't reach out to anyone!"

"Mrs. Hashuko, I'm not..."

"No, you listen here you over-certified pessimist. We're going to take this boy and give him a home no matter how much you warn us or try to convince us otherwise! Now, show him to us this instant that we may take him home as soon as possible." Gohan was astonished to hear the fervor with which she rebuked the doctor. 'She sounds like mother...I wouldn't want to get on her bad side.'

"Mr. Hashuko..." the doctor started but stopped, giving Gohan the impression that someone motioned him to do so.

"Dr. Nakamura, you heard her, let's see our Sesshomaru." Gohan could hear the humor in Mr. Hashuko's voice. 'Maybe, maybe they'll be ok.' Gohan felt a momentary flutter of hope that was quickly replaced by mortification when the door opened to reveal Dr. Nakamura in his white coat, and the Hashukos.

x

"You must be Sesshomaru; I've been looking forward to meeting you. My husband and I have offered to bring you home with us, would that please you?" Mrs. Hashuko looked for all the world like she found invalids behind hospital doors on a regular basis.

"Sorry for my wife's lack of manners, I'm Mr. Hashuko but, you can call me Koriyo. This exquisite and malicious lady beside me (Mrs. Hashuko elbowed her husband and glared), see what I mean, is Mrs. Hashuko." Mr. Hashuko smiled when his wife pouted at him and held out a hand to Gohan. 'They seem pretty normal; maybe it's time to move on and actually live.' Gohan thought, ignoring the small voice in the back of his mind saying, 'You killed them, Gohan, your father and mother. You're nothing but a worthless wretch. You lost Goten. It's your entire fault what happened at the institution...' Gohan looked at the anxious and eager expressions on Mr. Hashuko's and Mrs. Hashuko's face respectively. Then he looked at Dr. Nakamura's cynical twist of lips and, just to shock the man, grasped Mr. Hashuko's hand firmly and gave him a trace of a smile. Gohan was justly rewarded by Dr. Nakamura's flabbergasted expression and identical looks of hope from Mr. and Mrs. Hashuko.

"I guess that settles it. Let's get his paperwork done and set up appointments for the surgeries. Then, we'll take him home." Mr. Hashuko decided and put a hand lightly on Gohan's shoulder. Gohan stiffened in reaction but did not move away, Mr. Hashuko took heart from this and kept his hand there in support, and soon Gohan felt himself relax.

xxXXxx

Gohan felt trepidation as the van pulled up into the driveway of a small middle class house. It resembled one of those clichéd houses: white picket fence, trim in blue, shiny glass windows, and toys in the yard. Gohan saw a head of tousled brown hair and blonde pigtails as he exited the car and approached the fence-gate.

"Welcome home, Sesshomaru." Mr. Hashuko said and threw an arm out to encompass the house and yard.

"Daddy? Daddy's home!" A small voice piped from within the yard and the brown haired head made quick progress to the gate. Mr. Hashuko opened the entry for the small boy and lifted him in his arms as he giggled happily.

"Hello daddy." the petite blond said formally from just inside the gate.

"Well, we might as well start the introductions. Sesshomaru, this is Makoto and Kumiko, if I'm not mistaken?" Mr. Hashuko said motioning to the boy and girl respectively.

"Yes, Kyoko is in the house." Kumiko stated timidly.

"Is this our new brother?" Makoto asked curiously at Gohan.

"Yes, his name is Sesshomaru, Ru for short."

x

The group walked up the porch steps and entered the house. The first thing Gohan noticed were crudely drawn pictures hanging along the wall. That was a sure sign that this house was a home.

"Koriyo, Yuriko, is that you?" A teenaged girl walked in bouncing a tearful girl on her hip that looked the spitting image of Kumiko. 'They must be twins.' Gohan met the eyes of the girl and looked away shamefully. Kyoko was handed to Mrs. Hashuko and Miya's attention turned to the thin boy beside her foster parents.

"Miya, this is Sesshomaru, he'll be staying with us now." Mrs. Hashuko, Yuriko, informed the teenaged girl while smiling encouragingly at Gohan.

"Hi, would you like to be called Sesshomaru, or is there a nick name you'd prefer?" Miya asked inquisitively. Gohan felt overwhelmed at the open acceptance and looked to Koriyo helplessly.

"Ah, Ru is fine, right Sesshomaru?" Gohan nodded.

"What, don't tell me you're that shy!" Miya giggled and slapped Gohan on his left arm playfully. Gohan jerked back like she'd slapped him full in the face, something Mrs. Hiai used to do often enough when she got it into her head to blame the foster boys for her own husband's drunkenness.

"Miya, no!" Mrs. Hashuko cried out as Mr. Hashuko went to Gohan to reassure him. Gohan had backed away to the furthest corner of the room in utter terror. He couldn't explain or prevent this reaction though he knew full well in his mind that Miya did not mean to beat him. Miya backed away and looked scared by Gohan's reaction.

"I, I didn't mean to do anything! What did I do? What happened to him?"

"Sesshomaru doesn't speak, Miya, he's mute. He has some problems he needs help with, and we're going to help him." Mrs. Hashuko's voice was composed but, tears began to form in Miya's eyes.

"I'm sorry!" she muttered hoarsely and turned to leave the room. Gohan had managed to calm himself enough to reach out a hand and touch Miya's shoulder. Turning, eyes brimming with tears, toward Gohan, Miya looked questioningly at him. He offered her a tentative smile and in return she gave her own watery curve of lips.

"There, see? No harm done." Mr. Hashuko said smiling.

* * *

NOTE: There is a flashback of the Cell Games in this and there is ALTERNATE UNIVERSE, or differences between this and the actual episodes!

**Chapter 4: Pills**

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I'm feelin' weak and weary walkin' through this world alone  
Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone (And I believe)  
I've got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn  
It feels like I've been buried underneath all the weight of the world  
I try to hold this under control  
They can't help me 'cause no one knows...

I'm blind and shakin', bound and breakin'  
I hope I make it through all these changes

3 Doors Down-Changes

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan sat in his room, _his_ room, he didn't have to share! There was another bed in the room should the Hashukos foster another boy his age but that was neither here nor there. For now, Gohan was enjoying the solitude the room offered. Lying on the bed he studied the small pill container he held in his hand. There were several other containers of similar shape and size littering his dresser but this one was special, or rather more specifically part of his present state of being than the others.

**ooo**

Gohan felt his power coursing through him as he held the kamehameha blast on Cell. He could hear nothing but the blood rushing to his head and Cell's incessant taunting. 'Father! I didn't mean to kill you! This is all my fault; father, Trunks, and Vegeta. If I had killed Cell when dad told me to none of this would have happened!' As Gohan tormented himself with blame and guilt, Cell acquired the upper hand in the ensuing battle.

"What's wrong, Gohan? Give it up already! The sooner you stop deluding yourself and surrender, the sooner I can put you and this pathetic planet out of its tortured existence."

Cell gave another one of his grating laughs that got on Gohan's every nerve and Gohan felt something snap.

Angry...

Raging...

Furious...

Fuming...Boiling...Seething power erupted from within and Gohan let out a blood curdling scream that rent the air, pitching over even the roaring of the kamehameha waves. His mind lost coherency as the power took complete control. Any concern he would have had for his friends was drowned out by his power's need to end the pain. It was as if by ending Cell, Gohan could escape his guilt, shame, and feeling of loss. Gohan could not relinquish such a promise of peace and surrendered himself to the blinding force begging for release, no, he embraced it. And, insanity reigned.

**ooo**

Gohan shuddered at the memory as it replayed in his mind. Even now he could not recall just what happened after he lost control, but Piccolo, Krillin, Tien, and Yamcha had plenty to say and none of it good. When he'd finally come to his senses the match with Cell had been long finished and a whole month had passed. Gohan could not remember the month after the Cell Games no matter how hard he tried and wracked his brain. The horror stories about him attacking all his friends came to Gohan as if from another life time; or as mere stories, completely unrelated to him personally. He could remember waking up, though, as if it happened mere hours before and not years.

**ooo**

Gohan felt feint and weaker then he'd ever felt before in his life with the exception of the time Recoome beat him catatonic. Looking around he recognized the room he was in; he often stayed in the guest rooms at Capsule Corp when he visited Bulma with his dad. The reminder of his father brought a grieving expression to his face. 'What have I done? What happened; did I beat Cell?' The random questions vied for his undivided attention and no matter how hard he tried he could not seem to remember anything after he felt that raging power manifested itself inside him.

x

Deciding it would do no good toward answering his questions to lie in bed all day, he prepared to get up. Sitting up felt like a feat in itself and gravity felt awfully heavy on his shoulders. Bemoaning his body's seemingly abused state, Gohan quit his bed and stood like an old man with a bad back. 'What's happened to me?' Gohan felt the premature stirrings of panic but squelched them in favor of finding someone to question about these mysterious occurrences.

x

With the inborn instincts of the Saiyan species, Gohan's first place of search was the kitchen as it was mid-afternoon, lunch time. There he was unsurprised to see the assorted group of Z senshi gathered around the table including Bulma, chibi Trunks and even his mother. Only Piccolo and Android 18 stood apart from the rest, having no need to eat to sustain life. On the other extreme Vegeta and Mirai Trunks ate like there wasn't enough food, or enough time, and repulsed their human counterparts. As Gohan stood in the doorway watching with avid interest the many quirks of his friends in repose, an arbitrary glance his way brought Krillin to his guard.

"Gohan!" Krillin shouted in alarm. The shout served as a catalyst and in mere seconds every fighter was standing in their fighting stances with their powers at full. Bulma, Chi Chi and chibi Trunks were hurried from the room by Yamcha. Gohan was too stunned to react and only experienced further disorientation when the very aura of Vegeta's and Mirai Trunk's power sent him careening back out the doorway until he was slammed indignantly and ever so painfully into the couch.

"What's going on?" Gohan asked in a tremulous voice as his mind struggled to comprehend the excruciating pain in his lower back where it had made impact against the couch. 'I shouldn't be feeling so much pain from such a small injury! Why are they attacking me?' His mind was screaming and he felt like curling into a tight ball to sob out his frustrations.

"Gohan? Is that really you?" Krillin stepped toward Gohan hesitantly.

"Of course it's me, who else would I be?" Gohan managed to croak around the lump in his throat. He suppressed the tears that threatened to spill forth through pure will-power.

"Gohan, you're back!" Krillin rushed forward and pulled Gohan into a hug. Seeing nothing to prompt the continued standoff, the others dropped out of their own fighting stances as well.

"Looks like it worked, Bulma." Yamcha commented as he smiled and ruffled Gohan's hair. Gohan jerked away from Krillin's embrace and Yamcha's condescending gesture, looking at them all with wounded eyes.

"What's going on; why'd you attack me? Why am I so weak?" Gohan implored as his eyes were pleading for truthful answers.

xxXXxx

"You're saying that I killed Cell and then attacked Piccolo, and the others?" Gohan stared down at his hands which he gripped tightly together.

"If it wasn't for Vegeta knocking you out, we'd all be in the next dimension." Tien said bluntly. If it was possible, Gohan sunk lower into the couch and ducked his head until his fringe of hair completely blocked his face from view. The color had drained entirely from his face as his shame was complete.

"Well, you didn't. Besides, it wasn't exactly an intelligent decision on Goku's part to place you in that situation." Yamcha tried to reassure him, but at the mention of his father's name Gohan felt nausea claw its way up his throat. Swallowing the acidic bile, Gohan ventured another question.

"What about the dragon balls?"

"Oh, Gohan, Goku...Goku decided to stay in heaven." Bulma said compassionately and went to place an arm around Gohan's shoulders. Gohan avoided the gesture and ruthlessly clamped down on the sob in his throat. No wonder his mother wouldn't look at him and refused to stay during the discussion.

"He thought he was the cause..." Piccolo began to say but Gohan's mind was too preoccupied to process both what Piccolo was saying and what his mind was thinking. No matter what his father had said to the others Gohan knew why he really stayed in heaven. 'He hates you; it's your fault he's dead. Why would he want to come back when you're what he has to come home to? A traitorous son is worse than no son at all...'

"Gohan!" Gohan was snapped out of his stupor of self incrimination by Krillin's shout.

x

"Why am I so weak?" Gohan asked before Krillin could try to convince him that it wasn't his fault even though he knew it was. The others exchanged glances which communicated more than words. Gohan felt his body tighten in dread at the ominous silence that followed this question.

"The on'na made a pill that keeps all your ki locked up." Vegeta muttered without preamble.

"Why would my ki need to be 'locked up'?" Gohan turned to Vegeta for the answer as he was the only one willing to say what the others wouldn't. This time, however Vegeta just snorted and remained silent.

"When...When you woke up...that first time, right after the fight with Cell you...you were different. It was like you were...in a coma; your eyes were dull, lifeless. Every time you woke you'd turn super saiyan and attack us." Mirai Trunks' eyes glazed over as if he was seeing something other than the living room at Capsule Corp. "We had to sedate you. Mom and Gramps started researching a way to suppress your ki...all control was gone." Mirai Trunks tried to justify the necessity for the tranquilizer, "You've been out a month now. Everything we came up with failed in the practical assessment, until now." Mirai finished vaguely.

"Are you saying that every time you tested the drugs on me, I went berserk when it didn't work? That I attacked you guys at super saiyan?" Gohan asked for clarification though it looked like they would prefer him to be ignorant of the details.

"Yes." Yamcha dejectedly agreed.

"So, I need to take these pills or I'll start attacking innocent people?"

"Yes, you probably feel like a full human now. The pills should even repress your saiyan hunger, and I've even written down the ingredients so you can get them made anywhere you are." Bulma explained to Gohan.

"So, this is it then? This is how I have to live from now on?" Gohan couldn't help drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them in an attempt to console himself. It was a futile endeavor.

**ooo**

Gohan closed his eyes in anguish as memories of the conversations that followed that one filled his mind. He extracted quite a bit of information from Piccolo, Tien, and Vegeta about the cruelty he'd caused them, and there was nothing praiseworthy. Mirai Trunks had left soon after he woke and the danger had passed, before Gohan could get any specifics from him. Krillin and Yamcha refused point blank to tell him anything, preferring not to cause him any anguish over something he couldn't control.

x

'It was my ki; I was supposed to control it. I didn't need their pity.' the familiar concept encroached on his thoughts. Gohan shoved it back into the dusty recesses of his mind. Unconsciously he'd fisted his hand holding the bottle containing those very same ki restraining pills; granted the ones in the bottle now were newly made by the hospital. As he contemplated the pills that allowed him to be mistreated for the last six years he debated throwing them down the toilet. 'If I go crazy at least I won't have to think; I won't have to remember...anything.' his mind rationalized. Then sighing in defeat he removed a pill and swallowed it dry.

* * *

**Chapter 5: High School**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I love the way I feel today  
But how I know the sun will fade  
Darker days seem to be  
What will always live in me

Alter Bridge-Open Your Eyes

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan stood outside Orange Star High School with a feeling of apprehension. Koriyo stepped from the car, and stood by Gohan, also surveying the school.

"You'll be fine Sesshomaru, I'm told this is an excellent school and Miya concurs. If you want, I could come with you?" Koriyo offered with a sideways glance. Gohan simply shook his head and, shouldering his backpack on his undamaged left arm, slowly made his way into the building. Not once did he look back for reassurance or even a kind farewell.

xxXXxx

Videl was bored out of her mind. Sharpner and Erasa were arguing about something Videl did not have the patience to even be curious about. Everyone else was standing or sitting around talking to each other. Mr. Akiro was not in class yet; and Videl started wondering why he was late. As if summoned by her thoughts, the door opened and Mr. Akiro walked in. Students quickly took their seats as the teacher made his way to his desk.

"Class, we have a new student. His name is Hashuko Sesshomaru," aside to Ru he said, "that's your cue boy."

x

Videl watched the open door with interest and was stunned by the boy who entered. He had long black hair, tied back with a leather string, and obsidian eyes. What was stunning, though, was the way his eyes were sunk in a very gaunt face with the sharpest cheekbones Videl had ever seen. His black turtleneck sweater and jeans hung on his frame like an outsized tent excepting where they covered a cast on an arm and leg.

"Take any seat, son." Mr. Akiro ordered Sesshomaru. The boy gave a small nod and slowly made his way to the empty seat by Erasa. Videl noticed the unevenness in Ru's gait and guessed he was limping because of the cast on his leg (Gohan refuses to use crutches).

"That boy's gonna sit by me! Look at him; he looks like the walking dead in that new zombie movie!" Erase squeaked fearfully.

"He gives me the creeps." Sharpner commented, disgusted. They both quickly shut up when Ru took the vacant seat next to Erasa. With the boy closer up, Videl took particular notice of his hands, long fingered with the bones clearly defined through the thin, almost transparent, skin. Blue veins could be seen like spiders' webs spreading under the skin of his hands.

xxXXxx

Gohan walked into the room feeling more nervous than anything else. When he was introduced and directed to take a seat, he noted the scared blond girl and the leering blond jock. Between the two sat a black haired girl who stared at him in a calculating manner. Gohan walked up to his seat and looked at each person in turn, not meeting their eyes, before dismissing them completely. Truthfully, Gohan wasn't in the mood to attend classes, but Dr. Nakamura told Koriyo that it would be beneficial for Ru to get into a routine. Gohan could understand the Hashukos' wish that he graduate high school, but had the decision been left up to him he'd have at least waited until his body had healed completely.

x

He felt a twinge in his arm accompanied by a spasm of pain; his meds were obviously wearing off from last night. He felt self-conscious with everyone staring at him; even Mr. Akiro had stared at him in the hall on the way to class. After around twenty minutes the curious eyes eventually made their way to the board where Mr. Akiro explained the fundamentals of calculus. However, every few minutes a student would sneak another peek at the 'freak' in class. Ignoring everyone, Gohan carefully laid his right arm on his desk and began taking notes with his left hand. After having one arm or another broken at any given time of the month, Gohan developed a certain ambidexterity with regards to writing. Now if only he could take notes on something less droll he'd be set.

x

Gohan already knew the information Mr. Akiro was lecturing on, so it was no surprise his mind wandered. 'Why do they insist I go to school? I could just take a competency test and prove to them that I don't need this. What a waste of time! I guess it's better than being knocked around by Hadrian...' Gohan stopped that train of thought before it could derail itself in a flashback. Gohan tried to focus on Mr. Akiro instead; he leaned his head against his fisted hand.

"...derivative of x squared minus three is two x..."

**ooo**

Gohan's eyes flew open when he felt large hands gripping him by the collar and dragging him out of bed. He was pulled down to the floor, blankets and all, until his head thumped dully against the sideboard of the bed. Gohan was face to face with Hadrian whose blood shot eyes looked demonic in the half dark twilight before dawn. The smell of stale beer, putrid sweat, and other unsavory things made their way to Gohan's nostrils making his nose wrinkle in distaste.

"You know what you've done you little shit?" Hadrian's eyes were wide and unfocused; spittle escaped his mouth as he demanded an answer. When Gohan just stared wordlessly back Hadrian's mouth twisted into a scowl and he shook Gohan forcibly by the shoulders. Gohan clenched his teeth for fear of biting his tongue as he felt like his neck would separate from his spine.

"Do you know what I found down stairs in the middle of the floor?" Hadrian seemed to think Gohan needed the question rephrased. Gohan tried to look as innocent as he truly was and shook his head despite the rattling jolts caused by Hadrian's continued wrenching of his shoulders.

"I found your god-damned shoes in the middle of the fucking floor! If I've told you boys once, I've told you a million times; your shoes go in the damn closet. I guess you need some hard persuasion to help you remember." Hadrian growled lowly.

x

Gohan heard a strangled whimper from Rei who shoved a fist in his mouth to muffle it. Gohan knew then that the shoes in the living room were indeed there, only Hadrian assumed the wrong culprit, and the other boys knew also. Gohan had enough time to wonder vaguely at Hadrian's ability to not slur when drunk and his impeccable timing before Hadrian began dragging him out of the room by the scruff of his neck. A fleeting glance thrown over his shoulder met with the apologetic eyes of Rei. Upon meeting Gohan's eyes, Rei opened his mouth to speak; an imperceptible shake of the head and a warning look from Gohan subdued him.

x

Gohan was dragged down the stairs into the living room. The room was pitch-dark from the drawn curtains and blinds. Gohan was thrown to the floor and Hadrian kicked his chin sending him face down against the abrasive carpeting. Inches away, tossed carelessly, lay the incriminating evidence of two dirt shod sneakers. Gohan struggled to his knees as blood dribbled from his mouth. His jaw was already swelling and pained him in no small amount. With perverse pleasure, Hadrian wiped some blood from Gohan's lip and licked it from his own finger.

"Look at the mess you're making." Hadrian ordered, distorting his lips into a sick parody of a smile. "Clean it up." Hadrian bid with sadistic delight and shoved Gohan's face into his already pooling blood. Gohan struggled against the large rough hands that held him and Hadrian chortled derisively.

"Feisty little thing aren't you?" Hadrian forced Gohan's face up and, smiling coldly, bent his head to devour his lips viciously. Gohan felt the panic rise as well as the bile in his throat.

"Mmm." Hadrian chuckled darkly as he savored the tangy blood from Gohan's mouth. Then he advanced. Gohan thrashed about in a futile attempt to escape the tugging, pulling, ripping, and then the grasping...groping...

**ooo**

Gohan jerked from the grip of his assailant with a startled gasp and almost fell out of his chair. It took a moment for Gohan to get his bearings; he was sitting in a classroom and students were filing out of the door. The face of the person who'd woken him hovered to the side of him; she was the same dark haired girl he'd noticed earlier.

"Hey, sorry for alarming you, but it's lunch time." the girl said sounding more annoyed then repentant. Gohan gave a short nod and sighing rubbed his face with his left hand tiredly. Then, Gohan stood slowly and followed the others out of the room.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Lunch**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

People make jokes cuz they don't understand me,  
They just don't see my real side  
I act like shit don't phase me,  
Inside it drives me crazy.  
My insecurities could eat me alive...

I wanna just take this time out to be perfectly honest,  
Cuz there's a lot of shit I keep bottled that hurts deep inside  
Of my soul. And just know  
That I grow colder the older I grow.  
This boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold,  
And this load is like the weight of the world,  
And I think my neck is breakin'.  
Should I just give up or try to live up to these expectations?

Eminem-Hailie's Song

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan was one of the last people to reach the cafeteria due to the jumble of bodies in the hall and his attempts to avoid being knocked into. As he took his place in line to receive his lunch he could feel the number of eyes trained on him. 'I wonder if I jump on a table and start stripping if they'll do anything besides stare at me with their mouths agape.' Gohan smiled as his mind chuckled in amusement at the idea.

"He's a freak, just look at him!"

"Yeah, like, he doesn't even talk."

"I bet he's queer."

x

Gohan's smile faded from his mouth and he ducked his head in shame at the last comment. All along the line similar remarks were being made by boys and girls alike. He quickly paid for his lunch and made his way to a vacant table. He sat down and hunched over his "mystery meat" and gooey accompaniments. Reaching into his backpack for his meds (pain reliever, anti-depressant, and ki suppressant) Gohan heard the approach and felt the shift of the table before he saw those who decided to join him. But, when he looked up, wisely not having taken out his meds, he knew he could do without the company.

x

An auburn haired girl hung on the over sized bicep of a large boy who was in the center of a group of thuggish jocks.

"Hey, weirdo, what are you doing sitting at our table?" the leader challenged with a nod toward his buddies. 'Oh, great, the bully is the over stereo-typical captain of the Orange Star High dojo.' Gohan though ruefully as he noticed the team jackets.

"..."

"Well, ain't cha gonna answer him?" 'And, one of the cronies decided to open his mouth in an attempt to say something intelligent. Ooh, no such luck, maybe next time folks!' Gohan thought with annoyance.

"Listen here, punk, nobody ignores us. Now, tell me what you're doing in my seat." Captain Unsavory remarked, idiotically in Gohan's opinion.

x

Having enough of their absurd, and not to mention inane, words, Gohan stood holding his plate with the mind to leave. His arm and leg were paining him and a migraine was starting to manifest itself in the back of his head. Before he could leave though, the tormentor stopped Gohan by barring his retreat with that hugely muscled arm previously mentioned. Gohan sighed quietly, 'Where's a teacher when you need one?' He closed his eyes in irritation of not only the boy, but the pounding in his skull, and then looked to the boy expectantly. The boy whose jacket proclaimed his name Tyrone, 'How befitting, it rhymes with Tyrant,' opened his mouth to tell him off again, before he beat him no doubt.

"Tyrone, what're you doing?" The voice was accusatory and clearly that of a female. Gohan watched with mild surprise as the girl who woke him in class stepped up to the larger boy in challenge.

"No-nothing V-Videl, we weren't doin' nothin'." Tyrone lied holding out his hands in a gesture of supplication.

"That's what I thought. Hey, Sesshomaru, you want to sit somewhere else?" Videl looked to Gohan expectantly. Gohan nodded feeling relieved as Tyrone stepped aside to let him pass. Gohan walked out of the cafeteria after dumping his untouched tray and headed for a water fountain. Digging his meds out of his bag he felt the shame and anger that came with the helplessness he found himself in all too often these days. 'From the strongest fighter in the world to a sniveling coward; how pathetic.' Sighing for what felt like the umpteenth time that day he popped the three pills into his mouth and sipped some water to help swallow them.

xxXXxx

The rest of the day passed in uneventful boredom and Gohan left school more tired then after a round with Hadrian. 'That girl though, she's something else.' He snorted inwardly as he walked down the steps.

"Looks like you enjoyed yourself, how was school?" Koriyo stood leaning against the car waiting for Gohan to show up. Gohan thought pensively for a moment and then scrutinized Koriyo before settling on shrugging his shoulders offhandedly. Koriyo smiled at Gohan's answer and then laughed.

"I guess if you aren't shaking your head that's a good thing?" Koriyo looked to Gohan inquisitively. Gohan gave a miniscule smile in return and nodded. 'There's something more to that girl, it'd be worth the time to find out what it is.'

* * *

Dedicated to Angel Shock for the excellent suggestions and Chaney, my most loyal reviewer!

**Chapter 7: Surgery**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I've built walls  
A fortress deep and mighty  
That none may penetrate  
I have no need for friendship  
Friendship causes pain  
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain  
I am a rock  
I am an island

Simon & Garfunkle

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan sat on his bed staring at nothing in particular, but rather allowed his eyes to wander and take note of what they would. The room was rather large, bigger then the attic that he shared with Keitaro, Rei, and Toshiro even. The two beds lay on either side of the room affording a very open space in between. The floor was bare, beautiful oak wood flooring that Gohan loved most because it was nothing like the grubby brown carpeting in the Hiais' house. The walls were not the charred and dastardly chipped fortifications that had held him prisoner in that god forsaken hell-hole. These walls were painted a pale blue-and-white marble that reminded Gohan of those early morning skies with the clouds stretched so thin they were almost transparent. A dark blue trim ran along the border of the walls toward the floor and ceiling. On the walls, in thin, black frames hung exquisite water color paintings of ponds with various flowers, and large print photos of grassy pools with crystal clear water and shiny pebbles on the bottom. The room had a natural calming effect on Gohan and he couldn't help but feel safe. No one was going to drag him out of bed in the middle of the night in this room. Everything was just so serene, Gohan often found himself thinking, 'Yuriko should definitely go into interior design as a career'.

x

Because the beds were on either side of the room, there was one large dresser shared between the two occupants. Gohan had his own newly bought clothes in his designated drawers, the ones directly by his bed. The bed was covered with a down comforter colored in swatches of black and royal blue. The dresser was made from rosewood with intricate carvings of flowering vines. Above the dresser were the two large windows with matching drapes of dark blue to go with the trimming. Across from the windows was the closet for hang up clothes and the door.

x

Probably Gohan's absolute favorite part of the room was the door; intimidating solid mahogany with a brass knob and inner lock, the finest door. If he so chose, he could lock that door every night before he went to sleep. Koriyo and Yuriko assured him he was welcome to his privacy, and could make use of the lock whenever he felt necessary.

"Are you ready?" Gohan was snapped from his aimless musing as Koriyo knocked on the open door and stuck his head in. Nodding haltingly Gohan stood and, with one last look around his room, left closing the door behind him.

xxXXxx

Gohan watched listlessly as the scenery flashed by. It was Friday; he wasn't going to school even though it was only his second day. They were going to the hospital for his first set of surgeries; the doctor hoped he'd miss fewer days from school if he had the weekend to recover. 'They should've just forgone the school bit until after the surgeries, if they insist I must go.' Gohan thought for what felt like the hundredth time. Gohan allowed his mind to clear as if he were going to meditate. The scenery was just streaks of color flashing by at forty-five miles per hour. A house...another house...a school...a wall...a line of trees...a house..

**ooo**

Gohan sat at a small round table; he stared down at the cup of coffee nestled in his hands. It couldn't really be described as simple as coffee. It resembled a muddy bog with pond scum growing on top; they dared to call it cream froth. The stuff was strong enough to strip the hair off your chest and hot enough to scorch your throat, but sadly not the taste buds on your tongue. Only hospitals would serve such swill, and Gohan was not too happy to be there. His stomach churned with too much gooey brown liquid and not enough food until he felt thoroughly queasy.

"You're looking greener than me." Gohan looked up to find Piccolo standing in front of him. He quickly averted his gaze, finding the table to be quite fascinating really.

"How'd you find me, I thought you couldn't sense my ki anymore?" Gohan probed dully. He ran a finger along a crack in the table indiscreetly as he wondered what made that nasty yellowish brown stain. 'Probably this sludge.' he thought staring broodingly down into the half filled cup once more.

"I can't, not one of us can, but I figured you'd stick around." Piccolo answered bluntly, as usual.

x

Gohan lifted the cup to his lips and took a large gulp which contorted his face into one of repugnance and made him shudder visibly. Piccolo let out a noise of revulsion.

"How can you drink that muck?"

"Very quickly?" Gohan offered and shrugged a shoulder without lifting his eyes.

"Gohan, I'm here if you need to talk." Piccolo affirmed directly. Gohan looked at a particular purple blotch on the table that could have been grape jelly at one point but had mutated into a blob of hardened taffy-type substance. 'It actually looks kinda like Icarus if I turn my head and squint a little.'

"Gohan." Piccolo said firmly. Gohan sighed, but did not look at his mentor.

"I know, Piccolo." he whispered quietly. 'He wouldn't understand. They all say the same thing, they're here to listen, I can talk to them, I can cry on their shoulder, if I need something I shouldn't hesitate to ask. Well, who does dad have to listen to him? Who can he talk to? What rights have I to cry after what I've done to those who cared for me? They can't understand what it's like to be evil; it's not in their vocabulary. Besides, I'm getting my just punishment, I'm a weakling now; I can't help anyone.' Gohan picked languidly at a red substance that could have been ketchup last year but now resembled a piece of well flattened and chewed cherry bubblegum.

"There you guys are! Gohan, it's a boy, his name's Goten!" Bulma stood with her hands on her hips and a grin spread wide across her face. "Well, what do you have to say to that?" she asked smugly thumping Gohan on the bicep for emphasis.

"When can I see him?" Gohan asked and for the first time met someone's eyes, Bulma's, with hope shining through his despair.

**ooo**

Gohan woke as the car pulled to a stop in front of the white hospital building. He rubbed his sleep filled eyes tiredly and yawned silently.

"Well, we're here. Are you ready; had a good nap?" Koriyo looked to Gohan with concern in his eyes. Gohan managed a cursory nod and pushed the door open with only the slight difficulty of one between the stages of wakefulness and sleep. Stepping out of the car proved quite a feat of accomplishment when his coordination was shot to shit from sleeping in the car. Koriyo actually had to reach out a hand to steady Gohan a moment. Gohan stared at the looming building in front of him; he'd seen far too much of hospitals of late.

x

They approached the doors which slid back automatically with a soft hiss. Walking up to the desk, Gohan allowed Koriyo to handle the appointment exchange as he looked around the waiting room. 'It must be a universal given, hospitals must have rows of those uncomfortable chairs covered in that shiny upholstery that sticks to you and makes that shhhick sound when you stand up. Not to mention those really low tables with magazines and that one corner with toys and children's books.' Koriyo tapped Gohan on the shoulder. Gohan followed Koriyo as a nurse led them both down a hallway to the proper ward.

xxXXxx

"So far, we've done two of the crucial surgeries on his leg; that was while he was recovering during his previous stay. This will be the last one, we've only to-shall we say-tweak anything resulting from," and here the doctor gave Gohan a stern look, "added pressure." Gohan lay on a table in one of those grossly undignified hospital gowns as the doctor expounded to Koriyo what was going to be taking place in only a few moments.

"Now, his right arm is more difficult; he's had two surgeries on that as well. However, the extent of the injury to his arm was significantly graver then those of his leg. He'll need two more surgeries after this one if no further problems occur that might necessitate additional modifications. So, Sesshomaru, are you ready?" Gohan gave no answer but rather closed his eyes in consent. The doctor then had Gohan's bed wheeled into surgery where he was put under anesthesia.

**ooo**

Gohan stood outside of Capsule Corp with Goten bundled in a forest green blanket in his arms. He stood before the door in indecision, should he knock? Before Gohan could turn back the way he'd come the door opened revealing a blue haired woman holding a lavender haired baby.

"Oh! Gohan, what're you doing here?" Bulma asked with furrowed brows noting Goten in his arms.

"Hey Bulma, I was just...I thought I'd stop by and visit...Is...Is Vegeta here?" Gohan felt a blush come to his cheeks and ducked his head in an attempt to conceal his embarrassment. He really didn't want to see Vegeta, or Bulma for that matter, but he needed to get away from Chi Chi. All she did was cry all day, and Gohan could no longer stand the torment of looking into her red rimmed eyes and seeing the unspoken accusation in them. He had Goten with him because he couldn't trust his mother within a ten foot radius where Goten was concerned. She hadn't held Goten once since bringing him home from the hospital. Gohan suspected her reservation stemmed from Goten's resemblance to her late husband, even in infancy.

x

"Vegeta? Why would you want to see him?" Bulma's tone was one of derision and incredulity. Gohan kept his eyes diverted and shuffled his feet on the stone walkway. Then Bulma's face turned considerate and comprehension dawned on her.

"Oh, sorry Gohan, but Vegeta's training right now and doesn't want to be disturbed. I need to go to the store for some diapers and other baby necessities. Feel free to hang out though, watch some television, whatever. You can even raid the fridge if you're hungry." Bulma invited putting on a cheerful facade. Gohan knew she invited him to stay out of sympathy, but he liked most that she did not question him or try to force him to talk about it.

x

Through the whole ordeal, it was surprisingly Bulma who was most intuitive when it came to Gohan. It was probably a product of being surrounded by those more powerful then her since her first run in with Goku. Bulma gave Gohan his space and solitude and a sound thrashing with plenty of screaming when he blamed himself and sulked too much. Gohan nodded and thanked Bulma before entering the large house, if you could call the humongous place a mere house.

x

Gohan quickly settled himself in front of the television with a few gallon sized bags of chips and a six pack of pop. Goten was sleeping nestled on the couch with a pillow preventing him from falling. Gohan watched a romance movie on the television; he was asleep half-way through it. Gohan didn't like romantic films but it was better then some horror film with oversized insect monsters attacking Earth, or an action film with martial arts masters, or even a comedy which made him laugh and feel guilty at the same time. Everything he saw on television, in some way, reminded him of Cell or his father; each thought was equally depressing and guilt laden.

"What are you doing here?" the deep voiced growl roused Gohan from his semi-comatose state. There was no insult, no 'kakarot's brat', just a bald question.

x

Gohan felt far removed from Vegeta, and it wasn't just Vegeta but all the others in the Z gang. The feeling had plagued him since that first day of powerlessness. His strength was what had bound him to the team, now, without his power, he was no longer part of the group. It was not as if they tried to exclude him but they stood aloof. They watched what they said around him least they remind him of what he was no longer capable of; they walked on eggshells, even Vegeta! Part of Gohan asked himself numerous times, 'What am I doing here?' when he was around any of the Z senshi. Gohan had begun to stop Krillin and everyone from visiting him—he couldn't fly anymore—with placating gestures of his continued health and "fineness". Gohan isolated himself in an effort to distance himself from the gang; he had no right to make them miserable with his petty vulnerabilities.

x

"I was just stopping by." Gohan finally answered, staring at a point over Vegeta's left shoulder. Then he stood brushing the crumbs off his shirt and flipping the TV off. "I think Goten and I'll head home now. Tell Bulma goodbye for me." Gohan murmured as he cleaned up his mess. Vegeta merely snorted as he leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, and surveyed Gohan's domestic proceedings. Gohan gathered Goten into his arms and muttered a farewell to Vegeta who simply grunted in reply.

**ooo**

Gohan stared at the back of his eye lids which glowed with an unfamiliar bleeding red. 'The sun must be shining in my face.' he deduced groggily. Cracking his eyes open a bit proved his hypothesis accurate. He squinted at the blinding light and shifted uncomfortably from his prone position.

"I think he's waking up." Koriyo's voice announced to an unknown entity. Then a shadow fell across Gohan's face and allowed him to see properly. At first the figure was blurry with the after-image made by the sun's glare, but it resolved itself into Koriyo's full face with graying hair from the top of his head to the bottom of his stubble chin.

"The surgery went well; the doctor says your leg is healing properly. You'll have the cast off in two weeks, sooner if it heals enough. Do you feel ok?" Koriyo asked peering down at Gohan. Gohan shrugged and studied the way the sun glowed around Koriyo, casting shadows across his face and glowing around his head like a halo.

* * *

**Chapter 8: Friendships**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Don't talk of love  
Well, I've heard the word before  
It's sleeping in my memory  
I won't disturb the slumber  
Of feelings that have died

If I never loved,  
I never would have cried  
I touch no one  
And no one touches me

I am a rock  
I am an island  
And a rock feels no pain  
And an island never cries

Simon & Garfunkle

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan walked slowly by Koriyo through the hospital toward the cafeteria. It was Saturday afternoon, and Koriyo had stopped by the hospital to have lunch with Gohan. Gohan could've taken his lunch in the room but he felt eerie in the room surrounded by blank walls and silence. Hospitals, he often found, took sterilization to a whole new level. No pictures hung in his room and the main color schemes were white and silver metal. It wasn't cozy or inviting in the least, hence his decision to take his meal in the cafeteria. Besides, he needed the exercise like the doctor said.

x

"So, you think you'll be ready to come home tomorrow, Ru?" Koriyo asked. Gohan nodded immediately and pushed open the door to the cafeteria.

"Are you comfortable in your room?" Gohan considered lying to Koriyo but saw no reason to, and shook his head truthfully. They each got a plate of food that looked edible, at least, and made their way to a small table.

"Yes, I guess I can understand; you've spent too many days of your life in a hospital, right?" Gohan nodded once as his mind remembered the white walled room at the institution, the silence of the night that was disturbed by the opening of his door and the low laugh of the orderly. Gohan closed his eyes tightly and pushed the memories to the very back of his mind, those were recollections he'd rather forget.

x

Gohan and Koriyo ate at a small table that was surprisingly clean though slightly sticky like someone had wiped it with a rag that was used before. Gohan watched his arms to keep them from touching the sticky table top and ate the stereotypical hospital food which consisted of spaghetti with runny sauce, half wilted salad, canned multi-fruit, and a small box of milk. Koriyo kept up a running commentary about what was going on with the other kids and Mrs. Hashuko while the two ate. Gohan listened with avid interest, not of the information being imparted but the affection with which Koriyo spoke about his family.

x

Koriyo's kind, open, expressive brown eyes reflected the fondness he felt for his loved ones. His face was full, almost like a young boy before the last spurt of puberty that sent him into manhood. His whole countenance radiated with energy and innocence Gohan could hardly even recall possessing. Only his fast graying hair belied his true age and the silver glinted stubble along his jaw line. It was probably this quality of openness and childishness that led Gohan to trust him.

x

Gohan learned that the other four children were actually adopted by the Hashukos and with this information came the realization why they seemed so much like a family. 'Then again, he treats me like a son too. He hasn't even tried to make me talk to him. He accepts me the way I am, unconditionally. Isn't that what family does?' Gohan felt a sense of panic at the realization that he didn't really know anymore. 'Has it really been that long since I had a family, since I felt loved or even knew what the term meant?'

"Sesshomaru?" Gohan turned toward the unfamiliar voice that broke in on his thoughts and was met with the sight of Videl looking quite rumpled. Her dark hair stuck in odd angles out of her pig tails and her face had dirt smeared along her cheeks, jaw, and temple. Her clothing was torn and ripped and had twice as much dirt on it then her face. Gohan felt the familiar tingle of alarm claw its way up his spine as he spotted blood on Videl's arm and side mixed in with the dirt to create a crusty film along her skin.

x

"Hello, I'm Hashuko Koriyo, and you are?" Koriyo asked with curiosity, taking note of her appearance as well.

"I'm Satan Videl, Sesshomaru's in my class at school." Videl explained distractedly as she studied Gohan. "What are you doing here?" Gohan cocked his head sideways and pointed to her with a look of expectancy.

"He wants to know what you're doing here first." Koriyo remarked smiling at the developments.

"Oh, I was helping the police in a hostage situation. Sadly, they'd already shot a woman when I got there. I'm here to see if the woman will pull through." Videl explained frankly without boasting. Gohan raised an eyebrow, 'That explains the blood and dirt bit, but she fights crime? Satan...wait, she can't be! She isn't related to that moron Hercule Satan, is she?' Gohan was glad to note he was not gaping like a fish when he turned his attention outward again.

"Now, your turn." Videl ordered with hands on her hips.

"Ru came on Friday to have surgery performed on his leg and arm." Koriyo enlightened the filthy girl.

"Really, is that why you don't participate in the physical education class?" Gohan nodded and Videl looked pleased that she knew the reason.

"Miss Satan?" a woman called from the door dressed in a doctor's coat.

"Oh, I gotta go. See you in class Monday?" Gohan nodded and Videl hurried over to receive news of the patient she'd brought in.

"Ru, you didn't tell me you had any friends at school." Koriyo teased Gohan.

**ooo**

"Gohan, you need to make some friends, get out of the house." Krillin said from his perch on a tree limb. The sun was high in the indigo blue sky. Gohan sat by the lake, and Goten lay on his stomach on a blanket spread over the ground nearby. He was still too young to even lift his head but Goten's eyes gazed over the blanket and grass with fascination.

"Krillin, it's not that easy." Gohan sighed, exhausted from the topic that had barely begun. He picked idly at the grass and stared broodingly into the water. A soft breeze rippled the surface of the lake that could be seen clear through to the sandy bottom. Small silvery fish swam languidly along the pebble strewn bed, and shined different colors of the rainbow as the sun refracted the light off their scales.

"Gohan." Krillin started but Gohan cut him off by standing abruptly.

"I have responsibilities Krillin; Goten needs me to watch over him and take care of him." Gohan snapped angrily with his back toward Krillin.

"Gohan, you aren't Goten's father." Krillin returned annoyed, but the moment he realized what he'd said he clamped his mouth shut.

"That's right; I'm not Goten's father! I took him away from both of us!" Gohan yelled whipping around to face Krillin as tears pricked his eyes despite his willing them away.

x

Krillin dropped down from the tree branch that had served as his resting place in the lazy warm sun.

"Gohan, you know I didn't mean it like that." Krillin stepped forward placating, but Gohan backed away from the pitying offer.

"No." Gohan backed further away and damned the unchecked tears that streaked down his face. Swiping a hand roughly across his eyes he clammed up and his face went blank, emotionless.

"Damn it, Gohan, I just meant that you need to be a kid once in a while!" Krillin cried in exasperation. His hands were held out from his sides in a gesture of resignation as his eyes watched Gohan with helplessness.

"Krillin, I think it's time you left." Gohan stated bluntly without inflection.

"Gohan!" Krillin called out stubbornly.

"Goten's tired, I think I'll take him in now." Gohan muttered and picked up the snoozing infant. Without a parting remark he made his way home. Krillin sighed and, shaking his head, took to the sky.

**ooo**

"Sesshomaru?" Gohan blinked in disorientation and glanced up to see Koriyo's concerned face. He shook his head as well as the image of Krillin flying away when he'd looked back from the woods that day from long ago.

"Ru, I need to be going now. Will you be all right until I pick you up tomorrow evening?" Gohan gave a sharp nod, but remained seated. Koriyo nodded to himself and ruffled Gohan's hair by way of farewell. Gohan stared into the distance, to a similar remembrance.

**ooo**

Gohan walked in the forest alone. Goten was settled down for his afternoon nap and would be fine for the next two hours. He made his way aimlessly; letting his feet take him where they would. His mind was preoccupied with his argument with Krillin the previous day. 'Krillin doesn't get it. I've never had a childhood. If I wasn't facing some alien out to destroy the world, then I was studying in my room or training for a new foe. And, I didn't mind...not really, I always had my friends with me. I don't have anyone anymore, and I have no one to fight; which is a good thing considering my present state.' he thought, perversely amused.

x

Gohan hadn't realized where his feet had carried him and didn't take notice until the sound of crashing water reached his ears. When Gohan took the time to study his surroundings he recognized Piccolo's meditating waterfall. A glance along the falling white water proved annoyingly fruitful as he spotted Piccolo floating halfway up the cascade. He turned, with the intent of sneaking away unspotted, but at that moment a twig snapped loudly underfoot. 'Maybe the waterfall will drown it out?' Gohan thought optimistically. Piccolo's eyes flew open and he was instantly in a fighting stance, 'No such luck; only Piccolo would be able to pick out such a small unnatural sound with water crashing all around his big ears.' Gohan thought incensed. When Piccolo spotted Gohan he flew down to meet him. Gohan really didn't want company after yesterday's confrontation.

"Gohan?" Piccolo questioned expectantly standing a little tense. 'He's either really annoyed I interrupted his meditation or he's worried I have bad news.'

"I was just walking, didn't realize where I was going. Sorry to have interrupted your training." Gohan mumbled a little mordantly.

"Spit it out, kid, what's bothering you?" Piccolo asked impatiently crossing his arms over his chest. Gohan glared.

"Look, I said I was sorry for interrupting your damn meditation! Please, don't bother yourself with me; I'm pretty much a useless waste of time!" Gohan snarled with contempt stemming from jealousy. Had Gohan come upon Piccolo before the Cell Games Piccolo would have invited him to join in his meditation or a sparring match.

"Gohan, I can tell something's bothering you." Piccolo stated simply, ignoring Gohan's disrespectful words and refusing to contest Gohan's expressions of self-worthlessness; it would only infuriate Gohan if he did.

"Nothing's bothering me, I'm perfectly fine." Gohan retorted calmly. Inside, his mind was screaming at him, 'Why are you pushing them away!'

"I didn't believe that the first time you fed it to me, I don't believe it now." Piccolo replied bluntly.

"Whatever, it's none of your business anyway!" Gohan shouted temperamentally. And, in answer to his hidden question came the echo in his mind whispering forlornly as a lost child might, 'Because I don't want to hurt like I do.'

* * *

Disclaimer: The reference to The Fall of The House of Usher belongs to Edgar Allen Poe and affiliates! And the song excerpt belongs to a compendium of music called/from The Secret Garden (I'm not sure of the composer!).

**Chapter 9: Shattered Dreams**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So much pain and no good reason why  
You cried until the tears run dry  
Nothing else can make you understand  
The one thing that you held so dear  
Is slipping from your hand

And you say  
Why, why, why  
Does it go this way?  
And why, why, why  
And all I can say is

Somewhere down the road  
There'll be answers to the questions  
Somewhere down the road  
Though we cannot see it now  
And somewhere down the road  
You will find mighty arms reaching for you  
And they will have the answers  
At the end of the road

Faith Hill-Somewhere Down the Road

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan stood outside of Orange Star High School on Monday morning. He glanced to the sky which was laden with heavy black clouds. The sun was completely invisible behind the ominously overcast sky. Not a ray of sunlight penetrated through the thick blanket of darkness. Gohan hated the way it spread all the way to the horizon with no end in sight, no hope for a brighter day. Hunching his shoulders he quickly made his way to the doors and ducked inside.

x

Inside the school, the lights seemed dimmer and the students not in class seemed more subdued. Such oppressive weather had that effect on people Gohan guessed. The walls were some how drabber and the floors more worn and scuff marked. Gohan retrieved his books from his locker and made his way to class. He slunk inside the designated door and slumped into his seat unenthusiastically. There was no gossiping or giggling to be heard; if the students weren't seated with their heads on their desks, they were looking out the windows mournfully. Most were wondering how such a bright and sun filled weekend could be followed by such a gloomy, gothic beginning of the week.

x

Gohan was among those who eyed the portentous clouds in the sky through the glass windows. Only when Videl released her bag, to let it drop on the floor loudly, and flopped into her chair with a heavy sigh did Gohan tear his eyes away from the windows to look at her instead.

"Hey Ru." Videl said by way of greeting though her voice held no animation. 'Looks like the weather affects her the same.' Gohan thought intuitively. He nodded in return to acknowledge the halfhearted greeting.

x

The door opened and Mr. Akiro entered looking quite lackluster himself.

"All right now, we'll be going over how to take the derivatives of more complex problems." the teacher started and then glanced around the room. Seeing all the featureless, monotonous students he seemed to sag further in his grungy grey coat.

"On second thought, just take out your books and work on the even problems from last Friday's section." Mr. Akiro instructed resignedly. Several students groaned as they unpacked their books and set to work. Some students didn't even bother to pretend to do work and stared out the windows drearily. Gohan sat reading over a problem several times before he realized he'd been on the same problem for over twenty minutes. He caught sight of Videl out of the corner of his eye and watched her progress slowly through a problem. A glance at Sharpener confirmed that he'd given up trying to work in such a depressing atmosphere. He was sleeping soundly with his head on his arms over his math book, a small trickle of drool making its way from one corner of his mouth. Gohan blinked tiredly and tried to keep his eyes focused on something other then the mind-numbing text before him.

**ooo**

The rain pounded loudly against the roof and shutters. A flash of bright blue and white lightening illuminated the cramped room for a split second. The room felt stuffy to Gohan as if the air was too thick to breathe. A loud clap of thunder reverberated through the attic followed closely by the booming rumble that promised more from where that came from. The wind howled ferociously and tree branches whipped across the windows like wild animals clawing to get in or throwing themselves mindlessly at the door. _Thwap_! _Kaboom_! _Crack_! _Oooo_! _Shiiiiiishsss_! _whhhisss_! _Crrrack_! _Scratch_! _Boom_!_ Thwap_...!

x

Gohan was reminded of the story written by Edger Allen Poe about a house on a hill, much like this one actually, only this one wasn't surrounded by marshes or acres of barren land. The dilapidated house did sag though and was surrounded by straggly trees like skeletons reaching their branches to the sky in perpetual purgatory. In the story, Gohan could remember how the house crumpled in upon itself, and deep down he wished the same would happen to this house. Lightning flashed again closely followed by the rumbling thunder. Underneath the covers, Toshiro quivered with fear.

x

Then a thundering sound louder then any they'd heard before made its way toward them. Gohan recognized the rumbling for what it was, Hadrian's boots on the stairs. Gohan watched with bated breath as the door knob turned with a resounding _squeak_! Then, all at once it _whooshed_ open and slammed against the wall with a deafening BANG!

"Get up! All of you mangy dogs get up!" Hadrian dragged Toshiro, who was nearest to him, out of bed by his hair. Gohan and the others all scrambled out of bed as fast as they could before Hadrian could use similar tactics with them. Gohan wore only his boxer shorts after having discarded his pants in an effort to make himself more comfortable. Stooping, he grabbed some pants from the floor to pull over his underwear. _Crack_! _Boom_! _Thwap_! Rei jumped in fright as Hadrian lunged forward and swiped the jeans from Gohan's hands.

x

Another flash of lightening illuminated the attic and afforded Gohan enough light by which to see Hadrian's flushed face and glassy red eyes before Hadrian's fist landed on the side of his head. Gohan staggered under the blow and Hadrian grabbed him by the arm to propel him out of the room. Gohan had no control over his footing and stumbled, then rolled down the stairs to lie like a heap of rags at the bottom. _Crack_! _Whoosh_! Gohan moaned and crawled onto his hands and knees spitting blood onto the crusty, well-worn carpeting. The stairs creaked and groaned as the other three boys were ushered down forcefully. _Thwap_! _Creak_! _Kaboom_! _Urrrgggk_! The groaning stairs seemed the perfect back drop for the storm raging outside.

x

Hadrian reached the bottom of the stairs and kicked Gohan in the ribs powerfully. Gohan's breath whooshed out of him not unlike the wind outside beating against the door. More blood made its way up Gohan's esophagus as he coughed and his eyes watered with pain. From his curled position looking up, as the lightening flashed again making the curtains glow eerily, Gohan could see the other three boys trembling in their oversized night wear. _Thwap_! _Crack_! _Thwap_!

x

Hadrian snarled unintelligibly and seized Gohan by the hair. Gohan stifled a whimper as he was dragged through the kitchen to the back door. The other three boys followed in silent submission as they shook with reaction. Hadrian yanked open the back door bringing all the sounds closer to mind until it drowned out all thought. **_Ssshhh_**! **_Crack_**! **_Scratch_**! **_Boom_**! **_Thwap_**! **_Whoosh_**! **_Rrooo_**! Hadrian lifted Gohan until his feet almost dangled and threw him out the door. Gohan fell on the stone stoop jarring his elbows and knocking his head excruciatingly on the cement. His whole body was soaked in seconds and he shivered as freezing cold water pelted him like stinging pins and needles.

"Get out, you mangy curs!" Gohan heard Hadrian bellow over the ringing in his ears. The three boys rushed out, but Toshiro was cuffed on the back of the head by the door slamming shut. All four of them heard the bolt run home accompanied by a loud **_Crack_**!

**ooo**

"Ru! Ru!" Gohan's eyes snapped open at the violent shaking of his left arm. Mere inches away from his face, was Videl's anxious one. Her eyes expressed her apprehension, and Gohan was compelled to ask what was wrong but quickly stifled the impulse. It took a minute for his mind to realize that the booming noise he originally thought was an echo of his dream was really thunder from outside at the present moment. Glancing to the windows he could see the rain coming down in torrents against the glass panes. He realized, too, that he was shivering uncontrollably, his hands shook visibly. Clenching the disobedient appendages together Gohan tried to stop the trembling that he wasn't completely sure came from being cold. His teeth chattered together and Gohan clenched his jaw shut.

"Ru, Ru?" Gohan looked to Videl expectantly; she still leaned in front of him. He nodded to show he was listening.

"Ru, Mrs. Harding called you to the office." Videl explained. Gohan must have looked thoroughly confused because in the next moment Videl stood and offered him her hand.

"Would you like me to come with you?" She offered kindly. Lightning flashed outside the windows but was absorbed within the classroom since the lights were on. Gohan, still dazed from his dream-memory, numbly accepted Videl's hand and let her guide him to the principal's office.

xxXXxx

Gohan and Videl entered the office together and sat in adjoining chairs. Mrs. Harding had a frightened and worried expression on her face.

"Sesshomaru Hashuko, I presume?" she asked Gohan, her voice thick. Gohan made no move to answer her.

"Yes, this is Ru." Videl supplied helpfully.

"And, you are?" Mrs. Harding queried, noticing Videl all of a sudden, as if she hadn't walked in with Gohan.

"Videl Satan, ma'am." Videl replied.

"Mr. Hashuko, would you like Ms. Satan to stay here with you?" Gohan seemed to come out of his stupor slightly, enough to nod at the question.

"Ma'am, if I could ask, why do you want to see Ru?"

"Well, Mr. Hashuko, Sesshomaru, the school has just received word that...that...The school has just received word that Mr. and Mrs. Hashuko were in an automobile accident." Mrs. Harding articulated with great difficulty.

"Well, are they ok, what happened?" Videl was clutching Gohan's hand painfully and her voice rose an octave.

"Mr. and Mrs. Hashuko were driving their daughter, Miya, home after having received a call from her school that she wasn't feeling well. On the...on the way to their home a semi-truck ran a red light and...and hit your parents' car. They...they died on impact." Mrs. Harding notified them as tears streaked down her face. Videl gasped and turned to Gohan empathetically.

"Oh, Ru, I'm so sorry!" Videl cried as tears leaked from her eyes. Gohan simply stared at nothing as tears streaked down his hollowed cheeks and fell to his clasped hands that were blue in the knuckles. Videl sniveled and wrapped her arms around Gohan who sat motionlessly and cried silently.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

High on a hill sits a big old house with something wrong inside it.  
Spirits haunt the halls and make no efforts now, to hide it.

Ooo...OooOooOoo...Ooo

And the master hears the whispers  
On the stairways dark and still  
And the spirit speaks of secrets  
In the house upon the hill

I heard someone crying, who though, could it be?  
Maybe it was mother, calling out to me,  
Maybe it was father, all alone, and lost, and cold.  
I heard someone crying; maybe it was me...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

* * *

**Chapter 10: Mending the Pieces**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I know you feel  
Like the walls are closing in on you  
It's hard to find relief  
And people can be so cold  
When darkness is upon your door  
And you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call  
If you jump I'll break your fall  
Lift you up and fly away with you  
Into the night

If you need to fall apart  
I can mend a broken heart  
If you need to crash then crash and burn  
You're not alone

When you feel all alone  
And a loyal friend is hard to find  
You're caught in a one way street  
With the monsters in your head  
When hopes and dreams are far away and  
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call  
If you jump, I'll break your fall  
Lift you up and fly away with you  
Into the night

If you need to fall apart  
I can mend a broken heart  
If you need to crash then crash and burn  
You're not alone

Savage Garden-Crash and Burn

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They lay there, sleek and black, while the warm rays from the sun glared off their glossy surface. White satin petals tumbled across the darkly glistening curves, like doves' feathers on the wind. They fall to the supple, green, shrouding earth with blissful silence. Across the dew sprinkled, weaving reeds and against the numerous silk clad legs, or onto blood red velvet coverings. The wind was a rustling whisper; the sound of a child crying. And then a voice, raised in solemnity, began chanting a haunting eulogy.

x

Gohan sat, dressed in black, on a metal folding chair upholstered in red velvet. The priest, in his black uniform with the white collar, was giving the last rites in a sober voice that seemed to carry on the wind. Gohan's hands vigorously fret a damp handkerchief in his lap. Moving his head restlessly he caught a glimpse of the three rose draped coffins, and ducked his head hastily. Weeping could be heard from the extended family gathered around. Gohan felt like there were bands wrapped around his chest that were squeezing him; he recognized the feeling as guilt. 'What could I have done?' his brain asked helplessly and then angrily when no answer was forthcoming. 'I was at school.' he recognized the weak excuse for what it was by the tremulous voice that uttered it from within. 'It was their own stupid fault for driving in the storm!" he thought viciously and tried to harden his heart against the grief.

"Ru, are you ok?" The thoughtful question asked by Videl, who'd offered her support since the accident, broke the dam Gohan was desperately struggling to erect. The bands tightened until Gohan gasped and hot tears burst forth from his already puffy red eyes. Gohan turned his head into Videl's shoulder as silent, body wracking sobs overwhelmed him. He gripped Videl's dress in tightly fisted hands pulling her to him as he cried in silent agony. Videl's hand stroked his hair and rubbed his back comfortingly. The same thoughts ran through his mind like a broken record, 'Everyone I get close to dies!'

x

The wake was held at the house. Videl had to go home suddenly, but she promised to come over as soon as possible. Gohan sat on the edge of his bed, elbows resting on his knees. He gripped his head between his hands as the tears he'd bottled up over the years continued to run their jagged course down his ruddy cheeks and onto his fairly soaked lap. Every few seconds he sniffed or rubbed his runny nose on the sleeve of his suit with the indifference of the inconsolable. The soft murmur of the people milling about downstairs carried into his room. The door stood open; Gohan, noticing it, felt a sadistic desire for Hadrian to barge in and beat the living daylights out of him for killing his new family. Shaking his head, a small, timid voice whispered in his mind, 'What's gonna happen now?' There was a light knock on the door and Gohan, startled, looked to the door to see Koriyo standing there.

**ooo**

"Hey, Ru, can I come in?" Koriyo asked politely from the doorway. Gohan was inspecting the room they'd told him was his with extreme interest. Turning to see Koriyo positioned behind the threshold, Gohan felt a shiver travel up his spine and had to swallow hard to get his heart back in his chest. He gave a sharp nod and continued to finger the intricate designs on the dresser.

"It belonged to my mother; she gave it to Yuriko and me as a wedding gift." Koriyo said and motioned to the dresser when Gohan eyed him blankly. Gohan pulled his hand away surreptitiously and stared at his shoes.

"I hope you don't think it's too girly?" Koriyo asked as his eyes danced with his kind smile. Gohan shook his head vigorously as fear made him back away from Koriyo.

"You know, if you don't want to talk, that's fine. But, if you trust me on anything, trust that I'll never hit you." Koriyo calmly asserted as his face displayed his sincerity with its gravity. Gohan considered the man before him for a full minute before he was satisfied, he nodded.

"Good, now, the rules are quite simple. You are allowed to lock your door, but should someone knock, you are to make some indication that you hear. Perhaps well work something out like a one knock means you don't..."

**ooo**

"It's Ru, correct? At least, that's what Makoto says your name is." the man commented as he walked in. Gohan blinked, dispelling the figment of his imagination. The man who walked toward him wasn't Koriyo, but he bore a striking resemblance to the deceased man. 'A brother.' Gohan thought to himself as he turned to stare misery-faced and teary-eyed at the man.

"Look, I wanted you to know that my wife and I are taking Makoto into our home. Aneko, Yuriko's sister, will be taking in the twins. I...I thought you'd like to know." he explained hesitantly. 'What about me!' Gohan's mind screamed, but he took a deep, shuddering breath and nodded to show he'd heard. The man looked nonplussed.

"Makoto says you don't talk, is that true?" Gohan gaped at the man, 'He's just gotten back from his brother's funeral, and he wants to ask me pointless questions?' Gohan felt the anger and the need to lash out at something pervade his whole being. With an iron clad will and patience born of years of abuse he controlled his urge to punch the man. He may not have much power, but that didn't mean he didn't remember how to fight. 'What about Hadrian?' his mind whispered tauntingly. 'I deserved that.' Gohan thought as shame brought a blush to his cheeks.

"Ru?" The man asked expectantly. Gohan realized he was still waiting for an answer to his tedious question. He simply nodded and turned back to his original dejected position.

x

There was another knock and a young woman walked in nervously.

"Sesshomaru, do you have your stuff ready? There's a case worker from Social Services here for you." the woman announced anxiously. Gohan felt the blood drain from his face and his feet felt like lead.

"I know this must seem sudden." the woman offered consolingly. Gohan looked at the daft woman who had a talent for understatement. 'Not an hour after their funeral, and their foisting me off on someone else.' Gohan thought in astonishment. Methodically he stood and, grabbing a large duffle bag from his closet, he began to pack his clothes. Once he'd finished he looked around the room, destitute.

"Why don't you...go ahead and take something, two things, to remember." the woman, Gohan overheard the man call Aneko, suggested. Gohan decided quickly, he took the down comforter and wrapped it around his shoulders like an oversized cloak. The second item he took was a framed photo of a pond with a bank of violet colored flowers; two flowers were floating in the water sending ripples interlacing each other. Koriyo's brother carried Gohan's bag down the stairs to the social worker and Gohan carried his chosen items, refusing to relinquish them even for a few moments. Gohan entered the vehicle with the minimum amount of fuss and they drove off while relatives of the Hashukos looked on from the yard.

xxXXxx

Gohan sat curled on a settee in the office of his social worker, Ms. Gilde. He was swathed in his comforter with his duffel and picture set at his feet. Ms. Gilde had left him there to take a private call and had not returned. Gohan simply occupied himself with examining her office. It was quite normal, a desk with paperwork stacked on it and that familiar jar of pens and pencils placed in the corner. There was also on of those odd doodads that had the swinging metal balls that kept the time by seconds. The floor was an indistinguishable gray color and the chairs were of similar color give or take a shade. The walls, which were that strange beige color people insisted they use to improve the monotony of white but only succeeded in making a new standard dullness, were covered with posters. The posters were of colloquialisms, public awareness pitches, and little clichéd truisms.

x

Gohan yawned, and was about to fall asleep when the door opened, finally admitting Ms. Gilde. She was closely followed by a well dressed gentleman carrying a briefcase.

"Sesshomaru, this is Mr. Sachio, he'll be taking you to your new home." Ms. Gilde introduced amiably. Gohan eyed the overly large, scowling man and stifled his immediate reaction of fear. He studied Ms. Gilde who regarded him, Gohan, like the luckiest boy alive. Gohan decided if she wasn't upset or nervous then he really didn't have anything to worry about. Gohan adamantly paid no heed to the voice in his mind that said the man with the briefcase bribed Ms. Gilde to sell Gohan to a drunkard.

x

Gohan was silent on the car ride to his new home. Mr. Sachio did not offer any information on his new family; in fact, he was as close mouthed as Gohan. When the small indiscriminate black car pulled into a long drive and parked by a nifty red hover Porsche, Gohan decided they'd got the wrong house. When Mr. Sachio exited the car, Gohan decided they must've gotten lost and Mr. Sachio was going to ask for directions from those who lived in the mansion before them. It wasn't until Mr. Sachio opened the door for Gohan to get out that Gohan realized this was to be his new home, and he felt tremendous misgivings at the sight. 'Maybe Ms. Gilde _did_ sell me to some rich guy; someone that likes young boys!' Gohan thought with apprehension.

x

The mansion was a towering three stories and resembled a castle of sorts with two square blocks jutting forward on each end. Sparkling vaulted windows lined the whole building and the double front doors stood like gigantic sentries. On either side of the doors were man sized statues depicting two martial artists in fighting stance. Hedges grew along the walkway up to the statues and doors. The grass was closely cut and Gohan could smell the fresh mulch. Getting out of the car, Gohan approached the front door trailing Mr. Sachio.

x

Gohan stepped into a grand entrance hall that had glossy marble flooring and white, grand style pillars up to the vaulted ceiling. Looking down, Gohan could practically see his reflection in the polished stone. Along the hall—placed strategically to look inconspicuous and natural at the same time—stood small chaise lounges and potted plants. Some plants had blooming flowers, and others just fancy leaves, but all were beautifully lush and well nourished. Gohan had that strange feeling one got when one walks into a glass figurine shop, like nothing is to be touched. 'You break it, you bought it.' Gohan thought humorously in an effort to calm himself.

"Follow me." Mr. Sachio spoke in a light tenor unlike the deep bass stereotypical of large men. Gohan did as he was told, and was lead into an adjoining room just as richly decorated and untouchable as the hall. 'Who ever lives here definitely hired a professional decorator and gave express orders to make it pretentious. He wants to impress somebody.' Gohan thought keenly as he toured the room. Mr. Sachio left, presumably to search out the master of this miniature palace.

x

The main color schemes were in blacks and reds. The oriental carpet served to accent the walls, which were red. All the furniture was made with darkly stained wood that was burned for the rustic appearance. Most of the seat covers were black leather or a velvety substance similar to silk but less fine, more accustom to wear. Gohan thought the room looked fairly decent, but what caught his attention the most were the wall hangings. The pictures in the room were all done in black and white and in every one there were martial artists fighting. In between the pictures hung weapons of all sorts: swords, daggers, spears, kunai, shuriken, chucks, and a great multitude of others. Gohan was just studying a picture of a man standing tall with his fists on his hips that was hung above the fireplace mantle when he heard someone running down stairs. Looking around, he spotted the staircase beside the entryway to the room. When he spotted the person coming down the stairs he felt a grin spread across his face unexpectedly.

"I'm so sorry, Ru! I mean, I wanted to come and get you at your house, but they said you had to go through child services and all that, and they wouldn't even let me come over to tell you!" Videl stated, quite empathetically, as she enveloped Gohan in a hug. Gohan shook his head at her and gave her a pointedly quizzical look.

"Don't look at me like that; you should know why I did it. I just knew they'd shove you off, when I found out you were adopted. I just knew the family wouldn't want you. You're too old, and too strange to them." Videl said haughtily. Gohan felt the weight of grief fall upon him once again at the reminder of why he was here.

"Oh, Ru! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that! Look, I convinced my dad to keep you here, it'll be great publicity for him," she added disdainfully, "And this way you can stay in school and you'll know me here." she finished confidently. Gohan felt his smile return a little, he would know someone; he was going to live with Videl. 'Wow, if anyone had ever told me I'd be happy to live with Hercule Satan, I'd probably have laughed at them and died from a heart attack!'

TBC


	2. 11 to 17 Companions

**Chapter 11: Rest and Relaxation**

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I'm learning to breath  
I'm learning to crawl  
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall  
I'm living again, awake and alive  
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Switchfoot-Learning to Breathe

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Gohan woke feeling warm and safe. He was ensconced in his down comforter that clashed horribly with the decor of his room. Done up in soft browns and golden hues, it reminded him forcefully of his lost mountain home. He tossed aside his covers and swung his feet to the plush, russet carpet below. The very texture of the carpet kept memories of Hadrian at bay though the carpet color was almost the same. He stood and pulled on a pair of blue jeans that'd been lying on the floor.

x

His bed was a large, four poster, with rock camouflage draping. There were two leather recliners of a dark golden shade that Gohan could attest the comfort of. A desk, dresser, and shelf of darkly stained walnut wood occupied various positions in the room. On the walls hung beautiful landscapes of rocky mountains, majestic canyons, and imposing forests. Gohan liked the room for its earthy feel, and didn't care if the picture he hung looked like an eye sore.

"It adds character." Videl replied when he'd communicated as much to her by his grimace after she'd helped him hang it. Gohan was inclined to agree.

xxXXxx

As Gohan stood before the mirror in his private bathroom, he noticed his previously red-rimmed eyes had toned down to a mere pink, irritated color during the night. His skin still looked transparent and the hollows in his cheeks were an ever present reminder of his past starvation. However, his eyes were no longer dull as if he was looking right through things. There was still the haunted impression and the aged beyond years appearance within his eyes, and even a new added grief. But, they weren't so lifeless as before.

x

Gohan opened his medicine cabinet and took out his various medications. He started unscrewing the caps methodically with his left hand while holding them in his right. He allowed his mind to wander around his skull idly. He did not think on any one thing and the subjects his thoughts touched on were given no more then a passing consideration. Then, one thought made him start violently and he dropped the jar of pills to the floor where the small tablets scattered ubiquitously. 'Everyone I get close to dies; what about Videl?' Gohan shook his head in denial. Staring blankly at the small blue pills, it took a moment for Gohan to figure them for his ki suppressants. Gohan bent down to retrieve one and studied it closely. 'Who's to say that my powers can't be mastered again? If anyone should know, it's me, and I'm willing to try.' Gohan ruminated seriously.

x

"Hey, Ru?" Videl's voice called out cheerfully from within his room. The door opened admitting the uncouth teenage girl.

"What happened in..." Videl started and stopped catching sight of Gohan's heavily scarred bare chest. She averted her gaze as an awkward silence permeated the room. Gohan scrutinized her calmly; she seemed to decide on something because she nodded almost indistinctly. When she raised her eyes to Gohan's, once again her smile was in place, and it was genuine as far as Gohan could discern.

"I just wanted to see how you slept and take you to breakfast." Videl explained energetically, "You're likely to get lost in this house!" Videl added humorously.

x

Gohan began to wonder vaguely if he looked as ridiculous as he felt standing there in sagging, unzipped, jeans with his boxers visible, with a hairdo rivaling a bird's nest, and holding a small blue pill between thumb and finger. The same thoughts seemed to have occurred to Videl because she began laughing, full and throaty, at the sight of him. Gohan mock-glared and peels of mirth ushered forth from her lips even as she struggled to stifle them. To Gohan's immense vexation his own lips twitched upward and this only spurred Videl into hysteric gales of hilarity. Giving a loud suffering sigh, Gohan rolled his eyes, shoved Videl gently out the door, and closed the door in her face. The solid door proved a weak sound barrier as Gohan could hear Videl's guffawing even so.

Gohan turned to the mirror and caught sight of his carefree expression; he was smiling indulgently and his eyes had lost some of their inner shadows. 'Why do I feel so free with her? How can it seem like I've known her all my life?' The questions assaulted him until he was serious, and contemplating the pill in his hand once again. 'Enough hiding.' he decided resolutely, and breaking the pill into two pieces, swallowed half of the pill.

xxXXxx

Gohan followed Videl into the oversized dinning room. The table, a thick beech wood, was long enough to seat thirty people. At one end sat three settings; one was already occupied by a fair-haired woman. Gohan heard Videl scoff and watched her face become as hard as granite. As they both slid into their seats across from each other, the woman at the head of the table looked up from perusing a magazine. She tossed back her artificial blond hair and pierced them with silver-blue eyes that resembled two cubes of ice. She smiled indulgently at them, and Gohan felt his body go rigid.

"Good morning, you must be Videl." the woman said in a husky, smooth voice.

"Yeah, but I don't know who you are." Videl replied coldly and glared.

"Terrance Devon, you can call me Tracy, I've been with your father for about a month." the woman articulated, proffering her hand.

"Sorry, but I'm about to eat breakfast." Videl sneered looking distastefully at Tracy's well-manicured hand, "Ms. Devon," she finished just to add insult to injury.

x

Ms. Devon's smile turned sour and her nose scrunched up as if she smelled something repugnant. Videl deliberately ignored her and served both herself and Gohan to some eggs, sausages, hash browns, and toast. Ms. Devon finished her breakfast in good time and stood to leave.

"Well, it was a...an interesting experience meeting you, Videl." Ms. Devon announced around an obviously forced smile.

"Sorry, I can't say the same for you." Videl stated bluntly. With a slight huff, Ms. Devon left the room. Gohan watched Tracy leave, if truth be told, he could see what Hercule saw in Tracy and, he concluded in the same line of thought, 'it definitely wasn't her brain.' Beside him, Videl huffed loudly.

"Damn whoring bitch!" she muttered darkly. Gohan's eyebrows became lost in his fringe of bangs at Videl's colorful use of swear words.

"Sorry, Ru, I can't stand those dumb broads my father brings home." Videl sighed glowering at the doorway through which Tracy left and pushing some eggs around her plate idly. Gohan shrugged to show his inability to express any thoughts on the subject. He gestured to a picture of her father on the wall behind the head of the table and gave Videl a quizzical look.

"Where is he?" Videl clarified for him and Gohan nodded. "Oh, he's probably still asleep or at a photo shoot." Videl supplied irreverently.

x

Videl ducked her head and scooped some shredded potato into her mouth. Gohan studied her hunched posture and realized she was unhappy. Feeling extremely inept he reached over and covered her hand with his own in an attempt to impart some pitiful comfort. Videl raised her head and Gohan caught sight of the glistening look of unshed tears in her eyes. She gave a watery smile and then let out a giggle.

"You know, every time she smiled I felt like humming the Jaws theme song." she enlightened him, chuckling. Gohan smiled as his mind supplied its own image of Tracy smiling and they both finished eating.

xxXXxx

Gohan looked around feeling quite stupid. 'I shouldn't have left my room, now I know Videl wasn't lying about getting lost in here.' About an hour ago, Gohan took it into his head to explore his new home. And now, after fifty rooms that all blended together in his memory he was searching for a way out. Every hallway looked like another hallway and Gohan was desperately searching for a staircase. 'If I can get downstairs I can at least get back to the living room or dinning room, somewhere familiar.' Gohan turned another corner and lucked out when he spotted the gap in the wall that entailed a staircase. He quickened his pace and descended to the second, and then the first floor.

x

Gohan looked around wildly and felt like ripping out his hair in pure frustration. He didn't recognize anything in front of him. 'What the hell? This mansion doesn't look half so big on the outside!' Gohan reached in his pocket and pulled out some change, selecting a fraction zenni piece, he returned the rest to his pocket. Choosing heads and tails for the forking hallway he flipped the coin, and headed down the one to his right. 'Maybe I'll run into a maid or someone, even a security guard would be welcome!' Just as the thought entered his head, Gohan picked up on someone breathing heavily. Taking a leap of faith that the person would stay put, he followed the sounds and was stunned by what he found.

xxXXxx

Gohan stopped in the doorway and watched with fascination as Videl practiced punching and kicking a bag made for just that purpose. Her form was not as smooth as his when he'd been younger, but she wasn't bad. 'Not bad at all, for a human.' Gohan thought mildly impressed. Videl kicked high with great strength and the bag broke on impact. Gohan winced as he saw the turn of her foot; Videl let out such a vile explicative that Gohan felt his face grow warm with a blush.

x

Gohan hurried forward to catch Videl who was hopping around cursing in a constant flowing stream. He took Videl's arm but this only caused Videl to become overbalanced when she shoved him away thinking him an attacker, no doubt. With a strangled scream she toppled over onto her arse. Gohan smirked at her ridiculous state and, shaking his head, offered her his hand.

x

"Ru! You scared me!" Videl accused as she accepted his hand.

"Stop laughing you fool." Videl ordered and slapped him playfully as she tried to muster a fierce glare and only managed a twisted grimace. Gohan noticed her tenderly testing the extent of the damage to her foot. He grabbed her by the shoulders and, taking her by surprise, forced her to sit down again. Then he removed her shoe and expertly felt her ankle for any damage. Meeting her gaze, he gave her a reassuring smile. Gohan stood and offered her his hand once again. When Videl was once again on her feet, Gohan lead her around the gym in circles to walk out the pain. Videl peered up at Gohan with a perplexed expression.

x

After walking around for about twenty minutes, Gohan noticed Videl was walking normally and not favoring her foot anymore. He led her to another bag, this one intact, and motioned her to take her stance. Videl did so in an obliging manner. Gohan mimicked her kicking the bag and motioned for her to do so again. Shaking her head in a humoring gesture, Videl did so, but before her foot could make contact Gohan reached out and stopped it. Gohan proceeded to point out the way Videl's foot was twisted slightly at an angle that, if the right pressures were exerted, could cause her considerable damage. Next, Gohan physically moved her foot into a new position that would be both more energy sufficient and graceful. Through his silent ministrations Videl's eyes grew wide with astonishment, and then narrowed with attentiveness.

"You know martial arts." Videl confirmed out loud. Gohan bowed formally and smiled. Videl smiled in return and tried another kick but slowly so that Gohan could follow her movements. Gohan had to fix a few quirks for the first couple of kicks, but by the end of the hour Videl was going at the bag at top speed without hurting herself anymore.

"Thanks a lot, Ru. Why don't you practice with me, I do it everyday." Videl proposed offhandedly. Gohan scrutinized Videl calmly, 'This'll be the perfect opportunity for me to work up my stamina and powers again. I'll also be able to watch her, and make sure she doesn't hurt herself again.' Gohan ruffled his messy, long hair…and nodded.

* * *

**Chapter 12: Blood Bath**

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You take me in  
No questions asked  
You strip away the ugliness  
That surrounds me

Are you an angel  
Am I already that gone  
I only hope that I won't disappoint you  
When I'm down here on my knees

And sweet, Sweet surrender  
Is all I have to give

Sarah McLachlan-Sweet Surrender

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan and Videl sat on an overstuffed, squishy red sofa with a large bowl of popcorn between them. Their eyes were riveted on the action packed television screen. Videl munched indifferently as she followed the character's amazing stunts. Gohan, not as amazed by the hero's antics, looked around Videl's room with interest. Her bed was a bouncy contraption bedecked in scarlet red with a few black throw pillows. A large stereo system occupied the honored spot right next to her bedside lamp. Music videos, CDs, and cassette tapes spilled from the open door of the cabinet beneath the stereo system. Her closet door stood ajar affording a view of her new martial arts workout, how to thread one's way through an obstacle of clothing. 'Could be useful in a clothes shop.' Gohan thought with amusement.

x

A dresser littered with various knick-knacks and spare change stood beside the bed, opposite side of the stereo. The dresser was fashioned from the neoclassic era and had a beautifully ornamented mirror. The glassy surface was bordered with many pictures of friends and family tucked into the wooden framing. A dirty laundry hamper stood by the dresser conspicuously holding a total of two articles of clothing. A few pieces of clothing lay beside it, obvious failed attempts to toss the clothes in. A T-shirt hung robe style on one knobbed side of the dresser. A pair of jeans and unmistakably a bra, Gohan blushed, were crammed into a corner of the room. Mostly, the clothing lay were it was thrown like so much debris after an explosion.

x

The sofa they sat on was at the foot of the bed, and the television, a huge wall screen, took up the whole middle of the wall in front of them. Built-in shelves of DVDs, VHSs, and books flanked the sides of the screen. Gohan noticed quite a few of the items were martial arts oriented including her wall hangings. Along the walls, and even the ceiling, were posters of fighters, music bands, favorite actors/actresses, and not a single one of her father. 'She's obviously not one for domestic chores, and the servants must be forbidden entrance to her lair.' Gohan decided. Gohan turned his attention back to the movie which had ended and was now reeling through the credits.

"Hey, Ru, want to get some ice cream?" Videl asked hopping up to extricate the tape and shove it into the re-winder. Gohan shrugged and followed Videl out of the room toward the kitchen.

xxXXxx

They just sat down to enjoy their twin bowls of mint chocolate-chip ice cream when they heard the door open and close.

"I'm home!" a loud and obnoxious voice called out. Gohan watched as Videl swallowed, wiped her mouth, and lingered with her hands folded. They did not have long to wait; Hercule stalked into the kitchen moments later. He ignored the two teens while he raided the refrigerator, and approached the table with a turkey sandwich and a cold beer in hand.

"Hey, sugar beet! Who're you?" Hercule demanded of Gohan suspiciously.

"This is Ru, dad. He's the boy I told you about; the one who's going to stay with us a while." Videl explained through clenched teeth. Gohan acquired the impression that something wasn't being said that normally would have been had he not been present.

"Oh, right, the kid whose parents died...good publicity." Hercule exclaimed loudly while he smiled stupidly. Gohan felt the grief assault him like a blow to the gut and gasped.

"Dad!" Videl shouted in disbelief looking at Gohan's pained expression.

"What?" Hercule asked idiotically. Videl simply glared at her father and pointedly placed a comforting arm around Gohan's shoulder.

"Oh! Well, I'm going to bed now. The greatest champ in the world has to get his sleep!" Hercule announced flexing his muscles. Before Videl could prompt or protest his leaving Hercule was out of the door. Rolling her eyes, Videl kneeled beside Gohan to see his face.

"Are you ok?" Gohan looked up at Videl, feeling the familiar itch of tears in his eyes. He blinked furiously and nodded sharply.

"Oh, Ru! I'm sorry; he can be such an insensitive jerk sometimes." Videl confessed sincerely. Gohan took deep breaths to calm himself.

"On second thought, he's a real jerk all the time." Videl declared wrapping her arm more securely around Gohan's shoulder. Gohan felt himself relax in her consoling embrace. 'God, I trust her.' Gohan marveled inwardly.

**ooo**

Pitch black...a baby's cry...always crying...He was standing outside of himself watching as he stood in front of a door. He could hear the cry through the solid linden wood. He jiggled the handle futilely; it was locked. The cry became louder, only this time Gohan could discern his own name in the high-pitched child's voice. He could see his own mouth moving, presumably calling out reassurances to the petrified child, but no sound was forthcoming. It was as if he was watching a film on mute; the mouth moved but no sound came out. He began to beat on the door in a vain attempt to break it down. When he was unable to even put a dent in the resistant wood he threw his head back and screamed mutely in frustration. In a burst of iridescent golden light he metamorphosed into a super saiyan. Once again, the ineffectual struggle resumed. Punching, kicking, and blasting with all his mighty power against the impenetrable door. And then, he was no longer a spectator in his own drama dream.

x

Gohan found himself with his feet planted firmly in a fighting stance in front of the obdurate door. He could feel the invigorating power flowing through his veins, ready for him to manipulate it as he desired. He pulled back his hands until they formed a cup where he could assemble the needed power for a Kamehameha blast. All his focus turned to the thick entrance. He could see the wide grain of the lightly colored wood and the few round knots in its sanded surface. He could see the thin lines in the finish that were left from the brush strokes. He felt his energy coalesce into his palms.

x

Gohan prepared to release the powerful beam when suddenly a scream ricocheted through his mind. This was no child's frantic cry. As the scream died out, leaving behind an echo of agony, he heard the sound of a lock clicking open. Mysteriously of its own accord, the door cracked open a notch with a loud groan. Gohan lost the aura of super saiyan and tentatively stepped forward. Something in his mind screamed at him not to open that door. An inner voice informed him that he would not like what he saw. Ignoring both his subconscious and his instincts, he walked forward and pushed the door all the way open.

x

Blood dripped down from a lifeless corpse into the water below, and like the blood of the Egyptian slaves, it turned the water crimson. Snaking little tendrils crept ever closer to his feet. He staggered back and mouthed wordlessly. Black spidery locks of hair spread from the waxy faced, blue lipped carcass. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the dark ebony stare that accused him with their glassy lifelessness. He could hear the scream echoing within his inner ear, only this time it was articulating words.

"How could you do this to me, to your father? Look at me!" Gohan stared at the arm that hung outside the tub. A gaping wound stretched from the inner elbow down to the wrist allowing full view of fleshy sinews and punctured veins. He even glimpsed a pale ashen item that could only be her radius or ulna¹. Accumulative blood still dripped from the scarlet painted appendage down to the wet floor and onto the released razor.

x

His mind so focused on escaping the scene, he backed up and tripped over a garment. Trying to stop himself from falling, he instead pitched himself forward into the blood bath next to the lifeless body. He did not comprehend the scream he heard as coming from his own throat, but rather imagined it to be the dead woman's righteous anger at him for desecrating her final resting place. He ingested mouthfuls of bloody water as he struggled frantically, completely hysterical, and being driven mad by the reverberating screams he failed to realize came from himself.

**ooo**

Gohan jerked awake drenched in sweat and desperately fighting his entangled blankets his dream fogged mind had interpreted as limbs of a dead body. He felt his stomach clench and recklessly tried to run from his bed. He knocked his right cheek into his bedside table and crashed to the floor with a thunderous clunk. Whimpering in his mind he ripped the ensnaring sheets away from his body and, clutching his stinging cheek, raced for the bathroom. He reached the toilet just in time as he swiftly lost the contents of his stomach.

x

He was left dry heaving long after all the regurgitated food was flushed from sight. His whole body shook with reaction from the dream. He hunched over the porcelain bowl with both arms resting on the seat and his feverish head resting on his arms. He closed his eyes tightly and tears slid down his cheeks until gravity pulled them into the clear water below his face. He opened his eyes blearily when he heard the sound of someone approaching him. He was too weary to see who it was and so remained in his incapacitated state. He felt a cool hand rest on his back and begin to rub in soothing circles. He did not need to know who it was; the only person who could calm his quaking so naturally was Videl.

x

"I'm here Ru." she whispered peacefully and gently eased him away from the toilet until she was leaning against the wall and holding his torso to her chest in a close embrace. Gohan permitted himself to relax his head against Videl's shoulder as her hands circled in front of him around his neck and across his chest.

"You've cut yourself." Videl observed, barely stroking the laceration in his right cheek that still oozed blood, albeit slowly. Videl shifted enough so that she could grab a damp washcloth from the side of the tub. Gohan steadfastly avoided looking at the tub and flinched, only a little, when Videl applied the cloth to his throbbing cheek. Wiping the blood gently away, Videl studied Gohan's haunted eyes and felt his subsiding shudders against her own body.

"If you ever need me, I'm here; even if you just want me to hold you, Ru." Videl murmured tenderly.

x

"Gohan." the sound escaped his lips without thought; he didn't need to think about what was right, what was natural. His voice was deep, horse, and cracked horribly on the second syllable. Videl's eyes grew wide and her grip around his body intensified until it was almost painful. Gohan could see the shimmer of tears before they began to fall unerringly from her eyes.

"What...W-What did y-you say?" Videl stared straight ahead of her, but Gohan had serious doubts that she was seeing the tiled wall of the bathroom; she had a distant look on her face.

"My," he cleared his throat audibly, "My name is Gohan."

x

¹radius or ulna- the two bones that make up the arm below the elbow

* * *

**Chapter 13: Heart to Heart**

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Every time I look at you the world just melts away  
All my troubles, all my fears dissolve in your affections  
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am  
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land

Sarah McLachlan-Push

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"Here." Videl proffered holding out a blue ceramic mug that was steaming. Gohan accepted the hot drink and cupped his cold hands around the warm implement. He sipped cautiously without blowing on the nut brown liquid. The taste of cinnamon tea scorched its way down his raw throat. Gohan's eyes watered and he coughed slightly, but he repeated the ritual a second time. He sat in one of the golden recliners draped in his down comforter. Videl sat across from him looking concerned and holding her own cup of spiced tea. She blew on it and slowly tipped the cup to her lips in lazy intervals.

"Do you want to tell me about it? You don't have to if you don't want." Videl whispered without meeting Gohan's eyes. Gohan did not know what he would have replied had she looked him in the eyes. He wasn't sure he could face such blatant affection from anyone at the moment. However, without the contact he felt compelled to tell her...to tell her everything.

x

"I was eleven...when my father...died." Gohan started gruffly in a hesitant manner. He stared down into his cup, watching the ripples created when his hand trembled slightly. It was fascinating, really, that even thinking about it could produce such a strong reaction in him. After all, he'd been through a lot worse in the past years that this experience paled in comparison. And yet, he still could not contain the tremor in his hands. He shuddered suddenly when Videl placed a hand over his own that gripped his mug feebly. Amber liquid sloshed against the sides and almost above the rim. Inhaling deeply he braced himself for the next truth.

"A year later, my mother...my mother..." Gohan looked heavenward and felt the tears coarse unevenly down his cheeks. He desperately sought some form of strength he could use to come right out and say it. Videl squeezed his hand encouragingly. "She committed suicide." he croaked looking anywhere but at Videl.

x

"Shhh, it's ok, I'm right here." Videl promised as she clutched his hand, rubbing the back of his knuckles soothingly with her thumb.

"But, it's m-my...fault." Gohan cried out gutturally.

"How could it be your fault?" Videl asked reasonably.

"I...I let my f-father d-die." Gohan whispered hoarsely and gulped his tea compulsively. This wasn't such a good idea as he tried to inhale and swallow at the same time. A coughing fit ensued which had Gohan spilling tea all over his shirt as he stood up in an attempt to gain air. Videl intelligently removed the quarter filled cup from his hand before he could leak the rest onto the carpet. Setting the mug on the dresser table, she returned to Gohan's side to thump his back helpfully. When Gohan managed to get his wind back Videl led him back to his chair.

"Gohan, I'm not sure what happened exactly. But, I'm positive you could do nothing to prevent your father from dying." Videl stated firmly. Gohan placed his elbows on his knees and ran his hands through his hair.

"Yes, I could have...I could have saved him." Gohan's voice was harsh though the anger was directed inward upon himself. "It's because I killed him that she killed herself." Gohan continued brokenly.

"Your mother?"

"I heard my brother crying inside...he was only a baby then." Gohan's breath escaped him noisily and a slight smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. He looked quite pitiful there, face tear-streaked and a sad smile tugging at his lips. "God, he was so little...he'd be around six now." Gohan sniffed and then sat straighter in the cushions while wiping at his cheeks with his bare arm. "Anyway, I went in the house...to see what was wrong...found him lying on the floor." Gohan's eyes stared off into the distant past.

"I was so, so angry that she'd neglected him...again. I went to look for her." Videl could see the haunted look come to the forefront of his eyes and the fear, the pain.

x

"What happened, Gohan, where'd you find your mother?" Videl was careful to sound firm but supportive at the same time.

"She was in the bathroom...she'd slit her wrists." One of Gohan's hands began to rub his own forearm absently, up and down. His voice was scratchy but not as hoarse as when he'd begun. It would forever be deep and a bit gruff after such a long period of self induced mutism.

"Oh, Gohan, that can't be your fault!" Videl maintained rationally.

"You know what's funny about it all?" Gohan questioned with a derisive snort. "I was so shocked that I was struck dumb...They said a lost traveler came to the house thinking to ask for directions...He found my mother, I was holding my brother; I wouldn't let go of him...He called the cops. I was so stunned that I didn't say anything; I let them take my brother away from me." Gohan laughed but there was no humor in it, in fact, tears leaked from his pain filled eyes.

"What was so hilarious about that?"

"Don't you see? I let them take my brother and I didn't tell them my name...There was no way for them to identify me if someone came looking for me." Gohan was laughing and sobbing at the same time now, quite beyond the point of hysterical. Videl instinctively moved forward and wrapped her arms around Gohan's shoulders, stopping him from compulsively rubbing his forearm. She began to rock him slowly and stroke his hair soothingly. Gohan rested his head on her bosom and cried as memories of orphan life battered him.

xxXXxx

Gohan opened bleary eyes and wondered vaguely why he wasn't in his bed. Turning his head slightly he found himself face to face with Videl. She sat on the arm of the recliner with one arm thrown over the high back and her head utilizing her arm as a pillow. The other arm was draped across Gohan's shoulder and chest. Gohan was surprised he didn't notice the weight of her legs which were curled atop his thighs. Memories of the previous evening flooded his mind and he dimly recalled her rocking him as he sobbed on her. 'I must've fallen asleep.' he deduced logically. Gohan tried to remain still least he disturb the sleeping beauty. His efforts seemed counterproductive as Videl stirred sleepily, stretched, and in the process knocked Gohan in the face. At Gohan's muffled oath Videl came awake all at once.

"Gohan! I'm sorry; I didn't mean to do that! Are you ok?" She shoved Gohan's hands away from his face so she could get a better look at it. The cut on his cheek had reopened and a fresh trickle of blood was making it's way down to his chin.

"I's alright, nothin' t' worry abou'." Gohan muttered, still groggy from sleep. Videl apparently thought differently as she dragged Gohan to his bathroom to clean the cut properly.

x

"You should probably go to the hospital and get this stitched." Videl murmured as she applied disinfectant onto the open wound. Gohan shrugged indifferently and winced at the twinge of pain. "If you don't it'll scar." Videl cautioned as she attached a large band aid to his cheek. Gohan made no answer to this and only rose from his seated position on the counter. He walked into his bedroom and removed a shirt from his dresser drawer. He pulled it on, mindful of his bandaged cheek. He was just headed to the door when Videl stopped him.

"Where're you going?"

"The gym." Gohan replied simply and left. Videl caught up in moments and they both headed to the same room as yesterday. "Good, I'd probably get lost if you hadn't come." Gohan commented drolly with a smirk. Videl gave a throaty laugh in reply and threw an arm over Gohan's shoulder in camaraderie.

xxXXxx

Gohan sat on the floor with his focus turned inward. He could sense Videl outside of himself as she attacked the punching bag. He could feel his power; it was only a small trickle of little consequence, but enough to begin practicing meditation. If he could master his ki progressively as he gained more awareness of it, perhaps he could bypass whatever made him trip before. 'I don't want the power of super saiyan. I want beyond that.' Gohan thought determinedly. He began to blank his mind of all thoughts save his diminutive power. Experimentally he began to move it to various parts of his body, collecting it into one point.

x

It wasn't enough to shoot an energy blast by any means, but that wasn't the purpose of the exercise. He had plenty of time to relearn control on firing ki beams; right now he needed to learn control of the power itself. Gohan could feel the beads of sweat wrought by his intense concentration form on his brow. With the physical sensation came the loss of the spiritual state of absorption. Gohan came out of his meditative trance and stretched the kinks out of his body.

x

"Finally, are you ready to spar?" Videl asked impatiently. Gohan nodded and stepped forward into a semi-fighting stance. He was hindered from perfection by his right arm which was still encased in the plastic cast, his leg having healed enough to do without a cast. Gohan longed to see the day when his body would function as it was meant to once again. He could already feel the hunger coming back, and he wondered absently how he would explain his sudden appetite to Videl. The next moment the thought flew from his mind as Videl started for him with the sole intent of putting him through his paces.

xxXXxx

Both sweating profusely, Gohan and Videl sipped iced water in the kitchen during their self proclaimed break. At the sound of the door, they both turned to await the inevitable appearance of Hercule. They weren't disappointed, or more aptly put they weren't incorrect in their assumption, as Hercule entered the kitchen.

"You two look like you've been getting quite a workout! Trying to get to be as strong as me, huh?" Hercule threw back his head and guffawed loudly. "Now, we all know you'll never be as strong as me, I'm the World Champ. Videl's close being as she's MY daughter but I'm still stronger." Hercule boasted foolishly. Videl simply rolled her eyes and Gohan remained tolerantly silent.

"Why don't you come join us in the gym, we could spar." Videl invited hopefully.

"Sorry, Sugar Beet, but I got my gym to run and I got a show..." Hercule began evadingly. 'He looks like he's afraid to fight his own daughter. I guess he's caught on that she'd grind him into the dirt.' Gohan observed feeling amused.

"Whatever, dad." Videl snapped in annoyance. Hercule quickly left again and Videl let out a huff.

"Sometimes I wonder if he's even as strong as he was when he beat Cell." Videl muttered darkly. Gohan opted not to comment on that obvious, over exaggerated misconception.

"Come on, Gohan, let's get back to sparring." Videl proposed in irritation. Gohan shrugged and followed her wordlessly.

* * *

In this chapter THREE MONTHS HAVE PASSED for reality's sake meaning Gohan is finished with his surgeries as well.

**Chapter 14: Time Passes**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I knew you wanted to tell me  
In your voice there was something wrong  
But if you would turn your face away from me  
You cannot tell me you're so strong  
Just let me ask of you one small thing  
As we have shared so many tears

Sarah McLachlan-The Path of Thorns (Terms)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan sat idly twirling his pencil in his right hand, marveling at the ability he'd lacked a mere three months ago. 'Too often we, as in humans in general, take things for granted until we lose them.' Gohan mused philosophically. 'I guess it's in our nature. I, who had lost my powers, still took my natural physical health and abilities for granted...' Gohan's absentminded thoughts were broken off by Videl poking her pencil into his side. Gohan gave her an affronted glare; she simply rolled her eyes and motioned to the front of the classroom where Mr. Lao stood lecturing. Or, at least, Gohan had remembered the man droning on about chemistry just moments ago.

x

"Mr. Hashuko, do you plan on answering my question?" Mr. Lao drawled in a bored tone. Gohan blushed embarrassedly and nodded meekly. The other students snickered as he stood and made his way quickly to the board. He solved the Chem. problem mentally and then wrote the steps on the board and boxed his answer.

"Very well, Ru. You can return to your seat." Mr. Lao dismissed casually. As Gohan retook his seat, he caught Videl giving him one of her I'm-not-impressed looks. In retaliation he stuck out his tongue at her.

"Nerd boy." Sharpner sneered condescendingly.

"Wow, Ru that was fast!" Erasa squealed. Gohan merely shrugged at them both.

x

It seemed that after he'd gained some substantial weight back, and stopped looking like a walking skeleton, Videl's friends opened up more. Of course, they knew nothing of Gohan's ravenous eating habits which he'd quickly regained after two weeks off his meds. They also knew nothing of the horrific scars on his person, covered as they always were by jeans and turtle-neck sweaters. And, his name was unacknowledged per his request. He took Videl into his confidence and that trust was not carelessly placed. The bell rang and Gohan felt the relief that only came with a day of school ended.

xxXXxx

Gohan kicked at Videl sharply, but pulled most of his strength when he connected. Videl gasped as the blow caught her off guard and sent her onto her arse. Glaring, she didn't even bother getting to her feet but tried to kick Gohan's feet from under him. Gohan dodged the attempt, and barely prevented himself from being grabbed at the same time. 'Clearly Videl's quite serious today; maybe she's mad about something. I didn't hear anything about her losing any criminals or anything; must be something she isn't telling me.' Gohan thought ruefully.

x

Gohan smiled slightly and shook his head, but this was most definitely a mistake as Videl took advantage of his momentary distraction and clipped him with a kick to the face. Gohan reeled back and fell more from the surprise that Videl hadn't pulled the blow than from any pain. He felt something wet on his chin and when he wiped what he assumed was sweat from his lips his hand came away red.

"Gohan, I'm sorry! God, you're bleeding! I was thinking about something else, I'm real sorry!" Videl exclaimed profusely and stepped toward Gohan. Gohan held up a hand to ward her off, and regained his feet. He was struck dizzy all of a sudden and had to blink several times before the world reoriented itself correctly. Videl stuck out a steadying hand with a look of concern and guilt adorning her features.

"No big deal, Videl. Fighters get bloodied all the time." Gohan muttered as blood dripped a steady stream into his cupped hand. Spasms of pain sparked in his bottom lip as he spoke, so Gohan determined it was split.

"Yeah, but we were just sparring, and you've been pulling all your punches and kicks..." seeing Gohan's fierce look that dared her to contradict him, she quickly changed the subject, "Gah, you're bleeding a lot, let's get you cleaned up." Gohan winced at the royal blue carpet on the floor which was already stained by several drips of blood that escaped his hand.

xxXXxx

"I think were done for today." Videl mumbled as she pulled the damp washcloth from Gohan's split lip. It was white when she'd first applied it to the bleeding cut but now it was half dyed red with blood.

"It hasn't stopped yet." she observed guiltily.

"What was bothering you anyway?" Gohan asked, annoyed with Videl beating herself up about the small cut. Videl smiled slightly when Gohan's voice sounded muffled through the terry cloth.

"It's dad, he wants me to meet his girlfriend tonight. He says she's coming over for dinner," Videl snorted, "We haven't sat down to a family dinner since mom died. All of a sudden he wants to pretend to be a father." Videl looked down at her hands which were gripping each other in a parody of choking the life out of someone. 'I bet I can guess who, on the first try too.' Gohan thought shaking his head with a frown.

"What are you going to do; I mean he's never brought one for you to meet specifically." Gohan perceived candidly.

"Yeah, well, I have to go or he'll ground me from the gym. Will you eat with us?" Gohan could clearly see the desperate hope in Videl's pleading gaze.

"I wouldn't miss it." Gohan replied and cracked a smile.

"Gohan, you idiot, now you've made it bleed more!" Videl accused annoyed but smiling at his agreement. With a contented laugh, she hugged Gohan in thanks.

xxXXxx

'I don't know why I agreed to this.' Gohan said to himself for what felt like the fiftieth time that evening. He stifled a yawn and pushed his almost untouched food around on his plate. The tense silence was almost palpable; it was no wonder Gohan couldn't find it in him to eat. Videl sat stiffly beside him, jabbing food onto her fork with an intensity that had Gohan wondering if she was even seeing the food. He was sure she wasn't when she ate all the mushrooms in her salad without even a change of face; he knew she had an adamant disliking for them. The anger seemed to radiate from her in waves.

x

Hercule was all smiles and compliments to his guest, Ms. Nariko Hahn. To Gohan, she looked like the stereotypical kindergarten teacher she was reputed to be. She had bushy blond hair that framed an oval face. Her eyes were soft around the edges and the color of glistening bronze with flecks of golden amber in them. She was rather diminutive in that fragile sense with healthy rose-colored skin. So far, Nariko had been silent with the exception of her first greeting. Compared to the other 'ladies' Hercule brought home, Gohan could see nothing wrong with this kindly woman.

x

"Uh hum." Hercule stood and cleared his throat loudly. He tapped his glass with his fork, as if he didn't have everyone's attention already. Videl gave out a long suffering sigh and Gohan merely kept himself from smirking at the goon.

"I have an important announcement to make." Hercule stated puffing out his chest ostentatiously. Gohan felt the stirring of interest in spite of himself and Hercule's well known habit of blowing things out of proportion.

"I've asked Nariko to marry me and she's agreed." he declared elatedly. Gohan started and Videl gawked at her father before quickly regaining her ability to speak.

"How...How could you?" she snarled like a feral beast. "I can't believe you; that bitch will never be my mother!" Videl screamed at her father and, turning abruptly, ran from the room.

"Videl, get back here!" Hercule shouted angrily at her back. When she did not return he turned to comfort Nariko and to apologize for Videl's insult.

"No, no, I understand how she feels. Go talk to her, would you?" Nariko asked patting Hercule's arm supportively. Hercule did as she bid and left in the direction Videl had gone.

x

Only after he left did Nariko allow tears to enter her eyes. Gohan felt awkward being alone with Nariko as she cried silent tears. Had she been Videl he would have placed his arm comfortingly around her shoulders but she wasn't Videl and he was damned uncomfortable.

"I'm not trying to replace her mother, you know?" Nariko murmured sadly. It took a moment for Gohan to realize she was speaking to him. Gohan scrutinized Nariko and came to the conclusion she was being sincere. He nodded to show her he did know.

"It's my entire fault he asked to marry me. I'm pregnant." she whispered despondently as more tears leaked from her eyes. Gohan had the immense desire to ask if she loved Hercule, but refrained. Hercule entered the room anyway; he looked peeved about something.

"She wouldn't let me in." he admitted when Nariko gave him an expectant look. He noticed Nariko's tears though and hurried to comfort her. Gohan was astounded to see Hercule Satan envelope the petite woman for no other reason then to show he cared for her. 'I wonder what he was like when Videl's mom was alive, perhaps he was human.' Gohan speculated as he took himself from the room.

xxXXxx

Gohan knocked softly on Videl's door. He'd given her a few hours alone, but now was the time to talk. His eyes had fought to close during the wait, but his anxiety kept him awake.

"Videl, it's Gohan." Gohan murmured only loud enough to be heard through the door. He heard the sound of her bed springs squeak and then the thumps of her feet as she made her way to the door. The lock was released with a soft snick and then the sounds of Videl's retreating steps followed. Gohan turned the knob and slipped into the room that was pitch-dark.

x

He walked carefully across the room, ever mindful of the littered floor, and sat on the edge of her bed. Feeling his way, he found her shoulder and allowed his hand to travel to her back. He rubbed in slow circles like so many times she'd done when he'd had a nightmare or just needed a comforting hand. He felt her breath hitch through the contact and was only mildly surprised when Videl climbed into his lap and curled into his embrace. Gohan whispered placating words and rocked her gently in his arms. Now was not the time to talk about it, that would come later in the morning.

* * *

**Chapter 15: Tempers Collide**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

If I made you mad today,  
Tell me would you love me  
tomorrow? Please,  
Or would you say that you don't care,  
And then leave me standing here  
Like the fool  
who is drowning in despair and screaming

3 Doors Down-So I Need You

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

'Perhaps it's because she didn't look at me strangely. Or maybe it's because she's so small which is a completely clichéd concept on my part. I should know better than most how size doesn't matter, but then again, I have been getting beaten by the conventional bully.' Gohan mused conversely. He sat on the comfy couch trying to rationalize why he came to trust the dark-haired vixen in such a short time of knowing her. Said girl, Videl, currently lay curled in the center of her bed after crying herself to sleep the previous night. Gohan watched her fetal position with an intense scrutiny. Her breathing was deep and even fluttering wisps of ebony hair along her pillow. Gohan enjoyed the peaceful serenity that her slumbering form induced in him. He yawned greatly and felt his eyelids grow heavy.

xxXXxx

"Gohan! Come on, were gonna be late for school!" Videl's voice yelled into his highly sensitive ears. Gohan woke with a start and winced, he noticed at once he was still in Videl's room. 'I guess I must've dozed off.' Gohan thought wearily.

"Gohan, come on!" Gohan glanced at Videl as she rushed around her room grabbing up homework and various items she'd need for class. Gohan could see no physical evidence of last nights tears but every time he tried to catch her eyes she'd turn away.

"Videl, about yesterday..." Gohan started supportively.

"Gohan, let's talk about this later, ok?" Videl finally met his gaze and because he could read the pain there he agreed to drop the subject, for now.

"Alright, I'm gonna go and get changed." Gohan murmured and left the room.

x

Breakfast, needless to say, was a rushed affair. They barely arrive at school in time for the first bell. Panting slightly as he entered the classroom, Gohan was eternally grateful that Videl was given a margin of leeway and by extension so was he. Gohan plopped into his seat with the air of someone just dragged from bed, which was essentially true. Gohan yawned greatly and received an odd look of concern from Videl. She looked apologetic for something. 'Probably feels bad that she kept me awake last night.' Gohan thought exasperated. He merely turned his attention to the teacher currently lecturing at the front of the class. When the teacher seemed self-absorbed in his own voice, Videl poked Gohan in the arm. Gohan jerked in his seat, 'Damn, I was nodding off again.'

x

"Psst, Ru, how late did you stay up?" Videl's voice held a tone of accusation in it. 'Of course she'll get pissed if I tell her half the night. Never mind the many nights she stayed up with me; she's Videl Satan!' Gohan thought slightly annoyed. He simply shook his head at her and pursed his lips stubbornly in that I'm-not-going-to-tell-you look. Videl huffed and then glared at him ruefully.

"Well, sorry for keeping you up." Videl muttered sardonically. Gohan knew at once that she was still lashing out from the previous night and shook his head sadly.

"Hey, Gohan." Videl whispered quietly. When Gohan glanced over he could see the regret in her expression, "Thanks." she said with sincerity. This time Gohan shook his head again, but he smiled to tell her it was nothing.

xxXXxx

Gohan growled in frustration and ground his teeth with suppressed temper. Videl went shopping with Erasa and Gohan had thought it'd be the perfect time to practice with his ki. So far he'd been at it for an hour and a half. 'This is an exercise in futility!' His mind had raged similar little spurts of irritation in all that time as well. 'Why the hell won't it work? I was just starting to get enough control to form low level blasts, not enough to kill a human or even annoy a saiyan, but it was progress. Now, I can't even focus my ki into one place!'

x

In a burst of uncontrollable rage he stomped his feet and punched the bag nearby until it swung wildly on it's chain. Breathing hard and sweating profusely, Gohan fell to his knees and feebly beat the floor with his fists. 'Well, did that make you feel better, Gohan? How 'bout the word immature or temper tantrum? Don't even start arguing that temper tantrum is two words!' Gohan couldn't decide what was more ludicrous, the fact that he was chastising himself mentally, or the withering glare he was giving himself. The self reproach was reflected in one of the many wall mirrors around the gym. Still there was a small petulant voice in his mind that claimed 'Yes, I do feel better.'

x

Rolling his eyes heavenward and shaking his head at himself he settled down to meditate. 'Ok, Gohan, concentrate. Let the stress just roll off you; you're not the least bit uncomfortable.' Gohan couldn't contain the yawn that drew forth at the tranquil thoughts. The meditative trance that he'd just started was instantly lost with the physical break in monotony. Gohan felt the seething anger erupt in his mind once again but instead of pitching another juvenile fit, he forced himself to calm down and breathe deep. 'You are just too tired to do this right now, Gohan. You'd have more luck after you've had a nice nap.' Gohan told himself sternly. With this in mind, Gohan grabbed a towel and headed to the shower and then to bed.

xxXXxx

Gohan awoke to the sound of yelling voices; he rolled over and exhaled loudly. Groaning as he felt soreness in his arms and legs Gohan mentally berated himself for pushing his training too fast. 'It could be that I'm just trying too hard. Regression might also be a side affect of coming off the drugs. I've been taking them for so long, I wouldn't be surprised if I can't just jump back into super saiyan shape.' Stretching his aching limbs, Gohan stepped from his room and headed toward the raised voices. As he drew closer, Gohan recognized one of the voices as Videl's.

"How could you do such a thing? You didn't even consult me! Don't I have a say?" Videl screamed furiously. Gohan felt a spasm of heart-ache that Videl would be yelling about the engagement before she'd spoken with him.

"No, you aren't the only one who lives here!" Hercule shouted back. Gohan started and felt a sigh of relief escape his lips. So, they weren't talking about the engagement.

x

He reached the archway to the living room and obtained his first glimpse of the pair. It was quite a sight to see, and Gohan realized just who Videl inherited her hard headedness from. Videl and her father stood toe to toe yelling in each other's faces. Of course, Videl being a great deal shorter then her father gave the sight a humorous undertone.

"I don't want her living here; you aren't even married yet!" Videl's eyes were narrowed and her voice was screeching passionately. Gohan could see her arms held rigidly at her sides with fists balled at the ends. Her jaw was clenched and Gohan could clearly see in her stance the desire to strike her father. She was holding on to control by a thin thread and Gohan couldn't help blaming himself for not making her talk everything out with him before now. He understood perfectly why Hercule wanted Nariko to move in; she was pregnant with his child after all.

x

"You will accept it! And, you will treat her with the respect she deserves as my wife and your stepmother!" Hercule's face was red with equal rage that he saw as Videl's unwillingness to cooperate. He was the World's Greatest Champ; he shouldn't have to put up with a disrespecting, disobedient daughter!

"Why should I? And, she's no mother of mine!" Videl snarled back wrathfully. Gohan—deciding now would be a good time to break up the argument before it came to blows as fighters were prone to do—cleared his throat loudly.

x

The two broke apart as if they'd been waiting for an interruption to cool their tempers. Videl was clenching and unclenching her fists as she glared fiercely at her father. Hercule was breathing hard and glowering in Gohan's direction for interrupting, purely on principal. Gohan could see the relief in Hercule's eyes though; no doubt glad he was prevented from doing something he'd later regret. Videl grunted, incensed, and stalked out of the room. Gohan nodded to Hercule and followed Videl. As he left the room he rubbed his face roughly in exhaustion.

xxXXxx

"Are you going to talk to me?" Gohan asked calmly from his position leaning against the wall by Videl's dresser. His arms were crossed over his chest and one leg crossed in front of the other in a laid back way. Videl groaned and reached out a hand unseeingly for a pillow to shove over her head. She lay sprawled on her stomach on top of her bed. Gohan snorted at her pathetic attempt to block him out.

"You know that won't help you. Why don't you just talk to me about it?" Gohan prompted attentively. An unintelligible murmur was his only answer.

x

"Come on, Videl. In all seriousness, why don't you like the idea of a stepmother?" Gohan watched as Videl pulled herself from under the pillow into a sitting position. Her hair was wildly tangled about her head and she pushed some strands away from her face impatiently.

"My mom was the best, Gohan. I just don't like the fact that _he's_ just trying to replace her." she sneered at the allusion to her father.

"You know, Nariko told me she wasn't trying to replace your mom." Gohan informed carefully. Videl rolled her eyes, not in the playful way but with derision, and scoffed.

"Right, she just wants to be my friend. That's until I do something she doesn't like, then it's punishments and parental lectures." Videl retorted cynically. Gohan noticed the sparkle of tears in Videl's eyes. Videl swiped at her eyes intolerantly, she was determined not to cry again.

x

"Videl, don't take this the wrong way, but stop being so selfish." Gohan snapped, irate. Videl gaped at Gohan for a minute and then she jumped up from her bed in a confronting posture.

"You're with them, aren't you? What the hell do you know anyway!" Videl demanded in a scornful voice. Gohan stepped away from the wall and mirrored Videl's stance as he jutted out his jaw and narrowed his eyes.

"Nariko's pregnant Videl. Even if she wasn't I'd say the same thing but that's an important piece of information to consider. As for what do I know? I know that I would give my right arm for someone to love me like a son! For the past six years I've been living in institutions and foster homes where a punch to the face was a sign of unconditional love! Do you honestly think I got these scars from falling down stairs or some shit like that? No! This one," Gohan lifted his shirt to reveal a three inch long scar under his ribcage and to the side, "is from when Hadrian stabbed me with a knife because the sight of my fucking blood was thrilling to him! You don't know what it's like to have some man twice your size come into your room at night and..." Gohan turned abruptly away and pinched the bridge of his nose between forefinger and thumb in an attempt to stem the tears. It worked and Gohan stared at his feet ashamed.

"I was too weak...hell, I didn't even care anymore...I lost my family and I had no more reason to live...I tried to kill myself." Gohan whispered brokenly and sagged onto the edge of the bed to cup his head in his hands and rub his face despairingly.

"Gohan, I...I didn't know." Videl whispered in a strangled voice. When Gohan looked up at Videl he saw the tears flowing freely from her eyes.

"Don't do what I did; don't take your family for granted. Blood means nothing to those who truly love each other as a family." Gohan spoke softly with a sense of profound fatigue.

* * *

NOTE: Why Gohan hasn't been found by Bulma who we all know has excellent resources at her disposal...Gohan didn't tell anyone his name; he didn't talk at all of course! Anyway, you must keep in mind that Bulma would be looking for GOHAN, not a mute boy that's suicidal! Even if she tried to locate him by description Gohan was put into the institution soon after being shoved into the foster system and his files would have been handed over so many different precincts and sects of the adoption system getting lost in itself. The Z fighters specifically can't find him because of his lack of ki signature.

**Chapter 16: Fainting and Fatigue**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Another question in me  
One for the powers that be  
It's got me thrown  
And so I put on my poker face

And try to figure it out  
This undeniable doubt  
A common occurrence  
Feeling so out of place

Michael W. Smith-Missing Person

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Here, let me help you with that." Videl offered graciously. Nariko smiled and allowed Videl to take the box from atop the one she carried.

"I didn't realize how much stuff I had until I had to pack it all up and move it over." Nariko laughed as she dropped the box into the master bedroom which was more like the master floor. Videl smiled back as she hauled the heavy box into the room behind Nariko and gently placed it on the floor.

"What did you bring in there, bricks?" Videl regarded the box as if it wouldn't surprise her one bit to literally uncover bricks within it.

"No, that box has some of my students' work." Nariko chuckled affably and opened the box to reveal colorful finger paintings on the top. Videl picked up the top drawing which resembled something in the likeness of a red banana but with arms and legs.

"Looks like something in the throws of agony." Gohan commented looking over Videl's shoulder as he carried in a box. Videl giggled as she nodded in agreement which made Nariko demand to see the picture they viewed. Videl handed the picture over to Nariko who smiled kindly and shook her head.

"This was made by one of my less talented students. It was supposed to be his brother. On second thought, I really don't think he liked his brother very much." Nariko said gazing into her memory. Videl and Gohan were busy pulling out other drawings and commenting on what they resembled.

x

Several gruesome stick figures and grotesque disfigured faces later, the three of them could be found laughing hilariously together on the floor of the master room. Videl wiped tears from her eyes and tried to cool her flushed cheeks. Gohan actually looked extremely pale by comparison, but he was laughing so hard he was clutching his aching stomach.

"Who ever thought little five year olds could be so entertaining?" Videl gasped and calmed enough to breathe regularly. Then Gohan had to go and make a parody of one especially bizarre expression and Videl cracked up again. "Enough! If I laugh any more I'll split my sides!"

"We still have plenty of boxes to bring in." Gohan commented idly. He felt something deep down that reminded him of days long past. Shaking his head he stood to work out the kinks in his bones and winced. Videl skipped out ahead of him and when he started to follow, Nariko stopped him with a hand on his arm.

x

"Gohan, I'd like to thank you. I know it was you who changed Videl's mind about me. And, I can only imagine the extreme trust you have in each other that you would speak to me on her request." Nariko murmured sincerely.

"Actually, I told her I felt compelled to speak to you the first time I met you. It was the same feeling I had with Videl; she just told me to follow my instincts. You won't...You won't tell Hercule or use my real name around anyone else, will you?"

"Gohan, I promise I'll call you Ru until you feel it's time to reveal your own identity. I will not take that choice from you. I only hope you can come to trust me enough not to need to ask me such questions in the future." Nariko pledged earnestly.

x

"Hey, you guys, are you gonna make me do all the work?" Videl demanded witheringly.

"Ha, I knew you only wanted my body!" Gohan shouted pointing to Videl and then blushed deeply.

"Wait, that didn't come out right." Gohan muttered embarrassedly. Videl blushed as well and Nariko tucked her tongue into her cheek and smiled slightly.

"Let's just go get the damn boxes." Gohan proposed shuffling purposely out of the room and down the stairs. Videl and Nariko exchanged glances and grinned at each other.

"You know what, Gohan was right. You and I can be real good friends." Videl commented contentedly.

"I'm relieved to hear that; I'll need all the friends I can get with this one." Nariko stated gesturing to her firm mound that was barely curved.

"So how far along are you?"

"Three and a half months, pretty soon I'll be gaining a lot of weight and I'll be fat as a cow." Nariko smiled as her hands cradled her abdomen. Videl only smiled and laughed as she and Nariko went to help Gohan unload the other boxes. Gohan huffed as he passed Videl and Nariko up to the bedroom. 'Geez, this must be all her books!' Gohan reached the top of the steps and made it to the room without dropping the box. There he set it down with exaggerated care. He stood up and was suddenly slammed by dizziness and nausea. The floor suddenly came up to give him a hard welcome.

**ooo**

Gohan followed the voices into the living room. He stood just out of sight behind the entrance way and listened intently.

"He's making progress. He says the gravity doesn't bother him as much as when he first woke." Bulma was saying. Gohan frowned, 'I only said that so she'd feel better about the stupid pills.' Gohan sighed softly; it'd been about two weeks since he woke up that first day.

"I'm still worried about him though. I mean, he doesn't talk anymore and you guys haven't been talking with him." Bulma accused sternly.

"But, Bulma, we've all told Gohan we're here for him if he wants to talk." Krillin defended.

"That's just the thing, Gohan doesn't need a therapist; he needs his friends. None of you talk to him about martial arts or his father!" Bulma sounded exasperated now.

"You can't be serious! He can't fight anymore, and his father is dead. Why would we talk to him about that stuff; that'd be cruel!" Yamcha cried out incredulously.

"No, by not talking to him, you're reinforcing his guilt. You guys are cutting him out of the one thing that bound you all together. Especially by not talking about Goku, it's as if you blame him for Goku's death." Bulma announced in annoyance.

"The brat could have finished Cell off before Kakarott sacrificed himself." Vegeta muttered bluntly. Behind the wall, Gohan winced and grimaced from guilt. 'At least Vegeta tells the truth no matter how asinine.' he thought self depreciatively.

"Is that how you all feel?" Bulma was demanding furiously of the others in the room. There was a hesitation that told Gohan more than any words ever could, and he turned and walked away without waiting for their answers. 'They'd probably deny it anyway.' his mind whispered darkly.

**ooo**

"Gohan! Gohan, are you alright? What're you doing on the floor?" Gohan heard Videl's voice as if from afar. He opened his eyes and blinked rapidly as the black dots in his vision faded. Looking around, Gohan noticed he was lying on the floor of the master bedroom. Videl and Nariko were giving him twin looks of concern.

"Wha?" Gohan mumbled and bushed himself into a sitting position. He shook his head as if to clear it and wondered vaguely what happened.

"Gohan, what happened?" Videl echoed impatiently.

"I...I think I fell asleep." Gohan replied with a huge yawn to convince them. Meanwhile, his thoughts were whirling with uncertainty and worry.

"Well, next time you decide to take a nap, have it somewhere other then the floor. Videl or I could have stepped on you." Nariko told him caringly. Gohan nodded in acquiescence.

xxXXxx

Gohan sat with his head cradled in his arms as he snoozed on his desk. The teacher's voice was droning on, the perfect boring background to keep him drowsy. Videl was paying close attention for indiscernible reasons and shooting Gohan annoyed looks.

"Psst, Ru, wake up." Videl ordered poking Gohan in the arm. Gohan started and winced; then he gave Videl a scathing look.

"Why are you always sleeping? Stop staying up so late." Videl commanded unremorsefully. Gohan pointedly turned away from her stern face and closed his eyes. 'I'm just resting my eyes for a minute.' he justified himself mentally.

"Ru!" Gohan jumped as Videl kicked him, _hard_, under the table. Gohan pulled his legs out of kicking range and gave Videl a wounded look. Videl realized she'd overstepped her bounds and muttered an apology.

"Ru, you need to pay attention in class. You're going to fall behind." she said by way of explanation. The bell rang and Gohan stood grabbing his bag and shuffling out of the room. He did not wait for Videl or even acknowledge her presence when she caught up to him.

"Gohan, what's wrong with you?" Videl whispered crossly. Gohan simply walked into the boy's locker room to change for physical education.

xxXXxx

Gohan leaned against the wall weakly and studied Videl's aggravated expression. 'Videl, I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm always tired and I can't explain why. Can't you see that I'm just as confused as you? I can't tell you why I'm so grumpy or irritable.' Gohan thought wearily.

"Alright now, class, gather around. Today, we'll be learning some martial arts. Can I have two volunteers that have experience?" Mr. Lee requested smiling.

"Ru and I will volunteer." Videl offered with a smirk in Gohan's direction. Gohan shrugged and went to the middle of the floor with Videl. Sharpner and many of the other students catcalled to 'Nerd Boy'. Gohan ignored them and sunk flawlessly into his fighting stance, as did Videl.

"I want you two to spar for a bit, just so that the rest of the students understand the concept." Mr. Lee clarified.

"Sure thing. Are you ready Ru?" Videl's eyes danced with anticipation of the fight. Gohan nodded and it began.

x

Videl almost caught him from the outset but Gohan managed to dodge her jab and leg sweep. Gohan kicked at Videl who in turn sidestepped and moved in with her own punch. The blow grazed Gohan's chin and he used Videl's own momentum against her by eluding a follow through and pushing her forward. Videl regained her footing after a moment of stumbling. She whipped around and thrust an elbow into Gohan's ribs in a second of inattentiveness on Gohan's part. Gohan's breath escaped in a whoosh from the pressure. Gohan clasped both arms across his midsection and tumbled to the floor in a dead faint.

"Ru? Ru!" Videl dropped down to the crumpled body and turned it over. Gohan's face was ashen and twisted in an expression of agony. "Call an ambulance! Ru!" Videl shook Gohan's shoulders in an effort to wake him but met with no success. The students crowded around her and the limp body in her arms. Tears began to form in her eyes, course down her cheeks, and fall onto the pallid teen's face.

"Ru, please wake up; I didn't mean to hurt you!" Videl beseeched hoarsely as she grasped his body to her.

* * *

**Chapter 17: Diagnosis and Denial**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Guarded and cynical now  
Can't help but wondering how  
My heart evolved into a rock beating inside of me  
So I reel  
Such a stoic ordeal  
Where's that feeling that I don't feel

Michael W. Smith-Missing Person

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan woke to the sound of his heart-beat which was being monitored by a machine. Feeling both feverish and pained, Gohan groaned in agony. 'I feel like I was run over by a bus; anyone catch the license plate number?' Gohan recognized the standard hospital room simply by the smell of the disinfectant, and later by the pale beige walls when he opened his eyes. One hand raised to feel his damp brow and was surprised to see an IV drip imbedded in his arm. 'I must've been in real bad shape. But, what could've happened?' he wondered groggily.

x

Trying to sit up was Gohan's first prerogative, and it turned out to be a foolish move. Not only did his head pound viciously, but tremendous pain sprouted from just below his ribs. Gasping and dragging in arduous breaths, Gohan managed to drag his hospital garment up to where he could then see his midsection. Gohan felt sick at the sight of a large black-purple bruise that started in the middle of his stomach and continued around to his back where he couldn't see. As Gohan stared with a sort of gob smacked expression on his face the door to his room opened with a soft whish. Blushing brilliantly—with a face already flushed with fever—made Gohan turn an amazing shade of red.

x

"Gohan! You really shouldn't be up right now!" Videl exclaimed as she rushed forward to lay a commanding hand on Gohan's shoulder. Gohan allowed himself to be pushed gently back down onto the mattress. He watched Videl's concerned face as she hovered over him like a mother hen. Gohan felt relief more than anything, even the pain at that moment, because he'd briefly believed that the past months had all been a dream. Gohan actually doubted if he had ever truly escaped Hadrian's house and come to live with the Satans. With Videl beside him, Gohan was left without a doubt in his mind, and that soothed him profoundly.

x

Gohan reached out a tentative hand and enveloped Videl's in a search for comfort. He received quite a shock when Videl suddenly burst into tears and clenched his hand to her desperately.

"I'm so sorry! If I'd have known you were sick, I wouldn't have given you such a hard time at school. I should've noticed, and I shouldn't have volunteered you to fight!" Videl turned her face away in shame as tears splashed onto their joined hands.

"Everything's a little fuzzy right now, Videl. Whatever happened, I'm sure you didn't mean it, and I forgive you." Gohan rasped out of an extremely parched throat. Videl gave Gohan a watery smile and swallowed her tears.

"Do you want some water?"

"Yes, please." Gohan smiled and then grimaced when the hammer inside his skull turned into a pick axe. Videl, noticing his pained expression, hurried to get some ice-water.

x

When she returned she tipped the straw in the cup to Gohan's lips so he could drink his fill.

"The doctors took some blood tests and did some other things I don't know of. They said you're very ill." Videl whispered from her perch on the side of Gohan's bed.

"Do they know what's wrong?"

"We'll have to wait for the results to come in which could take up to two days." Videl looked quite peeved at the idea of having to wait so long. Gohan's lips quirked into a weak smile, humored by her affection.

"It's probably just something to do with stress and overworking myself so soon after recovering from surgery and starvation." Gohan suggested tiredly. Videl held Gohan's hand securely and beamed at him.

"I'm sure you're right. I think a little rest and relaxation is in order. You should go to sleep now and I'll see about getting someone to give you something for that fever of yours," Videl replied enthusiastically. Gohan yawned loudly and nodded off to sleep before Videl even reached the door.

xX _One Day Later_ Xx

Gohan was propped up by a mountain of pillows looking quite content though a little pale. Videl sat beside him in the canvas upholstered chair by the bed.

"And, here's Sharpner's." Videl stated handing Gohan a piece of folded paper. On the front was a crude caricature of a geek wearing an ensemble that duplicated Gohan's own. Gohan opened the card to see a brawny blonde haired drawing of a man making an obscene gesture. In the speech bubble were words saying 'Get well soon Nerd-Boy.' Gohan rolled his eyes and heaved an exasperated sigh. Videl snickered impishly and Gohan was forced to slap her playfully in an effort to stand up for himself. Videl only grinned wickedly and winked.

"I happen to like geeky boys." she pouted in a coquettish manner. Gohan flushed and tossed the get-well card onto his beside table, on the opposite side from where Videl sat.

"Any more? I think I received one from everyone in class." Gohan speculated looking at the pile of get-well cards.

"Mr. Akiro made an announcement in class and thought it'd be nice for everyone to show their support.' Videl shrugged negligently. Gohan considered this for a moment and shrugged it off as well. "So, how're you feeling today; better than yesterday?"

x

Gohan frowned at the topic of his health which never failed to make an appearance in any conversation.

"I'm doing better." Gohan replied simply and offered no further explanation. Instead, he ventured a question of his own. "Why do the doctors insist I stay here? I mean, why can't I go home until the results come in?"

"They're worried about you collapsing again, or worse. I think it's better to be safe than sorry." Videl replied unflinchingly. Gohan snorted in response.

"That is such a lame cliché, and you know it." Gohan muttered darkly. 'The doctors must think whatever's wrong with me is serious enough to warrant prolonged hospitalization.' Gohan's mind finished forebodingly.

"Well, maybe it is, but that isn't the point." Videl huffed stubbornly.

"Oh, and what is the point?" Gohan looked to Videl pointedly as his lips twitched involuntarily.

"The point is you're stuck here whether you like it or not until the doctors say you're better." Videl retorted. Gohan threw back his head and laughed feeling elated for the first time since waking in the hospital.

"You're twisting it around; my question was why, not how long." Gohan rejoined.

"By the way, what did you try to ask me the other day on the phone?" Videl asked while completely ignoring Gohan's remark.

"Now you're changing the subject. I won and you know it." Gohan smirked evilly. Videl sneered and stuck her tongue out immaturely.

xX _One Day Later_ Xx

Gohan stood at the window to his room looking out at the city below. It amazed him how peaceful everything looked far away from the hustle and bustle of the streets and the constant noise. He heard the door open and close behind him, but did not turn to acknowledge the visitor. He already knew who she was, Videl visited yesterday around this time. Only today was different, today marked the end of the wait.

"So, how bad is it, Videl?" Gohan questioned somberly.

"I apologize; Videl is at this moment composing herself with her parents. Mr. Satan asked that I inform you of your condition." a male voice articulated calmly. Gohan turned and regarded the man with curious eyes.

"I find myself amazed at the terms you people come up with to describe the most horrendous maladies. The most simplest and humane words are twisted until they're simply technical jargon. Why don't you tell me about my 'condition'." Gohan spat the word distastefully. The doctor nodded, he was unsurprised that Gohan elected to speak to him as he'd never met the boy in consciousness and knew nothing of his select mutism.

x

"You have what is called Leukemia, and judging by its rapid progression it is an acute form of the cancer." the doctor explained formally. "The symptoms you display are exactly those of the condition; irritation, fever, loss of appetite, anemia, and deep bone pain." The doctor paused as if waiting for his information to sink in. 'He can go jump off a bridge, there's no way that I have cancer.' Gohan thought acerbically though he motioned the doctor to continue.

"Treatment will begin as soon as we've done a lumbar puncture, or more commonly known as a spinal tap. The procedure will help us identify exactly which form of Leukemia you have and how to treat you," the doctor paused noticing Gohan's now glazed expression, "We'll explain in more detail when you've come to terms with this." The doctor nodded politely and excused himself from the room. Gohan managed to remain standing until he heard the soft thud of the door closing behind the doctor. Then, his legs gave out from under him and he dropped to the floor limply. 'It can't be true, he's lying! I don't have cancer, people with cancer die.' his mind screamed desperately.

xXXx

Gohan drank his water slowly as he studied Videl. She had large red rims around her eyes and dried tear streaks down her cheeks.

"I saw you on TV fighting those wanna-be thugs. They had no clue what they got themselves into, fighting you." Gohan chuckled good-naturedly and ignored the subtle pounding in his head. Videl's gaze snapped up and she gapped at him.

"They just told us...they said...s-said you have Leukemia! H-How can y-you sit there and...and talk about my fighting criminals?" her voice was choked and wavering as she tried to hold back her tears.

"That was some fight; they didn't have a chance." Gohan remarked with a playful smile.

"Gohan! Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" Videl screamed and grabbed Gohan by the shirtfront. Her hands held a bunch of his clothing in tightly closed fists and Gohan could feel her trembling through the thin fabric. Gohan glared and turned his face away from Videl's, 'Why won't she just drop it?'

"Gohan, you have Leukemia!" Videl shouted and shook him violently for emphasis.

x

"You think I don't realize that?" Gohan suddenly roared distraughtly. He felt the tears form in his own eyes and closed his lids tightly against their escape.

"What do you want me to say? I'm fucking dying, Videl, and you want me to give _you _comfort? What the hell do you want from me!" Gohan's voice cracked and his own tears made their craggy course down his cheeks to his immense chagrin. His fists were clenched at his sides and his headache had escalated into a migraine in the course of seconds. The shaking of his bunched fists and the weakness he felt only enhanced his feelings of helplessness and frustration.

"I've been beaten to a bloody pulp more times than I can count! I've been stabbed, shot, whipped, tortured, and now I find out my life will end as a result of a damn disease! Look at me, Videl! Haven't I suffered enough of this shit? Will I be forever cursed to live a life of misery and pain? I can't stand it anymore; it makes me want to die!" Gohan shrieked as the veins in his neck stood out. His face had dark blotches of redness in them that looked sickly against his waxy skin tone. His expression was contorted in extreme emotional and physical agony. Videl's hands flew up to her face where she sobbed unbearably from his harsh words.

x

"W-Why are...you...saying these th-things?" Videl managed between raucous sobs.

"What things? It's the truth; that's what you want isn't it? You want me to acknowledge the fact that I'm going to die! Well, job fucking accomplished, Videl!" Gohan spat cruelly as he brutally swiped a hand across his eyes. Videl only sobbed harder and her legs gave way so she slumped to the floor inconsolably.

"You can't handle the truth? It's not even happening to you! What do you care? By this time next year you'll have forgotten all about me; you'll have a new sibling and the perfect family." Gohan snarled maliciously. Videl began rocking back and forth while shaking her head repetitively. Gohan looked on impassively until the sound of her voice reached his ears.

"It isn't true, it isn't true, it isn't true." she whispered over and over in a mantra. 'Oh god, what have I done?' Gohan thought wretchedly. She sat with her arms wrapped securely around her up drawn knees looking like a pitifully lost child. Her face was buried in her arms, her chin to her chest.

x

The only sounds were those of her sobs and the constant, whispered incantation. Gohan's breath hitched in his chest and a large lump of self-loathing filled his throat. Tumbling out of bed, Gohan slid to the floor dragging his twisted blankets with him, and crawled to Videl's curled form. He enveloped Videl within his arms and petted her hair in a cosseting gesture. His tears traveled down his own face to dampen her hair as he held her.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he whispered repetitively in a broken voice. "Videl, I didn't mean it; please forgive me. I need you, Videl." Gohan croaked as wracking sobs violently shook him. "I'm a-afraid of dying." Gohan murmured ashamed. Videl sniffed and wiped at her eyes before giving Gohan a peculiar look.

"But, I th-thought...didn't you try t-to..." Videl trailed off on a shaky breath.

"Kill myself?" Gohan's grip on Videl tightened instinctively. "Yeah, but that was when...when I had nothing to lose." Gohan said softly looking directly into Videl's watery blue eyes. Videl stared into Gohan's bleak obsidian gaze and saw the swirl of tumultuous emotions expressed within. Deep under the pain, rage, and misery she saw a flicker of, was it regret?

x

Moving purely on impulse, Gohan cupped Videl's chin in one long fingered, delicate hand and angled her face flawlessly. Videl felt her breath catch in her throat as Gohan leaned in to touch his lips to hers. Gohan felt her soft, moist lips upon his own and, applying a bit of pressure on her chin, coaxed her mouth open to kiss her properly. His right hand traveled to the back of her throat and his left rested lightly on her lower back. He heard her gasp and felt her throat vibrate with a guttural moan as he swallowed the small sound. She tasted of sweetened lemonade and salty tears. He could feel her hands gripping his shoulders intensely, though they did not push him away but rather pulled him closer to her. Gohan could hear his heart pounding in time with the dull rush of pain in his head. He completely ignored the pain of Videl's bruising grip and lost himself in the uncomplicated pleasure of the embrace. When suffocation threatened to become a very possible predicament their lips parted from each other's. Videl's eyes held a sort of dreamy contentedness and her lips looked thoroughly ravished.

x

Gohan was breathing vigorously and trying to clear his vision which had faded slightly from severe lack of oxygen. Videl buried her face in the crook of Gohan's neck with her arms wrapped around his torso, and tried to catch her own breath. Gohan laid his chin atop her head; they were a perfect fit. His arms held her protectively to his own warm chest where she could hear his heart beating rapidly.

"Please, don't leave me alone, Videl." Gohan implored softly in her velvety hair. Videl's hands squeezed him gently and she raised her head to look into his eyes tenderly.

"How could I ever leave you? I love you, Gohan." Videl professed sincerely and brushed her lips faintly across his own. Gohan buried his face in her flowing hair and let out a shuddering breath.

"I'm scared." he confessed unsteadily.

"I'm here with you. I'll help you through it." Videl countered soothingly as she felt him begin to tremble again. "I promise, even if you go bald from chemotherapy I'll stay with you." Videl promised amusedly. Gohan managed a weak chuckle before his eyelids began to droop in exhaustion.

TBC


	3. 18 to 26 Treatment and Complications

**Chapter 18: Spinal Tap**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am learning, I'm learning as I go  
Just how painful hope can be  
The ache of yearning can never let you go  
It has become a part of me

But through all the longing  
Holding on and holding out  
I'll keep holding to the one thing  
I know I cannot live without

Steven Curtis Chapman-Heartbeat of Hope

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Leukemia is a cancer of the white blood cells. The disease results when the process of maturation from stem cell to white blood cell goes awry and produces a cancerous change. The stem cells are in the bone marrow and they develop white blood cells. The cancerous change most often involves a rearrangement of pieces of the chromosomes that make up the cell, and this change makes the cells multiply without restraint. There is no known cause of Leukemia, but some treatments and diseases have been linked with added progression of the cancer. Do you understand what I've just explained to you?" Doctor Jomei asked calmly.

x

Gohan sat on his bed with Videl beside him. They were the only ones in the room; Hercule showed up long enough to sign the necessary papers for his treatment and then became scarce. Gohan had talked with Nariko on the phone; she said she would have been there if she could, but she had important things to do. Gohan had a niggling suspicion Nariko truthfully didn't want to be around him from fear of catching something. 'As if her baby could contract Leukemia through osmosis,' Gohan thought acerbically.

x

Videl was not as restrained as Gohan and let her opinion be known quite bluntly and loudly. According to her they should all be there in support of Gohan as his surrogate family; nothing was more important than Gohan's pulling through this ordeal. Gohan glanced up from his nervously clenched hands and gave a jerky nod. Videl slipped her hand over Gohan's and gave a reassuring squeeze as she nodded to Doctor Jomei.

"What about this procedure the other doctor told Gohan about yesterday? I think it was something like tapping the spine, right?" Videl questioned earnestly and turned to Gohan for conformation of the description. Gohan nodded and waited for the details anxiously.

x

"You mean a spinal tap. It is a procedure that involves inserting a 20-guage needle between two lumbar vertebrae, usually the third and forth, and extracting about twenty to thirty cc of the cerebrospinal fluid there. This fluid will help us determine the type of Leukemia you have and how to treat it." Dr. Jomei explicated candidly. Gohan felt a little queasy at the idea of letting them stick a needle into his spine. Videl's pale, disgusted expression mirrored his feelings exactly.

"Will it hurt him?" Videl asked concernedly with a grimace at imagining the process.

"No, not from the procedure itself, he'll likely only feel a little discomfort. However, there may be some pain from the application of the anesthetic." the doctor warned.

"Is there a chance that I could be paralyzed from this if someone screws up?" Gohan's voice held a noticeable tone of apprehension in it.

"No, the needle is inserted below the level where the cord ends. The only probable occurrence would be some transient leg discomfort if a nerve root is irritated by the needle. Even so, that passes when the needle is withdrawn." Jomei assured evenly. Gohan could not prevent the sigh that escaped his lips. Videl gave him a smile of encouragement and twined the fingers of her right hand with his left.

x

Without the ability to nervously ring his hands, Gohan was left with jingling nerves and no release. He started to tap his foot in mid air as it hung a foot above the floor. Videl took notice of his tension and released his hand to pull him into a quick kiss in the hopes of getting him to relax. It worked only part way as Gohan forgot about his anxiety over the spinal tap, but he also grew tense and edgy with the need to be close to Videl. Doctor Jomei cleared his throat after a short time and the two broke apart with dual blushes of embarrassment.

xxXXxx

"Are you ready?" the doctor asked Gohan expectantly. Gohan swallowed hard, and nodded hesitantly, not trusting his voice to give answer over the constricting lump of fear in his throat.

"Lay here on your side with your back parallel to the bed. Tuck your chin in and curl your legs up in the fetal position." Dr. Natsuhiko ordered emotionlessly. Gohan felt chilled in the room dressed only in silk, black boxer shorts. He bent into the commanded position and felt profoundly more vulnerable and helpless as a result. He tried to breath regularly, but his breaths came in short, shallow gasps from trepidation.

x

Gohan flinched perceptibly when the cold antiseptic, iodine, was rubbed over the planned puncture area. Videl took Gohan's clammy hand into her own and held it gently as she tried to project strength to Gohan by her mere presence. The nurse draped a sterile sheet over Gohan's exposed torso leaving only the penetration area clear of fabric.

"Try to relax." Dr. Natsuhiko instructed dispassionately. Gohan inhaled a shaky breath that came out in a swift gasp as he felt the sharp pain of the injected anesthetic. His hand reflexively gripped Videl's painfully. Videl squeezed his hand back and tried desperately to keep herself composed as Gohan's eyes closed tightly. Two crystalline tears formed in the corners of Gohan's eyes and he struggled to remain relaxed.

"It'll be over soon." Videl whispered supportively as Gohan clutched her hand.

x

Videl watched as Dr. Natsuhiko inserted the needle into Gohan's back and studied Gohan for any sign of continued pain. His eyes remained tightly shut, but his breath hitched slightly at the intrusion.

"You're doing great." Videl murmured encouragingly. Gohan opened his eyes to look at Videl and the tear in his right eye slid along his face to be soaked by his hair and the bed covers. The tear in his left eye traveled over his nose and dripped to the blanket under his head. Throughout the whole procedure, which lasted twenty minutes, Gohan held on to Videl's hand and watched her face avidly. He needed the contact to reassure himself that he was all right and not alone.

xxXXxx

Gohan looked so defenseless and small curled in upon himself as he was. Videl's heart ached for the young man she'd come to love more than a best friend and not quite like a brother. He'd been through so much and still remained a caring, loving, unselfish, and compassionate person. Gohan opened his eyes from the slight drowse he'd fallen into.

"How long 'm I s'pposed to stay like this?" Gohan asked in a sleep slurred voice.

"Well, the doc said you shouldn't move for about two hours or you'll get a pressure headache. It's been about an hour." Videl supplied cheerily.

"How do you feel?" she asked taking his hand into hers once again now that he was awake. She needed the intimacy to confirm his continued living and well being. Gohan tried to relax in the enormously unpleasant position he had held for the past hour and twenty minutes.

"I'm cramped and cold." Gohan answered Videl's question with a slight shiver. Videl smiled at this answer and, in response, retrieved a thick blanket from a nearby chair to cover him with.

x

"Sorry, I can't do much about the cramped part." Videl voiced contritely.

"Oh, well. Maybe I can move just a bit." Gohan supposed thoughtfully. Videl opened her mouth to protest but quickly shut it as Gohan started to lift his head off the bed. Almost immediately he stopped and gradually laid his head back down.

"Don't say anything, stupid move, I know." Gohan muttered feeling nauseous from even the slight reposition. Videl tucked her tongue in her cheek to keep herself from harassing him about his reckless disregard of the doctor's orders.

"You going to stay the night?" Gohan felt a surge of hope but prepared himself in the case of disappointment.

"Tomorrow I don't have school, so, of course I'm staying tonight." Videl stated exasperatedly seeing clearly through Gohan's mask of indifference. Gohan grinned ecstatically and snatched Videl's hand into his own.

x

"While I was out, did anyone come in? Has Dr. Jomei said what I'll be going to next?" Gohan inquired curiously.

"No, besides, I think they have to process the test they just did before you can get any kind of treatment." Videl shrugged and retrieved a can of soda from a small tray beside the bed. Popping the can open and inserting a straw, Videl held the beverage to Gohan's lips. Gohan gave her an inquisitive look and she rolled her eyes at him.

"They said if you drink something with caffeine it'll help prevent you from getting headaches over the next few days. Gohan took a sip and then another before imperceptibly motioning her to take it away.

x

"How long will it take for the results to get in?" Gohan asked next.

"I'm assuming it's on the emergency route, so it shouldn't take any more than one or two days." Videl responded frankly.

"Good, I want this over with as soon as possible." Gohan mumbled irritably.

"Gohan, it won't be that simple. People can go years without getting better or worse. They call it a treatment because it isn't a cure." Videl cautioned with concern in her expression.

"Please don't try to pretend this doesn't exist or that it's less than it is." Videl entreated worriedly.

"Do you believe I'm going to die? I thought you wanted me to be optimistic. And, does it look like there is any possible way I can ignore this? I'm lying like an unborn fetus with a hole in my back, not a chance of my forgetting I have cancer." Gohan retorted bitterly.

"I'm not trying to be pessimistic. I'm only trying to prevent you from getting your hopes too high too quickly. Better to be prepared for things to get worse before they get better then to expect too much and suffer the disappointment twice as much." Videl appraised shrewdly. Gohan sighed in a deflated manner and rolled his eyes heavenward.

"What if I can't be helped? What if I do die? What do you say to that?" Gohan narrowed his eyes and scrutinized Videl critically.

"Gohan, just because I don't want you to be too expectant doesn't mean I want you talking about dying." Videl huffed, annoyed.

"No, I honestly want to know. Would you bury me?" Gohan asked seriously.

x

Videl took in Gohan's genuine expression, and with a heavy sigh sat in the chair beside the bed.

"What would you want, Gohan?"

"What do you mean?" Gohan asked perplexed.

"Would you want to be buried?" Videl clarified.

"No, not really. I don't like the idea of rotting in the ground and being eaten by the maggots or other bugs." Gohan admitted with his attention turned inward.

"What would you prefer?" Videl repeated.

"I think I'd rather be cremated and have my ashes strewn in the forest and the river." Gohan decided confidently. "I used to love fishing and playing in the mountain forests when I was younger." Gohan said by way of explanation.

"Weren't you lonely?" Videl questioned as this new facet of Gohan presented itself.

"In the forest? No, not really; I mean I was born and grew up without socializing with people at large. My friends were the animals in the forests and my father..." Gohan trailed off; Videl saw his eyes go unfocused and fill with pained regret. "I also had my studies to keep me occupied and the friends of the family." Gohan added jolting himself abruptly from his ruminations of the past.

x

"Tell me about them." Videl prompted eagerly.

"Well, how to put this. Piccolo was my mentor; he was my first teacher in martial arts. He taught me how to take care of myself and I taught him how to care about someone else." Gohan's lips twitched at the irony of the statement.

"Was he mean?"

"Not mean, just…detached. His father was an evil man and Piccolo grew up alone and without love. I guess I grew on him." Gohan smirked impishly.

"You have something that attracts people to you, Gohan. You're special." Videl commented softly.

"Well, Piccolo protected me and was there when I needed him." Gohan finished. Inwardly a small voice echoed bleakly, 'Where was Piccolo when you really needed him that night?' Gohan shook himself and forced the dismal thought away. "Then there was Krillin, he was my dad's best friend since they were really young. When my dad..."Gohan stopped short and tried to thrust the pervading images of the death and destruction of the Cell Games away. He managed to stay the horrific memories, the guilt, and the self-loathing that accompanied any thoughts of his father and previous life.

"I'm sorry, Videl, I can't." Gohan whispered dejectedly. Videl reached out a hand and touched Gohan's shoulder lightly, Gohan looked up startled by the contact, he'd thought she'd be mad.

"I understand, Gohan; it's alright. You'll tell me when you're ready." Videl affirmed compassionately. Gohan smiled gratefully at her and yawned tiredly.

"Hey, time's up! You're free to stretch!" Videl announced unexpectedly.

x

Gohan felt unsure for a moment while remembering the last time he'd tried to move. He moved tentatively, inch by inch, ready at a moments discomfort to cease all motion. After he'd managed to straighten his legs he was fairly confident that he would be able to sit up. With Videl's help he managed to prop himself against some pillows. A few minutes were spent getting the pillows positioned just so to prevent them from irritating Gohan's sore lower back. Then, Videl and Gohan settled in to watch some cheesy black and white films, the only thing that was on the small TV set. Needless to say, it didn't take long for them to fall asleep.

* * *

NOTE: I hope you all appreciate my intense research so this comes out half-way realistic. There are already two slight mishaps; results from a spinal tap usually take 2 weeks to be sent, in this case it's my fic and I'll do what I want. Also, usually a bone marrow biopsy (bone marrow is taken from the hip through a needle and inspected under a microscope) is done before a spinal tap, so, we'll just pretend the docs did it while he was unconscious, ok?

**Chapter 19: Chemo and Catheters**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm not supposed to be sacred of anything, but I don't know where I am  
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)  
I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs  
There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb

I try to hold this under control  
They can't help me 'cause no one knows

3 Doors Down-Changes

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan sat on his bed while Videl stood at the window. Every few seconds she would whip her gaze from the view and pace the length of the room only to end up staring out the window again. Gohan watched her turn away from the window for the umpteenth time and begin the tread back and forth. Gohan became aggravated and growled impatiently.

"Would you please stay still!" Videl turned to him confused.

"What? You pace too, when you're nervous." she accused blatantly.

"That's just the problem; I can't pace and you doing it is making me more edgy!" Gohan snapped irritably.

x

Gohan's nerves were clearly discernable as he kept twisting a dark lock of hair with his fingers. It would go as tight as possible and then Gohan would unravel it only to repeat the motion again. Videl huffed and plopped herself in the canvas chair she'd come to think of as hers. It wasn't terribly comfortable, quite the opposite, but it kept her from having to sit on the floor. Gohan only rolled his eyes and continued to coil his hair anxiously.

x

Videl noted the untouched tray of food beside the bed and frowned at it like the sight was offensive in some way. She desperately desired to berate Gohan about his eating healthy and keeping up his strength, but the sight of him tugging on his hair in agitation made her bite her tongue. She couldn't really blame him, after all, he was the one having to suffer through the pain, nausea, and other discomforts brought on by the cancer. Videl still shuddered at the odd moments when she remembered the spinal tap procedure. All in all, Gohan seemed to be taking things pretty well considering his initial reaction. Videl opted not to push her luck in trying to force him to eat, at least not presently.

x

Suddenly, the door opened and Dr. Jomei walked in. He took one look at their identical apprehensive expressions, the untouched food beside Gohan, and smiled grimly.

"You've been waiting for me." he did not question, but rather stated.

"So?" Videl demanded expectantly. Gohan's movements became more tense and harried in anticipation.

"I'll be honest with you, it doesn't look good. You have Acute Myeloid Leukemia, and it has reached the Central Nervous System (CNS). What this means is that you will be undergoing several types of treatments including chemotherapy, both intravenous and intrathecal." Dr. Jomei began gravely.

"What is the importance of the name?" Gohan interrupted hastily before he became totally confused. He wanted to be aware of exactly what was being spoken about when anything of real substance or detail was explained.

x

"Acute means that the Leukemia you have progresses more rapidly, as opposed to chronic which has a slow progression. Myeloid is the name of what bone marrow cell is affected by the Leukemia." Jomei clarified simply. Gohan nodded in understanding and worried his bottom lip with his front teeth.

"What exactly is chemotherapy?" Videl inquired on behalf of Gohan.

"Ok, to understand what chemotherapy is, you must first learn what it does. Normal cells divide and grow, but cancer cells don't divide and grow like normal cells. Instead of making only one cell like itself, the cancer cell makes many copies of itself. The cancer eventually overworks the body. Chemo comprises of many types of medication that counter the cancer cells. They keep the cells from multiplying and spreading to other parts of the body.

x

"The negative effect of chemo is that it can hurt normal cells also, and this causes side effects such as hair loss. The goal of chemotherapy is to attain remission or, in other words, to find no evidence of the disease after treatment. Many blood tests will be performed before, during, and after treatment to determine whether the chemo is working. In your case, you'll be on a high risk regime of five drugs: vicristine, daunorubicin, cytarabine, 6-thioguanine, and etoposide. You'll be on a four day treatment over a six day period which is called the injunction cycle. CNS drugs will be administered in conjunction with your injunction medications, but we'll get back to that in a moment." Dr. Jomei's hands made gestures in tandem with his lecture. Gohan felt himself relaxing in the man's easy presence and responded with nods of comprehension. When Jomei paused Gohan seized the intermission to venture a question.

x

"You said before, something about two types of chemotherapy. I forget what you said, but they both started with 'I'. What are they?" Gohan asked uneasily.

"That's what I was getting to," Jomei smiled kindly at Gohan and Videl, "Intravenous and intrathecal chemotherapy. With all the blood tests, meds, blood transfusions and platelet transfusions you'll need with the chemo I think it'd be best if we installed a catheter." Dr. Jomei held up a forestalling hand when Gohan opened his mouth to speak.

"Before you ask, a catheter is a rubber tube that is surgically inserted into a central vein while the patient is under general or local anesthesia. The tube is then tunneled through the surface of the skin, usually between the neck and shoulder. A clear bandage is put over the exposed tubing to protect you from infection. Dressings must be changed three times a week to prevent infection and daily heparin flushes are performed to avoid blood clotting in the external tube. Catheters are used to inject drugs into the blood stream without causing pain or injuring the skin or veins from multiple punctures with a needle. That is the intravenous part.

x

"The intrathecal chemotherapy is usually not needed, but in your case it is because we found cancer cells in the cerebrospinal fluid we took from your spine. Intravenous chemo puts the drugs directly in your blood stream, but the drugs are prevented from reaching the spine or brain by a blood-brain barrier. This protective barrier is formed by a network of blood vessels that filter blood going to the brain and spinal cord. Therefore the drugs: methotrexate, hydrocortisone, and cytarabine need to be inserted through a spinal tap, intrathecal." Jomei expounded thoroughly.

x

At the words spinal tap Gohan's posture became rigid and panic shown clearly in his eyes. He began to shake his head, first slowly, and then more vehemently as his fear escalated to petrifaction. Videl reached over to lay a consoling hand on his shoulder but Gohan shrugged it off.

"No. Not again. First you stabbed me in the back, literally, to suck something out, and now you want to put another hole in my back to squirt something in? Are you out of your fucking mind! No fucking way!" Gohan's voice started out strained and spiraled into a thunderous bellow. He scrambled backward on his bed, thoughts completely on the memories of the dreadful procedure and the tenderness in his back.

"Gohan, please calm down. You'll only harm yourself by thrashing around. You must realize the necessity of the procedure." Dr. Jomei insisted perceptively.

"I can't do that again, I won't!" Gohan cried out in anguish.

x

Videl made a grab for Gohan who wrenched himself out of the way only to scream in agony as sharp spasms of pain shot up from his back. Dr. Jomei was at his side in seconds pulling his shirt out of the way and gently probing the puncture sight for something amiss. Gohan sobbed in torment as the blinding pain pulsated through him. Videl was hovering nearby wringing her hands and castigating herself mercilessly for compelling Gohan to hurt himself. Gohan's legs twitched and his fists clenched and unclenched the bed sheets under him in an effort to reduce the pain.

"It's alright, the pain will subside. You've just seriously irritated it and made it bleed." Jomei informed him sympathetically. The doctor laid a hand on Gohan's upper back and rubbed soothingly.

x

Eventually, Gohan's sobs diminished into quiet weeping and then tears leaked from his eyes as he drew in shaking breaths. Dr. Jomei sat by his side until his tears dried and his breath only hitched every now and then. When he deemed Gohan settled enough, Dr. Jomei stood up.

"Don't worry Gohan, there's another option to having a spinal tap done." Gohan's breath hitched and a lone tear trickled onto his already soaked sheets at the mention of the words spinal tap.

"You're in no condition to consider this rationally; we'll discuss the alternative when you're more disposed to do so." Dr. Jomei ensured tranquilly. Gohan curled in upon himself in an attempt to bring self-comfort and to lessen the raw aching in his spine. Ironically the position was the same as that of the spinal tap.

x

Gohan heard the clacking of the doctor's shoes on the hygienic hard floor as he retreated toward the door. Before reaching the exit the clicking heels paused and Gohan dimly heard Dr. Jomei address Videl softly. They conversed in low, indistinct voices for a few moments; and then Dr. Jomei withdrew from the room, closing the door with a soft snick.

x

In the oppressive silence that followed, Gohan's malevolent thoughts were raucous and grating on his inner ear. 'They're going to stick the needle in the same spot and it's going to hurt twice as much! Then they're going to dig around until they've caused just enough pain that's bearable. They may even decide that it isn't enough to jab me only once and they'll do it again just for the sadistic pleasure! Maybe they'll feel masochistic and spear me in the middle of my back so I'll be paralyzed, or would that be merciful?

x

Cold, hard steel, sharp and pointy, will slice oh so efficiently into the pale skin underneath. Then the pain will come, prickly and then in razor sharp spasms as they glide the glinting tip into the crimson slicked flesh...' Gohan's breathing became rapid in short choppy gasps.

**ooo**

Blood trailed in angry crimson rivulets down his arms as he struggled passionately against the bindings at his already grotesquely chafed wrists. His eyes screamed silently in torment as his mouth twisted into a gruesome grimace of pain. THEY were coming; THEY always did when the lights were turned out. Sometimes THEY were the same monstrous beasts, but other times THEY brought in new ones. Their faces didn't matter; all that mattered was the pain THEY would inflict. Their laughter haunted his deepest, darkest nightmares, the kind that you woke from in a cold sweat and never forgot. He heard the muffled thumping in the hall that signaled their approach and thrash about more desperately knowing each successive pull against the bindings was essentially futile.

x

The cacophony created by his struggles masked the entrance of his tormentors so the first indication of their presence was the ribald chuckling of the instigator. His body stilled and the room was quickly suffused with the acrid stench of his urination.

"Damn, you smell that!" One of the despots cursed harshly.

"You little shit! Do you really think pissing all over yourself is going to stop anything?" the ringleader, the one who chuckled, spit on Gohan's face. Gohan flinched; he'd been thinking no such thing. How would a bit of bodily fluid prevail where blood didn't even impede? Gohan closed his eyes tightly as the persecutor reached forward and pulled roughly at his clothes. He could do nothing to ward himself against neither the stench of fetid breath nor the sounds of his garments being ripped forcibly from his emaciated frame.

x

Then, of course, the pain would come. First THEY would prick, slice, and thump him using an array of medical implements. Being orderlies, THEY knew how to cause the most pain with minimal damage. Pricking was done with needles, safely as it was, to cause pain without irreparable mutilation; cutting was just deep enough to bleed without needing stitches; and thumping was enough to bruise but not maim. Each had his or her fill of the exploitation and then collectively THEY moved on to more perverted gratification. Gohan could do nothing in retaliation; he simply lay there and allowed them to do their worst while imagining himself far away. Rarely could he escape the pain or the pants and grunting noises that soon followed...

**ooo**

Gohan inhaled long and harsh, spots danced in his vision. Dr. Jomei's concerned face emerged as his eyes began to focus. Gohan, distressed from his memory, jerked away from Jomei's grasp on his arm. Touching was definitely out of the question at the moment. Videl stood out of the way with wide eyes and horror etched on her face. Whatever had happened had obviously scared her significantly.

"You were hyperventilating and almost passed out from lack of oxygen. Videl caught me in the hallway." Dr. Jomei informed Gohan seeing his confused expression.

"Le...Leave me alone." Gohan managed to rasp out after clearing his throat. Ignoring whether they followed his demand he curled away from them and shut his eyes tightly. He was exhausted beyond the point of caring if they listened. Blindly, he pulled the folded covers at the end of the bed up to his chin and willed himself to sleep. Nightmares and memories were one and the same to him; he couldn't remember the last time he'd dreamed.

NOTE: I apologize if anyone was confused by all the medical jargon; I tried to explain it! I want this story to be as realistic as possible and I want everyone to know what the heck I'm talking about when I refer to things like chemo and catheters, etc. Most of the fics with cancer in them gloss over the details of the actual process/treatment. Most of the best angst is in the details! Seriously, I put a lot of time and effort in it, so I hope you all aren't peeved for the Leukemia lesson. If any reader has cancer, or knows someone who does, and is offended about any extremely faulted detail, I apologize. Don't hesitate to write and tell me off, I'll more likely consider what is said and decide whether to change anything! For the most part, I think my details are rather good and accurate.

* * *

NOTE: Gohan HAS stopped taking the pills completely; I mentioned it in passing but not overtly so. When Gohan was taking the pills his powers were being suppressed, and now the same is happening with leukemia. I don't think being a saiyan would make him immune to the effects of leukemia; look at Goku; he was almost done in by a heart virus!

**Chapter 20: Unbreakable Bonds**

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Now roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone  
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone

So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong  
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone  
Everything I am and everything in me  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be

I'll never let you down even if I could  
I'd give up everything if only for your good

So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong  
You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there  
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone

3 Doors Down-When I'm Gone

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Videl felt her heart squeezing painfully in her chest in an empathetic response to Gohan's plight. In response to the pitying expression on Videl's face, Gohan glared all the more fiercely. However, the severe scowl was countermanded by the despondent tears glistening tauntingly in his eyes. She could see his inward struggle for control over his reaction.

"Gohan, come on! I want to hel..." Videl began pleadingly.

"Go away! I don't..." Gohan yelled feebly from his position and stopped short to swallow the hitch that heralded tears. "Just go!" he ordered harshly.

x

Videl stared at his thin form, ensconced in the hospital bed. An IV drip filled with one of his many chemo drugs led into the catheter imbedded in his shoulder. Videl had grown used to seeing needles running into Gohan's body over the two weeks he'd been receiving chemo. In fact, she'd been taught how to administer the drugs; she'd set up the IV that now ran to Gohan's bony shoulder. Pretty soon he'd be back to looking like a skeleton wearing a skin coat. Videl requested, cajoled, and downright begged Gohan to eat, but to no avail. The few times she did manage to convince him he'd die without nourishment he ate some crackers or bread but nothing more.

x

He wasn't eating properly, hadn't been since he was admitted to the hospital really. He was losing weight rapidly, and dark bags hung under his eyes from many sleepless nights. His skin was pasty from too long cramped up in a hospital bed without sunshine; and Gohan worried about atrophy daily. His bald head was distinct against the ivory bed covers, only one humiliation brought on by the rigors of chemotherapy. Another was what had Videl pleading with Gohan in a frustrated manner.

x

The previous day the medications for his central nervous system had been administered via an Ommaya reservoir. (The Ommaya reservoir is similar to a catheter in the spine except it taps directly into the fluid surrounding the brain.) This chemotherapy made Gohan very nauseous for quite a while, even into the following day. Currently Gohan was covered in chunks of half digested regurgitated foodstuff and was refusing Videl's help to clean him up. When she'd walked in an hour prior, she'd found him spewing all over himself. His expression then was the same as the one he tried to mask now with anger, shame and embarrassment.

x

"If you won't let me help you at least call a nurse." Videl begged with hands held out in supplication. Gohan grit his teeth, stubbornly keeping his silence, and shook his head every which way. Videl had a sneaking suspicion that Gohan was trying to rid his nostrils of the putrid stench that had entirely permeated the room.

"Gohan, stop acting so childish!" Videl snapped from pure frustration and instantly regretted her tactless edict. Gohan's expression flashed briefly with misery and anguish before becoming stony and impenetrable.

"Get. Out." Gohan enunciated each word frigidly and without emotion. Videl stared at the bile still on his chin and the stained covers that draped in a pool around his filthy chest. 'If only he could realize I'm just trying to help and not looking to insult his pride!' Videl's mind cried out vividly. Her fists curled at her sides in a failing effort to calm herself.

x

'Don't you fucking start crying Gohan! You'll get yourself cleaned up once Videl gets the hell out of here.' Gohan's mind snarled viciously at him. What he hated more then the degradation of being unable to control his bodily functions was the pity in Videl's eyes. He could see it whenever he looked at her and whenever she spoke in that soft pitying voice. She stood there now balling her fists to keep from yelling at him again, no doubt. 'She thinks I'm a child that needs cosseting! I've been reduced to this miserable fight for existence and she won't even acknowledge that I've been taking care of myself for over six damn years!' Gohan thought vehemently.

"Gohan, I won't leave you like this." Videl humphed sternly, deciding against the coddling approach. 'There she goes again.' Gohan thought callously.

"I can take care of myself." Gohan seethed through clenched teeth. 'Stop fooling yourself, you can't even stand up. You're so tired that you threw up all over yourself instead of walking the few feet to the toilet.' his mind snapped vindictively. Gohan's shoulders slumped depressively at this admittance. Then, of course, the stubborn part of his brain had to add in its two cents. 'That's beside the point! Are you going to let Videl see you like this and then accept her offer to wipe you off like some little two year old?' Gohan felt his lip curl at the thought provoking image.

x

"Leave me alone!" The snarled escalated to a shout. Before Gohan had fully grasped his intent or reasoning he picked up his full breakfast tray and hurled it at Videl. Videl ducked the tray, the contents of which: rations of toast, applesauce, porridge, and tea, went slopping to the floor. Gohan flopped exhaustedly into his repugnant bedding and noted Videl's gapping expression. Beneath the mortification of actually having thrown a tray of provisions at Videl, Gohan felt the urge to laugh. 'Great way to show her how grown up you are Gohan. I think she's really buying into the whole temper tantrum demonstration, really top notch.' his mind dead- panned. 'Shut up.' Gohan replied petulantly while trying his darnedest not to pout. 'God, you really should decide if you're gonna get cleaned up soon because this smell is just horrendous.' Gohan's nose scrunched up distastefully in agreement.

"Gohan, please, I know you can take care of yourself, but everyone needs a hand now and then. You can't really enjoy being in that bed!" Videl implored exasperatedly.

"Oh yes, wallowing in my own vomit is just so enticing." Gohan retorted sarcastically causing Videl to roll her eyes in aggravation.

xxXXxx

Dr. Jomei Sanjiro took a deep breath and stepped into the room occupied by Hashuko "Gohan" Sesshomaru. The first thing he noted was the globs and dribbling streams, of what could only have been Gohan's breakfast, on the floor. Evidence of this theory was exhibit A through E, the shattered pieces of a hospital tray among the food debris. Jomei looked to Videl who wore a startled, at-wits-end expression and then Gohan whose crude bedding and clenched jaw proved most enlightening.

"Gohan, this must stop. You are sick, and you need help." he murmured quietly.

x

Dr. Jomei observed the way Videl squared her shoulders, assured by his presence, and approached Gohan with the intent to clean him. Gohan looked stonily at Dr. Jomei, and Sanjiro returned Gohan's attentions with his own warning gaze. Gohan turned his face away resignedly and closed his eyes against Videl's sympathy. Dr. Jomei could see the set of Gohan's jaw and the way his hands fisted at his sides. No matter what Gohan refused to see, he could not ward himself from the feel of Videl's hands against his flesh or the pressure he, Dr. Jomei, exerted holding Gohan up so Videl could remove the soiled bedding. Fight as he might, Dr. Jomei was aware, Gohan could do nothing to stay the few tears that escaped the corners of his eyes to fall erringly onto Dr. Jomei's white coat.

xxXXxx

"Gohan, this is very important, please look at me." Dr. Jomei requested seriously. Gohan lay in his newly made bed feeling refreshed after a cleansing bath. No matter how spotless he felt, he could not ignore the mortification of the morning's beginning. Reluctantly he meet Dr. Jomei's uninviting gaze; Dr. Jomei opened his mouth to speak.

"There's no need doctor, I know the meds aren't working like they're supposed to." Gohan interrupted tersely. Videl looked despondent and Gohan allowed her to take his hand in her pretense to soothe him. He knew full well she was the one searching for comfort. 'If I must die soon, at least I've had the pleasure of meeting Videl.' he thought gratefully though the thought was underscored by fear of his impending death.

x

"There must be...something...we can do." Videl insisted while she squeezed Gohan's hand in emphasis. Dr. Jomei looked grimly at her hopeful expression.

"Come on! I mean, Gohan did show improvement when he first started chemo. Maybe he just needs stronger medications or something!" Videl persisted stubbornly. Gohan couldn't help but marvel at her unfaltering confidence, a confidence he didn't have.

"I'm going to die, aren't I?" Gohan asked dejectedly as tears leaked unchecked from his eyes. His thoughts turned to the few days of reprieve in the beginning of his treatment...

**ooo**

"How are you feeling?" Videl asked eagerly. Gohan couldn't help but grin in reply.

"Like a million bucks!" Gohan announced, gleefully throwing his hands up in the air. Dr. Jomei smiled from his position just inside the door. Witnessing Gohan's purely childish reaction to feeling good was a pleasure indeed for Dr. Jomei. Videl laughed happily and hugged Gohan ecstatically. Gohan stood and hugged her back just as enthusiastically.

"Now, don't overtax yourself, it's still early." Dr. Jomei commented benignly. Gohan ignored his remark as any typical teenager would, though Gohan wasn't a typical teenager, so Dr. Jomei felt gratification more then ire at his disregarding manner.

x

Gohan paced the room energetically as he let the occupants of the room know just how good he felt. Granted he had felt nauseous and a moments discomfort after the meds were administered in his newly installed catheter, but it was worth it for the euphoria he felt now. Maybe he couldn't manipulate his ki or blast a Kamehameha wave through the roof, but he didn't feel tired or sick like he had been the last few weeks.

"When do you think I'll be able to go home? Didn't you mention something about an out patient program for people with Leukemia?" Gohan turned his inquisitive gaze on the friendly doctor. Dr. Jomei laughed good-naturedly and shook his head empathetically.

"We'll have to wait and see until after your induction period. If everything goes as planned, you'll be able to have consolidation chemotherapy outside of the hospital." Dr. Jomei alluded. Gohan began to expound on what he would do once he'd reached remission and Videl gladly offered to join his proposed escapades.

**ooo**

Dr. Jomei couldn't help but feel partial blame for the fluke of those first few days. He had to tell himself many times that he hadn't jinxed Gohan when he'd warned him it was only the beginning, but that was difficult as he was a superstitious man. He believed that finding a penny face up was good luck and seeing a black cat foreboded ill tidings. Dr. Jomei grimaced at Videl's optimism.

x

"The only option that seems plausible now is a bone marrow transplant." Dr. Jomei proposed doubtfully.

"That's the thing where they put somebody else's bone marrow into me, right?" Gohan ventured, desperation in his teary eyes.

"Yes, but I wont be obtuse, your chances are slim. You have a unique blood type and it will be near impossible to find a donor close enough to match, or soon enough, whichever the case may be." Dr. Jomei stated bluntly. Dr. Jomei felt like kicking himself as he saw the last glimmer of hope leaving the pale boy's eyes. An empty dullness replaced the lively glint that once shined in those coal black depths.

"No! There has to be a way." Videl asserted obdurately.

"I'm afraid without any blood relatives the prospect is almost unthinkable." Dr. Jomei calmly replied.

"Are you a doctor or a damn fortuneteller?" Videl screamed furiously at Dr. Jomei.

"You aren't even offering him a chance! You act as if his death is inevitable!" Videl cried out incensed.

"I'm not going to lie to him and raise his hopes only so they'll be..." Dr. Jomei began irately.

x

"I'd like to make a telephone call." Gohan's unsteady voice broke through the stemming argument. Dr. Jomei came up short and Videl started at the sound of his voice.

"Would you please get me the phone?" Gohan repeated tentatively. Videl was the first to react and she grabbed the telephone from the nearby night stand. Gohan accepted the device somewhat reluctantly and dialed a number. Putting the receiver to his ear he waited. Videl and Dr. Jomei could see Gohan's nerves in the way his breathing became choppy and the way he twisted the phone cord around his fingers incessantly. They knew when someone answered because they could hear the chirpy voice on the other end.

"May I speak with the company President?" Gohan requested politely yet nervously.

"I understand the policy, but this is important. Just...just tell her it's K-Kakarott's son, she'll know w-what it means." Gohan stuttered apprehensively.

x

Gohan waited with baited breath as he was put on hold. He needn't have worried, the voice of Bulma Brief sounded over the line almost immediately.

"Who the hell is this? Yamcha, if this is you're twisted idea of a joke you're real sick!" Bulma shouted over the line. Gohan was rendered momentarily silent; he had to clear his throat before he managed a weak response.

"Hey B-Bulma...it's me...G-Gohan." Gohan barely managed to speak above a whisper.

"Gohan! Is it really you! Where in the hell are you; what the hell have you been doing? You inconsiderate little..." Bulma screeched over the phone hysterically. Gohan winced and felt the pain, guilt, shame, and other long recalled emotions swarm around his heart to constrict unmercifully.

x

Unconsciously, Gohan curled his knees to his chest and wrapped his free arm around them to comfort himself. Videl, seeing Gohan's destitution, stepped forward to lend her support in what she could not comprehend the magnitude of, only to be stopped by Dr. Jomei's hand on her shoulder. Videl glared to show her displeasure, but Dr. Jomei did not respond to it favorably, instead he tightened his grip.

x

"Bulma, please, I..." Gohan huffed despairingly as the voice continued to shrill furiously. 'How dare you expect anything less? Here you've worried her for the last six years and you anticipated acceptance with arms open wide? How can you be so inconsiderate? What rights have you to involve her in the mess you've gotten yourself into? She doesn't owe you a god damn thing; you're nothing but an ungrateful wretch. Wasn't she the one who kept you in her home, near her son, when you were a crazed homicidal lunatic? It probably would have been a blessing to allow her to live in ignorance of your continued existence.' Gohan berated himself in time with Bulma's rant. He did not take note, as Videl and Dr. Jomei did, that he was trembling and tears were coursing down his cheeks like rain water. Gohan heard Bulma go silent on the other end, however his mind gave him no such illusions of acquittal.

"Gohan, are you still there?..." Bulma's voice took on a note of panic, "Gohan! Please, answer me!"

"..."

"Don't let him have hung up." Bulma's timorous voice quailed with what Gohan could only surmise as unshed tears.

x

"I h-haven't hung up." Gohan choked out. 'She does care, she really does. Oh god, what have I done?' Gohan looked up to see the blurry expressions of concern on Videl and Dr. Jomei's faces. 'They all care about me. How can I be so unperceptive to where I can't even tell who truly cares for me anymore? God, Gohan, if you even have to ask yourself that question there is no doubt you're genuinely screwed up.' Gohan's mental voice snorted derisively.

"Gohan, I don't care where you are right now; you don't have to tell me. I want you to come home, now. Don't even think about arguing, you just come home." Bulma's voice ordered in that no nonsense tone Gohan often heard her take with Vegeta and Mirai Trunks so long ago.

"Give me your word, Gohan that you'll come home." Bulma's voice cracked with emotion. Gohan was suddenly brought to the awareness that he was sobbing in soundless heaves of breath. Then he felt the comforting hand of Videl on his shoulder and gazed at her blindly from his huddled position.

"Tell her you'll come." Videl prompted encouragingly. Gohan stared at her hand on his shoulder for an instant before giving an almost imperceptible nod. Videl smiled proudly and caressed his tear stained cheek compassionately.

"I promise." Gohan croaked heartrendingly.

* * *

**Chapter 21: Degrees of Guilt**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Don't tell me how life is  
'Cause I don't really really want to know  
Don't tell me how this game ends  
'Cause we'll just see how it goes

Catch me when I fall  
Or you'll need me when I'm not here at all  
Miss me when I'm gone again, yeah

I'm going down in flames  
I'm falling into this again, yeah  
I'm going down in flames  
I'm falling into this again

Now, all the way down here  
I'm falling, all the way  
Down, all the way down here  
I'm falling down again  
I'm falling down (x3)

3 Doors Down-Going Down In Flames

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan could feel the sticky leather interior adhering to his thin hands. The kind that stemmed from the heated air mixed with the stuffy inside of the vehicle. His own nervousness only served to augment the discomfort. Gohan shifted conscientiously against the clammy irritation of the material. His hand created that strange sticky sound generated by his skin lifting from the expensive interior. He began to wring his hands anxiously and stare out the window in both trepidation and anticipation. The wind was blowing the yellow and orange leaves outside the window. An autumn sprinkle was blown onto the glass creating a little water speckle effect. Gohan changed his perception so that he focused on the glass and raindrops. Then he looked past them to the outside world; he marveled at how easy it was to look past things. The car turned and the hum of the engine died with the turn of a key.

x

"We're here, Gohan." Dr. Jomei stated calmly. Gohan swallowed and opened the door to get an unrestricted view of the hemispherical building. Capsule Corp was just as he remembered it, large and intimidating. The wind seemed to pick up and Gohan shivered as the chilling breeze passed over him. A damp, wind tossed leaf landed on his arm and Gohan stared down at the bedraggled piece of nature before it was once again carried off by the wind. Two dull clunks resounded in the atmosphere and signaled Videl and Dr. Jomei's exit from the car. Gohan closed his eyes and took a deep breath of the moist air which was a far cry from the sterile hospital room. A second thumping noise told Gohan that Videl and Dr. Jomei had retrieved his wheel chair from the boot of the vehicle.

"Alright, Gohan, are you ready?" Dr. Jomei questioned sincerely. Gohan gave one short nod, not trusting himself to actually speak. His throat was so tight Gohan wondered that he didn't suffocate. 'What will she say? Why have I even come; I shouldn't have promised." Gohan thought frantically and almost ordered them to take him back to the hospital. Then, he felt Videl squeeze his hand reassuringly, and allowed them to lift him into the wheelchair.

x

Gohan stared at the yellow semi-sphere of Capsule Corp as he was slowly pushed toward the entrance. The concrete walkway was hedged by flowers of all colors, shapes, and sizes. Gohan recognized the pale blue buds of a Forget-Me-Not and felt a rush of regret pass through him. Videl's hand came to rest on Gohan's arm. Gohan wondered vaguely if Videl could feel when he was distressed or if her actions were merely coincidence. Either way, her silent support did more for him then any empty promises of a happy future could.

x

The group of three came to a stop in front of the sturdy metal door and, before Gohan could third guess their being there, Dr. Jomei pressed the buzzer. Almost immediately the door opened onto a diminutive woman dressed in a blue maid's jumper.

"Hello?"

"Good afternoon, we have an appointment with Dr. Bulma Brief." Dr. Jomei bade politely and hunched his shoulders as the wind blew a misty drizzle their way. Dr. Jomei pulled the collar of his brown leather jacket up about his neck to keep the glacial wetness from going under his coat and down his back. His blue jeans became speckled as the raindrops darkened the places they were absorbed.

x

Videl shivered slightly though she and Gohan were protected from the drizzle by the overhang. Videl wore a red sweater over a sapphire shirt and black jeans. Gohan felt the freezing wind even through his turtle-neck, navy-blue sweater; emerald, long-sleeved shirt; and pitch black jeans. Videl gripped Gohan's cold hand and began to rub her thumb across the back of it in an effort to give warmth. The maid looked on as if torn between inviting them in and demanding they leave at once.

x

"Madam Brief has not told me of any meeting today. May I ask who is calling on her?" The maid settled on asking.

"Gohan is here to see her." Dr. Jomei answered and grimaced as the bitter wind tossed his brown hair about. The drizzle, turned downpour, began to beat down on his icy frame and in moments Dr. Jomei was soaked. Videl gave the maid a pleading look as she felt Gohan's hand shudder with the cold, and heard his teeth clacking rhythmically.

"Please, come and wait in the hall while I ask the mistress if she'll see you." the maid huffed sensitively. She ushered them in the building like she was herding a group of drenched puppies and closed the door firmly against the raising storm outside. The maid then excused herself, presumably to speak with Bulma.

x

Gohan wasn't the only one left shivering in the hall; Dr. Jomei removed his jacket and shook his hair vigorously. He ran a hand through his damp locks to straighten them a bit then moved to Gohan's side.

"Are you ok?" Dr. Jomei inquired with a slight tremble to his own lips, an indication of his frozen state.

"I...f-feel...c-cold." Gohan said through shivering and clacking teeth. Dr. Jomei nodded his understanding and began to rub his own hands over Gohan's to circulate some heat. Videl worked on Gohan's arms from behind and together the two managed to warm Gohan enough to stop his shivering.

"She'll see you in the parlor." the maid announced suddenly, walking into the hall. Gohan took notice that she carried a towel in her arms. The maid offered the towel to Dr. Jomei who accepted it with a mutter of appreciation.

"Please, follow me." she instructed kindly and led the group down the long hallway.

x

Gohan knew they were passing all the offices and labs of Capsule Corps first because the living quarters were at the back of the edifice. Most of the doors were closed, but a few were open and afforded a view of many people in Capsule Corp jumpers working on various whatchamacallits and thingamajigs. Gohan observed Videl's expression as she looked around curiously. She'd been quite surprised to know that Gohan knew _The_ Bulma Brief, and was taking full advantage of getting this sneak peek into the inner sanctum of Capsule Corp. Dr. Jomei looked suitably impressed with the whole organization, but Gohan could see that his attention was focused on himself. Gohan was touched that Dr. Jomei cared that much about him, that Dr. Jomei would go out of his way to bring him here.

x

At last, the group of four reached the door leading into the family's private quarters. Gohan felt the apprehension and panic start to escalate again when they passed into the living room. The relaxation quarter was made exclusively for comfort and entertainment as was plain by the fluffy, grey couches and chairs placed strategically about the room and the full wall entertainment system. A plush blue carpet covered the floor and a large, down blanket of the darkest grey was spread in front of the wall television. Medium grey and navy blue pillows were seemingly tossed on the couches, chairs, and blanket to give an extra feeling of coziness. Gohan spotted a vid-game console plugged into the TV. Game cases were strewn about the device as if someone had recently been enjoying the carefree pastime. Gohan lost sight of the room as he was pushed further into the dwelling by Dr. Jomei. As they passed the kitchen, Gohan glimpsed a yellow and blue color scheme that looked both inviting and warm. They all came to a stop behind the entranceway to the parlor.

x

"Please, wait while I announce you." the maid directed and stepped into the alcove. Gohan began to nervously pick at his sweater in a way that made Videl wonder if he was attempting to unravel the thing one thread at a time. The maid returned and curtsied courteously, "You may go in now."

x

Gohan tried to take a deep breath to calm his nerves but his tight chest wouldn't allow him the luxury. Resigning himself to the fact that the encounter would be unbearable at worse and uncomfortable at best, Gohan motioned for Dr. Jomei to push him into the room.

x

Upon entering, he gave the room a thorough sweep with his eyes, being careful to avoid looking directly at the woman seated on an elegantly upholstered settee. The parlor was oriental in decor with beautifully stained wooden furniture. There were two settees facing each other with a stylishly deco coffee table in between that had refreshments placed on it. Antique lamps and a roaring fire in the hearth gave off a warm lighting effect to a room obviously intended for the meeting of important guests. Gohan gathered up his courage and took a good look at Bulma, whose posture gave away her own nervousness. Bulma's hair was cropped the same as he recalled and the only indication of ageing were the lines about the eyes and mouth. Gohan wondered if they were smile lines or frowning lines and settled on a bit of both.

x

Bulma wore a white cashmere sweater and blue jeans. Gohan noticed her eyes glistened with wetness and her mouth trembled slightly when she caught sight of him. He knew full well what she was seeing. His pale skin was sickly in comparison with the healthy tan he'd retained as a child growing up. His baldness and thinness only enhanced the ill complexion and made him look younger then he truly was.

"Gohan." Bulma whispered shakily. She blinked rapidly to keep her tears at bay. Gohan felt like a complete jerk, 'Look at her! You shouldn't have come. You're causing her pain by letting her see you like this.' Gohan shook his head and looked squarely at the woman of his father's longest friendship.

"Hello Bulma." Gohan replied quietly. Two fat tears began their slow trek down Bulma's cheeks and she gave a wavering smile.

"Please, sit over here." Bulma motioned to the opposite settee. Dr. Jomei and Videl lifted Gohan onto the seat for two and Videl sat beside him. Gohan felt Videl's hand rest on his thigh and recalled times he'd seen his mother do the same with his father.

x

Bulma quickly offered them some refreshment, but Gohan knew she really wanted to ask why he was in a wheel chair among other things. To put off such questions, until a time when avoidance was impossible, Gohan took up a cracker and began to nibble on it. Dr. Jomei brought up a nearby chair and sat down after folding the towel on top of the upholstery to prevent it from getting wet.

"I apologize for Franny; she's protective of our privacy." Bulma commented to Dr. Jomei, realizing the state of his attire.

"That's quite all right." Dr. Jomei dismissed negligently. Gohan had just finished his cracker and took a sip of water from a glass. He was about to reach for another cracker when he felt Videl's restraining hand on his arm.

x

"I believe," Videl declared firmly, "That we have much to talk about." Gohan grimaced and, when he looked to Videl, saw no pity or reprieve in her eyes. Bulma looked concerned but also prepared to hear what was about to be said. Gohan looked anywhere but at the people occupying the room, and when it was apparent that he wasn't going to speak, Dr. Jomei opened his mouth to begin. Just then a side door opened and two little blurs of blue and green raced into the room.

x

The two blurs, which turned out to be two small boys, pounced on the food and began talking a mile a minute.

"Mom, I'm hungry! When's dinner?" the purple-haired boy whined piteously.

"Guess what I found at the park, it was a tiny dinosaur! He was all purple and yellow and had green specks on the belly..." the other pint sized boy chirped excitedly. Bulma was looking at Gohan with an expression of horror and apology, and rightly so. Gohan felt as if he'd been socked in the stomach; he was surprised he could breathe at all.

x

The smaller boy was wearing a green gi that was smudged with mud and rainwater. His black hair stuck out at odd angles and drooped slightly from the damp. The child's eyes glinted with mischief and animation as he told his tale to his mother. There could be only one person whose hair defied all laws of gravity and whose eyes could hold such innocence. The undersized boy was none other than Goten, Gohan's younger brother. At that precise moment the purely childish eyes turned on Gohan and he wondered giddily if his heart had stopped. 'Was I ever so innocent once?'

x

"Mommy, who're those people?" Goten asked naively. Bulma looked unsure of what to tell the chibi and gazed at Gohan beseechingly. 'What does she want from me? God, how can I bring them into this? He's so happy here; he doesn't know!' Gohan suddenly found that he needed air, and lots of it. Gohan began to draw in deep breaths, but pretty soon a burning sensation filled his chest and tears glinted in his eyes.

"Gohan! Gohan, stop it!" Videl's concerned voice cried out. Gohan felt her hand squeezing his arm painfully and heard her frantic voice as if from afar.

"Hey, is he alright?" Trunks asked uneasily as he stared at Gohan.

"Move away Videl, he's hyperventilating during a panic attack." Dr. Jomei ordered harshly. After she'd moved away, Dr. Jomei pushed Gohan's head between his legs and began to apply pressure in between his shoulder blades. "Now just breathe in...and out...in...and out..." For a few moments, Dr. Jomei coached Gohan through his breathing until he'd calmed down enough to sit up.

x

When Gohan could breathe normally again he noticed Goten clutching Bulma and sobbing into her blouse. Bulma was trying to reassure the little chibi, but it seemed the child was scared that Gohan was going to die.

"Hey, look Goten, he's fine." Trunks instructed and tugged on his younger brother's gi to get his attention. Goten sniffed and looked to Gohan with watery eyes and a tear-streaked face.

"Did I d-do something w-wrong?" the boy questioned Gohan sadly. Gohan felt the anguish build up in his chest and had to concentrate hard to prevent another panic attack. He could only manage to shake his head as he felt the hot irritating sensation that heralded tears.

"See now, it wasn't your fault." Bulma soothed and hugged Goten to her. Goten gave Gohan a hesitant smile and cocked his head to the side curiously.

"So I d-didn't make you g-get hurt?" he stuttered unsurely. Gohan shook his head again.

"Come on Goten, let's go play some video games." Trunks proposed in an effort to raise his brother's spirits. Goten looked to Bulma for acquiescence and, at her nod, gave a grin to Gohan and ran off with Trunks. Gohan released a shaky breath and buried his face in his hands.

x

"Gohan, are you alright? What happened?" Videl asked with concern. Gohan looked up, his eyes were red but the tears were locked behind his lids.

"That was Goten, my brother." Gohan managed through a throat raw with emotion. Videl took his hand comfortingly and Bulma reached across to take his other hand.

"After we found out about Chi Chi from Krillin we went searching for the both of you. Vegeta and the others could sense Goten's ki in that way you all had in common and we found him quickly enough. But, you had those pills; we couldn't find you by your ki. I looked all over for you, but no one had found our Gohan. We thought we'd lost you forever, that you'd died. We adopted Goten and raised him as our own; Trunks and Goten know nothing about this." Bulma explained sorrowfully. Gohan listened and knew the look in her eyes was a plea for him to forgive her for not finding him and for not telling Goten the truth. 'How can you not forgive her? She did all she could and she raised Goten which is more then I can say for myself.' Gohan thought self-incriminatingly.

x

"It's alright Bulma; I should thank you for taking care of...G-Goten." Gohan choked out brokenly. Bulma sighed with relief and squeezed his hand gently. Suddenly a sound like an explosion made everyone jump in their seats. Vegeta, covered in mud, stomped into the room glaring most fiercely.

"Where are those two brats?" Vegeta roared at Bulma. His fists were placed arrogantly on his hips and his jaw jutted forward furiously. He wore his usual spandex blue uniform with white gloves and boots as well as body armor. However, globs of mud marred the cloth that was once so pristine.

"Answer me woman, where..." Vegeta trailed off as he caught sight of the three strangers. "Who the hell are you?" he demanded sneeringly.

x

"Vegeta, he's Gohan." Bulma snapped tersely. Her hand squeezed Gohan's instinctively when she said his name as if to reassure herself that he truly was there. Vegeta turned his intensive glare onto Gohan. Gohan felt the diminutive man's eyes scrutinize him from his bald head to his untied, tennis-shoed feet. Vegeta snorted derisively and glared all the more at Gohan.

"You don't belong here, get out!" Vegeta snarled vindictively.

"Vegeta!" Bulma gasped in stunned disbelief. Videl also gaped at the strange man with spiky black hair and arctic eyes.

x

"Exscuse me, but we've come for a very important reason." Dr. Jomei interjected standing up in offense. Vegeta smirked at the earthling and took a threatening step forward. Dr. Jomei didn't back down, but gave a glare of his own that rivaled Vegeta's to the surprise of Bulma and Gohan.

"We aren't leaving until Mrs. Brief hears our request." Dr. Jomei pronounced stubbornly.

"I'll blast you all to hell if you don't leave! That brat chose his path and he will face his own consequences of that choice. Don't come here looking for help, brat, you forfeited that right long ago." Vegeta growled dangerously. Gohan could see the look in Vegeta's eyes, the blame.

"Are you implying that Gohan killed Goku?" Bulma huffed angrily at Vegeta.

"It's true, isn't it? If it weren't for that baka, Kakarott would still be alive and taking care of his own spawn." Vegeta retorted darkly.

x

Gohan felt the knives of pain stab him in the heart and refused to give Vegeta the satisfaction of seeing him cry. 'Vegeta's right anyway, it is my fault. I didn't beat Cell when dad told me to and because of my incompetence he's dead. I didn't take care of mom and she killed herself with grief. Then I left Goten all alone; I didn't even try to find him.' Gohan accused mercilessly. He leaned his head against the thumb and forefinger of his right hand and sighed quietly.

"Let's just go. I had no business coming here to begin with." Gohan murmured tiredly. He did not meet Vegeta's gaze for fear of seeing the man gloat over his admission.

"No! Gohan, we have to try! If you don't help him he'll die!" Videl screamed first to Gohan and then to Vegeta. Gohan didn't bother looking at anyone's reaction to the statement but shook his head dejectedly.

x

"He's right Videl. I didn't speak up when I had the chance and I've done some horrible, unforgivable things. Dr. Jomei, I'd like to leave." Gohan said emotionlessly.

"None of that was your fault! Besides, even if it was, don't you think with all you've been through, the bea..." Videl began passionately. Hearing where this was going, Gohan jerked his head up and stopped her mid sentence.

"No! Nothing makes up for what I've done. Please restrain yourself from speaking of any of this further. Take me back now." Gohan ordered in a deadly serious voice. Just when Gohan was thinking the meeting couldn't get any worse; the door opened a third time admitting yet another acquaintance.

x

Gohan caught sight of Mirai Trunks and felt like curling in upon himself. There was yet another person almost killed by him so long ago. Mirai didn't look a day older than he had at eighteen though he had to be in his mid twenties by now. Mirai wore a white wife-beater and blue jeans. A blue jean jacket with a Capsule Corp logo on it was slung over his shoulder. Mirai Trunks came to a stand still upon walking into the tense situation. He looked at his mother's distressed expression and his father's stubborn facade and knew something was horribly wrong. Then, Mirai noticed Gohan's frail form sitting on the settee with a girl and man standing beside him like some sort of honor guard. All Mirai Trunks could feel was an overwhelming joy at seeing his one time master and comrade again. When he'd come to live permanently in this time after his future mother's death, he'd arrived only to find out that Chi Chi was dead and Gohan disappeared. He had believed as everyone else that Gohan was dead, but here he sat, in the living flesh.

x

"Gohan!" Mirai called out cheerfully and raced over to embrace his good friend. Gohan, not being used to such enthusiastic movement, flinched when Mirai Trunks hugged him.

"Gohan?" Trunks' concerned gaze looked deep into Gohan's eyes and found pain, sorrow, and grief so deep his heart ached in echo of it. Mirai Trunks turned to glare at his mother and father.

"What've you done to Gohan?" he demanded stonily. Videl and Dr. Jomei looked to the strange man wonderingly.

"Trunks, no, they've done nothing..." Gohan began but was cut off by Videl.

"That's the problem! They aren't going to do anything about Gohan dying!" Videl cried heatedly seeing her chance in this new purple-haired man.

"What, Gohan's dying?" Trunks gasped and turned to his father and mother for confirmation.

x

"It's true, he has Leukemia. The chemotherapy isn't working; he needs a bone marrow transplant." Dr. Jomei explained calmly.

"I do not see how that involves us." Vegeta snapped irately.

"Gohan has a unique blood type and the best bet is for his brother to be tested for a bone marrow match." Dr. Jomei clarified.

"You'll not test **_my son_**!" Vegeta yelled with clear emphasis on the claiming of the boy.

"No, I won't have my brother subjected to me any longer. I've pained enough people with my existence; perhaps my death will bring some peace." Gohan agreed shaking his head.

"Don't talk like that! Dad, we have to help him! As much as you've been Goten's father in raising him, Goku will always be his biological father! How do you think Goku would feel if you were to let his first son die?" Mirai Trunks bellowed just as loudly as his father.

"That is the point isn't it? No one will ever know what Kakarott would think because he's dead!" At Vegeta's words Gohan felt nauseous and grabbed Videl's arm before she could strike Vegeta.

x

"I'm going to be sick." Gohan announced frantically. Upon hearing this, Dr. Jomei lifted Gohan into his wheelchair. Mirai Trunks and Vegeta were busy arguing and Bulma was adding in her two cents in Gohan's favor as well. One remark about Gohan's unfeeling nature got both Videl and Dr. Jomei's attention so that they too joined in the all out bellowing contest. All Gohan could think was, 'It's my entire fault. They're dead because of me and everyone knows it. I don't deserve to live. I've murdered my parents and abandoned my brother. I hurt my friends and continue to do so. It's just like Hadrian and THEY said. I'm a worthless, ungrateful wretch. A bastard that is lower then the dirt I trod upon. God, why do you continue to let people fight for me, they deserve better. '

x

Over and over the thoughts chased each other in never ending circles. Then something inside him snapped and Gohan's eyes riveted on the fire burning in the hearth. 'I deserve to burn in hell for what I've done." his mind supplied maliciously. The red and orange flames that crackled and whipped about in a tantalizing way called out to him. In a move born of desperation to end it all: the pain, the sorrow, the grief, the guilt, the shame, and yes, even the love he felt for Videl that he didn't think he deserved, Gohan wheeled himself to the fire and threw himself in.

x

A terrified scream rent the air and drew everyone's attention to little Goten who stood in the doorway staring in wide-eyed horror at Gohan's burning body.

"Gohan!" Videl's panicked scream followed that of Goten's. Mirai Trunks was the first to react. Racing from the room at top saiyan speed, he returned in a second to pour a bucket of water over Gohan's body. The wood split with loud cracks and the fire hissed and sizzled as it was washed out. Gohan's body was pulled from the blackened logs and Dr. Jomei was frantically assessing the damage. Bulma was embracing a hysterical Goten and trying to prevent a curious chibi Trunks from getting a glimpse of Gohan's body. Tears were running down her face and it took all her control not to completely flip out.

x

Videl was having no such qualms about demonstrating her loss of control. She was trying to reach Gohan in a frenzy of tears and screaming. Mirai Trunks was holding her away as Dr. Jomei instructed Vegeta to help him remove Gohan's clothing to prevent it from adhering to the burnt skin. Vegeta, in complete shock from Gohan's actions was doing as he was told without question, for once in his life. When he'd managed to remove Gohan's tattered shirt he stared in utter astonishment. It was not the quickly blistering skin that Vegeta stared at, but the stunning array of scarring on the boy's fragile frame. There were only so many ways someone could get such an abundance of scaring and Vegeta recognized the patterns of abuse, not to mention the self-mutilated wrists.

x

"How bad are the burns?" Vegeta asked Dr. Jomei rather politely for the prideful Prince of all Saiyans.

"Not as bad as they could've been. We got him out before any irreparable damage was done. I'd say second degree burns, but the real problem is he's going into shock. We have to get him to the hospital at once." Dr. Jomei explicated hastily.

"Bring me a dry blanket and some gauze." Dr. Jomei ordered in that way only doctors have of demanding something. Within moments Gohan's burns were wrapped in gauze and he was bundled into a blanket. Vegeta picked Gohan up without having to be asked and the two rushed from the house to Dr. Jomei's car. They sped off toward the hospital disregarding every rule of the road, especially speed laws, and leaving behind a frantic Videl and Goten and three worried others.

"Gohan! Let me go! Gohan!" Videl's screams echoed long after the teenager was sped away in Dr. Jomei's car.

* * *

NOTE: This chapter is dedicated to Angel Shock/Shock Angel for their terrific reviews! And, to those of you who are wondering why Vegeta didn't fly Gohan to the hospital it's because burn victims are susceptible to infection, especially air-born germs, and going at the speed Vegeta could would've seriously caused more harm than good!

**Chapter 22: Coffee Break**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Unsure of yourself  
You stand divided now.  
Which road will lead you there  
Last time you fell and you hit hard  
Your wounds have healed by now  
But you still see your scars

3 Doors Down-This Time

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dr. Jomei whipped the car around the bend with a horrendous screech of tires, no doubt leaving large black streaks on the pavement. He pulled into the emergency entrance to the hospital and came to a lurching stop. Cutting off the ignition with the disregard of one in a serious hurry, Dr. Jomei pitched himself out of the vehicle and didn't even bother slamming the door after him. He raced to the door on the opposite side that Vegeta had already thrown open, and which now hung at a seemingly odd angle off its hinges. Being too concerned for Gohan's welfare, Dr. Jomei did not take notice of the lopsided door, but reached in to take Gohan in his arms. To his immense surprise, Vegeta shoved Dr. Jomei away and stood from the vehicle with Gohan held effortlessly in his bulky arms.

"Lead." Vegeta grunted at Dr. Jomei. Deciding not to argue the point, Dr. Jomei simply led the way past the sliding doors.

x

A group of EMPs (Emergency Medical Personnel) spotted Dr. Jomei's arrival and met the two men just inside the accessible doors. Between two men dressed in hospital scrubs stood a stretcher on wheels which Vegeta placed Gohan upon.

"He has second degree burns mostly on his right side, upper body; and possibly third degree burns on the digits of his right hand. He went into shock from the cold water used to put out the fire, and he may be suffering from head injuries due to the fall. He is currently being treated for Acute Myeloid Leukemia and has an Ommaya Reservoir implanted." Dr, Jomei rattled off to the medics in a rapid fashion to provide as much information as possible in as few seconds as possible. While he was giving these details the medics were busy pushing the stretcher into an emergency room.

x

The stretcher was rolled up to a table under large, bright lights and the two men controlling the stretcher took position to each side of Gohan.

"One, two, three." they intoned and, as one, lifted Gohan's body onto the new table using the sheet of the stretcher as a carrying device. Instantly the medics converged on Gohan's limp body and began to work vigorously on stabilizing him. Dr. Jomei backed away knowing full well that burns were not his forte and he should allow the paramedics and surgeon to do their job.

x

As he backed up Dr. Jomei caught sight of Vegeta standing just inside the swinging doors to the emergency room. A flustered nurse was trying ineffectually to gain Vegeta's attention in order to remove him from the room he was not supposed to be in. Vegeta was staring at the blistered body of the boy on the table between the many technicians in green scrubs. Dr. Jomei couldn't decipher the look on the hard man's face, but thought it prudent to help the nurse remove him before security was called. Dr. Jomei walked to Vegeta's side and spoke to him authoritatively.

"There's nothing more we can do, just wait outside and let them do their work." Dr. Jomei said with an encompassing wave of his arm toward the busy staff. Vegeta sneered at the doctor but followed him silently out of the sterile, brightly lit emergency room and into the more humdrum waiting area.

xxXXxx

Dr. Jomei cringed as he sipped the lukewarm liquid the hospital tried to pawn off as coffee. No matter how long he worked there, he would never get used to the caffeinated brown sludge. Feeling wetness on his hand he grimaced, noting the leak in the flimsy paper cup. As a trail of fast cooling coffee made its way from his palm toward his forearm Dr. Jomei searched for a napkin of sorts. The prospect of making the long trek to the hospital cafeteria was ludicrous, but no solution was forthcoming. Resorting to disgraceful methods, Dr. Jomei prevented the stream of fluid from trailing further down his arm by licking the aforementioned spill from his skin. Not fancying the idea of lapping at his arm as a permanent solution to his predicament, especially with the receptionist giving him a distasteful look, Dr. Jomei continued his search for something to block the steady drip. He was in the process of contemplating the many magazines on the low tables about the dull brown waiting room when the door burst open and Videl rushed in followed by the others from Capsule Corp.

x

Vegeta, who'd been leaning in a solitary corner seemingly asleep but more likely meditating, roused from his lax position to one of more awareness. Those people closest to the man quickly averted their gazes and collectively avoided meeting his cold glaring eyes. Dr. Jomei set his leaking cup of, now, stone cold coffee on a nearby table and moved forward to greet the new arrivals.

"Where's Gohan? Is he alright? How badly was he burned?" Videl demanded shakily the moment Dr. Jomei was in polite speaking distance. Videl's voice was hoarse and her eyes were red-rimmed and still streaming salty tears. Bulma was looking very pale with worry, but her eyes were dry. Dr. Jomei was under no pretenses; if Bulma hadn't had the boys with her he was sure she would be balling her eyes out.

x

As it was, Goten looked indisputably the worse for wear. His small hands were clutching Bulma's bomber jacket so hard his knuckles showed white. His eyes were almost bruised by incessant wiping of tears and his hair was disarrayed from burying his head in the cleft of his mother's neck. Cheeks were ruddy from the heat of tears upon them and twin streaks marked where the small flood cut a path through the dirt and grim of that mornings outing in the park. Tears still leaked from his eyes as well as transparent snot from his nose that was accompanied every so often by sniffs and shuddering breaths. He wore the same grimy clothing as Dr. Jomei had seen him in previously. The young Trunks was looking around with curiosity and confusion having not seen Gohan's body and not knowing the reason for all the tears and hysterics.

x

The older boy was the most composed of the lot except for Vegeta, perhaps. His worry did not show on the surface, but Dr. Jomei could see the stony set of his jaw and the glazed look in his eyes that spoke of forced calm. The young man was obviously trying to be strong for his brothers and mother. Dr. Jomei admired the young man for his control and selflessness.

"Now, now, Videl, calm yourself. Gohan is in the Intensive Care Unit right now. The doctors managed to stabilize him, but they found something wrong with his Ommaya Reservoir. Somehow, when he fell, he damaged the reservoir and now he's in surgery to remove it." Dr. Jomei explained soothingly laying his hands on Videl's shoulders. At Dr. Jomei's account Videl balked and tried to free herself from his arms.

"Gohan! Oh my God, Gohan!" she shrieked desperately while fighting Dr. Jomei's firm hold.

"Videl! Stop this at once! You aren't going to help Gohan and you're only scaring the children by your histrionics." Dr. Jomei ordered severely and shook Videl by the shoulders vehemently in emphasis. Videl seemed to come to her senses momentarily and blinked owlishly at Dr. Jomei before bursting into uncontrollable sobs. Videl fell forward into Dr. Jomei's arms and together they sank to the floor where Videl sobbed wretchedly into his white T-shirt. Dr. Jomei whispered soothing nothings into her ear as he rubbed her back rhythmically like she'd done to Gohan so many times before.

xxXXxx

Dr. Jomei regarded the long forgotten paper cup that sat in a ring of leaked coffee on the low table. The liquid inside the cup now looked about as appetizing as day old milk and smelled about as enticing as sweaty gym shoes. Grimacing in disgust and shuddering with revulsion, Dr. Jomei picked up the offending cup and carried it, dripping lethargically, to the nearest bathroom to dump. When he returned, Dr. Jomei yawned as he hunkered down into one of the brown canvas chairs to peruse a propaganda magazine. After an idle hour of staring unseeingly at the tiny script Dr. Jomei scratched at the stubble on his chin and glanced blurrily about the room for the others.

x

Most of the other occupants of the waiting room had moved with their loved one to a private room or had gone home after assurances of their loved one's health and wellbeing. Videl was out like a light from pure exhaustion, due to the prolonged crying jag, on a small sofa. Bulma was sleeping soundly sitting up in a chair with Goten curled asleep in her arms. Trunks lay curled in a tight ball in the chair beside his mother's; his chest rose and fell steadily in his slumber. Mirai Trunks was blinking exhaustedly in his own chair and kept nodding off only to jerk awake when his head lolled forward. Vegeta stood, as he had throughout the whole ordeal, like a statue in the corner. He was leaned against the wall with his legs crossed at the calves and his arms crossed over his chest. Vegeta's eyes were alert and there was no sign that he was sleep deprived like the rest of them. When Dr. Jomei looked his way their eyes met and a slight staring contest ensued. It took a violent movement from Mirai Trunks to break the moment of confrontation.

x

"Boy, I need a cup of coffee...Do you two want anything?" Mirai offered as he stretched and yawned hugely in between. Vegeta gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head, but his expression clearly indicated what he thought of the hospital's 'coffee'. Mirai Trunks shrugged nonchalantly and looked to Dr. Jomei expectantly.

"I'd appreciate a cup, be sure to grab a few napkins while you're at it." Dr. Jomei cautioned tiredly. Mirai Trunks sauntered out in the direction of the twenty-four hour cafeteria and Dr. Jomei settled once again in his chair to fight the losing battle against unconsciousness.

"Where did Gohan get the scars?" The low rumbling of Vegeta's voice snapped Dr. Jomei from his drifting state. He was so surprised by the question that at first he simply gaped at the punitive man for a moment. Only after Vegeta started looking genuinely irritated did Dr. Jomei find his voice.

x

"I'm not sure about all of them, but many were from an abusive foster father Gohan was staying with once. He had to be hospitalized for a few months, and he had to have several correctional surgeries done to his arm and leg." Dr. Jomei supplied quietly.

"Why?" Vegeta growled with a scowl firmly in place.

"Why did the man do it? Why did Gohan let him? Why was the system unaware what was going on? You'll have to be more specific." Dr. Jomei inquired without rancor.

"Why did he let himself be beaten?" Vegeta demanded coldly.

"I know Gohan knows martial arts. He probably could have fought back, and beaten the man, but I believe there were extenuating circumstances. There were three other boys in the home. When they were asked about Gohan's extreme abuse in comparison with their own, they said that Gohan goaded the man to protect them; he often took the blame for things they'd supposedly done wrong. Still, there is the question about why he didn't just knock the guy out and then go for help. The answer is quite simple, really. On some level Gohan truly believes that he deserved the beatings. With what I heard at the house I'm assuming it has everything to do with what you were holding him responsible for." Dr. Jomei rationalized gravely. Vegeta grunted and looked broodingly at the beige wall over Dr. Jomei's shoulder.

x

"You mentioned the name Kakarott and, the way I understand it, you blame Gohan for this man's death?" Dr. Jomei formed the statement into a question. Vegeta grunted again and, when next their eyes met, Dr. Jomei glimpsed the warring factions in the man's eyes before the walls fell firmly in place.

"Kakarott was the boy's father. Through his actions, Gohan brought about his end." Vegeta evinced vaguely.

"Brought about his father's end or his own?" Dr. Jomei countered shrewdly. Vegeta glanced up contemplatively and Dr. Jomei felt his scrutiny as a shiver up his spine.

"Possibly both." Vegeta rejoined.

x

Just then Mirai Trunks returned with two cups of steaming coffee.

"Fresh from the pot, though that isn't saying much for the taste; at least it's hot." Mirai Trunks said handing a frothing cup to Dr. Jomei. The doctor accepted the proffered beverage and once again the group lapsed into silence.

* * *

**Chapter 23: Hellfire**

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My words confuse  
My eyes don't move a blink  
Cause it's easier sometimes  
Not to be sincere, somehow,  
I make you believe

When I speak, I cross my fingers  
Will you know you've been deceived?  
I find a need to be the demon  
A demon cannot be hurt

Honest is easy  
Fiction's where genius lies  
Cause it's easier sometimes  
Not to be involved, somehow  
I make you believe

Guster

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dr. Jomei rubbed irritably at his sore eyes and shook his head vigorously. Looking at a clock, he took note that it read two, too damn early in the morning. The coffee was nothing more then a lingering aftertaste that left much to be desired. Being too fatigued to actually get up and traverse the halls for another cup, Dr. Jomei simply resorted to more physical efforts to keep awake. When he felt his lids droop dangerously Dr. Jomei pinched his arm only to hiss as the pain stabbed through his sleep-fogged mind. Hearing a snort, Dr. Jomei glanced Vegeta's way, and caught a smirk playing at the corners of the stern man's mouth. With pursed lips, Dr. Jomei harrumphed and gained his feet.

x

The doctor was just taking a sip of water from a nearby water-fountain outside the restroom when Gohan's surgeon entered the room. Dr. Jomei quickly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and brushed the wetness onto his jeans negligently. Then he quickly made his way over to the surgeon and held out his hand respectfully. The surgeon, who'd been wiping his damp hands on a small towel, grimly met Dr. Jomei halfway to clasp hands.

"Dr. Grigson." Dr. Jomei intoned peremptorily.

"Dr. Jomei," the surgeon nodded politely, "And, you're the other one who brought the boy in?" Dr. Jomei jumped when he saw Vegeta had approached them without a single breath of noise. Said man glared at the doctor with his arms crossed comfortably in the ever present intimidating stance. Dr. Jomei couldn't decide if the man was glaring because attention had been drawn to him or if he came by his insufferable disposition naturally.

x

"The boy." Vegeta muttered expectantly. Dr. Jomei felt his eyebrows rise and had the urge to ask if he could detect a note of concern in the spiky-haired man's voice. Deducing that the man would not take such a remark lightly, he let the issue drop.

"Should we wake the others?" Dr. Jomei questioned, glancing to where Bulma slept holding Goten. Videl and Trunks still lay supine on their respective pieces of furniture. And, Mirai Trunks sat slumped in a chair having succumbed to Father Time about an hour ago. His cheek was resting on his right shoulder and soft, breathy noises issued forth from his lips as his chest moved in an even rhythm. Mirai Trunks' left arm lay across his lap while his right hand was curled around a half empty cup of coffee on the side table. Dr. Jomei felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth when he took note of Mirai Trunks' sprawled legs.

"No." Vegeta grunted in reply. Dr. Jomei silently agreed; they needed their rest and they would only be distressed if he woke them.

"Very well, how's Gohan?" Dr. Jomei felt an ache in his heart when he saw Dr. Grigson frown and slowly shake his head. "He's not d..." Dr. Jomei began worriedly.

"No, no! He'll pull through. The surgery went well; the only thing is…we won't be able to replace the reservoir." Dr. Grigson assured with an aggrieved expression.

"Well, that's not too bad." Dr. Jomei stated looking confused.

x

"The problem is that he needs a catheter to reach the CNS for his chemotherapy treatments. The only other option is that we install a catheter in the spine. We need to do the procedure as soon as he wakes so that he can get the treatments he needs on schedule. Because he's taken trauma to the head we can only use minimal anesthetic and he needs to be awake during the process." Dr. Grigson explained in detail. Dr. Jomei frowned as he remembered Gohan's reaction to the suggestion the first time he presented it.

"That does pose a problem." Dr. Jomei murmured quietly. Vegeta kept quite throughout the exchange but it was clear he was listening intently.

"Doctor Grigson, he's awake." a young man with sandy-blond hair suddenly called from the ICU doorway.

xxXXxx

The first thing Gohan felt was pain, burning down his body and pulsating in his head. With a guttural moan he tried to move and gave a tinny cry when spasms of pain danced upon his spine.

"Shhh...Just lie still. Rest." a smooth, honeyed voice whispered soothingly in his ear. Gohan tried to relax though most of his right side felt like the skin had been stretched painfully over his flesh. Some kind of dry, rough cloth was wrapped around various parts of his body that felt hot as if fevered. There was also a sort of pressure on his head that made the pounding in his skull vibrate dully. To relieve the pressure, Gohan turned his head sideways away from the bright, white light filtering onto his eyelids. Taking a shaky breath, Gohan opened his eyes, or at least he tried to.

x

"I...I can't open my eyes." Gohan whispered in a deceptively calm voice to whoever might hear. His hands gripped blindly at the starched hospital sheet covering the bed and spasms of pain lanced from his abused digits. He bit his lip on the hiss of pain and tasted a pinpoint of coppery blood in his mouth.

"Oh, that's the bandage, don't worry." the silky voice reassured quietly and Gohan felt a cool hand take his left hand, which was not bandaged, in a gentle reassuring way. His spastic grip on the sheet lessened some with the comforting contact.

"Where am I; what happened?" Gohan asked in a timorous voice and felt his chin quiver fearfully. 'Calm down Gohan, you're obviously in a hospital.' his mental voice scolded at the tearful reaction. He abhorred the crystalline tears that formed in his eyes and began dampening the gauze covering them.

x

"You are at the hospital; Dr. Jomei brought you in. You were burned in a fire and suffered some trauma to the head. You may not remember what happened. Don't worry about it. You'll be fine now." the velvety voice assured.

"W-Who are you?" Gohan stammered timidly. His heart ached for the encouraging presence of Videl. Even though this person was kind Gohan longed for the understanding and compassion that only the raven-haired girl could project to him.

"I'm your nurse, call me Sasa." Gohan felt the hand upon his give an almost imperceptible squeeze and managed an answering attempt at a smile.

"That's the spirit. Eric went to get Dr. Grigson who will explain everything to you. Meanwhile, would you like me to stay here with you?" Sasa inquired kindly. Gohan nodded and stifled a sob that threatened to escape his lips at the thought of being alone.

xxXXxx

"I'll be right there." Dr. Grigson acknowledged the young man with a wave and nod. Then he turned back to the other two men seriously.

"I'm going to go in there and tell Gohan that he needs the surgery. It's best if we don't give him time to actually think about it and get himself worked up. He is the same patient you said had an extremely averse reaction to the spinal catheter, right?" Dr. Grigson asked Dr. Jomei. An affirmative nod was the only answer to the inquiry.

"Alright, I suggest someone come in to sit with him during the procedure. Perhaps his father?" Dr. Grigson looked expectantly toward Vegeta. Dr. Jomei opened his mouth to refute the false assumption when Vegeta prevented him by nodding his acquiescence.

"Good, I want you to keep him calm. Follow me, I'll go in alone and tell him first and then you'll come in when he's ready." Dr. Grigson outlined simply. Then, together, the two men walked into the ICU toward Gohan's room.

xxXXxx

Gohan felt an impending sense of dread and it took all his might to stay calm. Sasa was moving about the room straightening various objects that either clinked or swished softly. Gohan followed her progress with his concentrated hearing as he carefully tested the extent of his injuries. His first relief was that when he wiggled his toes he could actually feel the movement. 'Good, you still have your feet.' his mind assured analytically. Next, Gohan tightened the muscles in his legs and received a twinge of pain in answer. 'Pain is good; it lets you know you're alive.' Gohan insisted though hot tears leaked into the fast cooling, damp gauze.

x

However, when Gohan started to turn his torso experimentally he could not contain the whimper that accompanied the jackknife of pain that exploded from his back. In an instant Sasa was at his side and inquiring what happened. 'What the fuck is wrong with you! Don't do that ever again you crazy bastard!' his mind screamed at Gohan in defense of his searing nerves. Gohan breathed raggedly, his breath hitching with each echo of pain. He shut his eyes tightly as the pain pulsated in time with his pounding heart within his head. Through the blur of pain and immense headache Gohan almost missed the sound of the door opening.

x

"What happened?" a male voice asked Sasa.

"I don't know, he just cried out and won't tell me." Sasa answered truthfully. Gohan could hear the apology in her voice as if his pain was a direct result of her inattention. Gohan wanted to tell the man that it wasn't her fault but he was convulsively swallowing the cries fighting against him for escape.

"Gohan, I'm Dr. Grigson." the male voice introduced himself calmly. Gohan opened his mouth to reply but his throat tightened painfully with suppressed sobs. All he managed was a slight nod that cost him dearly in pain.

x

"Don't move. You're suffering from the removal of your Ommaya Reservoir and we can't give you anymore drugs than we have for the pain. Just relax and stay calm, you're safe here." Dr. Grigson instructed firmly. Gohan felt like screaming at the man for his disingenuous expectations. Pain exploded behind his lids and he couldn't even move his back without suffering excruciating pain. Instead of snarling at the doctor Gohan waited stiffly for Grigson to tell him whatever it was that he needed to. Dr. Grigson must have picked up on Gohan's discomfort, as determined from what he said next.

"Maybe it'd be best if you can see. Your eyes were slightly damaged from the smoke and cinders but thankfully you weren't blinded. The right eye will need to be medicated for a while though, so don't be alarmed if you can't see very well out of it.' Dr. Grigson cautioned. Gohan heard the sound of running water and then the tell tale sound of a paper towel being used to dry hands. Dr. Grigson's shoes beat a tattoo on the hard tiled floor as he approached Gohan's bed and Gohan tensed perceptively.

x

Cold fingers brushed against his cheek as the doctor's hands moved to the coarse bandage wrapped around his head. Deftly, the fingers worked the cloth from his head though this was not without much pain. Every time his head had to be lifted Gohan felt a shock of pain at the base of his skull which he knew full well was probably from the removal of the catheter or the impact when he hit something, or both. As the cloth fell away completely Gohan blinked rapidly for several moments against the bright lighting as tears coursed down his cheeks in irritation. Gohan lifted his left hand with the intent to wipe the tears from his eyes, but was prevented by Dr. Grigson's restraining hand. Sasa brought forth a cloth and did the deed for him as expeditiously as a she was capable.

x

Gohan had to adjust to the sight that greeted him. The vision of his right eye was indistinct and blurry which made him feel off balance until he shut it instinctively.

"Don't worry; I've got just the thing." Sasa smiled sweetly and left the room briefly only to return with a black eye-patch. Gohan allowed her to situate the patch over his right eye and realized it did help even though it made him look like 'a damn parody of a pirate.' Gohan started to feel less frightened, especially with his ability to see again. He was in a white washed room on a medical bed complete with safety rails that hung down at the sides, unused at the moment. There were the standard machines such as heart monitor and blood pressure gauge. The overhead lights used for surgery shined effusively onto his skin making it even more ghostly in appearance than usual. If someone were to take a picture the film probably wouldn't process or would come up as only a white glare.

x

Looking around the room Gohan could see the various metal instruments gleaming on the tables and trays. Though these surroundings gave him a moment of terror in reflection of days long passed, Gohan felt secure in the knowledge that he was indeed safe here, as Dr. Grigson said. It was with this sudden calm that Dr. Grigson dropped the bombshell and wrecked the whole serenity of the moment.

"Gohan, we weren't able to replace the Ommaya Reservoir. We still need to install a catheter so you can take intrathecal chemotherapy. The only option we have left is through the spine. It's best if we do it now." Dr. Grigson stated formally as he perceived Gohan's more lax attitude resulting from the ability to see again. Instantly Gohan's body went stiff and a wide terrified look entered his eyes.

x

"No." Gohan squeaked through a throat choked with fear and began shaking his head despite the blinding pain that resulted. Sasa tried unsuccessfully to calm him and hold him still at once.

"Gohan, you haven't got a choice in this matter." Dr. Grigson intoned sharply. The hope that Gohan would listen to harsh truth more then reason diminished quickly with Gohan's reaction.

"NO!" came the embarrassing squeal and the even more violent attempt to get up and run away. Gohan actually managed to buck himself off the bed and to the floor with a muffled scream of agonizing pain. "NO!" the shrill scream sounded as Gohan fought his spasms and shudders of pain. His trembling hands grasped ineffectually at the frigid tiled floor in an effort to drag himself from the room.

x

"Gohan!" Sasa tried to grasp his arms as Dr. Grigson moved to his legs. Together they tried to lift Gohan onto the bed but Gohan yanked his arms from Sasa's grasp and kicked out with his legs. He was dropped unceremoniously and completely by accident on his back. An unholy shriek emanated from Gohan's lips and the fringes of his vision darkened with threatening unconsciousness. The pain overwhelmed any idea of escape or fear into one tumultuous piece of mind shoved way back into the area of distant memory. All that he could focus on was the burning, never-ending pain that sliced through cognizant thought like a white-hot poker. Gohan curled in upon himself as sobs wracked his body and only contributed to the pain he felt. He did not even acknowledge the door opening.

x

Gohan felt two strong arms envelope him and lift him onto the bed. His brain could calculate nothing further then the added pain the pressure caused him. He jolted in the arms and whimpered gutturally. His throat was raw with tears and cries of pain. He couldn't form any kind of coherent thought besides a desperate plea for the pain to stop, for the hurt to end. Gohan quivered as he lay in the bed sobbing and clutching at himself for comfort and release.

"Stop that." a harsh voice commanded and somewhere in Gohan's pain hazed mind the voice penetrated. He recognized the deep tone of Vegeta and, like a bucket of ice water, rationality flooded his mind. 'No! You mustn't let Vegeta see you here like some sort of blubbering baby!' Gohan's mind admonished him. With a supreme effort born of stubbornness he swallowed the raising cry and blinked his eyes viciously against the tears clouding them. Taking a deep shuddering breath he forced his breathing to slowly return to normal. The pain seeped into his very heart, but he ignored it in the face of Vegeta's glaring eyes.

x

"What happened?" Vegeta demanded sneeringly.

"He doesn't want a catheter in the spine." Dr. Grigson informed the short stocky man. Vegeta was truly formidable standing there with his legs set comfortably apart and his arms framing his torso in that ready to fight posture. His eyes were cold like jagged chips of black ice and they looked on the cringing boy with disgust and dissatisfaction.

"Don't tell me that Kakarott's brat is afraid of needles like his father. Hn...You bring nothing but shame to your race." Vegeta snorted ruthlessly. Sasa gasped and hurried from the room on the verge of tears. Dr. Grigson glanced at Gohan who was, to his surprise, calming himself under iron clad control. The tears were gone from his eyes and the noises of agony had stopped issuing from his throat. In fact, the boy's eyes had gone cold and his expression was void of any emotion even though the blood staining the bandages on his back attested to his continued torture.

x

Dr. Grigson felt the fury rise within him toward the cruel man, but decided it would be best for him to get the job done while Gohan was calm. Wordlessly Dr. Grigson prepared his equipment and helped Gohan turn onto his side. Gohan drew his legs up and wrapped his arms across his chest without being told. The only reaction Gohan exhibited throughout the whole procedure was a flinch when the needle was inserted. Vegeta was present only until the procedure was finished and then he walked out without saying a word.

NOTE: Senzu beans restore the person to their previous state of being (health). Gohan's 'state of being', if you will, is with cancer. So, even if he was given a senzu bean he'd still have cancer. On the other hand, a bean would heal the burns and such, but I don't think any of the Briefs carry them on their person. Also, remember, Gohan was going into shock and not even Vegeta could've gotten to Korin's tower and back in time to help him. Hence, the hospital. Vegeta also couldn't fly Gohan to the hospital because burns can be seriously irritated and infected by air particles and the speed that Vegeta can go is phenomenal; it wouldn't be possible to shield Gohan at all.

* * *

DEDICATED TO LADY ANGEL FIREN

**Chapter 24: Shame**

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Here by my side, an angel  
Here by my side, the devil  
Never turn your back on me  
Never turn your back on me, again  
Here by my side, it's Heaven

Matthew Good-Weapon

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

There stood the hospital in all its ivory glory looking peaceful in the half-light of just after dawn. Soft rays from the early sun refracted off of the dew dropped stems of the glistening, fall-turning grass. Small, broad leafed trees rustled in the delicate breeze and the sound of chirping could be heard within their depths. Up the smooth cement pathway and, past the electric swishing doors, the atmosphere was solemn and quiet. The sound of muffled squeaking echoed as if from afar along the geometric, brown and beige walkways. Trailing the length of the peach toned walls stood ominous doorways where the sound of faint weeping, or muted laughter could be perceived. The tranquility of the moment was captured in that quiet stillness. Then an earsplitting screech shattered the serenity of the previous moment. Down the long corridor and to the right of the Intensive Care Unit stood a black haired teenage girl looking for the world as the vengeful goddess, Nemesis herself.

x

"Who the hell do you think you are? You had no right to make that decision!" Videl screamed at Dr. Jomei. Tears pricked at her eyes but she brushed them away viciously with the back of her hand.

"This is the reason we didn't wake you." Dr. Jomei stated with an all encompassing gesture at Videl.

"Well I wouldn't be like this if you had woken me like you should have!"

"Please, this is a waiting room." a taupe attired nurse pleaded ineffectually.

x

Videl stood with her hands balled into fists on her hips. Her head was tilted regally in the fashion of one who knows she has every right to be offended. Her eyes were wet and her hair resembled a snarled mop head that had seen better days. The whole scenario would have seemed hilarious if not for the deep hurt reflected in her accusing gaze.

"Gohan did not need an emotionally distraught friend to cause him more anxiety when he himself was psychologically unstable." Dr. Jomei asserted firmly.

"So you sent in that unfeeling bastard instead?" Videl demanded incredulously, pointing to where Vegeta stood menacingly in the corner. "Who knows what he did to Gohan." her voice took on an anguished tone. Dr. Jomei's shoulders slumped as he seemed to lose his conviction with a frown. Raking a hand through his own tousled hair, Dr. Jomei sighed and regarded Videl's trembling lips tiredly. Bulma suddenly came forward and laid her hands on Videl's shoulders comfortingly.

"What's done is done. There's nothing we can do to change it now." Bulma murmured gently as she rubbed Videl's arms consolingly. Videl sucked in a shaky breath and her lips quivered on the edge of tears. Instinctually, Bulma wrapped her arms around the young woman and whispered soothing nothings into her ears as Videl's shoulders shook with her silent sobs. Bulma's own eyes were dry as she scrutinized her husband for any clue about what did happen with Gohan. Vegeta stared back stoically impassive and unmoved. Bulma relinquished her stare with such an apathetic response from the callous man.

x

"What's going on?" Mirai Trunks asked as he returned from taking the younger boys to the cafeteria and noticed the tension in the air. Goten looked highly distressed by Videl's crying and stuck a thumb in his mouth though both his mother and his father often told him he was too old to be doing so. Chibi Trunks observed his father's emotionless expression and his mother's concerned facade. The lavender-haired boy knew something unpleasant had transpired in the time they'd been gone.

"Come on, Goten, let's go wash our hands." Trunks suggested taking his younger brother by the hand and leading him to the nearby restroom. Once the boys were safely gone, Mirai Trunks repeated his question.

x

"Gohan's awake." Bulma answered simply. Mirai Trunks looked taken aback for a moment before he grinned wide.

"What's there to cry about that? That's great news." the teen exclaimed jubilantly.

"Y-Yeah, but not when h-he was awake hours a-ago and no-no one told us." Videl countered in hitched breaths. Her eyes were fast becoming red with her tears and she looked miserable in the knowledge that she hadn't been there for Gohan when he woke.

"You mean he woke up while we were asleep?" Mirai Trunks asked for clarification.

"Yes, and he had to have a catheter installed in his s-spine. The k-kind doctor sent _him_ in with Gohan instead of someone else." Videl stuttered sarcastically as she tried to calm herself. Mirai Trunks looked somewhat confused with this information, but he did recognize the folly of sending his father in with Gohan. Before Mirai Trunks could state as much, the doctor who had performed the surgery on Gohan entered.

x

"Oh, I see you've all woken up." Dr. Grigson observed and smiled kindly at Trunks and Goten who approached from the bathroom. "Gohan is resting in a private room now. I will allow visitors one at a time, excepting him." Dr. Grigson announced motioning at the last to Vegeta. This restriction seemed to confirm Videl's worst assumptions concerning Vegeta and she burst into tears again. "I'm afraid I can't allow anyone to see Gohan who might upset him further." Dr. Grigson added with a meaningful look in Videl's direction.

"That's all right, I'll go first." Mirai Trunks declared stepping forward as if to quell any objections.

"Very well, if you'll follow me..." Dr. Grigson bade as he turned intentionally away from the emotional scene.

xxXXxx

Gohan stared at the canary yellow walls unseeingly with a frown turning at his mouth. His back ached in a dull echo of pain and he held himself still for fear of causing himself further discomfort. His breakfast tray sat almost untouched on the bedside table. The grey porridge had congealed into a pasty mess that could easily pass for cement. Soggy canned fruit swam in the saccharine liquid it usually came in; and it mixed with a dab of cinnamon applesauce that had spilled over the side of its own designated tray area. The sickly sweet smell churned Gohan's stomach and made him grimace in distaste. He gazed at the wall in the attempt to keep himself from heaving up the contents of his stomach which consisted of a glass of orange juice and some burnt toast he'd managed to choke down.

x

The room he was in could easily pass as the liveliest of any he'd occupied before. Not only were the walls painted brightly, but cheap paintings of flowering meadows and blue skies hung about the room. The curtains to his window were wide open allowing for the sunshine to enter and the warm rays to caress his skin. Gohan peered out the window for lack of anything else to do as he picked at his cotton lilac bedspread. A small ball of lint came away from the covers and Gohan rolled the piece between his pointer finger and thumb thoughtfully. 'How could I involve them? Vegeta as much as said it was my own fault I'm in this mess and that Goten can't help. Besides, how can I expect him to go through the pain and confusion of the tests and finding out that I'm his brother,' Gohan snorted to himself, 'Brother, like I've ever truly been his brother.' Gohan sighed dejectedly. 'It would be better to have never been born.' Gohan thought and squeezed his eyes tightly against the tears that threatened to spill. Gohan had a niggling suspicion that he hadn't ended up in that fire by accident. 'I wonder what they think of me now. Probably think I'm a weak coward...' The sound of soft knocking on his door snapped Gohan from his depressed thoughts.

x

"Come in." Gohan mumbled far too quiet for those on the other side of the door to hear him. Either way, the door did open and Mirai Trunks stuck his head around the obstruction to peer into the room hesitantly. Catching sight of Gohan awake and propped against a mound of pillows Mirai Trunks smiled tentatively and stepped into the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

"Hey Gohan, how're you doing?" Mirai Trunks whispered as if afraid to break the ambience of quietude. Gohan averted his gaze from the compassionate countenance of a man who he had, once upon a time, been the influencing force. 'How could I have grown to be so strong that someone like Mirai Trunks looked to me as a master and best friend,' a vindictive voice quickly replied, 'Because in that timeline you didn't kill your father.'

"Gohan?" Mirai Trunks' concerned tone brought Gohan from his introverted thoughts.

"'M'fine." Gohan mumbled with downcast eyes and a habitual shrug.

"Bullshit." Mirai Trunks spat angrily. Gohan's eyes snapped up to meet Mirai Trunks' piercing gaze. He could discern in the turquoise depths both fury and immense affection. Gohan couldn't bring himself to hold the stare and bowed his head shamefully. "Gohan, why do you torture yourself like this?" Mirai Trunks inquired, fraught with emotion.

x

Gohan avoided the question in favor of watching a small robin cock its head and peck at the windowsill. Mirai Trunks followed his friend's gaze and sighed with a shake of his head.

"You can't avoid everyone like this." the murmur hung between them ominously.

"I'm dying Trunks." Gohan whispered suddenly and the words seemed to make the atmosphere of the room more oppressing. Mirai Trunks was at a loss for words and looked about in search of something to anchor himself. The soft admission was like a blow to the young man's gut. Gohan watched as Mirai Trunks' eyes seemed to glaze over with painful memory. Then the boy shook his head with a grimace.

"I won't let you die and I definitely won't leave you alone this time." Mirai Trunks articulated fiercely and gripped Gohan's hand in desperation.

x

They stayed like that for a while, Gohan sitting against his mountain of pillows and Mirai Trunks holding his hand while he stood watch over the smaller boy.

"Trunks?" Gohan ventured faintly after a long silence.

"Yes, Gohan?" Mirai prompted tenderly.

"I'm afraid to die." Gohan whispered and his voice cracked with suppressed anguish. Mirai Trunks gripped Gohan's hand tightly and allowed the tormented soul to weep inexhaustible tears as his body shuddered agonizingly. Mirai did not offer words of condolence or try to embrace Gohan in any way, but he stood beside Gohan so that he would not be alone in his fear and grief.

xxXXxx

"How is he?" Bulma asked when Mirai Trunks finally returned from seeing Gohan. Bulma was gripping her hands anxiously and her eyes held worry in their azure depths. Trunks took note that his father hadn't moved from his position and Dr.Jomei was nowhere to be seen. Videl had been staring blankly at a magazine when he'd entered, but at Bulma's inquiry she dropped all pretense of reading the out-of-date material. The black-haired teen was the one who looked the most distraught on behalf of Gohan. Mirai was left wondering how she and Gohan came to be together as he searched for his younger brothers. There, Trunks and Goten were playing with some children's toys in the far corner of the waiting room. Trunks seemed oblivious to his older counterpart's return, but Goten watched him curiously from under his bangs with a thumb in his mouth. Mirai Trunks had to restrain himself from telling Goten to stop sucking his thumb, after all, the boy was entitled to feel insecure right now.

x

"Well?" his mother hissed impatiently. Mirai Trunks shoved his hands into the pockets of his blue jeans and shrugged. Bulma opened her mouth, no doubt to shout at him for the glib reply, but Mirai held up a forestalling hand.

"He's not good, but I don't think I have a right to go into detail without his permission. I don't think he should be alone though." Mirai finally announced with a pointed look at Videl. Videl leapt from her seat, dropping the magazine to the floor in the process, and stepped forward eagerly. Mirai Trunks nodded and gestured for her to follow him to Gohan's room.

x

Once they reached the door Mirai Trunks stopped Videl from entering with a deterring arm. Videl gave the young man a miffed stare and looked expectantly at his arm barring the door.

"Listen, before I left, Gohan was upset. I stayed with him until he fell asleep." Mirai Trunks explained shortly. Videl peered at him for a moment and then nodded to show she understood his implication. Mirai gave a curt nod in return and headed back down the hall with the vague intent to get some coffee. Videl watched Mirai Trunks' back until it disappeared around the corner. Gently she turned the handle and pushed the door open slowly until the crack she created was large enough for her to slip through.

x

The room was dark, the lights off and the curtains drawn. Videl trailed her hand along the wall in the dimness of the room until she reached the bed. There she felt around for a chair and, when she couldn't find one beside the bed, ventured to drag one from by the window. Once the surprisingly semi-comfortable chair was settled by Gohan's bed Videl sat and reached to take Gohan's hand in hers like she'd done many times before.

x

Gohan moved restlessly and took a deep breath at the contact but exhaled and fell still when Videl began to rub the hand soothingly. As Videl's eyes grew accustomed to the shadowy darkness she could pick out Gohan's facial features. His unnaturally bald head was pale to the point of being ghostly and her fingers itched to feel the unmarred roundness. She reached out tentatively with her other hand and satisfied her urge by gently caressing the naked flesh. He looked so peaceful with his dark lashes arranged against his pale cheeks.

A warm smile curved her lips as she observed Gohan's gentle snores. His lips were slack in sleep, only disturbed by his rhythmic breathing. Videl yawned and laid her head on the bed allowing the cadence of Gohan's breathing to lull her to sleep.

**ooo**

Heat...Burning...Fear...Pain...Fire...Flames flickering in the darkness...Someone laughing cruelly...Darkness and preying shadows. He opens his eyes blurrily to be greeted with pitch blackness. Next, he turns his head to look out into the ominous, velvety blackness but can discern nothing. Loud groans of wood come from above as feet tread by. An incessant dripping noise reaches his awareness. Drip...drip...drip. The sound registers in his memory as the broken faucet in the basement.

x

Hadrian's tied him up again. For what, he's unsure. Gohan tries to move his legs but they feel like lead, probably because they've been curled under him for an indeterminate amount of time and have fallen asleep. His arms are trussed up behind him and the chafing ache to his wrists tells him he tried to escape before he'd been knocked unconscious. Gohan takes a moment to congratulate himself for not surrendering to his mistreatment though it's a weak consolation. There is a pain in his stomach that he's all too familiar with. Hadrian was using the brass knuckles again; he must've done something serious. The boards creak in protest to the weight traveling across them. The steps come to a stop roughly above Gohan and he knows. He knows that Hadrian stands at the door above the windowless cavern he's trapped in.

x

The door is thrown open with a violent _bang_! That makes Gohan jump and knock his head painfully against the support pole he's fastened to. Bright electric lighting floods into the darkness, illuminating the whole of the cement prison and blinding Gohan briefly. Once his vision clears of the light spots he can see the basement in all it's tainted glory. Over there, in the corner, is the leaky faucet with the pail underneath to catch the water. Only when he catches sight of the rusted washing machine and dryer does he hear the low rumble that accompanies the constant drip. Boxes covered in cobwebs and a moldy, moth-eaten carpet are the only other objects in the room. It's a good thing too because Gohan doesn't have the time to survey any more as a right hook cracks sickly against his jaw. Gohan's head is thrown sideways and his ears ring with the impact. Through unfocused, pain hazed eyes Gohan notices that Hadrian is saying something but he can't seem to hear what it is. Forgetting himself, Gohan works his jaw to tell Hadrian as much but the shooting pains and grinding of bone convince him it's probably broken. Admittedly that's a good thing as Hadrian probably wouldn't have taken kindly to being told he wasn't being listened to.

x

Hadrian's fist plows into Gohan's already sore stomach and proves erroneous as Gohan can't control the urge to hurl. The regurgitated food catches Hadrian's right leg and both feet. Gohan can't help but smile grotesquely at Hadrian's mixed look of disgust and fury. Seeing the amused expression on his face, Hadrian only becomes more furious. With a sadistic glint in his eye the man pulls the bindings from Gohan's wrists and then tells him to run.

x

It's the old game of cat and mouse, and Gohan knows what's coming. He bolts up the stairs on wobbly legs with that sharp pins and needles feeling from waking limbs. He sprints in a desperate attempt to reach the bedroom. If he could get to the bedroom then Hadrian wouldn't do...it. Forget the fact that he hadn't ever made it before. He could take the beatings, he even thought he deserved them, but he couldn't take this torture, not without a guise of trying to escape.

x

Gohan had just reached the top of the stairway when he felt a hand clamp around his leg and jerk hard. The floor came up at an alarming rate to greet him and Gohan stuck out his hands to prevent his face from slamming into the tiled floor. A sickening snap and an explosion of pain in his wrist resulted from the impact and heralded a broken bone. Ignoring the pain, he tried to kick at his pursuer, but the hand remained fastened to his foot. Then he felt himself being dragged back into the depths of the hellhole he'd almost escaped. Hadrian sniggered repugnantly and Gohan was able to get one last glimpse of the kitchen and hope before Hadrian pulled him uncouthly into darkness...

**ooo**

Gohan gasped with his eyes clenched tightly shut as he felt the slicing pain along his body. THEY were holding him down and making him hurt. He fought against the arms, but THEY wouldn't release him! He didn't want to be hurt anymore; he didn't want to feel pain anymore. Why couldn't they just let him die in peace?

"Let me go! Let me go! Let...me...go!" Gohan screamed in a strangled voice and began crying in frustration. His body shook violently in fear; he felt a warm wetness between his legs and the foul stench of urine permeated the air.

"Oh God, let him go!" a shrill voice cried out frantically. Almost immediately the grasping, groping hands were removed and he was left trembling. Gohan wrapped his arms around himself and curled his legs in a quivering mass of pained existence.

"Gohan? Gohan, it's me, Videl. You're ok, we're sorry. You were crying out in your sleep, we were trying to wake you up." Videl choked out apologetically in a high pitched voice. She reached out to take his hand but Gohan let out a strangled whimper and recoiled from the slightest contact.

x

"What's wrong with him?" Mirai Trunks asked in a fearful sort of awe. He stood wide-eyed beside the bed looking down at the huddled body of his one time mentor. Bulma stood in the door frame looking quite distraught with tears welling in her eyes. She had a hand over her mouth to stifle the screams that threatened to come out and probably wouldn't stop once released. A sort of keening moan issued forth past her lips in a constant accompaniment to Gohan's tormented whimpering. She couldn't force her feet to carry her out of the room, but stood staring transfixed at the teen that no longer resembled the boy she once thought she knew.

x

Vegeta wasn't looking any better under the circumstances. He wasn't sneering or making crass comments, but rather stood as if dumbstruck by the sight of the broken and bleeding Saiyan soul. His arms hung lax at his sides as if he didn't know what to do with them, no longer being employed to hold down the earlier thrashing demi-Saiyan. The way the boy had reacted to his ministrations made him feel like some sort of lecher or filthy bug. The only reaction Vegeta felt natural in expressing was anger, and he indulged himself while the banshee teen tried to bring Gohan around.

x

"What the hell's wrong with him?" Vegeta growled dangerously as he grabbed Dr. Grigson by the collar and lifted him off his feet. Dr. Grigson had also been present in the room when they attempted to wake Gohan. He'd been stunned by Gohan's violent reaction as well because, according to Gohan's file, he'd never been prone to showing an aversion to human touch before. Dr. Grigson had been intrigued because, he knew well, there was ample reason for Gohan to be so. When the intimidating man picked him up he could have cared less if the man could smash him into indistinguishable bits with his bare fists, Dr. Grigson was pissed.

x

"What do you expect from someone who's been beaten and raped for several years?" Dr. Grigson snarled back wrathfully. "I wouldn't be surprised if this whole episode was brought on by what you told him before the operation." At these words there was a hideous choking scream from the doorway and Bulma turned to stumble blindly out of the room. Mirai Trunks looked like he'd been slapped in the face and instantly his eyes filled with sympathetic anguish for his friend's ordeal. Videl looked not to have heard, but if anyone focused closely they could see that her hands trembled as she held them clasped together. Vegeta showed no outward signs of comprehending Dr. Grigson's assertions, but his eyes seemed to glaze over as if preventing any emotion from slipping into their onyx pools. Everyone else's eyes were riveted on the hot-tempered pair waiting for a reaction from Vegeta.

x

"P-please help me." Gohan's whispered plea snapped everyone out of the tense moment. Immediately Videl hurried to give him a hug which he accepted though reluctantly and with a slight shudder.

"What do you need help with?" Videl asked teary eyed and with a wavering smiling.

"I soiled myself." Gohan whispered shamefacedly having seen Vegeta and Mirai Trunks also present besides the doctor and Videl.

"All you ever had to do was ask." Videl assured as the tears spilled over in the face of such innocent concerns in someone so heinously violated.

* * *

NOTE: An Ommaya Reservoir is almost like a catheter in the head that allows chemo drugs to reach the brain fluid which is the same as the spinal fluid. I did mention it earlier but it was in passing and a while back. The Reservoir is also used when people have brain tumors and other related diseases. The important part is that Gohan's broke and had to be replaced with a catheter in the spine (back to the good old spinal tap).

**Chapter 25: Emotional Upheaval**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

Evanescence-My Immortal

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I wish you wouldn't look at me like that." Gohan whispered tonelessly. His balled fists clutched painfully at the starch white hospital sheets. He sat in his bed, in his disgustingly cheerful room, surrounded by Dr. Grigson, Bulma, Mirai Trunks, Videl, and even Vegeta though he didn't hover like the others.

x

"Like what?" Videl met Gohan's gaze, her eyes bleeding the sickening pity he so despised. Gohan averted his gaze to his bloodless knuckles in time to see Videl take his hand into hers. The delicate diminutive fingers were stunningly soft and smooth from what could only be continuous administration of hand creams. As her fingers entwined with his long tapered, skeletal fingers, Gohan imagined what it would be like to fall once again into that easy comfort but struck down the weak neediness.

x

With a deliberate firmness Gohan removed his appendage from her grasp. Videl's bottle-blue eyes widened and her soft lips parted in an expression of utter astonishment and hurt. Gohan resolutely raised his composed stare to her questioning gaze and shook his head almost imperceptibly. For a moment he couldn't believe that he'd gotten so dependent on Videl's comforting words and touch. He felt ill that he could be reduced to such a state of dependence; not only that, but he'd had the notion that he deserved the consolation. 'Murderers don't deserve such mercy. Stop dragging them into this; they shouldn't feel obligated to care or worry for you.'

x

Suddenly, Gohan turned his attention to Dr. Grigson, his eyes went cold and his tone was glacial.

"Doctor Grigson, any further divulgence of my medical records will find you up on charges for violating the doctor-patient confidentiality agreement. I may be a minor, but in that case only Mr. Satan has the right to know my files." Gohan clenched his jaw and raised it in a clear indication of challenge.

"Gohan!" Videl spluttered incredulously while Dr. Grigson mouthed wordlessly.

"Videl, I'll ask that you leave if you can't control your emotional outbursts. Dr. Grigson had no permission to give away such information which I am entitled to disclose at my discretion." Gohan's tone was dead serious and Videl gapped at him in shock. Gohan applauded himself for such superb acting abilities. If he pushed them far enough away then it wouldn't hurt him or them when he did die.

x

"Gohan, what's going on? Why are you acting this way?" Bulma pleaded, arms held out in entreaty, with the self-same look of pity that Videl had displayed moments before. Gohan shook his head and ignored the questions with the disregard of one fully aware of the implications of answering. Gohan's dark eyes were red rimmed from lack of sleep, though their inner depths showed no trace of his fatigue. The sharp regard and the frigid reception enhanced the idea that the once passionate fires that had burned so brightly in Gohan's youthful eyes were now smothered into fast cooling coals of deadness. Their haunted depths were shuttered to the world as if, should he reveal the inner demons, Gohan would never be able to go back to being the lost son of Goku. Instead he would become an absolute stranger, a shattered soul of a friend long dead only breathing in the shell of what once was.

x

"Bulma, Vegeta, whether you chose to have Goten tested is completely up to you; I'll adhere to it and any decision on your part regarding the blood relation between myself and Goten. However, if you do decline to have him tested I'll ask that you leave now...and don't ever come back." Gohan stated emotionlessly and resolutely watched for their reactions. Vegeta grunted and shifted menacingly in his arms crossed posture. Bulma looked staggered; Gohan deduced that she probably would've taken the proclamation better had he shown some vindictiveness or accusation in his eyes instead of the emotionally devoid emptiness.

x

They just couldn't understand that he wasn't the Gohan they knew; Gohan had grown up long ago tied to a bed in a grey room with his innocence being stripped away as easily as rent paper. Inside, his mind begged them to stay and tell him that everything would turn out fine in the end, but the self-incriminating side of him declared him undeserving of such kindness. Too long had Gohan been exposed to the depths of human cruelty and made to believe he was deserving of such treatment, that he should even enjoy it and thank his tormentors for their dispense of justice. What more could they expect of him?

x

"What! How can you say that? Of course Goten'll be tested!" Mirai Trunks suddenly shouted furiously. Gohan regarded his friend blankly; Mirai Trunks looked livid but there was also a trace of helplessness to his voice.

"That's not for you to determine." Gohan murmured monotonously but with an underlying firmness. At these words Mirai Trunks became enraged and, in a fit of passion, slammed a fist through the hospital wall. Yellow tinted flecks of cement flew everywhere and Dr. Grigson stumbled backward from the irate man. Dusty particles sprayed onto Gohan's bed making him cough and wheeze slightly as he observed Mirai's actions.

x

In a far corner of Gohan's mind he wondered vaguely if the young man would deem him deserving of punishment like so many others had. What made any human different from another? Mirai Trunks had the same urges as any human and the only thing that held the furious brutality at bay was restraint, which was an exceedingly thin virtue among Saiyans. On the surface, Gohan's gaunt face held no expression though his emaciated, frail body trembled like a branch blown in gusty winds. Unaware of Gohan's condition, Mirai Trunks whirled around and grabbed Gohan by the front collar of his hospital gown. Gohan flinched in the face of such a volatile temper.

"How can you be so indifferent? What the hell is wrong with you!" Mirai shook Gohan fiercely for emphasis. The raucous sound of rent cloth split the air as Gohan's flimsy gown gave way under Mirai Trunks' rough grip. Gohan's head bobbed with the motion and his teeth clattered achingly against each other in time with the harsh jerking.

x

Gohan could smell the distinct scent that was reminiscent of days spent being slammed into concrete walls and he could see the fine grey powder covering Mirai Trunks' unmarked hand. Gohan was so focused on the stalwart grip that held him, and on the opposite fist he was sure would plow into him at any moment, that he didn't realize his whole being was trembling and that he wasn't breathing.

"**_Stop_**! You're scaring him! You damn bully!" Videl screamed hysterically and raced forward to pound her fists against Mirai Trunks' back. The shouted claim and the desperate, albeit ineffective, physical onslaught was like a slap to the face. Mirai Trunks looked horrified by his actions as he took in Gohan's glazed eyes and quivering, oxygen deprived form. Gohan was not seeing his violet-haired assailant anymore; he was recalling something else from long ago...

**ooo**

"What's wrong with you, damn mute bastard?" the hulking form of Hadrian demanded as he gave a fell swooping kick to Gohan's ribs. There was a cracking sound not like a pop but more like a subdued crunch that signaled a broken rib or two. Gohan coughed up saliva and blood from an earlier kick to the mouth. His arms were curled around his midsection as he writhed in a futile search for oxygen to breathe. "You're nothing, a damn waste of food and air. Get up!"

x

Hadrian yanked Gohan up by a shock of ebony hair and Gohan winced as his starved lungs gasped for air. The indrawn breaths were accompanied by a rasping gurgle noise resultant from inhaling the blood along with the air. Gohan's eyes leaked tears as he began to cough violently and his chest constricted painfully. Flecks of blood and spittle sprayed from his mouth which only enraged Hadrian further.

"You fucking bastard!" For a moment he was weightless as he sailed through the atmosphere only to slam sickeningly into the concrete wall of the basement.

x

Breathing heavily, albeit haltingly, Gohan slumped against the cool stone. He begged silently for unconsciousness or, better yet, a more permanent respite from his living hell. The solid tromp of Hadrian's steel-toed boots signaled his approach. Gohan braced himself in a desperate attempt to stem what little pain and damage he could. The subtle sound of displaced air and the swish of cloth rubbing against cloth was all the warning Gohan perceived before a swift kick to the stomach doubled him further into himself. He struggled for breath but none was forthcoming and he began to panic in the face of his suffocation...

**ooo**

"Gohan! Breathe!" Videl's shouted order snapped Gohan out of the trance he'd fallen into. He inhaled deeply and swayed dizzily as his deprived lungs expanded with oxygen. Gohan felt faint and looked around dazedly from his position on his bed. Videl had the ever familiar look of concern on her face and fidgeted restlessly, no doubt battling with her instinct to hold his hand. Mirai Trunks was assessing the true craftsmanship of his tennis shoes with a decidedly shameful expression on his face. Dr. Grigson was by his side studiously taking his pulse and looking him over for lasting damage. Gohan endured the doctor with the patience of one already experienced in hospital procedure. Bulma, having returned during the commotion, was staring helplessly at Gohan. Lastly, Vegeta was not looking at Gohan at all. Gohan almost gaped at the arrogant prince who was currently scowling in the direction of Mirai Trunks.

x

"Gohan, I'm so sorry! I really didn't think...I was just...it's like you want them to...do you truly want to die?" Mirai's heartfelt inquiry made Gohan frown guiltily.

"Hn. You're nothing but a coward." Vegeta's rumbling voice carried through the room like an ominous rain cloud.

"Why don't you just get the hell out of here if you don't want to help him!" Obviously the frustration of Gohan's rejection combined with nerves wound tighter then piano strings had finally taken their toll on Videl. She marched up to the Saiyan Prince and glared with enough antagonism to rival the hot-tempered royalty. "If you aren't part of the solution then you're part of the problem! It's you and your endless criticism that's reduced him to this." Videl snarled viciously with an encompassing gesture at the room and Gohan. "It's you and people like you that did those bad things to Gohan!" Videl poked the broad, well toned chest in front of her for emphasis. She opened her mouth to spew forth more insults, no doubt, but Vegeta snagged her wrist in a painful grip that made her gasp and tears spring to her eyes.

x

"You know nothing of the matter, damn woman. That idiot doesn't need or want your pity. He's a coward running from life because of past mistakes." Vegeta snarled every bit as venomously as Videl, and then some. Videl scowled and struggled against the vice-like grip on her wrist.

"No one is perfect; how can _you_ judge _him_? He's lived through more then most adults could have, or even you." Videl whispered harshly as her eyes sparked with engulfing hatred.

"You presume too much you stupid girl. He isn't the only one who has had to suffer death on his conscience and he won't be the last." Vegeta growled dangerously. Videl jerked at her arm in a futile attempt to break the bruising hold.

"Well Gohan's not a murderer! And, he's atoned plenty for whatever happened with his father and mother. He doesn't need your added grief!" Everyone in the room was riveted on the pair of them standing toe to toe; the lookers-on weren't exactly sure who had the upper hand in the argument.

x

"I'm not trying to drive him to his grave! I'm trying to make him stronger!" Vegeta suddenly shouted at the girl and then scowled to realize he'd said it out loud. Gohan stared in wonder at this confession and the others looked on with identical expressions of shock or surprise. The fight seemed to leave Videl and, as she went limp, Vegeta released her wrist which had bruised imprints where his fingers had gripped. "I won't allow Goten to be tested until you desire to live. I won't have you put the burden of guilt on **_my_** son if you truly wish to die and he forces you to live." With a veiled look in Gohan's direction Vegeta turned and stalked out. Gohan sat stunned by the words and their implications.

xxXXxx

Gohan sat silently contemplating Vegeta's words as Videl fed the chemotherapy needle into the catheter imbedded in his shoulder. Mirai Trunks watched avidly with a sick sort of attraction to the spectacle. Everyone else was gone; Dr. Jomei had been called for another patient a while ago, hence his absence lately, and Dr. Grigson was attending to other patients. Bulma had taken the boys back to Capsule Corps with a promise to visit later on and Vegeta hadn't been seen since his heated debate with Videl. Gohan had been returned to his previous room in the hospital, the one he was assigned to during his chemotherapy treatments. Mirai Trunks had made all the obvious comments about sterility and lack of decor before sitting in the rough upholstered chair that Videl had so often occupied.

x

"Doesn't that hurt?" Mirai Trunks asked suddenly, motioning to the catheter, as he shifted uncomfortably in the chair. All animosity from the afternoon had dissipated and Gohan could see how Mirai Trunks was only now becoming consciously aware of his delicate state.

"Not really, although I seriously wonder why I'm still taking chemo when it's already failed." Gohan replied with a bored sigh. He fidgeted restlessly in his wheelchair and watched as Mirai Trunks gave up any pretense of actually wanting to remain seated. Gohan had the sneaking suspicion that Mirai Trunks felt awkward having to look down at him. The young man began pacing about the room in search for some item to interest him besides the deteriorating body of his future best friend, or past depending on the perception of the person. He finally stopped to admire the view outside the one window, which consisted of the hospital grounds and the outlaying buildings of Satan City.

"Dr. Jomei said chemo can't cure you, that doesn't mean that chemo can't help slow the cancer down." Videl huffed exasperatedly as Gohan shifted again in place and she had to readjust her grip on the catheter. "Gohan hold still." Gohan rolled his eyes and stilled long enough for Videl to finish installing the medication so it could drip steadily into his veins.

x

Mirai Trunks, who had turned at Videl's irate tone, laughed at the expression Gohan wore on his face of a childlike pout. Videl yielded a smile of her own and ran a loving hand over Gohan's naked skull as she made her way to the vacated contraption trying to pass itself off as a chair. As she plopped into the folds of the canvas mesh she caught the distasteful appraisal of Mirai Trunks.

"You could always sit on the bed you know." Videl offered with a slight smirk and received a snort from Mirai in reply. Gohan's smile dimmed to one of soft sorrow, 'Could life really be as simple as this? Us just sitting around here, teasing and laughing at each other?' Gohan shook his head in resignation, one way or the other he would not be staying here much longer.

x

"Gohan, are you all right?" Videl's concerned tone only made Gohan feel guiltier for ruining the moment for them. When he failed to answer right away, Videl dragged the chair next to his own and, wringing her hands, waited for him to answer while showing her support. Mirai Trunks walked over and placed a calloused hand on Gohan's shoulder and offered a small smile of encouragement. Gohan caught Videl's saddened expression as she spotted Mirai's hand on his shoulder and took up her hand in his own. Videl drew in a shaking breath but her eyes remained dry as she met Gohan's gaze.

"I guess I'm just not sure what I want in life...or death," Gohan murmured quietly.

"What do you mean?" Mirai Trunks asked quietly for fear of startling Gohan to silence.

"I mean...I guess that I'm scared to hope for too much in life. I mean, what if I decide I do want to live and then Goten isn't a match?"

"Are you saying that you'd rather die then face the possibility that you might die?" Videl sounded confused as she inquired.

"Not of the possibility, more like...of not having a choice." Gohan mumbled ashamedly.

"You're afraid of losing control." Mirai Trunks whispered suddenly. Gohan went wide-eyed and thought hard about this new inference. It made sense.

x

Gohan couldn't prevent the gasp from escaping his lips as his mind processed this new facet to his existence. All that time, the beatings, the starvation, the mutism, he'd always been in some modicum of control and that was why he'd allowed it to happen. His whole existence after the Cell Games was a struggle in restraint, all the abuse was a test to see if he could control himself. For a fighter who trained all his life, and had to focus on strength to be aware of his potential to hurt people, the loss of control was devastation beyond any comparison.

x

Gohan felt the trembling in his limbs as he thought of those instances where he'd felt hopeless and yet he'd been in control. All he had to do was open his mouth and tell someone, anyone. He'd known all along that he could've ended it with one muttered allegation, but the guilt stopped him. Not only guilt over his parents' deaths, but the fear also, the fear of going over that edge. He had to keep tossing himself in harms way just to see if history would repeat itself. Gohan felt a rift heal itself within his heart and that uncertain place in his mind begin to comprehend as he gained this new insight into his own psyche.

x

"I want to live." Gohan heard himself claim with conviction he hadn't known he possessed. Gohan felt more then saw Mirai's elation as the hand on his shoulder squeezed tenderly and an exuberant whoop filled the air. Videl bit her bottom lip to stem her tears and laughed joyously before enveloping Gohan in a bone crushing hug. Gohan smiled and realized he'd have been an idiot to throw away such genuinely caring friends. "I'm sorry I've been acting like such an ass." Gohan muttered sincerely into Videl's ear.

"As long as you promise never to push me away again, I'll forgive you." Videl asserted with a playful whack to Gohan's shoulder. Gohan took Videl's face between his hands and kissed her soundly on the lips while she blushed an endearing scarlet.

"How's that for a promise?"

x

NOTE: Why can't the Dragon balls heal Gohan? That's a toughie to explain! Huh, I guess I'll start with the rules; the Dragon balls can't revive anyone who has died a natural death, correct? In my mind things like Leukemia are included in the realm of natural death because it's a sign of the body deteriorating and in most cases is not caused by anything outside the body or at least it hasn't been proven. So, to my way of thinking if the Dragon can't bring anyone back to life from a natural death then he can't cure anyone of the fated disease either because that'd be disrupting the natural balance of things. I hope that is a good enough explanation for you but if not, then take to heart that this IS a FANFICTION and things in my story are bound not to correlate with the real thing, ok?

* * *

**Chapter 26: Monkey Jumping on the Bed**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I still remember the world  
From the eyes of a child  
Slowly those feelings  
Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone  
An uneven trade for the real world  
I want to go back to  
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun  
Always warm on my back  
Somehow it seems colder now

Where has my heart gone  
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger  
I want to go back to  
Believing in everything

Evanescence-Field of Innocence

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The calm breeze filtered in through the curtained window to gently caress his face and flutter the pages of the book he was currently reading. Gohan smiled quietly as he shifted contentedly against the cool bedspread. His ears were slightly chilled from the tender draft but he declined having the window shut. The wind carried with it the faint scent of sunshine and crisp autumn air which was reminiscent of days long past when Gohan used to explore the woods of his remote mountain home. The sound of twittering birds came from a distance, somehow tempered to a bearable cacophony that melded into the serene background. Gohan yawned while stretching his arms, consequently losing his page to the vacillating breeze, and heard the tell-tale snick of the door opening. He peered languidly at the entryway and caught sight of a violet haired head that reached just above the doorknob.

x

Trunks shoved the door the rest of the way open with an officious huff and a petit right shoulder. Gohan noticed the reason for such a struggle as Trunks carried a pitcher that chinked noisily in one hand and an average sized cup in the other. Closely following the scowling demi-Saiyan, and carefully balancing a hospital food-tray, was a shy Goten.

x

"Mom said to bring you this ice-water and the tray." Trunks grumbled as he set the pitcher down on the bedside table with an audible thump. Next, the chibi prince slammed the hard-plastic cup down beside the jug for good measure. The squat prince wore a decidedly dour expression and his arms, after being released from their employment, crossed over his chest in the likeness of his father's common posture. Trunks wore blue-jeans, a jacket with the capsule logo on it and a red T-shirt that read 'I can only please one person a day. Today isn't your day and tomorrow isn't looking good either.'

x

Gohan offered Trunks a slight smile as Goten quickly followed his brother's lead and slid the tray beside the decanter, though he was decidedly less brutal with the inanimate apparatus. Gohan was silently thankful that the pint-sized Goku hadn't dropped the tray on the table. If he had, Gohan would have most likely been wearing his food rather than eating it, or wasting it, as the case may be.

"Thanks Trunks, Goten." Gohan bade sincerely. Trunks rolled his eyes, heaved a sigh only a seven year old sent on an inconvenient errand could, and muttered a "welcome." Goten nodded shyly to acknowledge the gesture of appreciation but opted not to speak. Gohan hid an indulgent smile, knowing full well how touchy Trunks was even in the short time he'd known him, and cracked open his book with the intention of finding his previous page.

x

He'd just found his place again when the muffled sound of the door closing rent the silent air. Gohan blindly pulled at the sheet bunched around his torso in an attempt to achieve some modicum of warmth in his arms and hands. His eyes continued to scan the black ink as he unconsciously improved his status of comfort. He had just settled down, and turned the page as another breeze sailed its way across the planes of his face, when Gohan felt the mattress beneath him shift faintly. Slowly he lowered the book he held until he could easily peer over it to see the intruder; he raised a bald eyebrow curiously.

"Whatcha readin'?" a piping voice asked timidly. The elfin Goten was perched on the edge of Gohan's bed wearing a sky-blue gi and dark-blue T-shirt under it. The diminutive child cocked his head sideways as if the shift in perspective would help him to decipher the meaning of the letters on the cover.

x

For want of a better marker then memory, Gohan turned down one corner of the page he was on and closed the book with only an imperceptible wince for the mistreatment. He was highly in favor of holding his first conversation with his little brother instead of reading. 'He's not really your brother though.' his mind objected but Gohan quelled that notion the moment it entered his mind. Goten was staring at Gohan with his innocently expressive black eyes and a frown tugging at his lips.

"D'you wants me to go?" Goten questioned looking quite dejected and apologetic at once.

"No!" Gohan shook his head vehemently and offered Goten a weary smile. Goten grinned at such a reception and Gohan could clearly see how the minor gesture had bolstered the boy's self-confidence substantially. "This is just a book I'm required to read for school, the Biography of Hercule Satan according to Toidi Emertxe." Gohan answered belatedly with a vague wave toward the book beside his lap.

"Isn't he the person who got beat by Cell and said he won afterwards?" Goten crawled up to Gohan's side to peer at the obnoxious man on the book-cover dubiously.

x

Gohan felt himself stiffen at Goten's obvious knowledge regarding the egotistical fraud and posed his next question tentatively.

"Who did beat Cell?" At this question Goten gave Gohan a shocked look that said quite plainly that Gohan should've known this very essential fact. The boy's eyes had grown wide and his supple pink lips gaped cutely.

"Goku beat him of course." Goten stated assuredly with a buoyant bounce on the bed for emphasis. Gohan sighed and smiled contentedly at Goten who, just having discovered the superb spring quality to the bed, began bobbing vigorously on his backside as he studied the teenage specimen before him. "Mommy says you're sick; do you got a stomachache or a cough?" Goten inquired naively.

x

Gohan felt a grin spread across his face and couldn't help but shake his head benignly at his untainted brother. Gohan wondered vaguely, had the past been different, if he would've been just like Goten at that age instead of fighting off Saiyans bent on the destruction of the human race. Deciding almost at once that such stipulation was useless and unproductive, Gohan turned his attention back to the question at hand.

"Actually, I have a problem with my bone marrow." Gohan started and then stopped at a loss for how to explain to a six-year-old the term Leukemia. Goten remained silent and attentive though he continued to fidget inexhaustibly as Gohan thought through his reply.

"It's kind of like...Well, you know about ki right?" when Goten nodded he continued, "You know how ki travels all through your body; in the same sense there's a disease traveling through mine inside my bones." Gohan finished lamely and observed Goten for his reaction. If Gohan was expecting confusion or an interrogation he was sorely disappointed as Goten simply shrugged offhandedly and continued on with the conversation.

x

The small boy's sky clad legs were folded about one another and they moved up and down energetically, sending Goten thumping upon his bum every other second. Gohan's eyes followed Goten's bobbing head as the dainty boy smiled wonderingly at the fun he was having with the supposed invalid. Goten had thought the visit would be worse than it was turning out, what with the occupant not complaining about his inability to stay still. Gohan was truly a very intriguing person; Goten's mommy wouldn't tell him a thing besides that the young man's name was Gohan and that he was very sick. The teenager was strange looking; the fingers that were aimlessly plucking at the bedspread were thin and Goten could see the shape of the bones under the pale skin. Every joint was like a knot sticking out sharply against the backdrop of pale hospital sheets and embarrassingly unrestrictive garments. Goten wondered how someone could get that way as the thought of not eating was so foreign as to be unimaginable. Either way, Goten really liked this gangly, bald-headed patient.

x

"Papa says that I might be able to help you and that I'm gonna take tests today to see if I can." Goten announced cheerfully as he got to his feet to jump more effectively on the bed. Gohan felt like he'd been socked in the stomach and had to struggle hard to swallow with a mouth gone suddenly dry. Gohan could feel his heart pounding speedily against his ribcage and couldn't for the life of him decipher whether it was from fear or hope. Goten was completely oblivious to Gohan's distress and jumped higher on the bed while consequently jarring Gohan's fragile body. One particularly spectacular leap sent Goten shooting toward the ceiling and Gohan slamming backwards into the headboard. Gohan grimaced and stifled a cry of pain as he clutched at his now pounding skull.

x

"GOTEN BRIEF!" The bellow reverberated off the walls and Gohan winced noticeably as the jackhammer in his skull became an electric powered drill. Bulma stood with her hands splayed on her jean clad hips and her countenance radiating fury. The loose fitting T-shirt that read 'Angel' and the red ball cap on Bulma's head did nothing to detract from her awesome rage. Her eyes were narrowed and for a moment Gohan thought he saw sparks emanating from their cerulean depths. If her fuming ire had been directed at him Gohan knew he'd be trembling from fear. As it was, Goten dropped from the air with an alarmed shriek and landed with a muffled umph! The momentum and pressure of Goten's plunge and consequent landing, respectfully, sent the chibi bouncing again, but this time off the bed. Goten eeped in surprise and landed in a heap of tangled limbs and blankets on the floor. Bulma took all this in with an apprising glare and tapped her foot threateningly as she scowled at Goten.

x

After finally managing to free himself from the clutches of the ensnaring bed sheet Goten was greeted with the sight of his royally pissed mother. Goten gulped audibly and shuffled backward while tossing a desperate pleading look Gohan's way. Bulma took a menacing step forward and Goten cowered away with hunched shoulders and nervously gripped hands.

"I've told you before not to jump on beds! Look what you've done to Gohan; you've hurt him! I told you he was sick." Bulma ranted deafeningly while shaking her fist angrily in the air. Gohan cringed at the volume and debated whether to ask her to tone it down. The request was shot down almost immediately as Gohan thought of the how vociferous she'd get if provoked. Goten resembled a whipped dog with trembling lips and teary eyes; Gohan longed to just embrace him comfortingly and never let him go.

x

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt him." Goten whimpered pathetically and burst into tears. Bulma stopped yelling at this extreme reaction having been too annoyed to see the warning signs earlier. The blue-haired woman now seemed concerned and more than a bit confused. Goten was curled on his hunches with his arms hugging his knees as sobs wracked his whole body.

"It really didn't hurt that much Bulma." Gohan lied while trying to keep himself from grinding his teeth in pain. Bulma shot Gohan a sardonic glance and looked pointedly at his white-knuckled fists. Gohan's cheeks were graced with a pink tinge as he was caught in the fib. "Well, so what? It's not like he did it on purpose or anything." Gohan remarked defensively. Bulma sighed and turned her attention back to Goten who had settled into weeping on his gi pants.

"Goten, why are you crying? I yell all the time, you know that." Bulma murmured quietly to the distraught boy. Goten sniffed pitifully and rubbed the tearstains from his cheeks with the back of a fist. He took a shaking breath and nodded in agreement to his mother's statement. "Then why are you crying?"

"I...I didn't want to hurt him...I was just having fun." Goten whispered in shame and ducked his head.

x

"Hey, kid, it's ok. I'm fine, really." Gohan offered a weak smile in consolation. Goten considered Gohan's assurance and then gave a hesitant smile in return. Bulma smiled too and clapped her hands suddenly.

"Well, now that that's cleared up, Goten it's time to get those tests done." Bulma announced and deliberately avoided meeting Gohan's searching gaze. Gohan sighed and flopped listlessly onto his pillows with only a slight twitch at his jaw to reveal his pain. Bulma took Goten's hand and lead him out the door throwing an order for Gohan to eat his lunch over her shoulder as she went.

x

Gohan glared in annoyance at Bulma's retreating back and, with a humph, considered finishing his reading assignment Videl had brought over earlier that day. He groaned and shoved the book off the bed so that it landed with the cover satisfactorily facing down. Then Gohan curled up in his bed and closed his eyes while the warm sunlight washed over his soon sleeping form.

TBC


	4. 27 to 31 Old Friends and New

**Chapter 27: Stripped Soul**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Who stole your heart, left you with a space  
That no one and nothing can fill  
Who stole your heart, who took it away  
Knowing that without it you can't live

Who took away the part so essential to the whole  
Left you a hollow body, skin and bone  
What robber, what thief  
Who stole your heart and the key

Who stole your heart  
The smile from your face  
The innocence the light from your eyes  
Who stole your heart...

Tracy Chapman-Remember the Tinman

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan groaned pitiably and wished that someone would have some sympathy and put him out of his goddamn misery. Moaning, he punched his bed in a fit of toddler proportions. His head was pounding severely and his stomach rolled at every little movement as if he was on a dinky skiff during a hurricane at sea. His morning orange juice and toast was reacquainting itself with Gohan's throat and, with a muttered curse, Gohan snatched up the bedside bucket to prevent himself from becoming exceptionally smelly and uncomfortable. The contents already in the pail were better left unanalyzed, though Gohan thought he could decipher the green gooey swirl in the middle as his peas from the previous night. The sour smelling, crusty looking regurgitation sloshed sickeningly at the sides as Gohan drew the bucket to himself. Gohan heaved into the putrid glop which made disgusting splatter noises as he added more half digested ingredients to the 'puke pudding.'

x

After several seconds of dry heaving and cursing the moron who invented chemotherapy, Gohan set the container to the side and wiped his mouth wearily. The water glass by his bed was empty and there were no tissues in evidence with which to blow his nose. Therefore Gohan was left to suffer the fetid taste and stench of regurgitated food without relief. This result acted as the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back; irritated beyond all comprehension, Gohan let out a screech of annoyance and kicked his feet in a full blown temper tantrum. Mentally, Gohan chided himself, but with no one present to witness his infantile behavior it was a moot endeavor.

x

Gohan proceeded to kick his blankets to the floor and writhe in aggravation on his confining bed. Gohan's mind was snarling curses that would have convinced even the most stalwart psychologist that he had Turret's Syndrome had he voiced them. Gohan tightened his fists against his naked head and was only further riled when he couldn't even yank on hair that had long since fallen out. Letting out a keening whine that was not unlike that of a child refused what he most desired in a candy store, Gohan flopped stiffly against his mattress. No sooner had his head touched his pillow then a soft knock sounded at the door. Gohan groaned and shoved a pillow stubbornly over his head. A light clicking noise and rhythmic steps alerted Gohan that his unwanted visitor had entered the room regardless of his wishes to the contrary.

x

"Go away." Gohan called in a stifled voice from under his pillow.

"I came to talk Gohan; don't act like an ass." Mirai Trunks' voice murmured reproachfully, barely loud enough to be heard through Gohan's fluffy blockade. Mirai Trunks took note of the fallen blankets littering the plain tiled floor and the unkempt state of Gohan's bed. The bedspread was wrinkled and bunched in several parts from when three corners were tugged free from their confining folds. Obviously someone had been having a juvenile moment before Mirai had interrupted him.

"I bet you nev'r talk'd t' Gohan...your time like that." Gohan grumbled in a muffled voice so that his assertion became slurred in the mass of cotton.

"The Gohan in my time tended to be polite and sociable, characteristics you clearly don't possess." Mirai Trunks deadpanned. With an exasperated sigh, Gohan removed the cushion for the sole purpose of glaring at the lavender-haired man.

x

Upon seeing Gohan's face Mirai cringed sympathetically. Gohan's eyes were familiarly red rimmed and baggy from lack of sleep as their glassy surface reflected the exhaustion he obviously endured daily. Gohan's lips were dry and slightly chapped for reasons unknown to Mirai, and being slightly parted, Mirai Trunks caught a whiff of acerbic breath that explained the subtle green tinge to Gohan's face. The paleness of Gohan's skin tone did nothing to improve his sickly appearance and, in fact, seemed to give him the deathly quality belonging to the supernatural. Prominent cheekbones and an obstinate jaw made Gohan seem even thinner then he truly was, though he was far from healthy weight either. The frail limbs and knobby joints attested to Gohan's degenerate state of being quite clearly. Mirai Trunks even caught sight of materializing bruises which were no doubt caused by whatever Gohan had been doing before he'd entered.

x

"Geez, Gohan, you look like death warmed over; sorry about..." Mirai Trunks started anxiously before he was rudely interrupted by a flying object colliding with his face. Gohan gave a wan smile of satisfaction as the lumpy pillow he'd chucked at Mirai Trunks' head fell to the floor. 'At least I've still got good aim.' Gohan mussed with prideful contentment. Mirai's mauve hair was mussed with little wisps floating about awkwardly, giving the impression that Mirai Trunks had just woken up. The jean clad man gaped either in shock or for the lack of sense to close his mouth after being cut short. Mirai Trunks' eyes, however, were narrowed and glowering at Gohan.

"You're catching flies Brief." Gohan remarked observantly with a tone of amusement. Mirai Trunks' jaw immediately recoiled with an audibly clack of teeth that made Gohan want to wince. Mirai's scowl intensified.

x

" Gohan, you may be ill, but that doesn't mean you can act so immature." Mirai commented as his fisted hands made residence on his slim hips. Gohan scrutinized the well-toned man before him with a humorous glint in his too often somber eyes. Mirai Trunks was clad in a pair of faded blue jeans that looked like they'd gone through one, or one-hundred, too many cycles of cleaning. Mirai Trunks' white wife-beater shirt was accompanied by a jean jacket, with the Capsule Corps logo on the sleeve, similar to the one Mirai had worn the first time Gohan had seen him. Mirai's jaw, which was every bit as mulish as Vegeta's and his own, jutted out irately as the annoyed man took an overbearing stance. The placement of his fists on that slender waist and the sweltering glare so resembled Vegeta's posture when pissed off that Gohan was hard pressed to contain his hilarious laughter.

"Of course it does." Gohan retorted cheekily and allowed his smooth, rich laughter to escape when Mirai spluttered.

x

The jocular sound filled the sunlit room like the rumbling of a rocky mountain slide, deep throated and wholesome. This visit was turning out to be quite entertaining in Gohan's opinion. Staring intently at Gohan, Mirai Trunks opened his mouth to counter Gohan's response, but after a moment of wordless mouthing he ground his teeth in aggravation.

"Well, it's good to see you're not depressed." Mirai decided before shrugging off their inane banter and taking a seat beside Gohan's bed. "I actually came to talk to you about something else entirely." Gohan stared intensely at the building tops and flitting birds outside of his window. He frowned at Mirai Trunks' assessment while completely ignoring what he said afterward.

"Dying's a depressing business." Gohan whispered gravely without meeting Mirai's searching gaze. Mirai, who'd been contemplating the grotesque science experiment that was Gohan's undigested provisions, tried to catch Gohan's averted gaze when he heard the serious tone to Gohan's voice. Mirai felt like kicking himself for ending the untroubled atmosphere. He especially regretted lapsing into such a staid mode of conversation when he came to the realization that he'd never heard Gohan laugh before that moment which seemed only a dim memory already.

x

Sighing, and feeling hopeless in the face of his friend's tremendous plight, Mirai Trunks was reduced to simply griping Gohan's shoulder comfortingly.

"I can't say that I know what you're going through or even what you've been through for that matter; but I know if anyone can pull through it's you." Mirai Trunks offered sincerely and waited for Gohan to meet his eyes before nodding and backing away again.

"Thanks Trunks, I'm afraid I've lost the optimism I held so close to me as a child." Gohan murmured quietly. Mirai Trunks smiled benevolently and then made a conscious effort to shake off the lethargic somberness of the moment by sitting more primly in his seat and telling Gohan the real reason for his intrusion.

x

"I actually didn't come here just to admire your hideous visage." Mirai Trunks announced sarcastically to which Gohan made a derogatory comment along the lines of Mirai's face looking like the nether regions of a crusty ape. "Anyway," Mirai continued after a few lewd comments of his own, "I came to tell you that my mother plans to contact the other z-senshi." Mirai announced with a pleased grin.

"What?" Gohan's voice became cold and his eyes narrowed until they were sinister slits of blind fury. If Mirai Trunks had imagined the news would thrill Gohan he was sorely mistaken as the livid expression spoke volumes for Gohan's dissatisfaction. All Gohan could think was, 'How could they do this to me? I don't want them all to see me like this! I'm a pathetic cripple who's decaying as I breathe. Mirai's pulling some sort of sadistic joke; he can't be serious!' Gohan looked frantically to Mirai's face to gauge his reaction; the apologetic and confused air surrounding Mirai Trunks' posture and facade confirmed that it was true.

x

"Arrrggg..." Gohan growled through clenched teeth and in a raging fit snatched his remaining pillow from behind him to throw clear across the room. Fatigued by his exertion and, lacking the support of his cushions, Gohan was left to collapse against his bed and consequently knock his skull against the headboard which wasn't as far away as he'd originally thought. Gohan let out a screech of pain and clutched at the back of his cranium while he thrashed about in an effort to suppress the stabbing pains.

"Gohan, are you alright?" Mirai Trunks questioned frantically as he hovered over the emaciated frame. Mirai didn't know what to do to help his friend and wondered belatedly if he should call a doctor. Meanwhile, Gohan had stilled and now only applied pressure to the injury, a tender lump that had a tiny cut where he'd hit the edge of the backboard. Gohan was breathing hard as he explored the broken skin; he couldn't feel any blood and supposed it was just a minor cut though the bruised part throbbed steadily.

"Gohan, do you want me to call the doctor?" Mirai asked nervously, looking completely out of his depth. He hadn't figured Gohan would take his news so aversely and in such an extreme manner.

"No, I'll be fine." Gohan ground out, having been reminded of Mirai Trunks and what he'd just come to tell him. "Get out; I don't want to see anyone right now." Gohan added scathingly. Mirai Trunks looked concerned and hurt, which almost made Gohan feel sorry for being so cruel, but Mirai respected Gohan's decision and left as commanded.

xxXXxx

Gohan stared sullenly at the door that Mirai Trunks had walked out of almost two hours ago. He hadn't received any further guests since the lilac-haired man's departure but Gohan wasn't fooled into thinking it had anything to do with his temperamental instruction. Mirai had most likely left the hospital to do something more worthwhile than entertaining a cranky, self-centered mortal with a lethal disease. 'Yeah, I just bet he's enjoying his various adventures outside, in the fresh air with the crowds and...arg.' Gohan thought despondently as he longed to leave the confining prison of his room. 'I don't see why you have any business to complain. You told Trunks to leave; it's your own damn fault you're alone.' Gohan told himself firmly. In answer to his self-accusatory thought Gohan rolled his eyes and told the annoying voice to shut its yap. Then, Gohan looked toward his floor where he spotted his pillows flopped on opposite sides of the room. He'd been too incensed to ask Mirai Trunks to give them to him before proverbially kicking the worried man out of the room.

x

With a profound sigh Gohan steeled himself to the necessity of retrieving the wayward cushions himself. Gingerly he swung his legs to the side and gently lowered himself with quaking arms to his feet. Sweat began to dot Gohan's brow and he mentally cursed his weak body. 'This is completely ridiculous; I'm trembling before I've even taken a single step. That damn disease has made my leg muscles useless.' Gohan cried mentally and almost fell because of his distraction. Deciding against taking the chance that he'd fall and be stuck on the cold floor until someone decided he might want some company, Gohan chose to concentrate. With deliberate shuffling steps of baby proportions Gohan made slow progress to his desired destination. However, the moment he reached the item in question Gohan was at a crossroad of how to go about actually picking up the pillow.

x

His breaths were coming spasmodically and Gohan felt somewhat lightheaded after having been bedridden for over a month now. As Gohan stood there dumbly in his perplexed state he heard the sound of the door open. 'Thank Kami, someone to help me.' Gohan thought before two blurs rushed him and he was tackled to the floor.

x

Pain exploded in the back of Gohan's head as it made contact with the cement floor. Two heavy bodies had swept him off his feet and Gohan currently lay under the suffocating pressure of both forms.

"Hey, the little man has returned!" a semi-deep voice called cheerfully before Gohan felt a fraction of the weight lift from him. An agonizing punch to the arm accompanied the voice and Gohan's mind was in a near panic as he couldn't tell if the force was trying to be friendly or not.

"Gohan, you're back!" A piping tenor shouted ecstatically as strong arms embraced him. Gohan was dazed as he wheezed in a breath and received a mouthful of thin black hair instead of the desired oxygen. Gohan began to cough and sputter, but without his arms, which were currently being pinned to his sides, his efforts to shove the form off of him were near useless. So, Gohan tried the next best thing, to at least get a good look at his assailant.

x

His sight was blurred around the edges from the shock of receiving multiple blows to the head in little more than three hours. Gohan perceived a round head of bowl-cut black hair, mischievous black eyes that alighted on everything around him, and a huge lopsided grin. Gohan didn't recognize the man and went rigid as chilly fingers of apprehension skated up his spine. 'Dear god, THEY've come to take me away again! THEY found out about what I did and now THEY want to shut me up in that torture chamber!' Gohan's mind lost all rational thought and was shrieking from pure panic now. With memories swirling insidiously through his fear deranged mind Gohan belatedly began to fight against his captors.

x

Gohan lashed out blindly against the small, heavy form with flailing limbs that practically bounced on impact. Kicking violently, Gohan tried to buck the stronger body off of him but he could tell immediately that his punches and slaps had little to no effect on his powerful adversary.

"Gohan, what the hell are you doing man?" the annoyed tenor voice demanded as the grip around Gohan tightened exponentially. Gohan whimpered as throbbing pain sprouted from where the arms encircling his chest bruised his fragile ribs. Gohan's thoughts were becoming so jumbled that he couldn't decipher exactly what was happening now as opposed to what had happened in the past.

WARNING: SERIOUS RAPE SCENE AHEAD; GO TO CAPS IF YOU WANT TO SKIP

**ooo**

The hands that groped him painfully enticed him to scream in agony. Gohan bit his lip clear through as he shook his head sideways in a futile effort to escape the reality. The scorching pain of the intrusion was all consuming like a tremendous conflagration laying waste to all his idealistic childhood beliefs in its swift plundering course. The whispered platitudes of his rapist were like disturbing justifications for his mistreatment and made Gohan cringe all the more from their endearing sweetness. His own body responded to the attention by sending craving flames of desire to his wanton member, the traitor. Musky, slick sweat slapped sickly in the harsh half light of the swaying overhead beams. The robust man thrust deeply into Gohan's virginal backside sending blood trickling from between the boy's legs and coercing a guttural whimper from his abused lips. Gohan's mind was babbling incoherently as the very essence of his being was stripped away, leaving only the hollow shell of what once was a strong ardent youth.

x

In a last ditch effort to reclaim some part of his innocence, or at least some modicum of dignity, Gohan struggled against his abuser. His thrashing was feeble and useless and consequently caused him to tense up, which only made the brawny man grunt in pleasure. The hot breath on Gohan's neck sent shivers of passion to his loins and a shameful blush to his tearstained cheeks. The humongous man reached around to fondle Gohan's searing erection which made Gohan thrust involuntarily and half groan half sob with vexation. Along with the raw pain of the unlubricated infringement Gohan began to feel a perverted gratifying ache whenever the man embedded himself deeply enough to stroke a tender spot within him. The rapist began to speed up his pace and the heavy pounding against Gohan made him breathe spasmodically. Gohan's mind screamed at his traitorous body as he slowly suffocated under the unbearable weight...

**ooo**

THE SCENE IS NOW OVER AND YES I'M SERIOUSLY DISTURBED 0.o

"What the hell is going on here? Get off of him!" Mirai Trunks' shout failed to register in the far reaches of Gohan's traumatized memory loop. The weight that had been suffocating him, along with the bone crushing hold, suddenly disappeared and Gohan immediately scuttled backward with horror etched in every line of his face. The glassy, coal dark eyes flickered back and forth among the people in the room though they saw nothing.

x

"Wait, Krillin, Yamcha, you don't understand." Bulma rushed in calling to the two intruders while out of breath. Upon entering the room and seeing Gohan's frightened gaze Bulma turned malevolent eyes on the black haired entities. "What'd you do to him? You jerks! I told you there was something you needed to know first!" Mirai Trunks ignored his youthful mother and raced to Gohan's trembling form. Carefully the young man picked Gohan up and relocated him to the bed which he wondered vaguely how Gohan had gotten out of in the first place.

"What's wrong with him?" Krillin demanded; clearly he was upset by this strange terrified teen. Gohan had resorted to rocking back and forth while whispering under his breath continuously. His empty eyes stared blankly ahead as if whatever had been happening in his mind was over now and they were currently seeing the after effects.

x

"Gohan, it's me Trunks. Gohan, you're safe in the hospital; no one is trying to hurt you." Mirai Trunks whispered soothingly in his ear and laid a comforting hand on Gohan's shoulder. Gohan's shoulder jerked so violently from Mirai's grasp that the frail boy's elbow collided with his bedside table and sent his empty cup and pitcher skittering across the floor. Gohan's lips parted and a heart wrenching shriek issued forth as if from the very bowls of hell's tormented souls. Mirai stumbled back afraid he had hurt Gohan further and not knowing exactly what he'd done.

"What's going on? This isn't Gohan, he can't be!" Yamcha shouted while whirling on Bulma, who was trying to drag the two unwanted guests out of the room. "Bulma, what kind of a sick joke are you playing at!" The long haired, childhood friend of Goku peered over his shoulder at the pitiable mortal teenager fighting an invisible enemy.

x

Mirai Trunks was trying to reassure the boy with his voice alone having deduced that physical touch was what caused the distress. The way the lavender-haired man was speaking and the emotion behind his words only enforced the likelihood that the gaunt boy really was Gohan. As reality struck, Yamcha staggered and almost fell from the complete shock.

"No, this can't be." he whispered hoarsely as his heart clutched painfully in his chest. At that moment Gohan let out another anguished cry and lay still, breathing heavily. Yamcha, Krillin, and Bulma reached the door which promptly burst inward admitting a pigtailed teenaged girl.

"What happened, I heard him screaming all the way down the hall?" the girl queried worriedly as she approached Mirai Trunks and completely ignored the strangers. Yamcha and Krillin didn't get the chance to hear Mirai's explanation as they were dragged out of the room by a very irate Bulma.

* * *

DEDICATED to LADY ANGEL FIREN because her comments were spectacular!

**Chapter 28: Perpetual Purgatory**

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I've been watching you from a distance  
The distance sees through your disguise  
All I want from you is your hurting  
I want to heal you  
I want to save you from the dark

Give unto me your troubles  
I'll endure your suffering  
Place onto me your burden  
I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle  
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness  
Give unto me all that frightens you  
I'll have your nightmares for you  
If you sleep soundly

Evanesence-Give Unto Me

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Bulma shoved Krillin and Yamcha out of the door which chinked shut and consequently hushed the harsh breathing of Gohan and the conciliatory voices of Mirai Trunks and Videl. Bulma was livid, and it was probably due to this fact that her voice came out strained as if she was trying her best not to screech; after all, there were other patients in the hospital.

"What in hell possessed you to do that? I told you to wait, that I had something to explain to you before you saw him!" Bulma snarled viciously while glaring between the two. Without waiting for a reply Bulma stalked down the hall, her shoes made a mad clicking staccato on the drab tiled floor. Yamcha hurried after her, his long strides eating up the concrete without a sound, looking perplexed and concerned. Krillin had a sort of stunned expression on his face after having watched his best friend's son have a psychotic episode.

x

Krillin lagged behind the other two as his mind was clearly occupied with concerns other then possibly knocking into people or walls. Those few people who were walking in the hall stared at the fuming woman and the two strangely dressed men. One doctor, pushing a gurney on wheels that squeaked obnoxiously, had to do some speedy maneuvering to keep from hitting Krillin as he'd been too entranced by the gorgeous woman in a tiff to pay attention to where he was going. Krillin walked on clueless with all his focus centered on the memory of Gohan and how he'd changed so drastically.

"What's wrong with him?" Yamcha demanded with an angry tone though both Bulma and Krillin caught the slight waver in his voice. Bulma failed to answer but the scathing look she sent over her shoulder made Yamcha cringe and look apologetic despite having no idea what he was apologizing for. Bulma quickly breezed through the door to the waiting room and Yamcha, after taking a deep breath, entered after her with Krillin not far behind.

x

"Hn...What happened now, woman?" Vegeta grunted the question, interest piqued as he noticed who followed his wife into the waiting room. Bulma ignored his inquiry in favor of rounding on her two unsuspecting victims and spewing forth her wrath.

"You will tell me immediately what the hell you did to make Gohan react that way! So help me God, if you've permanently damaged him I will personally rip you apart limb from limb, douse you in lighter fluid, and light the match that will set you aflame until there isn't even ash left!" Bulma sneered with utter disdain as her white knuckled fists clenched and unclenched in an unconscious preparation to strangle them both. Vegeta smirked with private admiration for Bulma's graphic threat and wondered what the two idiots had done to Kakarott's brat.

x

The other occupants of the waiting room: a plump woman with horrendous curly orange hair dressed in an appalling purple gown holding a snotty handkerchief to her red rimmed eyes, an elderly gentleman in a disheveled suit looking pale, and a woman with a large bruise on her face holding two squalling children around the ages of four and a few months, all backed away from the homicidal blue-haired woman. A nurse behind the receptionist desk stared in fear at the volatile situation but one menacing look from the short man leaning in the corner prevented her from calling for security or doctors.

"What is Gohan doing in a hospital...he can't be sick?" Krillin sounded bewildered as he ignored Bulma's command, and he looked around expectantly though the glazed look of his eyes proved he saw nothing. Bulma's chest puffed out and her hands grabbed Krillin by the shirtfront to jerk him around to face her.

"Not sick! Did you even look at Gohan?" the incredulous shriek broke on the name as she gave Krillin a jarring shake for emphasis. Krillin seemed to break out of the shock that threatened to detach him from reality.

"What's happened to him? Where has he been all this time?" Krillin's voice quivered noticeably. Bulma opened her mouth and, after two hopeless tries to utter something, closed it again. Tears began to form in Bulma's eyes; Krillin could see the grief and fear there and the answering emotions tightened his own chest.

x

Yamcha, still out of the loop of things, stepped up to Bulma with a scowl upon his lips. He was right pissed about the whole ordeal and he wanted answers.

"All we were doing was hugging Gohan, and then he fell down and started freaking out! Can someone **_please_** explain what the hell is going on?" Yamcha asked of no one in particular, running a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture of frustration.

"The brat has cancer. He's dying." Vegeta stated bluntly as he shoved away from his customary corner, unfolded his arms, and stepped up to the tense group. The other individuals who had already been cowering away from the deranged woman quickly recoiled further when the intimidating man with gravity defying hair approached the shouting faction.

x

Yamcha took the news like a blow to the stomach and backed away, shaking his head, until the edge of a chair ran into the back of his knees and forced him to sit down. Krillin gaped at Vegeta and slid boneless to his knees on the floor right where he stood. Bulma's grip had gone slack on Krillin's collar and now her hands hung listlessly at her sides.

"But...but that can't be. Gohan's a Saiyan," Krillin murmured tonelessly and looked to Vegeta as if for confirmation that this was, indeed, a sick joke of some sort.

"He's half human." Vegeta growled, disgusted at the sight of such a pathetic display of weakness. Yamcha just didn't seem capable of doing more then shake his head in denial as his brain failed, or refused, to process the facts. Bulma's silent tears fell but she wiped them away as quickly as they coursed down her cheeks. Tears wouldn't help Gohan, only support from his family and friends could make the situation, not better, but at least bearable.

x

"That still doesn't explain why he reacted so strangely to our embrace." Krillin whispered suddenly. Krillin's brain was obviously in overdrive and managing the information analytically, as a fighter might evaluate a situation during a battle between saving one friend over another.

"He was abused." Vegeta asserted point blank without preamble. This utterance was like an added slap in the face to the two men. Yamcha jumped to his feet with his fists clenched at his sides, shaking with barely restrained rage.

"That's a lie!" Yamcha bellowed mulishly in stubborn rejection. "Gohan may not have had his ki, but that doesn't make him helpless! He knows how to fight and he would never have let someone beat on him!" Yamcha contended confidently.

x

"But he did, let them beat on him that is...He thought he deserved it." Bulma murmured quietly. All the anger seemed to have left her in light of the anguish she could discern on Yamcha's face; Bulma laid a comforting hand on his bicep.

"What? How could he...what'd he...deserve it?" Yamcha looked to Vegeta who had shown surprising restraint in not clocking the weaker man when Yamcha had accused him of lying. Vegeta turned away from the imploring human; after all, Vegeta agreed whole heartedly that it was Gohan's fault his father died. Vegeta doubted Yamcha would appreciate his views on the matter and for some inexplicable reason he didn't feel like having to beat the man to a pulp when Yamcha would inevitably throw a punch for what he would say. Instead Vegeta remained silent and allowed Bulma to explain. However, before Bulma could say anything at all, a blur of black hair and sharp cerulean eyes flashed into the room.

x

"You bitch!" Videl screamed at Bulma and raised a hand to slap her across the face only to be prevented by an iron clad grip on her wrist from behind. Videl's hair was tousled and her clothes rumpled as if she'd been roughhousing only moments before. Videl's eyes were ablaze with righteous hostility as she regarded Bulma as if she were a bug Videl wanted to squash.

"Let me go!" Videl screeched and struggled valiantly in Mirai Trunks' arms. Instead of letting her go Mirai Trunks tightened his grip all the more on Videl's lithe frame. Bulma was at a lack for words as she watched Videl fight tooth and nail for release. Large, angry red marks began to appear on Mirai's arms from Videl raking her nails along them. "It's all her fault! Gohan was just starting to open up, starting to get better, until she brought **_them_** in!" Videl accused furiously with a sharp gesture at Yamcha and Krillin.

"Your hitting her will do nothing to help Gohan, Videl." Mirai Trunks muttered tiredly as he tried to force Videl to calm herself.

x

Mirai Trunks looked decidedly exhausted and he observed Yamcha and Krillin with sympathy.

"So you've told them then?"

"Yes...how's Gohan?" Bulma asked unsurely, averting her gaze from Videl who had calmed enough for Mirai to release her. Videl snorted and sneered at Bulma contemptuously.

"What do you care? You seem hell bent on driving him to an early grave." Videl remarked coldly. Bulma gasped and tears sprang to her eyes anew.

"That was unnecessary." Mirai Trunks commented firmly with a stern look to Videl before he turned his attention, once again, to his parents and friends. "The doctors were forced to sedate him. Whatever happened in there was just too much for Gohan to handle. We won't know how bad it is until Gohan wakes and, frankly, I'm beginning to wonder if Gohan wouldn't be better off never waking up again." Mirai Trunks admitted softly.

x

"What are you saying? Of course he'd be better off waking up!" Videl shrieked in horrified disbelief.

"Didn't you see his eyes? Didn't you hear his screams? God, Videl, he's living in perpetual purgatory; in a never ending nightmare. Do you really wish him to suffer through the rest of his life even if Goten is a match?" Mirai Trunks took Videl by the biceps and began to run his hands along her arms trying to console her. Videl turned her head away as crystalline tears slipped from the corners of her eyes.

"No, I want to show him everything that is worth living for," she sniffed, "I want to give him enough good memories to outweigh the bad ones." Videl turned to stare up into Mirai Trunks' forlorn gaze and then her eyes traveled to the others. "I'm not going to give up on Gohan; he needs me."

x

Bulma regarded the indistinguishable grey rug obstinately as she gently gnawed on her bottom lip in thought. Yamcha swallowed hard but the spark of determination in his eyes attested to his position. Krillin forced himself to his feet and solemnly nodded to Videl. Vegeta merely grunted and glared at Videl, daring her to demand anything more from him. Mirai Trunks breathed deeply and lay his forehead against Videl's.

"I hope Gohan realizes what a good friend he has in you Videl." Mirai Trunks murmured sincerely. Then he let out a conciliatory breath and blinked rapidly against the moisture in his too bright eyes. "Alright, we're agreed then. Let's try to get our friend back from the demons that haunt him."

xxXXxx

Gohan blinked slowly and stared up at the yellow ceiling above his bed. There was a brown stain toward the right of his vision with a crack spiraling off in uneven crookedness. 'I wonder how that got there?' he thought idly as the fingers of his right hand tapped falteringly against his cotton covered thigh.

Blink.

'Maybe someone threw a baseball against it and that's why there's a crack there...' Gohan felt a slight tingle in his foot, the same prickling feeling that meant the limb was falling asleep. He ignored it, atrophy was setting in, had been for a while, he was sure.

Blink.

"Gohan?" a soft whisper against his ear like the wisp of a breeze. The fingers at his side stilled for the briefest of moments before once again picking up their impromptu patter.

Blink.

'Maybe they painted the room yellow because white wouldn't have covered the crack as well.' Gohan suggested mentally.

"Gohan?" more insistent and in a deeper voice that seemed much more threatening. Gohan whimpered gutturally and his fingers clenched his blanket as tears pricked the corners of his eyes. Gravity pulled the salty drops down to his pillow where the lumpy cotton soaked them up and became damp where the sides of his head touched it. 'THEY're here, here to take me again.' His chest hitched and his breathing became erratic as he felt the air pressure change. 'The crack, the crack is like a spider's web,' closer, ever closer comes the figure, 'the crack is craggy...the cr-crack...' Gohan's focus spiraled out of his grasp until he couldn't even recall what he'd been thinking as he felt the pressure on his hand. Gasping and groaning he tried to recoil from the figure's touch, 'Why can't they ever let me be? Why can't they leave me alone?' He whimpered again but now it was like a sob and more tears made their way to his head support.

x

"Gohan." Videl murmured soothingly as Gohan began to cringe and cry out more loudly and desperately as she touched his hand. Mirai Trunk's voice seemed to be the initial cause of Gohan's discomfort; before that he'd just been staring at the ceiling even when Videl had whispered his name. Videl had motioned for the others, Vegeta, Bulma, Yamcha, Krillin, and Mirai Trunks to remain quietly seated as she began to rub her fingers over Gohan's clutching hand. Gohan withdrew his hand but in such a way that he seemed to expect her to grab it back or slap him for the motion. Videl glanced to Mirai Trunks, who scrutinized Gohan with a single minded focus. Mirai caught her eyes on him and gave her a nod of encouragement to continue. Yamcha and Krillin looked at a loss and Vegeta simply observed the whole situation in a clinically detached manner. Bulma gave the impression of wanting to be the one in Videl's position but was unsure if Gohan would react badly to her voice; the risk of seeing and upsetting him further was too high to try. So, Videl continued in her slow ministrations until Gohan seemed to calm perceptibly.

x

"Gohan, it's me, Videl." Videl whispered in her most restful voice that just exuded peaceful energy. Gohan seemed to relax a tad further and, embolden by this sign of trust, Videl with achingly slow movements pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed beside Gohan. Gohan started violently and began to curl into himself and mewl pitifully. Videl felt her heart constrict with pain but she continued to maneuver herself until she had Gohan's back leaning against her chest. Her legs fanned out on either side of his fragile torso and ended short of his ankles. She wrapped her arms around Gohan's chest and tucked his head under her chin even as he fought feebly to curl into a fetal position. Videl shushed him and instinctually began to rock him back and forth as if he were an infant. Gohan wept desolately in resignation to his fate, but Videl did not try to undress him; she did not try to feel him up as so many others had done before. Gohan's mind gradually began to realize that the person holding him was obviously **not** one of **them**. THEY showed no mercy and none of **them** had tried to comfort him.

"You're safe Gohan. No one will hurt you here." Videl promised soothingly then ran her lips lightly against his pale head, a butterfly kiss.

x

"Videl?" Gohan's voice croaked hoarsely through his abused throat.

"Yes, Gohan?" Videl rejoined in a pacifying tone. Gohan crooked his head until he caught sight of Videl's face. Videl's eyes glistened in the dim lighting of the bedside lamp but a feeble smile graced her lips.

"Stay with me?" he whispered the question in a frightened voice; afraid that she would rebuff his request no doubt. Videl's grip on Gohan tightened ever so faintly and she smiled wider then before.

"Of course I'll stay. Do you want me to do anything? Sit by the bed or..."

"Just hold me, please?" Gohan plead quietly as his own hands reached up to Videl's encompassing arms, gripped them gently, and pulled them tighter against his bare skinned chest.

x

Videl felt her own chest swell happily and she increased her hold on Gohan, not so much to make him feel like he was imprisoned, but enough to lend security. Gohan sighed contentedly and, seemingly ignorant of the spectators, buried his face in the crook of Videl's neck and drifted to sleep. Videl tried to reach for the blankets that had fallen to the foot of the bed but halted with fear of waking Gohan. Surprisingly, it was Vegeta who took hold of the blanket and gently lifted it over the two figures before perfunctorily tucking it around them. Videl stared at the contradictory man and it was because of this unblinking scrutiny that she caught the flicker of emotion in the usually harshly closed off man. Vegeta was a lot more then he appeared and Videl vowed to understand just what that look had meant. Gohan remained undisturbed as the five lookers-on made their way stealthily to the door and exited.

x

NOTE: None of the lesser characters (Puar, Oolong, Roshi, etc.) will be featured in this story unless in passing. This is not because I don't like them or something as arbitrary as that but simply because I find writing about many people in one scene tends to detract from the overall effect of the story.

* * *

DEDICATED to FIREBIRD9900 for the kick in the rear review!

**Chapter 29: Irritating Imp and Stoic Statue**

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Now would you mind if I bared my soul  
If I came right out and said you're beautiful  
Cuz there's something here I can't explain  
I feel I'm diving into driving rain

You get my senses running wild  
I can't resist your sweet, sweet smile  
So take this feeling'n make it grow  
Never let it - never let it go

Bryan Adams-Don't Let Go

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Videl watched contentedly as Gohan's pale, hairless chest rose and fell in peaceful tandem. The lanky, ill boy lay ensconced in her arms with Videl's breast serving as a pillow for his limp skull. The smooth pallid scalp was marred at the base by a bump with a purplish-blue bruise and a small congealed cut in the middle. The mark was evidence of where Gohan had hit it the other day. Lower, the pallid, sun warmed sheets of the hospital bed twisted around Gohan's torso and unsettled with every expansion of his ribcage. Videl blushed to see that the rhythmic movement had gently pulled Gohan's loose fitting, cotton plaid sweat pants lower on his hips, thus affording her a glimpse of his abs and the hem of his boxer shorts. Feeling the blood rush to her cheeks, Videl tore her gaze from the scarred expanse of flesh to search Gohan's slumbering facade.

x

His seemingly translucent eyelids were closed; tiny blue and purple veins interweaved under the thin skin like gossamer webs. His black eyelashes made a startling parallel to the bruised bags of insomnia under his eyes. The skin of his face was colorless and tight over gaunt cheeks with stress wrinkles around his eyes and forehead. However, despite the apparent sick tone to his skin, Gohan's expression was one of peace. The pinching pain and barely controlled fear was gone from his countenance, and not for the first time did Videl secretly wonder if he was better off sleeping forever. Mirai Trunks' words had played in her head on more then one occasion and each time she had to convince herself that she'd said the right thing in return.

x

Videl was suddenly broken from her musings as Gohan snuggled further into his cocoon of safety. Catching sight of the pleased smile that traced his lips, Videl felt an answering curve to her own. Quickly she chided herself mentally for her morbid thoughts and began to tenderly massage Gohan's cranium. Her deft fingertips caressed the smooth temples and intermittently trailed downward to stroke a jutting cheekbone or trace the stubborn jaw.

"Mmmm...That feels good, don't stop." Gohan implored in a voice still husky with sleep. He felt Videl's chuckle even as the delicious sound reached his ears.

"Hmmm...I guess you like it?" Gohan could envision the smirk on her face as she purred teasingly. He didn't bother with an answer above a satisfied sigh, keeping his eyes closed as he had since waking to the sensual touch on his bare skin.

"A g'morning...to you too." Gohan bade amid a huge yawn before a grin split his face.

x

Videl's warm fingers traveled down the back of his head and fluttered across his neck to his shoulders. Gohan shivered as a tingle traveled up his spine and sent goosebumps breaking out along his arms and back. Videl spotted the gooseflesh and giggled as her hands began to gently knead the tired boy's shoulders. Her eyebrows drew together in deep concentration and the tip of her tongue poked slightly out of the side of her mouth as she focused on avoiding the catheter. Gohan winced imperceptibly and pursed his lips to prevent the hiss of discomfort whenever Videl accidentally put too much pressure near the catheter. The terminally ill boy was enjoying the massage too much to take the chance of Videl stopping.

x

In all probability, it was the profound absorption on both Gohan and Videl's parts that prevented the two from noticing the soft click of the door opening and closing. Therefore, the petite figure that crouched below the window looking out to the busy corridor beyond completely escaped their attention. Said figure stood at the intimidating height of four feet-six inches, when she wasn't skulking behind hospital doorways that is. A sandy haired head peeked covertly above the window frame before deftly dropping again and sending a three foot long braid undulating wildly. Shifting from foot to foot, mischievous eyes glinting in anticipated delight, the girl carefully began backing away from the tell-tale pane of transparent glass. Sadly, with her focus solely on the porthole, the girl failed to avoid the trolley of untouched breakfast and clean bedpans. **Crash**!

x

Not even Gohan or Videl could ignore the deafening clangor wrought by sterile bedpans striking hard tiled floors. Not to mention the screech of the metal trolley, the clatters of the plastic tray, the wet splash of mesh hitting the floor, and the startled yelp of surprise. Both alarmed occupants flinched visibly; Gohan becoming tense with panicky fear and Videl letting out a short, shrill cry. Ebony and sapphire eyes riveted upon a sprawling mass of slender limbs and torso in a tangled sea of hospital apparatus. The girl paid no heed to the residents as her diminutive nose wrinkled in disgust.

"Eeugh!" The repulsed exclamation had Gohan relaxing a fraction as he raised a curious brow. Oblivious to her audience, the slight girl began the difficult task of extricating herself from the mess of pulverized food and sterling metal.

x

The strange girl flung a bed pan from her right elbow and sent the trolley, now lying on its side, skidding a few inches with a well placed kick. The din raised by these various actions made Gohan cringe, but he took the time to observe the elfish girl's bedraggled appearance. Immediately he took note of the common, shapeless, plaid sweats she wore, albeit splattered with provisions and damp with two percent milk. 'Two sizes too big.' was the thought that came to Gohan's attentive mind when he monitored the way the baggy, draw-string sweats hung low on her hips and the shirt draped lopsidedly leaving one alabaster shoulder bare. The clothing was an indication of her status as a patient. Gohan also wore the hospital provided sweats, sans the shirt having woken nauseous and heaving too often come morning. The bald teen did not relish having a vomit laden shirt lifted over his head for removal.

x

Next, Gohan surveyed the stranger's face as she made the attempt to stand. Attempt being the operative word as the hospital mesh splattered across the floor, trying to pass itself off as edible rations, had the same consistency and effect of a liberal coat of wax. In spite of this, the motion of her slipping, sliding, and ultimately falling did nothing to detract from Gohan's appraisal. The abundance of braided sandy mane had copious smatterings of cinnamon highlights Gohan suspected were entirely natural.

x

Escaped wisps of disheveled hair framed a heart shaped face that looked all the more delicate with her lily white skin. An abundant fringe of hair hung enchantingly above overly large, almond-shaped eyes the most stunning shade of amethyst ringed by cobalt blue on both sides of the irises. Those enigmatic eyes peered out of an enticing visage wrought with the definition of dainty in mind. A tiny, slightly upturned nose and a shapely rosebud mouth, not too full or thin but uniquely suitable, completed the strikingly conspicuous features. As Gohan settled for the one word delineation, adorable, the girl finally gained her footing and consequently the knowledge of her spectators as well.

x

"Um...hi!" Gohan felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. The girl's voice was a lilting alto that bubbled with nervousness. Self-consciously she tried to stroke away some of the fast coagulating cuisine from her clothing while offering Gohan a rueful pout. Gohan turned his head ever so slightly in order to gauge Videl's reaction to this intruding vixen. The onyx haired teen's lips twitched in a failed attempt to suppress a smile and her bottle-blue eyes gleamed with good humor. Gohan directed his attention back to the girl as the sound of shuffling feet and an anxious giggle reached his ears.

"Well, you sure make one hell of an entrance." Gohan offered for the first time since the disruption.

x

A spectacular, lopsided grin split the impish face, transforming the charmingly fragile girl into a seductive temptress. However, before the undersized girl could say anything by way of explanation the door burst inward. A harried boy of Chinese decent with tightly bound, shoulder-length, midnight-black hair entered the room. His sharp chert-flake gray eyes, set in a subtly angled, golden complexioned face, took in the scene in one cursory, passing glance. The boy seemed to come to some supposition, judging by his stony expression compounded by a tightening of his jaw and a throbbing vein at his temple. Gohan tensed drastically as agitation and distress were brought on through the boy's aggressive behavior. Gohan felt Videl's hand run soothingly along his arm to clasp his hand, though he did not once take his eyes off the newest intruder.

x

"Miss Hajime, Dr. Jomei is searching all over for you. How you can be so rude as to violate the privacy of another patient is beyond my understanding!" The boy's tone was condescendingly accusatory and censuring as he glanced surreptitiously at Gohan and Videl before quickly averting his eyes.

"You're one to talk, bargin' in and all! And how many times I gotta tell ya to call me Kaname, Makie?" the girl demanded while practically bouncing over to throw delicately boned arms around the stern looking boy. The young man, also a patient judging by his hospital garb, bristled dimly at the contact.

"My name is Makekeru," he said through clenched teeth, "Not Ruru, not Keru, nor Keke; and most certainly not Makie. Now, I believe you've harassed these good people long enough with your presence." Makekeru huffed while pointedly ignoring the embracing limbs Kaname had deemed unnecessary to remove during his tirade.

"Aww, people might get the impression that you don't like me." Kaname whined in a falsetto voice of feigned woe. The impact was lost as she said it with a grin and a wink to the stoically unsmiling boy.

x

Makekeru harrumphed and rolled his eyes skyward.

"Astute deduction," Makekeru replied dryly before turning to Gohan who went even more rigid at the sign of direct interest, "I apologize on behalf of my roommate; she can be quite discourteous. I can see quite clearly she's disgraced herself and hope you weren't too badly offended by her impertinent clumsiness." Makekeru bowed formally as Kaname spluttered and sniffed haughtily in the background. The pint-sized girl had released her severe-faced roommate in favor of crossing her refined arms in front of her chest and sticking her nose rudely in the air.

"Actually I...I don't really m-mind the intrusion." Gohan anxiously acknowledged the apology with a jerky nod of his head. Videl ran her remaining, unbound hand in circles along Gohan's taut lower stomach muscles.

"Calm down Gohan or you'll make yourself sick." Videl urged in a gentle whisper leaning directly next to Gohan's ear. Another quiver raced along Gohan's nerve endings as Videl's heated breath caressed his ear and tresses of shadowy hair tickled his neck and left shoulder.

x

"HA! Take that you anti-social, unemotional buddy-o-mine!" Kaname crowed with a complimentary slap on Makekeru's back, utterly unmindful of Gohan's apprehension. "Some people actually appreciate company. Am I right or am I right?" the hyper pixie turned naughtily glinting eyes on Gohan and Videl. Gohan mouthed wordlessly as he caught sight of Makekeru's disdainful gaze that seemed to cry 'do not humor her!' The bedridden teen settled for a taciturn grin and a deep chuckle. Kaname laughed uproariously while Makekeru glowered mulishly.

x

"Ah, I see you've found your new room." a familiar voice penetrated the atmosphere among the four teens. Gohan balked violently from the deep voice, his episode the previous evening far from resolved. Videl wrapped her arms around him snuggly and squeezed lightly before becoming lax to prevent Gohan from feeling trapped. This abrupt reaction caught Makekeru's attention though the boy schooled his features into cool indifference before nodding solemnly in acknowledgement of the doctor's presence.

"Hey Dr. Jomei! Is it true this is our new room?" Kaname questioned excitedly as she bounded over to the familiar figure. Gohan winced from the loud shout and Makekeru frowned in disapproval. Dr. Jomei answered her with a smile and nod before he brought his attention to Gohan ensconced in Videl's arms.

x

Dr. Jomei approached Gohan cautiously and stopped a good ten feet away after he discerned Gohan trying to scoot further into Videl's embrace.

"Gohan, I'd like you to meet Hajime Kaname," Dr. Jomei motioned to the girl. Kaname grinned and waved enthusiastically. "And, Chou Makekeru." Dr. Jomei indicated the rigid youth who bowed stiltedly. "They will be your new companions." Dr. Jomei announced with a slight, somewhat forced smile. Gohan edgily glanced between Dr. Jomei and the two adolescents with a doubtful look. Videl gaped wordlessly for a moment before voicing what Gohan was undeniably thinking.

"Do you really think that's wise, Dr. Jomei?" Dr. Jomei grimaced as Kaname sent him a questioning look. Makekeru scrutinized Gohan with a closed facade.

"We need the room." Dr. Jomei replied simply then turned to Kaname and Makekeru.

"This is Hakusho Sesshomaru, who prefers being called Gohan. And Satan Videl, Gohan's girlfriend." Dr. Jomei introduced. Gohan blushed resplendently and shot a fleeting glance Videl's way to gauge her response. Videl simply smiled before shifting away from Gohan in preparation of getting up.

x

"Well, to be honest, I've got to get going to school." Videl announced, slightly annoyed as she glimpsed the clock's digital numbers reading six thirty-two.

"No!" Gohan shouted vehemently to the surprise of all present, including himself by his startled expression. Gohan fidgeted perceptibly as his stare locked on the only man in the room. Videl followed Gohan's line of sight and took Gohan's right hand in both of hers comfortingly. Dr. Jomei also noted Gohan's returned disquiet and took the hint to leave.

"I'll be going now. You two settle in and get acquainted." Dr. Jomei instructed Kaname and Makekeru. The two bid the man goodbye then considered the confusing boy in the hospital bed. Videl had released Gohan's hand when he visibly calmed after Dr. Jomei's departure.

x

"I'll be back after school." Videl assured Gohan tranquilly. Gohan had a vaguely desperate glint to his eyes as if he was begging inaudibly for her to stay. Videl shook her head regretfully and felt like cringing in the face of the pain that filled his eyes with her answer. Gracefully she leaned over, cupping the back of Gohan's head in one hand, to press a calming farewell gesture upon his mouth. Gohan felt the soft lips brush like butterfly wings across his tremulous mouth. A warm breath ghosted across his slightly parted lips before a supple pink tongue darted coaxingly inside.

x

The world dropped away and he could only feel those passionate lips against his, the satiny hand caressing his neck and, the powerful but gentle grip on his shoulder which she used to keep her balance. Gohan surrendered to her ministrations as his heavy lidded eyes drooped languidly then closed. The slick pink invasion adroitly stroked the roof of Gohan's mouth in a soothing rhythm. Videl dominated the slow burning kiss, compassionately conveying her deep love and affection to the scared boy. Gohan clung to the proffered heat, clutching twin fistfuls of Videl's shirt to urge her closer. Obligingly the trim body suffused itself against Gohan's barely clad form. Intoxicating swirls of emotions wrapped preciously in the twin bows of luscious flesh were gifted to the misfortune fraught boy. The pacifying souvenir Videl gave was meant to tide him over until her promised return.

x

They parted torpidly, achingly. Their lips, swollen with passion, withdrew from each other's. A low, guttural moan escaped between Gohan's liberated lips, begging to be captivated again. Gohan's eyes fluttered open, the shadowed eddies seemed to shift and flicker with depthless desire, pain, fear, depression, resignation, and love. Each emotion churned and melded together like a murky watercolor until not one could be discerned separately from the others.

"Be strong." Videl implored, teasing and nibbling his bottom lip seductively, before turning away and grabbing up her bag. "It was nice meeting you two. I'm sure I'll see you around." she called over her shoulder with a negligent wave to Kaname and Makekeru before stepping out of the room.

"See ya!" Kaname belted out as if she would have exploded had she kept silent any longer. The door closed with a faint snick.

x

For a moment the room was entirely silent as each person regarded the unknown factor. Kaname was the first to avert her attention with a tongue-in-cheek expression on her face. Even then she was silent as she scrutinized the bare, bright yellow walls which weren't much different from the mundane white walls they'd been during Gohan's first stay in the selfsame room. The staff had painted the walls yellow during Gohan's sojourn in the emergency ward after his suicide attempt. Kaname held her hands folded together behind her back, braid thwapping jauntily against them with each step. The girl seemed to have an eternal spring to her step as she traversed the perimeter of the room.

x

While Gohan's eyes followed the constantly moving figure; Makekeru took the time to analyze the boy in the hospital bed. Makekeru felt the beginning twinges of pain that signaled fatigue, so he took a seat on one of the three unoccupied beds. The boy, Gohan, had pulled the hospital sheet up to his chin, whether from cold or self-consciousness he wasn't sure. Makekeru could see the tubing that undoubtedly flowed into the catheter he'd spotted in Gohan's shoulder. Another tube led into the bundle of blankets, but Makekeru couldn't see where. The boy looked a right state, as if he'd been a ward of the hospital for a long time. Makekeru shuddered at the idea that he himself might have to stay for an indeterminate amount of time. Gohan was anorexic thin, pasty white, tiredly bruised, and generally resembled death warmed over. Makekeru hoped fervently that he would never look like the boy directly across from him. The Chinese boy was suddenly interrupted from his observations by the obnoxious woman.

x

"Your room is freakin' dull." Kaname exclaimed as she halted in front of Gohan's bed. Gohan blinked a few times in sheer befuddlement. Kaname ignored his confusion in favor of changing the subject entirely. "So, what kind of leukemia you got?"

"Hajime!" Makekeru snapped in exasperated objection to the vulgar question.

"What? It's not like it's some big secret we've all got Leukemia." Kaname countered pointedly, jutting out her jaw obstinately. Makekeru opened his mouth to say something reproachful, no doubt, but was prevented by Gohan's hesitant voice.

"You two have...cancer...also?" Gohan managed to ask the question in a voice slightly louder than a whisper. Kaname blinked and then inspected Gohan curiously.

"Well, yeah; haven't you noticed you're in a wing full of cancer patients?" Kaname prompted, suddenly becoming still. Gohan could feel the change of mood in the air and shivered.

"Should I have? I...I mean I haven't left my room except to undergo treatment." Gohan murmured feeling ashamed at the admission.

"**What**?" Kaname screeched in disbelief. Even Makekeru raised an eyebrow at Gohan's reluctant answer. "How do they expect you to get better if you don't exercise and get some sun?" Kaname wondered rhetorically, waving her arms extravagantly in the air for emphasis. Gohan felt like lead had just dropped into his stomach and hung his head.

"..." He mumbled under his breath but the sound was muffled by his sheet.

"Come again?" Makekeru asked politely, proving he too was interested in the reply.

"I said they don't...expect me to get better, that is." Gohan sighed dejectedly, refusing to raise his gaze from the stunningly artistic weaving of his bland sheet. 'Please don't say you're sorry; please, please, don't pity me...I don't deserve it.' Gohan plead mentally with his eyes squeezed tightly shut. He almost missed the harshly indrawn breath from the direction of Makekeru.

x

"At least you have people who care for you here." Kaname finally retorted with a decidedly flippant tone of voice. Gohan's head wrenched up to regard her in astonishment. "I know; I'm a bright ray of sunshine aren't I?" Kaname spoke sarcastically. "You have to understand that this is my second time around. I went into remission two years ago and just recently had a relapse. As far as I'm concerned, if it's your time to go there isn't anything you can do about it. That doesn't mean you should get all sulky and depressed; enjoy what time you've got left!" Kaname advised exuberantly.

x

Gohan watched the enigma that was Kaname as she started twirling and dancing clumsily across the floor, tripping and bumping into things often. Makekeru scowled and snorted at the girl's words. Gohan's eyes flitted over to meet the overcast gray ones across the room. A fierceness and determination to live glared full force from the cold stormy pits. Even so, Gohan could spot the fear lurking upon the surface despite Makekeru's attempts to hide it. It was perhaps this fear that allowed Gohan to relax his guard in regard to the boy.

x

"Are you ever gonna answer my question?" Kaname demanded in annoyance, breaking the staring contest between the boys. Gohan raised an eyebrow at the girl he was beginning to suspect was bi-polar or something based on the way her emotions fluctuated from one second to the next.

"Huh?" he grunted eloquently as he stared at Kaname blankly.

"What type of Leukemia have you got?"

"Oh, Acute Myeloid."

"Huh, that's strange." Kaname remarked bluntly.

"R-Really...why?" Gohan speculated aloud haltingly. 'Do I really want to know?' his mind asked in trepidation.

"Nothing earth shattering, it's just that type usually affects adults. Acute Myeloid is uncommon in children." Makekeru dined to explain as briefly as possible.

"Yeah, see I have the most common acute form of Leukemia in kids which is Lymphotic cancer. We commonly call it ALL." Kaname explained rapidly. Gohan had to wait a moment for the information to sink in and make coherent sense.

"So...you two have this other Leukemia." Gohan made the sentence a statement.

"No, I have ALL. Keru has Chronic Myelocytic Leukemia which is a lesser form of yours, but just as deadly." Kaname corrected while shaking her head emphatically. Gohan heard a chuffing noise and saw Makekeru stiffly turn away from the two of them.

"Shut up." the Chinese boy ordered through clenched teeth with a sharp edge to his tone. He contemptuously ignored the way Kaname mangled his name.

x

"Don't mind him; he's only been privy to this for two weeks so far. Besides, who wants to talk about terminal diseases anyway?" Gohan was hard pressed to restrain himself from pointing out that Kaname was the one who'd brought the topic into discussion. "There are so many more interesting things to talk about. Like Gohan, for instance." Kaname chattered, boisterously bouncing over to Gohan and clapping him on his shoulder. Gohan recoiled from the touch and adeptly shrugged the offending appendage from his shoulder. Kaname seemed oblivious to his reaction and chose instead to flop unceremoniously, without permission, on Gohan's bed. Gohan drew his knees up to his chest protectively and cringed at the foodstuff now staining his sheets. He didn't really see Kaname as a threat, but after witnessing her constant unbalance he was afraid to somehow get dragged into her clumsiness.

x

"Leave him alone Hajime."

"Aww, you mind your own damn business and pull that stick from your ass before you hurt yourself." Kaname snapped back to Gohan's unreserved surprise. Makekeru bristled furiously, his cheeks flaming from embarrassment, and his eyes flashing dangerously. Gohan was becoming steadily more uncomfortable with the proximity of the two loggerheads as the tension rose a notch. 'Is Dr. Jomei insane? Does he really expect me to remain under control with two hormone driven teens duking it out in my room!' Gohan sighed in defeat, consequently bringing Kaname's attention back to him.

"So, Gohan, what do you do when your not disgustingly ill and dying?" Gohan gaped at the, now, grinning girl looking up at him from his considerably rumpled sheets. "Well?" she prompted impatiently before she reached out a hand to pinch his calf lightly. Gohan jerked roughly from her grasp and gave her one lethal glare to rival Makekeru's.

"Do. Not. Touch. Me." Gohan enunciated clearly in a scathing tone. Kaname merely pouted and flipped the end of the cover-blanket over Gohan's head.

"Geez, you're as much fun as Mr. Granite-face over there." A sour expression graced Kaname's sprite features, "I was only asking about your hobbies."

"Martial arts."

"Huh?"

"I like to practice martial arts when I'm not laid up and dying." Gohan gritted out halfway before giving up his anger and mumbling the rest.

"Really? What form?" Makekeru suddenly asked verifying he'd been attentively listening the whole time.

"Does it matter now?" Gohan growled evasively with a touch of bitter self-pity.

Makekeru shrugged, a frown marring his otherwise nicely complexioned face, before lying down and turning away from them once again.

x

"A nap actually looks good...right about now." Kaname commented around a yawn as she stretched luxuriously on Gohan's bed. Gohan pointedly eyed the bed sheets that were now thoroughly soiled because of Kaname's movements. "Sorry." Kaname chirped hopping into a kneeling position before vaulting from Gohan's bed to the one beside it. Next, she bounced out of her chosen bed and slipped over to Gohan's dresser.

"We should really call a janitor to come clean this up." Kaname observed eyeing the catastrophe still in evidence. Streaky footprints lead to where Kaname stood in front of Gohan's dresser. Leaning over and reaching out, the urchin girl pushed the call button on the side of Gohan's bed. Gohan grimaced as something cool and squishy dropped onto his chest. The red glob looked decidedly like a piece of the red Jello that came with his breakfast. "Sorry." Kaname apologized sheepishly with a shrug as she began rummaging through Gohan's things.

"What are you doing?" Gohan demanded churlishly. 'I guess I need a nap too.' He thought despondently, 'God knows I'll need the rest with this little hellion running amuck.'

"Well, since my clothes are a disaster and the nurses have yet to bring Makekeru's and my things, I decided to borrow a pair of your clothes. After all, it was your breakfast that was dumped all over me." Kaname reasoned perversely.

x

Gohan opened his mouth to point out the various actions, none of which he'd performed, that got her into the mess she was in. Before he could even draw breath Kaname superseded him by whipping out a pair of sweats from his drawer.

"Thanks!" Kaname enthused gratefully, descending to drop a chaste kiss on his shallow cheek. Kaname skipped into the adjoining bathroom failing to witness Gohan's stock still form.

x

After the bathroom door closed behind Kaname Gohan felt his body start trembling. 'God, you are pathetic. She didn't even mean anything by it!' Gohan snarled mentally at himself. The quaking did not cease with these thoughts and Gohan, frustrated, gripped his hands together to try and still them. 'Breathe Gohan, just breathe. In...Out...In...Out...In...' Gohan coached while trying to project a serene picture in his mind. He was dimly aware of Makekeru's deep and steady REM breathing. Latching onto the calming rhythm Gohan focused intently on the rise and fall of Makekeru's covers. The opening of the door escaped his awareness, and it wasn't until he heard the confidant voice that he jolted from his semi-meditative state.

"Everything alright, dear?" a kindly voice questioned carefully. Gohan startled and came face to face with a grandmotherly woman sitting on his bed. She had thinning blond-ash hair and perceptive sky blue eyes that crinkled at the corners when she smiled, like she was doing just then.

"Uh, yeah, I mean, yes ma'am." Gohan nodded jerkily and blushed endearingly at his own lack of manners.

x

Trying not to seem impolite, Gohan attempted to edge away from the stranger imperceptibly.

"I'm Doctor Kalinin Kaiya. I offered to answer the call when I realized it came from the room Kaname and Makekeru were to be moved to." the woman explained benevolently as she surveyed the mess on the floor. "I take it **that** is the reason you called?" Dr. Kalinin inquired motioning to the disarrayed apparatus and scattered food. Gohan nodded absently, more absorbed in his endeavor to put some distance between himself and the doctor than her bothersome questions. Gohan's nerves were strung out enough as it was with Makekeru and Kaname's presence that he didn't fancy the added burden on his overtaxed muscles.

x

Gohan was just contemplating pushing the encroaching woman off his bed when the bathroom door burst outward and Kaname pranced back into view. The girl's hair was a sopping rope rapping against the back of Gohan's shirt with a consistent wet slap. In her right hand she held Gohan's superfluous brush and comb; in the left his toothbrush and toothpaste. Gohan's brows drew down together in aggravation but neither conscious occupant paid him any mind.

"Dr. Kalinin!" Kaname cried out joyfully and sprung forward to throw her arms around the compassionate woman. Heedful of the dying child, 'Thanks ever so much,' Dr. Kalinin stood up to accept the embrace.

"Well, how's my little Energizer Bunny?"

"Great! I was just getting ready for a nap. Did you come to visit?" Kaname inquired eagerly. Gohan felt a pang of jealousy squeeze his heart. 'I wish someone would drop by to keep me company.' Gohan thought resentfully.

x

Dr. Kalinin shifted over to sit on Kaname's bed and began relating news on their mutual acquaintances. Gohan felt like an outsider and berated himself for eavesdropping on their conversation. 'Idiot, can you be anymore selfish? You don't deserve all the support you're getting. Bulma and Vegeta don't owe you a goddamn thing. Goten is their son and they've done a lot more by him then you ever could. As for Videl and her parents; you have no right to intrude on their budding family. You aren't Gohan anymore, get the fuck over yourself and go to sleep Sesshomaru!' Gohan ordered scornfully.

"You ok, Gohan?"

"Wha? Uh, yeah, I'm just tired." Gohan lied through his teeth to a concerned Kaname.

"Ok, we'll let you get to sleep." Kaname declared with a heartening smile, "And, hey, thanks for letting me borrow your things." Gohan felt distinctly more self-depreciating in the wake of Kaname's cheerful innocence. Kaname pranced back to her bed and said her farewells to Dr. Kalinin who promised to send a janitor to clean up the Kaname-made chaos. Dr. Kalinin bid Gohan goodbye and left, discretely closing the door behind her. Kaname yawned hugely and bid Gohan goodnight. Gohan deemed it futile to call attention to the fact that it was only early afternoon.

* * *

**Chapter 30: Silent Reverie**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Do I expect to change  
The past I hold inside  
With all the words I say  
Repeating over in my mind  
Some things you can't erase  
No matter how hard you try  
An exit to escape  
Is all there is left to find.

Trapt-Echo

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**ooo**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Spend all your time waiting  
For that second chance  
For the break that would make it okay...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Reddish-brown on black leather, smeared to fascinating abstraction. Forest green stems slicked wetly against the side of smooth, squeaky soles. Clumps of olive blades laden by dull glass beads of water. Murky splashes of churned mud interspersed amongst the muted turf. Long lines of bleak blue, mournful black, drab brown and gloomy green ended in a sea of patented leather loafers, heels, and pumps. Nipping wind sent coarse, unbuttoned material flapping chillingly against double breasted, pinstriped, and white clad chests. Pale, golden toned hands rubbed forlornly against slender arms scantily clad in sheer silk or gossamer rayon. They stood in communal silence whilst looking down on the over large, soulless shell dressed in a dignified suit of midnight darkness. Seemed only fitting to the boy who eyed the soggy cemetery, head bowed, that the man should lay for eternal rest dressed in the color of nightfall. The boy stood isolated under the overcast sky whose dreary canopy dimmed the vibrant colors of the world until all that remained were the lackluster tones of decay and death.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

There's always some reason  
To feel not good enough  
And it's hard at the end of the day...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Surrounded by people, the boy felt more alone in his skin then ever before. Soft murmurs carried from the huddled mass like a dull roar. Faint weeping rustled the edges of transmitted sound. The low timbre of the priest broke into the already muted lamentations, bringing with it a spattering of icy rainwater from the heavens. As the sky shed crystal tears for the shrouded man, the boy raised his perpetually bowed head a fraction so that he could peer into the open casket. A shaggy head of hair and equally untamable beard graced the familiar kindly face. Crows feet were etched deeply at the corners of forevermore closed lids; testament to the deceased's enjoyment in life. The brawny frame, that not even fatality could diminish, appeared constricted by the pine box.

x

The expression of tranquility on the lifeless corpse gave the impression that he was only sleeping peacefully, and at any moment the man who was larger than life would sit up and grin professing the whole ordeal an elaborate joke. But the boy knew better, he looked down at callused hands that had hewn the pine trees and constructed the coffin with careful diligence. A single tear trekked erroneously down one cheek though it was indistinguishable from the rain that now gushed from the heavens like sobs of grief. The boy was oblivious to the torrential rain that had soaked him in a matter of seconds. He stared blankly as gravediggers nailed the hand crafted coffin shut.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I need some distraction  
Oh beautiful release...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." The words were mere brushes against the boy's conscious mind as he no longer saw the gravediggers lowering the once vivacious relative into the ground, but rather replayed in his mind's eye the events leading to the sorrowful funeral.

**oo** remembrance **oo**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Memory seeps from my veins  
Let me be empty  
Oh, and weightless and maybe  
I'll find some peace tonight...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He flew in a brilliantly blue sky with a glittering sun providing a breathtaking backdrop to one of the few days left in a dying summer. Minute clouds of fluffy, cotton softness dotted the far horizon like dimples on a child's face. The air was sun-warmed with a hint of crispness heralding fall's fast approach. Below, the forest floor whizzed by in a flurry of high green tree-tops. In spite of the breathtaking beauty before him, Gohan's mind was overcome with morbid thoughts of his father's death.

x

He steered the Capsule Corp jet with the absentmindedness of a genius on autopilot. The granite orbs stared unseeingly at the clear, open atmosphere. He knew deep down that his father's death was a direct result of his own prideful stupidity. He could see that accusation reflected in his pregnant mother's eyes. He could practically hear her blaming him for stealing away the baby's father every time she slanted that glare his way. She didn't have to say anything out loud, they were in unspoken agreement about the whole incident...no, crime. She barely spoke to him except to have him run errands and do chores. Gohan was quick on the uptake, she was avoiding him.

x

Whenever he was home, Chi Chi would find some task outside that needed to be carried out immediately or, some forgotten ingredient she needed to cook dinner with but didn't have on hand. If neither of those scenarios were handy his mother would profess a desire to visit Bulma or take a walk. Gohan had obligingly begun to spend copious amounts of time in the woods. The other Z-senshi seemed unaware of the dynamic change in his and Chi Chi's relationship. Then again, Gohan was forced to acknowledge that he'd driven them away until the only reason they infrequently came by was out of a sense of obligation to their deceased friend.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You are pulled from the wreckage  
Of your silent reverie  
You're in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort there...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan was forced to swerve wildly out of the way when his inattention almost brought him to a head-on collusion with a freight plane. Berating himself for the near miss, and cursing profusely for the slow reaction time of the machinated jet, Gohan took a more serious approach to piloting. When he looked below him to judge his location Gohan was chagrined to realize that he'd long since flown past his destination. Grudgingly, the eleven year old boy steered the jet around and backtracked to his intended objective. Within minutes he reached the relatively small cottage nestled in a clearing, surrounded by towering trees.

x

Gohan landed with the utmost efficiency and began to hike his way to the timber house. As the shadows, offset by the scanty shafts of light, slashed across the forest floor and Gohan's ambling form, the boy's mind circled back to his subject of brooding. He deserved to die for what he'd done. Gohan had even considered just ending his existence, had come quite close the previous evening while cradling one of his father's shaving razors in hand. The only thought that had kept him from hacking his wrists in reckless abandon was the fear that should his mother go into labor she would be without someone to take her to the hospital. 'Perhaps when the baby is born I will atone for my sins.' Gohan contemplated absently.

x

His train of thought was once again cut off as Gohan reached the clearing. He took a moment to admire the wooden cabin. It wasn't often that one came across a hand built home these days, what with the convenience of capsule homes. There was just something truly comforting about the stubbornly rooted cottage that appealed to Gohan. The strong lines and sturdy setting of the logs brought the owner to Gohan's mind. Allowing himself a small smile, the first since he'd woken from his strange coma-like state, Gohan moseyed up to the door and rapped sharply on it. There was no answer.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So tired of the straight line  
And everywhere you turn  
There's vultures and thieves at your back...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan knocked more loudly on the heavy set door, a frown deepening his expression and causing his brow to wrinkle. 'He should be here.' Gohan mentally insisted with a rueful pounding on the door. Here his mother had sent him to retrieve their dinner guest and the man refused to answer his door or was otherwise out doing only Kami knew what. Gohan sighed and slumped onto the porch steps to think. He'd honestly been looking forward to seeing the man. After all, he was the only one to treat Gohan the same as he always had after Goku's death. 'Of course, that's selfish of you to want to be regarded in the same manner after murdering your father.' Gohan snarled viciously to himself.

x

Raking a hand through his hair in what was fast becoming a gesture of frustration, Gohan decided the lodge proprietor would not mind if he waited for him inside. Gaining his feet once more, Gohan tested the knob to ascertain if it was locked. Indeed it was, so Gohan pulled a lock pick from his pocket and jiggled the handle while prodding the mechanism with his pick. He was most satisfied to hear a tell-tale click that signaled his success. 'At least I'm improving on my breaking and entering skills.' Gohan snorted derisively.

x

Turning the knob and stepping into the darkened living room Gohan had the sudden urge to call out a greeting like those seen in sappy sitcoms. Instead Gohan contented himself with flicking on the light switch which was powered by a generator. The room was familiarly disarrayed in the fashion of most bachelors though Gohan was forced to admit that it was stylishly so. He well knew that the clutter and thrown-where-it-lay look was intentional.

x

The furniture was all hand crafted with durability and utility in mind, though the unique pieces had a muted elegance about them. The couch was more like a broad bench with an almost naturally curving back. A thick blanket was thrown across the wooden bars along with a few throw pillows that made the sofa a slice of heaven on earth. A, Gohan could only describe it in one way, masculine rocking chair sat in one corner of the room facing the same direction as the couch. Both items faced a small television set that Gohan distinctly identified as the one with only thirteen channels on it. The few days he'd spent in the company of that television as a child had been a battle against boredom which he'd sadly succumbed to within an hour of watching it.

x

Interspersed amongst the two large pieces of furniture were low lying coffee tables and shelves of various sizes, colors, and grains. The dusty wooded surfaces were completely covered with painstakingly hand carved knick knacks. Mostly the carvings were of animals found in the outlaying forests, wolves, bears, mountain cats, monkeys, birds, etc. A few sculptures were fanciful beasts only found in childhood story books. Gohan retrieved a goblin from one overpopulated shelf, reveling in the fond memories of an afternoon constructing a fairytale involving a band of renegade goblins stealing away a princess who couldn't be saved by anyone other than the Saiyan warrior.

x

Gohan released a regretful sigh; those carefree days were long done with, a figment of the past best left forgotten. Though, as his eyes alighted on the stacked puzzle boxes under one coffee table his lips twitched infinitesimally upward of their own accord. Gohan decided then that since he was in the process of perusing old memories, he should canvass the entire cabin. Feeling an admittedly traitorous sense of anticipation and eagerness, 'Father can't enjoy life so why should I be take pleasure in anything. I don't deserve any form of happiness,' Gohan made his way to the bedroom where he'd hid under the bed in many a game of hide-and-seek.

x

Gohan traversed the short hallway; only glancing into the sparse kitchen that displayed a deep basin sink and an open fire pit with a grill; and briefly peeking into the dinky bathroom with toilet and cubical shower without a bath. He reached the bedroom door and without a moments hesitation threw it open. What Gohan saw upon entering stopped him in his tracks and wiped the glint of life from his eye. There the man sprawled seemingly asleep in the heavy oak bed with the royal blue covers rumpled underneath him. The picture would not have appeared so disturbing if it weren't for the fact that the man had been in the middle of getting dressed by the looks of it. One hand was entangled in the unbuttoned farmer's shirt above his heart while the other gripped the pants that were halfway pulled on.

x

"Grandfather?" Gohan approached the considerably larger man cautiously. Unsure of exactly what had happened, he was leery about getting too close. What if he'd been drinking and had passed out or something? The only problem with this line of thinking was that Gohan had never once in his life seen the old man drink alcohol. "Grandpa?" Gohan called again though slightly louder then before and in the manner he used as a small child; he felt so much older now with the blood of murder staining his hands.

x

Despite his appeals the figure on the bed remained stubbornly motionless. Finally, Gohan stood beside the bed close enough to peer into the face of his beloved grandfather. The expression on the Ox King's face looked peaceful, but what startled Gohan were the blue lips and death-tone to his skin. Extending a trembling hand to the rope-like neck, Gohan checked for a pulse. For several moments he held his breath until he could no longer delude himself into thinking the desperate flutters of imagination could upstart a heartbeat long since stilled. Gohan gazed at his grandfather in a silent rictus of emotional pain. Soundless tears budded under his lashes and ghosted down his cheeks. No longer able to hold back his collected anguish from both loses, father and grandfather, Gohan buried his face in his grandfather's shirt to stifle the gasping moans and miserable sobs.

"Oh grandfather, my grandfather. Dear God, what will I tell mother?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The storm keeps on twisting  
You keep on building the lies  
That you make up for all that you lack...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**oo** back to the funeral **oo**

A muffled thud brought Gohan's eyes to focus on the casket now settled in the hole. The priest stepped aside for the purpose of providing room to Gohan and Chi Chi so that they could throw the first fistful of dirt into the cavity. Gohan hung back as his mother walked forward and deposited her pitiful mound into the gaping fissure. As she turned, their eyes met and the regret, grief, accusation, and finally hatred he read in her steady stare forced him to avert his gaze.

x

She had blamed him, of course, because he hadn't arrived at the cabin in time to save his grandfather. Gohan's shoulders slumped in acknowledgement; he'd accepted the blame for his grandfather's death with the ease of one well versed. Gohan couldn't help but consider whether his grandfather would still be dead had he not been sidetracked into flying off course. The autopsy had placed the time of the heart attack near the instance when Gohan had been flying to the cabin. As the handful of dirt, kept dry under an umbrella, sifted from Gohan's fingertips he promised to himself that he would atone for his crimes.

x

His eyes stayed riveted on the slowly buried coffin as acquaintances and the Z-senshi offered their condolences to Chi Chi for her loss. Gohan stood with dripping head bowed, not even acknowledging the sympathetic pats on the shoulder. The gathering slowly made its way to the reception at the funeral home, leaving Gohan staring desolately at the quickly filling grave. Gohan shivered against the nipping wind and reproached himself for that small sign of discomfort as he imagined how cold it must be for his grandfather in the unyielding, barren, cold ground. The gravediggers finished filling the hole and shaping the mound, and then they too walked off.

x

Left completely alone, Gohan fell to his knees begging any God listening to strike him dead where he knelt. Death would be a release from the torment that was living. Since his grandfather's death, Chi Chi had stopped speaking to Gohan, pointedly ignored him until it was as if he didn't exist in the eyes of the one who bore him.

"Someday," he whispered fervently, "Someday I'll end it all and serve my sentence in hell." Gohan promised himself.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It don't make no difference  
Escaping one last time  
It's easier to believe  
In this sweet madness oh  
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees...

Sarah McLachlan-Angel

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**ooo**

Gohan woke in a cold sweat, the memories of his grandfather's funeral still flashing in his sleep fogged mind. Quick to follow was the feeling of self-loathing for his selfish attitude all those years ago. He had already deprived his little brother of a father, a grandfather, later a mother, and there he was intending to confiscate Goten's elder brother. Gohan passed a hand over his face as the pain clutched at his heart. Both unworthy of life and unworthy of death, all he could think to do was exercise in the art of self-flagellation. Pushing such negative thoughts to the back of his mind for later perusal, Gohan wondered for a moment what had woken him up when he heard Kaname's shrill voice.

"Hey, ya no good cheater, that ain't how ya play the game!" Kaname screeched giving Makekeru a firm thump on the cranium. When Gohan looked up, he was stunned to see the remarkable change wrought to the room during his state of unconsciousness. It was apparent that while he'd been asleep Makekeru and Kaname's things had been moved in.

x

The wall directly across from Gohan was decorated with three cloth scrolls of Chinese calligraphy directly above Makekeru's headboard. To either side of the scrolls were colorful lanterns with beautifully illustrated pictures on their delicate crepe exterior. On the ceiling hung a virtual flock of Japanese origami cranes in sea green, pale blue, sterling silver, glinting gold, royal purple, rose red, fiery orange, dusk blue, smooth crème, pure white, and every other color imaginable. The slight sounds of rustling paper were soothing in their own right. The only other adornment of notable interest was the diminutive yet elegant shrine positioned tactfully on the polished dresser. The graceful lines of the simplistic, nevertheless magnificent shrine were pleasing to the eye in its subtlety and loveliness. Gohan managed to discern a grayed, black and white photo of a young girl smiling adorably on the Shrine's surface.

x

Kaname's small corner of the room unsurprisingly resembled that of a disaster area, it even had a streamer of "Do Not Cross This Line" police tape draped over and spilling from her dresser. Clothes had been haphazardly shoved into the drawers so that bits of various articles poked from the seams. Board games inundated the immediate vicinity of her bed which was currently littered with small wooden Scrabble© pieces. Tacked on the walls were posters galore sporting anything from pop singers to quirky adages. Spread helter-skelter between, and even on, the posters were photographs of family and friends. As if that weren't enough, Kaname's wall was further obscured by shimmering smiley-face stickers, some sporting hats, haloes with devil horns and goatees, scuba gear, or otherwise goofy expressions. In retrospect Gohan realized just how much his section of the room bore a resemblance to the unoccupied bed diagonal to his.

x

Belatedly Gohan spied the ADD (attention deficit disorder) afflicted teen sitting next to Makekeru on her hospital bed. Gohan had the sudden urge to edge away from the irate boy, even though he was clear across the room, when he caught sight of a tick throbbing furiously in Makekeru's left temple. Kaname's sense of self-preservation must have kicked in, or she too glimpsed the spastic vein, because the next moment she had pranced off the bed. Gohan watched the braided imp wearily as she made her way toward him, Makekeru asserting in the background that the word he was using in the scrabble game was not a cheat because it was a real word in his native tongue and therefore permissible.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, it's still cheating!" Kaname called over her shoulder with a negligent wave of her hand and a shrug of her shoulders.

x

"So, you're up, finally! What do you want to do? I was thinking a nice stroll in the garden out back, or perhaps a trip to the mall." Kaname chattered inanely to Gohan who just stared.

"I'm **_not_** going shopping with you **_ever_** again." Makekeru bit out heatedly upon hearing the girl's suggestions. Gohan, on the other hand, was still staring uncomprehendingly at the perpetually excited girl.

"We're allowed to leave the hospital? How can I with my treatments?" Gohan questioned, purposely presenting a confused facade. Kaname rolled her eyes and muttered what suspiciously sounded like 'stupid doctors' under her breath. Gohan raised a brow as a smile tugged at his lips; at least he and Kaname had one thing in common. Noticing Gohan's expression, Kaname blushed sweetly before she pounced on Makekeru again.

"I guess that settles things; we're going to the garden! Makie, get up and get dressed, we're going out." Kaname ordered whilst tugging ineffectually on the Chinese teen's arm. Makekeru grumbled a bit, but ultimately strode to his bed, grabbed some day clothes, and sequestered himself in the bathroom to shower and change.

x

"You still haven't told me about how I'm going to get around my chemo." Gohan reminded the already dressed occupant.

"Oh, that's nothing to worry about. Makekeru and I start our chemo treatments this afternoon as well. You'll have to be in a wheelchair, hospital policy and all, but the chair has these pegs on them where they hang the drips." Kaname described utilizing a great deal of unnecessary hand gestures. "So, you want to play Scrabble with me until Ruru gets out of the lavatory?" Gohan shrugged and in the next instant Kaname had overturned the board on her bed and scrapped all the pieces into the box to carry them over to Gohan's bed. Gohan sat up, cross legged, to make room for Kaname who promptly bounced into place across from him and consequently sent several wooden squares clattering to the floor.

"I think they're mixed up enough, grab your letters. You can go first; you do know how to play, right?" Kaname inquired briskly, blatantly disregarding the fallen pieces as unnecessary to the fulfillment of the game.

x

Gohan nodded mutely as he selected his bits of overturned engraved wood and looked at the letters. He had two Bs, an S, a triplet of Ds, and an A. Setting his first three letters down to spell 'SAD' he scrutinized Kaname as she studied her own hand.

"Darn, this sucks." Kaname scowled before adding an N to Gohan's A to spell 'AN' as Gohan avoided the temptation to select pieces facing upward from the box. "How come you never asked to leave the hospital or go outside?" Kaname asked with genuine curiosity. Gohan glanced up from where he'd placed his B to spell BAN and shrugged.

"I always figured I wasn't allowed to leave." Gohan murmured quietly, tallying up his points to write on the score sheet. Kaname reached over and slapped Gohan lightly on the arm, causing him to flinch and glower at the vixen in the disguise of a fairy.

"You idiot, you didn't even bother to ask did ya?" Kaname huffed, unashamedly snatching an up faced letter I from the box. "Anyway, where did you meet your girlfriend? Videl, right?" Kaname interjected swiftly before Gohan could answer. Gohan contemplated on what to say as Kaname spelled SIT, using his previously placed S, which also spelled IN using the N in BAN.

"We met at school. I sat by her on my first day." Gohan explained briefly. He smiled slightly as he set his letters B, R, U, N above the T in SIT. Kaname growled and looked at her letters, J, Q, P, K, D, Z, and Y. Then, in a move that stunned Gohan, Kaname swiped an arm over the board sending all the mixed letters skittering across the floor.

"I never did like that game." she professed with a casual flick of her braid.

x

A moment later the door to the bathroom opened and Makekeru stepped out holding a damp towel and toiletries in his arms. Narrowed eyes took in the game pieces dispersed on the floor and then glared toward the likely culprit. Kaname grinned mischievously and winked at Gohan before she turned to Makekeru.

"It's about time Keru."

"My. Name. Is. Makekeru." Makekeru articulated with meticulous precision. Gohan noticed the tube of toothpaste in the boy's hand was being twisted within a white knuckled fist.

"Are you going to pick those up?" Gohan asked quickly in an attempt to prevent Kaname from aggravating Makekeru further. However, this was apparently not the thing to say because Makekeru gave him a look of incredulity and Kaname smiled indulgently at him.

"**_Her_**, pick up after herself? Have you seen her pigsty!"

"Hey!" Kaname stuck out her tongue at Makekeru who snorted derisively what could have been distinguished as the word 'juvenile.' "Take that back, you jerk. My part of the room is not messy. I know perfectly well where everything is." Kaname ordered, shaking a fist in Makekeru's direction.

x

The Asian boy turned his back on his roommate while he put his things away. When he turned back around he held a comb in hand and a special roll of tape for his hair which hung in damp tresses about his shoulders.

"It's the truth; I'll not repeal what I said." Makekeru ran the comb through his hair in a proficient manner and then tied it back in the familiar tight tail.

"You uncouth, egotistical, male chauvinist!" Kaname shouted in mock anger. Gohan could see the glint of delight in the girl's eyes as she trounced the severe looking boy on his bed. Makekeru struggled against the wriggly imp who had begun to tickle him mercilessly.

"Ha ha, get off, hehe, now (pant) you (giggle) unbalanced, hah, fool!" Makekeru gasped breathlessly while making the effort to sound stern, which fell flat the second he giggled. Gohan felt an answering smile tug at his lips and was helpless to muffle the chuckle that escaped his throat.

x

"Uh-uh, don't think you're getting off easy!" Kaname crowed as she made a beeline for Gohan. Perceiving the intent gleaming ominously in her eyes, Gohan tried to set up a barrier against her. Alas, the scant protection of cotton encased in cloth did not survive the first assault. No sooner had Kaname leapt onto his bed then Gohan found himself writhing under her nimble fingers. Gohan tried to hold the laughter in, thus the sounds escaping his mouth were sporadic splutters and yelps. He squirmed in her grasp which was surprisingly strong for a girl her size.

"Lemme go." Gohan wheezed before a feeble laugh passed his lips. Kaname grinned in triumph and redoubled her efforts.

"Never turn your back on the enemy." a voice said from behind, Gohan spotted a flash of Makekeru's humored smile before the other young man joined in the fray and began tickling Kaname. Kaname shrieked and tumbled sideways from where she'd straddled Gohan to better tickle him. Makekeru grinned devilishly, continuing to tickle the twisting form of Kaname. Makekeru's hair was no longer immaculate but extremely mussed with long strands framing his well contoured face. Kaname didn't look any better for the wear on her braid and both their clothes were rumpled disgracefully. Kaname refused to give up on tickling Gohan, and as her hands wriggled against his ribs Makekeru weighed down Gohan's drawn legs. Makekeru had to sprawl in order to tickle Kaname who was almost out of reach.

x

One moment Gohan was laughing freely with the two rumpled teens then the next he was struggling frantically for release.

"Please get off, please get off." Gohan began gasping as unwitting tears coursed down his cheeks. His chest was heaving, his breath came in quick, short gasps and Gohan could feel his heart thundering rapidly against his ribcage. 'Oh God, oh God, please stop it.' Gohan begged mentally as what felt like a heart attack escalated.

"Wait, stop, **_stop_** Makekeru! Gohan? Gohan, are you okay?" Kaname, having abruptly realized Gohan was not enjoying the tickle war, asked in an earnestly concerned voice. When Kaname had called him by his full name, and yelled, Makekeru had become instantly aware that something was amiss. Gray eyes turned to the figure drawing in hitching breaths under him.

"Gohan, what's wrong?" Makekeru demanded, competently reigning in his emotions and locking them within the back of his mind.

"Pl-plu-please...get...o..." Gohan couldn't get out the words as he struggled to calm his breathing without success. Gohan reached up a hand to grasp at his still bare chest, eyes wide in fearful panic.

"We have to call the nurse." Makekeru announced, his critical eye assessing the situation and deeming the two of them unsuitable for handling it. As he reached for the call button though, Kaname grabbed his hand.

"No, he'll be fine, just give me a minute. He's having a panic attack." Kaname murmured expertly. There was no longer any trace of a smile on Kaname's face.

x

The petite young woman, for she could only be described as such in the face of her solemnity, maneuvered until she stood behind Gohan. Reaching down she placed her hands on the middle of Gohan's back.

"Now listen to me Gohan. You're having a panic attack. What I need you to do is to blow gently and slowly out of your mouth, as if you're blowing up a balloon. Do you understand Gohan?" Kaname asked in an encouraging voice without a trace of jittery nerves. Gohan nodded vigorously and, as he strained to follow her instructions, he could feel Kaname press on his back. It wasn't a harsh shove or the pressure of a hug but more of a pumping action like that of a bike pump; press, release, press again. Nothing seemed to happen, and then slowly Gohan felt as if he'd crested a hill and the feeling as if he'd have a heart attack gradually subsided. He was still catching his breath when the door opened and a jovial voice called out briefly before stuttering to a halt.

x

"Hey, Gohan I brought...some...uh...Gohan...Perhaps we should come back later?" Mirai Trunks stood in the doorway surveying the three teens. Kaname blushed a brilliant scarlet when she saw the drop-dead gorgeous man in the archway. Makekeru schooled his expression into one of disinterest, as if hovering over his very male roommate was a natural thing to do. Gohan closed his eyes and groaned under his breath. 'Just what I need, more visitors to see me at my weakest.' Gohan thought despondently even as his body stiffened in the face of the larger man. 'It's Trunks you dimwit! Trunks wouldn't hurt you.' Gohan scolded himself viciously even as he called out.

"No, do come in. Who's with you?"

"Trunks, mom insisted I take him away, she didn't care where as long as it was away from her." Mirai Trunks explained with a hint of a smile. Indeed, when Gohan opened his eyes the lavender haired man was smiling in good humor as he stepped into the room, trailed by the devil's spawn trying to pass himself off as a demi-Saiyan. Chibi Trunks did not look delighted in the least to be dragged around a virus infested hospital; the scowl on his face was proof enough.

x

"So, who're your new friends?" Mirai Trunks asked with his tongue clearly in his cheek. Kaname rapidly rose from behind Gohan and, using his shoulders as leverage, got out of his bed. Awkwardly she tried to smooth out her rumpled clothing and her messy plait of hair. Makekeru simply sat back and scrutinized the stranger directly, not really caring what the other thought of him.

"This is Kaname and Makekeru. Guys, this is my..."Gohan trailed off, unsure of exactly what they were to each other, friends, comrades, acquaintances through their parents?

"I'm Mirai, Gohan's elder brother, and this is Trunks, our younger brother." Mirai Trunks supplied quickly to which Gohan had to keep himself from gaping.

"Gohan, how come you didn't tell me you had a hunk for a brother?" Kaname demanded in a hissing whisper that Gohan well knew Mirai Trunks heard with his Saiyan ears. Gohan, however, was still staring at Mirai, burning with the desire to ask why Mirai had introduced himself in such a way. Makekeru, who had caught Kaname's rude whisper, rolled his eyes. With natural elegance he swept from Gohan's bed to his own so Gohan would have a bit of privacy. Kaname ignored the uptight boy and refused to move from her spot standing next to Gohan's bed.

"Hi, I'm Kaname, Gohan's new roommate." she announced redundantly while she held out a petite hand. Mirai indulgently shook the proffered hand before his gaze returned to the ill boy in bed.

x

Mirai's keen eyes picked up on the tensed muscles and the hazy fear despite Gohan's efforts to conceal them.

"So what were you guys doing just then?" Mirai asked conversationally, leaning against the wall a good few paces away from Gohan with his hands shoved non-threateningly in his pockets. The young man was doing his best to appear harmless to the skittish boy who turned away at the inquiry.

"We were just having a tickle war." Kaname explained obligingly when Gohan didn't answer. "Gohan just got a bit upset and we had to calm him down is all." she added as an after thought. Mirai examined the diminutive individual before him with interest. 'How,' he wondered, 'did this little slip-shod of a girl get Gohan to participate in anything physical after the episode yesterday?'

x

"Look, you saw Gohan and he's fine. Can we go now?" Trunks whined petulantly from where he stood by the door. Mirai gave his younger self a warning glare that spoke clearly of consequences in the Gravity Room should he rush Mirai. Chibi Trunks huffed and plopped into a sitting position on the floor.

"Actually, leaving is an excellent idea! We were planning on going out to the garden; would you like to come with?" Kaname offered excitedly.

"Kaname, you're not sure if Gohan still..." Makekeru began in a censuring tone but was cut off by Gohan.

"Yeah, let's get out of this room." Mirai looked to Gohan who was obviously steeling his nerves for the inevitable physical contact that would come from moving him to a wheel chair. Seeing the new defiance in his once mentor's eyes, Mirai Trunks smiled and graciously accepted the invitation, hoping briefly that he would get the chance to speak with Gohan privately about why he'd come.

* * *

DEDICATED to SAH-RAE HYJO whose constructive criticism is so fashionably written that it resembles praise rather than criticism. THANX for the inspiration!**Chapter 31: Significant Green Extraterrestrial**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm looking at you  
Old friend of mine.  
It's no use pretending  
That everything's fine.  
Now don't be so brave.  
Don't be so proud.  
I want you to know that I'm here for you now  
I can see you hurting and it's hurting me  
It doesn't have to be this way...

Michael W. Smith-Let Me Show You the Way

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan winced as the weak, early-afternoon sunlight struck his sensitive retinas. He held up a pale boney hand to shield his eyes and shifted his gaze downward. Sitting to one side of his wheelchair, beside the entranceway, stood a foo lion statue chiseled from white marble. It stood regally on its square pedestal with a head resembling a traditional dragon more then a lion. Gohan felt a small smile tug his lips as he spotted the ball under one of its paws. Looking to his left, Gohan was unsurprised to find an almost identical sculpture, only this one had a cub underfoot. Gohan recognized the ancient protectors against evil spirits, and he found humor that they were placed so ironically in front of a hospital entrance. 'Evil spirits have long since infested that building. Setting out such archaic symbols of safeguard is cruel and unkind to those who know they are tainted and without hope.'

x

Gohan's thoughts were bitter and his softly smiling expression turned into a brittle smirk.

"God, smell that fresh air! Ain't nothin' like it!" Kaname exclaimed to nobody in particular, breaking Gohan from his fast turning morbid thoughts. Trunks let out a petulant huff but Gohan was inclined to agree with Kaname as he dragged in a lung full of crisp, cold air and let it out in a stream of white smoke. The thin, chilling air sent a shiver through his body though he was securely wrapped in two blankets to ward off the effects of low temperature. Gohan's lungs, so used to the heated and sterilized air of the hospital, rebelled the foreign freshness and he coughed through a few succeeding breaths.

"Gohan, would you rather go back inside?" Mirai questioned concernedly from the handles of Gohan's wheelchair. The struggling teen shook his head vehemently and waved a negligent hand to signal his desire to go forward.

x

The inlaid stone walkway was glistening with a fragile, paper-thin sheet of ice that cracked and melted as the wheels churned over it. Lush grass the color of flaming scarlet, from autumn's influence, was turning bronze as the early frost clung to the abundantly slim blades framing the walk. Little sparkling dots of dew were slowly appearing as the growing temperature melted the effects of a light snowfall. Other ornamental grasses, silver and wheat colored with wispy, feathery dried flowers covered the expanse of the winter scene in profusion.

x

Gohan admired the gently swaying, over grown grass and allowed his eyes to travel along the low laying shrubs. The evergreen Aucuba with its fanning lime green-yellowish leaves and small red berries offered a pleasing spectacle. The flowerless shrubs of dark green, sometimes blue, clung to the trunks of trees like children at their mother's skirt. Camellias of the purest white running to the deepest ruby burst in rounded blooms he longed to cup in his hands. Azaleas of watermelon-pink and white with burgundy flares graced the dull backdrop of olive leaves. Bronze-green leafed rhododendrons had transformed into reddish-purple patches of winter color. And overlaying all was a bare inch of fluffy white substance bestowing an enchanting appeal to the beholder.

x

The amazing range of tones took Gohan's breath away after so long cooped up in an austere room. Small pink and white budded Sakura trees were slowly preparing to open their beautiful blossoms as the downy whiteness settled genteelly on skeletal branches. To either side stood elegant maples and evergreens with leaves the warmest hue of crimson and the richest shade of jade. Fallen leaves littered the pathway in a plethora of claret designs that enticed the eye. The new fallen snow dusted the beautiful and unique branching patterns of deciduous trees, highlighting their interesting bark textures, tints, and configurations. Most alluring of these was the weeping birch that had peeling, white bark and dark brown stems and twigs that cascaded from the mushroom-shaped top to the ground sporting miniature icicles.

x

Next to draw Gohan's gaze, like a moth to a flame, was a Japanese apricot tree set to the forefront of a clump of evergreens. Premature neon pink, ruffled flowers bloomed magnificently like a cumulus cloud above a twining, scaly, gray trunk. The rich and spicy fragrance of the delicate blossoms carried over the air to assault Gohan's senses, and he breathed deeply the essence of winter. Gohan sorely missed the experience offered by being out of doors. Gurgling water, stone lanterns of exquisite design, and smooth rock walkways created a soothing embrace around the nature starved invalid. In peace Gohan allowed his eyes to drift closed. Dapples of sunlight shone on his upturned face creating a blood red vision beneath his closed eyelids.

x

"Nothing measures up, does it?" Gohan's eyes cracked open to cast a fleeting look at Mirai Trunks who stood behind him. The young man was peering down at Gohan, smiling knowingly, as he pushed Gohan's wheelchair. Gohan's gaze lightly skimmed the flowering azalea and camellia shrubs arranged in such a way to create the illusion of wild abandon. Red blossoms faded into pink then into white, intermingled in a fashion that blended well with the surrounding moss covered outcroppings. Even the stone lanterns were placed strategically to appear more real and primordial as if they had grown divinely from the emerald tufted rocks beneath them.

x

Gohan's practiced eye alighted on a zenigata, or stone water basin in the shape of an antique coin, with a kakei, or bamboo spigot, the source of the burbling water. With the trees' canopy overhead and the jade foliage surrounding him on both sides Gohan felt enveloped within the heart of Mother Nature. He had never felt so loved by the world since before he had been taken from his secluded mountainside home. 'It's like a slice of home carved away and settled here just for me.' Gohan thought with wonderment.

x

Conflicting feelings rushed up to choke him until all he could do was nod jerkily to Mirai's question. 'How could I have let them take me?' Gohan felt a soft breeze waft through the rustling tree leaves. Garnet colored Maple leaves floated to the earthen path, some brushed against Gohan's exposed skin and settled on his lap. 'I should never have let them take me, or Goten.' Gohan affirmed forlornly.

x

Gohan's thoughts returned to that small, rounded abode secluded in the forested mountains; to that darkened corner where he had curled himself into a fetal position around a tiny squirming body. That fateful day his infant brother had to be pried from his spasmodic grasp. He could still recollect the anguish written on Goten's face as the baby wailed in pain. At least the memory of the gaping mouth was an indication of Goten's discomfort for Gohan could not recall any sounds of hysterical bawling. His mind had been a blur filled with the sounds of running water and the vision of red-tinted tile. His own feelings had been like so many waves beating down on him with crushing strength, leaving him with nothing to cling to except one soul devoid of any understanding in the matter.

x

A small cherubic face was all that remained in Gohan's sketchy reminiscence of the time after he'd walked in on his mother's corpse. Fat dollops of salty tears had trailed Goten's pudgy cheeks and Gohan had only gripped tighter in answer. The teary, innocent eyes had gazed up at him as if pleading for a reason behind the mistreatment. Gohan had responded by clutching his brother steadfastly against his chest. 'It was a wonder he didn't suffocate.' Gohan thought self-depreciatively.

x

He reached up a hand wearily and rubbed at his temples. Kaname's chattering as she skipped about the garden path and Chibi Trunks' muttered curses and complaints only served as indistinct background noise to Gohan's morose thoughts. 'Oh, Goten, I shouldn't have let you go.' Gohan could still feel that ghostly, incessant tugging that he attributed to the doctors and police as they had tried to get him to release his brother. 'If only I had held you longer or refused altogether to let you go. Perhaps we could've been together and I could've been your big brother.' Gohan grimaced suddenly and his eyes focused on the bundle of energy that was Kaname. The girl was grinning like a Cheshire cat as she glomped Makekeru, interrupting the boy's quite contemplation of the zen garden nearby. 'What I wouldn't give to be like that.' Gohan sighed wistfully as his heartache grew and a twinge of shame assaulted him. 'You have no claim to contentment or enjoyment after what you've done.'

x

Clackety-clack-clackety...clack-clack-clackety...clackety-clack-click...the wheelchair sounded as it traveled along the charming six-post bridge. Gohan frowned as his hollow stare was lured to the glistening pond below.

"Humph, serves him right the jerk. What'cha thinkin' about Gohan?"

"Home." Gohan murmured, desolately absorbing the abundantly green undergrowth encompassing the gleaming pond half shadowed by the trees. In answer to a simple hand gesture, Mirai halted the wheelchair next to the shimmering pool. Beneath the surface of the water Gohan could see the golden and pearly white koi swimming sedately amongst themselves. The light snowfall the previous evening had caused the fringes of the pond to crystallize but had not depleted the warmer temperature of the pool enough to force the fish into hibernation. The tranquil surface was undisturbed and refracted the beams of light that managed to stab through the dense foliage.

"And where's that?" Kaname demanded coming up beside Gohan and tossing a pebble into the calm water. Ripples distorted the surface and the fish darted away from the tumult. They swam deeper into the shaded area of the pond where it was harder for Gohan to distinguish the fish. Gohan sighed lowly in annoyance before turning his attention inward once more.

**ooo**

Globules of thick redness fell with a soft plop that was drowned out by the hum of rushing water. Quickly they spread thin until diluted to a pastel pink and soon after washed away only to be replaced by more dollops of crimson dye. Each drip distorted the puddle of accumulated water, tainting the translucent pureness like an insidious disease. He made a choked sound between a snort and bark of laughter at the analogy. Frigid droplets of crystal liquid beaded on his puckered skin like clammy gooseflesh. He closed his eyes and raised his face to the stinging spray. A sheet of ice water slapped against the pale planes of his boney face and cascaded down his skeletal frame. Obsidian pools of emptiness traced the rivulets as they streamed over protruding bones, gathering a rose-tinted hue, before being inexorably dragged to the drain.

x

He regarded his flesh with disgust and noted with shame the many blemishes to his skin. Each mark was an equivalent to a prompt that would forever remind him of his imperfections. He was simply a flawed design; for what other reason could he warrant such punishments? There could be no question in his mind that he was to blame, that he deserved every painful bruise, cut, and invasion. Gohan fisted his hands and watched his gruesomely chafed wrists bleed sluggishly. There had to be **_something_** wrong with him, some default trigger inside of him that mad him inherently evil. He blew up his father, stopped his grandfather's heart, and drove his mother to suicide through various actions he could not decipher the origins of. The scars that littered his body served as testament to his sinfulness.

x

For a moment his mind warred with itself as one half screeched indignantly that he didn't take pleasure in sin while the other half whispered sinisterly about his erection and orgasm. Gohan released a strangled cry of distress and felt overwhelming disgust in his adulterous body. He briefly entertained the idea of drowning himself but dismissed the notion almost instantaneously with the air of one well versed in futility. THEY never allowed him to take in something he could use to plug the shower nor was the stall deep or wide enough to plausibly drown in. Similarly the sink was without a plug. Gohan thought regretfully of a time when he'd tried to drown himself in the toilet but THEY had caught on and now the water level was low enough to prevent any of his suicidal tendencies from manifesting. Of course, he could just chew through his wrists but every time Gohan contemplated the idea his mother's corpse flashed through his mind. Then he was suitably averted from the desire to end it all, or at least in a manner similar to hers.

**ooo**

Gohan cringed at the memory even as his eyes continued to watch the last ripples ruffle the surface of the pond. He shuddered minutely as his mind easily conjured the feeling of the roaming hands groping at him. 'No! Knock it off you idiot! Stop letting **_them_** in!' Gohan snarled mentally while his agitation demonstrated itself physically through the hands that fisted on his lap. He was suddenly very grateful his body was completely covered by the blankets and long-sleeved sweater. He could not deal with the sight of his sickly mutilated body. A toxic mixture of shame, repugnance, and self-hatred assailed him and he labored to pull himself from the tumultuous quagmire. 'You could not control your body's reaction to outside stimulation. The response was natural and in no way infers that you experienced pleasure.' Despite the facts Gohan passed through his mind he still grappled under the weight of his emotions. The facts remained that his body was soiled and he could find nothing but revulsion in it.

x

"Okay there, Gohan?" Mirai Trunks questioned quietly so as not to disturb or alarm him. Gohan startled anyway and, after noticing his clenched fists, made an effort to relax his tense limbs. He blanked his mind of all negative thoughts, pushing them to the farthest reaches of consciousness and turned his undivided attention to Mirai.

"Yes, I'm fine." Mirai Trunks studied him skeptically for a moment before he decided to let it slide and simply nodded his acceptance of the answer. The young man restlessly ran a hand through his lavender hair making it roguishly disarrayed before he leaned comfortably against a tree. Gohan recognized the nervous preparations for an uncomfortable conversation and noted simultaneously that the two were alone.

x

Kaname, losing interest in Gohan's stimulating silence, had wandered off to a separate part of the garden. Gohan could see the minx busy plucking flowers and creating garlands with which she would no doubt wreck havoc with Makekeru's patience. The said victim—ehem—Makekeru was standing stiffly by the zen garden. Gohan could see by the rigid stance that the boy was struggling internally with himself. The faint line of worry in his brow and the stubborn set of his jaw left little to the imagination concerning what had Makekeru so torn. It was a hard pill to swallow acknowledging that you are, in fact, dying. Gohan just hoped that the stern boy could attain some peace of mind from the reflective garden. The last presence Gohan observed was the devil's advocate who was leaning, much like his counterpart, against the hospital wall. However unlike Mirai, Trunks was scowling and sending dark looks toward his future self in a decidedly homicidal manner.

x

Doing his best to ignore the deadly piercing eyes of a second grader, Gohan turned his wayward stare onto Mirai Trunks. When the taller youth remained silent Gohan felt like squirming in his seat. Instead Gohan let out an impatient sigh and gestured for Mirai to continue. Mirai looked down momentarily and Gohan found his eyes darting in the same direction to see what was so fascinating. Mirai merely scuffed his shoe on some snow making it compact and creating prints of the underside of his shoe. With his hands in his pockets Mirai Trunks looked like a recalcitrant child who knows he did something wrong but doesn't want to get in trouble for it.

x

"I want to know why you told Kaname that you're my brother. And, I want to know what you have to speak to me about." Gohan stated as matter-of-factly as he could. Mirai did not look up but continued to pat down the snow while it melted beneath his glitzy sneakers. "Stop acting like a damn child and tell me!" Gohan snapped impatiently. Mirai's head jerked up so fast that Gohan felt sympathy pains for his neck. The older boy's face had darkened exponentially and it was apparent that he was suppressing a reflex reaction to Gohan's words.

"Quite frankly, you aren't one to talk of childish behavior. Has it occurred to you that I am trying to think of the best way to inform you of potentially disturbing news?" Mirai Trunks' tone was dangerously flat and his expression was unsmiling. Mirai no longer looked anything like a child and Gohan wondered briefly if he'd hallucinated the whole episode. Instinctively his body twitched and tensed from the intimidating male, though Gohan knew in his mind that Mirai Trunks posed no threat.

"I just want to get some answers, alright?" Gohan asked tiredly, pleading silently to the serious man.

x

Mirai nodded gravely and took a deep breath before hunching slightly to obtain a more unthreatening pose as well as be closer to eye-level. Gohan's body calmed slightly and he nodded to Mirai to signal his thanks and that he was ready.

"I know that Goten's test isn't a sure thing and that you have a long way to go yet before you're better. You'll be spending quite some time in and out of the hospital even if Goten is a match. The question is where do you want to go?" Mirai began hesitantly looking everywhere but at Gohan until the final question, at which his eyes bore deeply into Gohan's. Gohan frowned and opened his mouth before closing it again, perplexed.

"What do you mean?" Gohan asked after a moment in confusion.

x

"My mother has missed you a great deal these past long years. She and Father have raised Goten as their own child, as my and Trunks' brother. She feels torn now, what with you turning up, and she wants Goten to know you. Mom is offering you a place in the family, Gohan. In fact, she's started talking to the Satans to obtain legal custody of you." Mirai's voice was modulated into a soothing baritone. Gohan simply gaped at him and mouthed wordlessly. Casting about for something to say he finally managed to grasp reality.

"What would they tell Goten?" Gohan asked almost breathlessly. He felt as if he'd been socked in the gut. 'This is unbelievable! I could be Goten's brother again! I can live in the same house as him!' Gohan didn't even notice a giddy smile crossing his face as he waited anxiously for Mirai's answer. Disappointingly the lilac-haired man shook his head and shrugged.

"I'm not sure what they plan on telling him. I mean, he doesn't remember anything since he was so young and Mom was worried about him becoming depressed if he thought he was adopted, that his parents were dead and his brother missing. Basically she was working on the premise that she'd tell him when he was ready to know the truth. I suppose she'll speak to you about it." Mirai explained in a subdued voice as if to make the conversation more private and intimate. Gohan could understand the secrecy, no saying how good Saiyan ears were.

x

"What about Vegeta?" Gohan thought suddenly out loud. And then his smile disappeared as his thoughts were brought sharply into focus. 'What the hell are you thinking? You are currently planning to disrupt and corrupt their lives by integrating your tainted self into their happy family! How could you, Gohan? You bastard!' Gohan berated himself unmercifully. A small voice protested that he'd been fine about living with Videl and asked if she was somehow deserving of his sordid company. 'Videl's different...she's...she's too pure to be tarnished...even by me.' Gohan's answering thought sounded tinny even to him.

x

"...get over it, but I'm not so sure he'd appreciate Goten knowing anything. Father is strange about Goten; I think he's fond of the boy to tell you the truth. Either way, Mom will have the final say in things and the most he'll do is warn you to keep your distance." Gohan caught the tail end of Mirai Trunks' answer and wondered whether Mirai meant Vegeta would warn him to stay away from Vegeta himself or Goten. Silently he cursed himself for not paying attention.

x

Mirai abruptly stood straighter, making Gohan flinch, and called out to Trunks. The miniature Mirai ran over looking relieved to finally be leaving. "Well, I think we should go now. I want you to think about what I told you." Mirai Trunks intoned cryptically. Gohan shook his head and gave Mirai a scrutinizing look.

"I don't see what there is to think about. What you're telling me is the process is already in the works. Knowing Bulma, I won't get any say in it at all."

"Even Mom can't persuade you not to throw yourself into another fire." Mirai Trunks deadpanned callously. Gohan flinched as if he'd been slapped and watched as the two brothers walked away.

x

"Perhaps it is time you truly decide whether to live or not." Gohan jerked in his chair and gasped at the deep gravely voice. His shoulders tensed until the weak muscles corded tautly beneath his heavy garments. With trembling, fumbling hands on the wheels Gohan maneuvered himself to face the, until then, bodiless voice. Leaning unperturbedly against a tree with his cape fluttering minutely in the motionless air was Piccolo. The Namek didn't look a day older then the first time Gohan had met the stoic fighter. Piccolo's true age could only be discerned by the depth of pain and wisdom embodied within his coal-colored eyes, and that penetration was unfathomable. Those eyes now regarded Gohan with cold compassion; Gohan would not find a single tear for him in this man.

x

Piccolo would say pitying someone was a waste of time and effort, but pitying oneself even more so. Gohan swallowed convulsively and cringed at the hard look in his sensei's eyes. He hastily searched for Kaname and Makekeru, making the excuse to himself that he wanted to be sure they didn't notice the significant green extraterrestrial in their midst, though the real reason was to avoid those intense globes of granite.

"What are you doing here; and how long have you been spying on me?" Gohan questioned in an undertone out of the side of his mouth. Meanwhile his gaze raked over the garden to see Kaname busily trying to drag Makekeru from the doorway where he was trying to go inside. They looked far too involved to perceive Piccolo's presence let alone to see that Mirai Trunks and Chibi Trunks had gone. Regretfully, without a viable reason to compel Piccolo to leave, Gohan was forced to direct his attention to the impassive alien who had patiently delayed his answer until then.

"A certain pair of z-senshi came to the lookout spouting hysterically about a returned Son Gohan and the condition of his life interim after he went missing. I've been watching you since this morning." Piccolo leveled Gohan with an unsympathetic look that conveyed quite clearly how he felt about what he'd heard and seen.

x

Like Vegeta's usual stance, Piccolo's arms were crossed over his chest and Gohan felt properly intimidated by the unyielding nature of his one time friend and confidant.

"Why did you bother to come here if all you're gonna do is tell me what a screw-up I am? Huh?" Gohan hated the quiver in his voice and balled a hand into a fist. 'Why am I always so **_weak_**!' he wailed internally.

"I don't believe I have given you any reason for why I am here and would appreciate if you did not put words in my mouth." Piccolo said relentlessly, his position and expression giving nothing away. Gohan felt his lips tremble and bit down hard to quell the building sob. All he really wanted was to throw his arms about Piccolo and use the man's sturdy shoulder to cry on. He'd missed the easy companionship, the long restful silences and meditations, the philosophical ponderings, and, most of all, the profound feeling of trust and safety in the man's presence. There was just something about the predictable, stalwart Namek that soothed his jaded soul. He regretted most how they'd parted on such bad terms all those years ago. Now Gohan couldn't help but feel threatened with Piccolo even at arms length. He hated himself for it.

x

"So why are you here?" Gohan asked dolefully as he valiantly tried to repress his fear and hide his tears. Not for a second did he believe that he was succeeding in fooling the perceptive being.

"I thought you'd benefit from a gift. That is, if you have plans to continue breathing anytime in the near future." Gohan almost saw a smile twitch at Piccolo's lips and caught the glimpse of warmth in his eyes before it was gone, replaced by the cool indifference once again.

"I **_do_** want to live Piccolo. I...I just don't...**_feel_**...like I should want to...or deserve to, for that matter." Gohan started anxiously before dying into a mumble and then he ducked his head shamefully.

"Krillin told me about some things, some things done to you. Kid, there is nothing that you could have done that merits your death." Piccolo's voice was gruff and the words were spoken softly, but it wasn't so much the words themselves as the epithet. Gohan could hold back no longer, a strangled whimper escaped his throat sounding peculiarly like the mewl of a kitten. In the next instant Piccolo was being accosted by a distraught teenager who practically collapsed under his own weight after having vaulted from his wheelchair.

x

Instead of pushing the boy away, green and rose colored arms enveloped the frail body offering strength even as he made shushing noises to calm the sobbing patient. Piccolo did not lower Gohan to the ground but rather held him up, in a loose grip to prevent the feeling of entrapment, and rubbed his back. Even as Gohan sought comfort Piccolo could feel the quailing body rejecting the close quarters. The Namek thought of dark alleys and a few choice beam cannons he'd like to deliver to the ones at fault for the fear in his deshi¹.

"I brought you some senzu beans." Piccolo explained briefly to take Gohan's mind off their proximity. The ill child drew his head back from Piccolo's thoroughly soaked shoulder and sniffed. Piccolo held back a cringe at the idea of his gi being used as a snot rag. Instead he focused on Gohan's curious, tear-streaked face.

"Why? I thought...They can't cure cancer, can they?" Gohan looked only mildly hopeful and his reservations were confirmed when Piccolo shook his head. Reaching into his gi with one hand while holding Gohan in the crook of the other, the Namek brought out a brown cloth bag to present to his charge. Gohan only looked more bewildered, he reached up a hand to wipe at the drying tracks on his face, the evidence of his brief crying jag.

"What use are they for me now?" Gohan asked desolately.

"They may not cure you but they'll give you strength and perhaps give you more time." Piccolo clarified before subtly shoving the bag into one of Gohan's limp hands. The pale, boney fingers clasped tightly around the course cloth just as Kaname's voice shrilled his name. Gohan balked in reaction and Piccolo carefully lowered him back into his wheelchair. The boy looked wistful for a moment then peered up at his sensei with desperation in his eyes.

"You'll come again right?" Gohan questioned tentatively.

"Sure Kid." Piccolo assured and reaching over he rubbed at Gohan's bald head.

x

Seconds after Piccolo disappeared into the dense foliage Kaname happened upon Gohan and wondered loudly and obnoxiously about how rude his brother had been to leave him in the garden all alone.

x

x

NOTE: ¹deshi- student, apprentice, etc. (I thought it only fitting to use the Japanese word for student since everyone, including myself, always uses sensei for teacher.)

TBC


	5. 32 to 35 The Culmination of Events

DEDICATED to WIGGLE-CHICKEN who HAS DRAWN ME A PIC OF GOHAN BEING STALKED BY A SHADOWY HADRIAN!Chapter

**32: Krillin's Obligations**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Laugh and cry, live and die,  
Life is a dream we are dreaming,  
Day by day I find my way,  
Look for the soul and the meaning...

Celine Dion-Then You Look At Me

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan found himself drifting between the realm of sleep and wakefulness with no idea what brought him to that state. The soft crinkles of over-starched bed sheets were nothing uncommon in the sterile environment of the hospital room. Pale yellow sunbeams of approaching winter failed to faze him on a normal morn as they spilled into the room, either. Breathy exhales, that weren't quite snores, sifted to Gohan's sensitive ears. Apparently the comatose Kaname was not the source of Gohan's abrupt departure from dreamland. Slowly, as if surfacing from the murky depths of the Pacific, a low murmur from across the room established itself within Gohan's awareness. Cracking one eyelid open proved rewarding as the answer to Gohan's internal inquiry presented itself in the form of two strangers. Makekeru and his parents, Gohan assumed, were conversing in low pitched voices in a failed attempt to not disturb the sleeping occupants.

x

The stoic teenager appeared highly irritable as his face twisted angrily at something his father said. Golden hued skin and raven locks adorned the man Gohan presumed was Makekeru's father; the woman, on the other hand, was of lighter complexion and decidedly Japanese descent.

"...think I want...end...Ta...ko?" the cutting words were spoken so forcefully that parts drifted toward Gohan even as the bald teen attempted to give Makekeru privacy. Makekeru's mother gasped and looked horrified at her husband's odious proclamation but Gohan's attention was almost immediately grabbed by Makekeru's violent lunge for his father. The usually unflappable boy's face was a rictus of unfathomable, unadulterated hatred. Glinting in his eyes was the intent to cause as much hurt and pain as whatever the previous comment had brought to him. Mrs. Chou cried out in alarm, rushing forward to restrain her dangerous son. Mr. Chou stumbled backward, shocked at the ferocious attack.

"**_You have no right!_**" Gohan noticed Kaname jerk from sleep to full wakefulness, "Don't you **_ever_** talk about **_Tammi_** like **_that_** again!" Kaname stared, wide-eyed at her psychotic roommate and threw a questioning look toward a cringing Gohan. "**_Get out! Both_** of you **_get out_**!" Makekeru screamed hysterically. The Chinese youth did not appear entirely sane in Gohan's opinion either.

x

Makekeru had tossed off his mother's fluttering hands and balled his shaking fists in his blankets as he bellowed at them. Tangled strands of black hair lent a feral look to Makekeru's furious visage making him appear like a rabid dog. Mrs. Chou grabbed onto her husband's arm, whether out of restraint or fear was uncertain but Mr. Chou took a decidedly protective stance in front of her. Makekeru glared nastily

"What are you still doing here? **_Get out!_**" he screamed thunderously. Makekeru didn't even give his parents the opportunity to take a step in retreat before he hurled the nearest object—a glass vase full of flowers they brought in just that morning—at them. Mrs. Chou screamed. Mr. Chou grabbed his wife roughly around the waist to pull her out of harms way. The vase shattered ineffectually against the floor sending shards of glass skittering along the linoleum.

x

Kaname was gapping at Makekeru in astonishment; clearly this was the first altercation of this sort that she'd witnessed. Gohan shivered and wished he could simply crawl under his bed or, better yet, get a room entirely to himself again.

"Why are you doing this baby? I don't understand!" Mrs. Chou wailed distraughtly. Makekeru sneered in reply and flung his hairbrush at her for emphasis. The wooden brush, unlike the glass vase, was right on target. The item struck Mrs. Chou's arm hard enough to cause a bruise. The rather diminutive woman cried out and clutched the wounded appendage as Mr. Chou began to yell at his son.

x

Just as Gohan began to wonder where the hell security was three men dressed in blue uniforms entered the room along with Dr. Jomei. Makekeru began shouting profanities at his father, who by then was being led out of the room by one of the security guards. Mrs. Chou was also being led away, but unlike Mr. Chou who was shouting back at his son, she was weeping. The third guard approached the frenzied teen to hold him down while Dr. Jomei injected Makekeru with a tranquilizer. Gohan squirmed with the memory of his own sedation.

x

"There now, everything will be all right." Dr. Jomei soothed Makekeru, rubbing his arms gently. Slowly the thrashing limbs became lethargic and stopped their flailing, the blistering curses became incoherent mumblings before silencing altogether, and the intensely wild eyes became droopy and closed. Within minutes of the drug's administration Makekeru was sleeping soundly. Dr. Jomei calmly dismissed the uniformed man who'd restricted Makekeru's movement and then turned to the remaining occupants of the room. Gohan flinched while Kaname smiled brightly as if she'd banished the violent happenings from her memory already.

"Good thing you were on duty Doc!"

"Yes, thank you for sending the summons, Kaname." Dr. Jomei smiled benignly. Gohan blinked and tried to recall when Kaname had called out to anyone, or even spoken for that matter.

"No problem. Makie was too wrapped up in his little tiff to notice me." Gohan felt lost, left out of the loop. 'How the hell did she get help?' "Actually," Kaname interrupted Gohan's contemplation, "Gohan was awake before I was. How come you didn't press the emergency call button?" Kaname turned her curious gaze to Gohan. 'Emergen...' Gohan felt like smacking himself in the head. Of course there would be an emergency sequence for the regular call button. Gohan glanced to the side of his bed where the call button was and, sure enough, there were the instructions for an emergency.

"That's alright, Gohan, you didn't know. Should something like this happen again though, I want you to call for help, alright?" Dr. Jomei solicited. Gohan nodded haltingly.

x

"What's going on; is everything alright?" A new voice piped up. Gohan felt his bald eyebrows rise in stunned wonder. In the doorway stood Nariko, looking quite nervous and unsure of herself. Just behind her stood Videl beaming and waving at Gohan.

"Ah, you have company Gohan. I guess we'll be on our way, Kaname?" Dr. Jomei looked pointedly to Kaname who groaned into her pillow.

"Do I have to go? I don't feel like talking today."

"Dr. Kalinin and the others have been waiting patiently for you to join them in the group room." Dr. Jomei intoned pleasantly. Gohan was not fooled by the placid timbre, and neither was Kaname by the looks of it. The usually hyper girl practically oozed from the bed with a muttered, "shit," before shutting herself in the bathroom.

x

Dr. Jomei's eyes then turned unerringly onto Gohan. The bald teen was forced to hold back a reflexive desire to recoil. From the corner of his eye, Gohan noticed Nariko and Videl step into the room and linger by the door to offer them privacy. Dr. Jomei took a seat on the edge of Gohan's bed, by his feet.

"Gohan," Dr. Jomei began gently but Gohan twitched anyway, "Gohan, do you know who Dr. Kalinin is?" Gohan nodded though he was distracted by the doctor's close proximity. 'Much too close. Why do they always have to be so damn close? Hasn't anyone ever heard of personal space? At least Mirai Trunks understood and he stayed by the door for Kami's sake!' Gohan's hands alternated between twisting anxiously in his sheets and picking at the lint imbedded in his blankets.

"Do you know what she does?"

"Huh?" Gohan's head jerked up from his contemplation of his feet and the distance between them and Dr. Jomei. He wondered if the doctor would take offense should he curl up near the headboard. 'No, he'll have you committed to a psych ward.' Gohan snorted mentally.

"I asked do you know what she does. Do you know what her field is?"

"N-no."

"Dr. Kalinin is a psychiatrist Gohan. She counsels all the terminally ill children and trauma cases in this ward. Kaname and Makekeru are part of a group therapy session that is held three times a week in the afternoon. I want you to attend these sessions starting next week. Mr. Hercule has signed the proper papers and, as you are in the process of being adopted by Mrs. Brief, I've taken the liberty of securing all eventualities by having her sign as well. The first meeting is on Monday. Ready, Kaname?" The last was said to the pixy girl as she emerged chipper as ever from the bathroom. Then Dr. Jomei bid his farewell and followed the bouncing Kaname out of the room. Gohan stared after them wordlessly. 'Therapy?' He wasn't quite sure how he felt about that.

x

Gohan didn't have much time to ponder the new development, for as soon as he was left alone with an unconscious Makekeru Videl and Nariko approached him. Videl bent smoothly to give him a gentle hug. Before she could pull entirely away from him, though, Gohan cupped her cheek and brought their lips together. Videl allowed the dry pressure for only a moment before inviting a deeper exploration of her mouth. Gohan remained tentative as he lapped leisurely along the smooth, glossy tissue barely inside the warm cavern. Videl's lips curved into a sweet smile under Gohan's ministrations and remained docile during his attentions. There was no need to raise the intensity or passion involved in the kiss. The understanding was there, that embodied in the act were the emotions of gratitude, compassion, and love each partner had for the other. They savored the simplistic union of lips, and when the kiss ultimately ended they both caught the misty-eyed expression on Nariko's face. Gohan blushed but continued to hold Videl close, forcing her to recline against his side on the bed.

x

"Gohan, I owe you an apology. I'm so very sorry for not visiting you...or even calling. I was just so sc...It was...It was just so hard for me to watch someone else...while I'm..." Nariko struggled for words before finally making a sweeping gesture over herself. In the time Gohan had been hospitalized Nariko's stomach had become quite a bulge. Gohan estimated she was in her fifth month of pregnancy. Miss. Hahn was at the stage where she was not outrageously pregnant but rather questionably pregnant. Gohan realized that though it was her pregnancy that kept her away it was not in the context of her child contracting Leukemia, like he'd originally thought. The evasiveness stemmed from her being with child, preparing to bring life into the world with all the pride and joy implied, while he, Gohan, was slowly dying in a hospital bed.

x

In that moment of clarity Gohan forgave the woman and opened his arms. Nariko fell into the embrace gratefully with a small self-conscious sound that resembled a laugh turned cry. Gohan didn't need the hug, in fact he felt very ill at ease in the embrace, but the relief in Nariko's watery eyes showed just how much she'd needed the physical proof of his forgiveness. Gohan resolved himself not to mind the close proximity. From over Nariko's shoulder Gohan caught Videl smiling like the cat that got the cream; he scowled good naturedly at her and she winked in reply.

"Good. Now that we've got together we can talk semantics. First off, do you think you'll be allowed to come to the wedding?" Videl turned a mischievous gaze onto Gohan. 'Dear God, what have I gotten myself into?' Gohan blanched.

xxXXxx

Later that evening, after Videl and Nariko left—still discussing the various bridesmaid attire available and the colors entailed—Gohan received more guests. Makekeru had since woken up and was composedly reading a book; he hadn't once mentioned or apologized for his previous behavior. Kaname had returned from her therapy session and began a round of treatment. Despite her perpetually energetic disposition, Gohan soon realized that the drugs affected Kaname the same if not worse then they affected him.

x

Kaname lay prone in her bed trying her best not to move as the result would inevitably be a heaving jag into the bucket on the side of her bed. Gohan was catching up on his school work, having no desire to repeat his senior year, when there was a soft knock on the door. The three occupants glanced over as the door opened a crack to reveal Yamcha and Krillin. Makekeru snapped his book closed and set it on his bedside table, gathered his toiletries, and shut himself in the adjoining bathroom. Kaname winced and closed her puffy red eyes in an attempt to sleep. Gohan suspected that she had a headache from the medication.

"Gohan, can we come in?" Krillin stage whispered. Yamcha gripped his hands nervously and focused more on Kaname's pained expression than Gohan.

"Will they bother you Kaname?" Gohan asked courteously, allowing some of his concern to show through.

x

Gohan thought his own treatments were uncomfortable, what with the fatigue, nausea, anemia, bruises, and baldness, but looking at Kaname he could see that he got off lightly. Makekeru explained before that Kaname suffered nausea, fever, rashes, headaches, dizzy spells, coughing, eye pain, numbness, and tingling. She was actually allergic to one of the medications but it was necessary and the effects were not life threatening so Kaname was forced to deal. The only saving grace was that she was on a regime that didn't require her to take the debilitating drug everyday.

" Ish fine Go'n." Kaname slurred breathily and then coughed violently for a few moments. Gohan was only thankful that she did not throw up again; as selfish as it was to say, Gohan didn't need anyone prompting his own queasiness into action.

x

Upon hearing her grant permission, the two fighters entered the room and drew two chairs to Gohan's bedside. Gohan cringed internally but plastered a faltering smile on his face for their benefit. Facts were, the two men before him were about as scared as Gohan himself and the ill boy could see it plain as day. Krillin sat on the edge of his seat which related how unsure and cautious he felt. Contrarily Yamcha sat deeply in the mesh material and looked everywhere with the exception of where Gohan was. The famous Bandit turned pro ball player was highly uncomfortable and Gohan began to suspect his desire to be there. Gohan wouldn't put it past Bulma to send them over to apologize for earlier or for Krillin to drag a resisting Yamcha along just to keep from going alone. Gohan and Yamcha were never really that close to begin with, even before the Cell Games, and his presence was the incongruity. 'All right, enough with the awkward silence.' Gohan determined ungraciously.

x

"Get it over with." Gohan ordered tersely. His gravely voice served as the gunshot before a race. Startled, Krillin choked and Yamcha jerked in his seat.

"W-What?" Yamcha managed to get out as his eyes scuttled across Gohan's features only to return to their aimless wanderings a second later. Krillin cleared his throat subtly and looked decidedly guarded.

"I know Bulma sent you to apologize for that...'Reunion'." The capitalization was clearly discerned in Gohan's tone and the distasteful expression on his face. Yamcha blushed, crossed his arms over his chest apprehensively, and frowned. The position barely lasted half a minute before Yamcha was on his feet and leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets and his head ducked evasively downward.

x

Krillin did not appear contrite in the least, instead he appeared more collected as he leaned forward in his seat. It took a will of reinforced steel to keep Gohan from bolting out of his bed to escape the frighteningly confidant male invading his space.

"I'm sorry for knocking you down buddy, but I won't pretend it hasn't been a long time. You aren't the same Gohan I once knew." At this pronouncement Gohan found himself unable to look Krillin in the eyes. "The Gohan I knew would have thrown his arms around me while smiling brightly and offering a greeting in return," Gohan glowered darkly to the side, "Of course, not all of the changes were caused by...your absence." Krillin said with sensitive calculation, only implying what each knew he meant to say. Gohan really wanted to sneer at Krillin's roundabout way of saying rape, but he was too humiliated by Krillin's first cutting remark to give strength to his anger. "You changed after Goku died," Gohan winced as a pang echoed in his breast, "You wouldn't let anyone in. I tried to talk to you but you pushed me away. You pushed all of us away." Krillin would have gone on but for Gohan's outburst.

x

"What the _hell_ was I supposed to do? I was a _fucking obligation_to all of you! Do you honestly think I didn't _see_ the way you all _talked_ about me with each other? What can we do? Oh, _poor_ Gohan! He _killed_ his _father_ and now he's _depressed_; why don't one of you go and _talk_ to him?" Gohan's voice grew more cynical and spiteful in his imitations. Yamcha's fists balled within the pockets of his orange gi and his expression became progressively darker. "Well _fuck_ you all! I didn't need your _pity_! You're right, I'm not Gohan anymore! I'm Sesshomaru and you don't _owe_ me a _goddamn_ thing!" Gohan highlighted scornfully. Yamcha suddenly pushed away from the wall and stormed out of the room without so much as a backward glance or a word edgewise. "That's _right_! I'm not your fucking responsibility!" Gohan shouted after the retreating figure, cultivating the anger within his breast to cover up the pain caused by the rejection, the abandonment. After all, everyone would leave eventually.

x

"That's where you're wrong Gohan," Krillin cut in looking very grave, "You are our responsibility and you always will be. I have an obligation to Goku—who saved my life innumerable times—to ensure his son grows into a man knowing the difference between what is right and wrong. I have my debt to you—for saving my life a handful of other times—which I intend to reimburse by saving your life. I have a commitment to your mother's memory to see you grow into a respectable young man. And, finally I have my duty to you as your friend to stand by you through your hardships. I won't allow you to do what you are attempting to do. I let you push me away once and you came out of that misjudgment miserable, abused, and suicidal. I promise to you that will not happen again, ever." Krillin finished with a fierce sheen to his penetrating gaze.

x

Gohan scrutinized his hands intently though his heart pulsated with conflicting feelings of betrayal, disbelief and hope. Could he really accept Krillin's word? Gohan truly wanted to believe his father's childhood friend but his deep-seeded fear of being forsaken threatened to sprout and grow with abandon. It wouldn't be the first time he was left to the wayside, only a passing thought and apparently one of little value at that.

"I can't...trust you." Gohan finally croaked. He raised painfully deadened eyes to Krillin's and saw not resentment but an understanding and a willingness to accept shining forth.

"I'm not expecting you to fall into a friendship with me as if nothing happened, Gohan. You aren't the only one who's changed. Goku's death had an effect on everyone around him including myself. I'm not the same person you knew then either. I like to think I grew up a little, probably one of the few things, if not the only thing good that came out of such a tragedy. Your father always had a way of making me act half my age." Gohan was able to accept the truthful and somewhat unkind words as they were said with a fond humor.

x

Gohan wasn't oblivious to the fact his father had been, to some extent, an ignorant farm boy. That had actually been part of his charm. The raw innocence and the openness to imagine the good in everyone was what drew people to Goku. He'd had charisma and a strong sense of what was right and wrong, and what was necessary. His greatest virtue was his willingness to give second chances without having prejudices or holding grudges. Sadly that proved to be his greatest vice at the same time. As many times as Gohan cursed himself for his father's death, he often wondered, had his father killed Dr. Giro when he'd had the chance as a child, would Goku have died? Ultimately Gohan deduced that he was simply trying to transfer the blame and resumed castrating himself for his failure to kill Cell.

"He was...a great man though, my father." Gohan looked out the window to the star-studded sky outside. He searched himself for the familiar feel of self-loathing but could feel nothing beyond regret and wistful longing. He was just so tired, physically and mentally.

x

"Goku was one of a kind alright, phenomenal even." Krillin agreed somberly. Gohan glanced over at his one-time friend and really took the time to look at him. The years had aged him in ways not directly apparent on the surface. A head full of hair was an obvious indication of time passing but it actually made him appear younger than before. Krillin's height had always underscored his probable age and would presumably continue to do so until Krillin came to be Master Roshi's age. The real tells however, lay around the eyes and with the way he carried himself.

x

Gohan remembered his father telling him that Krillin had been a very serious child, he'd always doubted Goku after meeting the vigorous man for the first time. Now however, Gohan could see the self-assurance and the ease with which Krillin fit in his skin. Nine, or even eight, years ago Krillin had always appeared nervous or unsure of himself as if being an adult didn't quite sit well with him. He'd been like a teenager eager for adulthood but not quite mature enough to pass it off. Sitting in front of him today was a man well versed in the disappointing truths the world had to offer, _life isn't_ _fair_.

x

The dark eyes reflected this fact of reality, offering it to all those looking for some concrete and reliable advice. Unfortunately that was one piece of truth people had to learn for themselves because only those who knew that fact could read it in another's eyes. Gohan recognized it for what it was because he understood it, quite intimately in fact. Gohan could only deduce that the past years had been trying on his old friend.

"You look like shit Krillin. As much as I appreciate you coming, I hear you have a kid. Go home to your wife and go to sleep." Gohan ordered tenderly. He wasn't a little tired himself and could do with a few hours of shut-eye, at least before the nightmares came.

x

For the first time that evening and since the bombshell of Gohan's abuse Krillin genuinely smiled.

"You're one to talk. You need to eat more and get some real sleep," Krillin frowned in concern, "Don't they have anything they can give you? For the nightmares, I mean?" Krillin questioned gently to portray his wish not to offend Gohan if he disliked the line of questioning. Gohan sighed before slowly shaking his head.

"I can't mix drugs. Besides, they'd become addictive and I'd rather not get into a situation where I'd contemplate overdosing." Gohan answered honestly, voice soft though deep. Krillin nodded supportively and then stood, stretching.

"In that case, try to get as much rest as you can. I'll be on my way." Krillin nodded farewell; on some level he'd noticed Gohan's aversion to being touched and respected that boundary. He was almost to the door when he turned back toward the fragile looking boy in the bed.

"Gohan?"

"Yeah, Krillin?"

"Her name's Marron and she's four…my daughter. And, if I could have one wish for her it would be that she grows up as strong and caring as you are." Krillin intoned sincerely, his eyes not wavering once from Gohan's. Finally Gohan nodded in acknowledgement and Krillin slipped from the room.

x

After the door closed behind Krillin Gohan lay back and contemplated what had been said and promised. Kaname's soft breathing was a soothing background to his thoughts. Glancing over, Gohan was pleased to see the tiny girl resting easy. He really was growing fond of the impish creature and felt really bad seeing her suffering with the drugs. Makekeru was also sleeping soundly, having finished his shower and curled under the blankets of his bed during Gohan's visit. He oddly reminded Gohan of Vegeta with his arrogance and irritable disposition. And, just like Vegeta, he had currents that ran deeper than anyone thought. As the faint rhythmic breathing lulled Gohan to slumber he dreamt up a memory of a Saiyan Prince's tears.

* * *

**Chapter 33: Wedding Bells and Therapy Hell**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Frightened to believe,  
You're the best thing about me

Walk on broken glass make my way through fire,  
These are the things I would do for love,  
Farewell peace of mind kiss goodbye to reason,  
Up is down the impossible occurs each day,  
This intoxication thrills me,  
I only pray it doesn't kill me...

Savage Garden-The Best Thing

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Crap! Has anyone seen my heels?" Videl lifted a pillow off the settee and promptly dropped it again; "They've got crossing straps, colored in an off-white pearly tone." Videl continued distractedly as she searched under the selfsame furniture.

x

Gohan watched with interest as his official girlfriend was forced to stoop elegantly, instead of bend over—as was her custom in jeans and shorts—to look under the furnishings. She was decked out in a beautiful satin Poie De Soier dress the rich hue of pink rose petals which thwarted her more crass mannerisms. The sleeveless sheath draped gracefully around Videl's figure as a cowl exposed the smooth expanse of her back. Silken ringlets of midnight mane—result from many painstaking hours sitting still under hot irons—were drawn into an elaborate style with pink and white carnations inlaid. Gohan was utterly enthralled.

"Gohan, you haven't seen them have you?" Videl stopped short in front of Gohan looking rather harried. Gohan stared at her with an expression of wide-eyed innocence.

"How could I know? I've been sitting here since we arrived. Unless, of course, you haven't moved them from under the dresser where you put them to begin with; then I _might_ have a clue." Videl whirled on the tail end of Gohan's sarcastic remark to find her heels exactly where Gohan pointed out she'd left them. "I swear you'd forget me if I wasn't so charming and helpful."

"Make that whiney and short and you'd be getting somewhere." Videl quipped with a lethal smirk as she hiked up her dress to strap on the heels.

x

Instead of mock pouting or defending himself as Videl thought he would, Gohan remained silent. Videl glanced up and caught the frown on Gohan's visage before his expression dropped to his lap.

"Gohan? What is it; what's wrong?" Videl queried with a touch of worry, quickly coming to sit on a footrest before Gohan's wheelchair and clasping his hands in hers.

"It's nothing." Gohan murmured evasively.

"C'mon Gohan, it's never nothing. I could be giving you flashbacks that would make Nietzsche tremble!" Videl encouraged exasperatedly. Gohan snorted and met her eyes.

"Nietzsche, Videl?" He sounded almost amused.

"What? He's some important dead guy who became deranged later in his life," Gohan's eyes narrowed, "Perhaps I should've used Edger Allen Poe or Picasso? They both had some serious issues too," Videl huffed, "I'm getting off topic, but the point is that you can tell me what's bothering you. I swear I won't call you short again if that insults your ego, I know you aren't really three feet tall." Videl's words had a teasing edge to try to curb around the more serious implications of her statement. Gohan appreciated the effort.

x

"No, no it's not that...it's just," Gohan sighed, "Look, I've been sitting in this damn chair for near five hours now and my back is killing me. They don't exactly make these for comfort, you know." Gohan admitted quite churlishly. Videl's eyes widened fractionally with understanding and she was instantly contrite.

"Oh Gohan, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it about the whining, honestly. I mean...shit! I completely forgot you had a spinal injection this week. What with all the rushed planning...no, never mind, I won't make up excuses. That chair has got to be digging into you in all the wrong places. How about we..."

x

"Oh Videl, you look absolutely fabulous! Do you think I look pale in," the voice stopped abruptly with a gasp, "Sesshomaru? Wow, it's been like ages since we've seen you! You look like the walking dead again, especially being bald; haven't you been eating?" Erasa breezed into the room and brushed her hand against Gohan's forehead without so much as a by-your-leave.

"Yeah, you'd think people wouldn't be able to starve in a hospital. It'd have to be nerd-boy who found a way around all the doctors." Sharpner added mockingly from the doorway. Gohan transferred his glare from Erasa to Sharpner and held out a wrist as if to say, so feed me through a needle. Videl rolled her eyes.

"Huh, cracking jokes and giving everyone the glare-o-death, I pronounce you in good health." Erasa exclaimed with a patronizing pat on Gohan's head. Gohan gave a long suffering sigh which only served to make Erasa giggle.

x

"You're just in time Sharpner, come help me with Ru. We need to get him out of that chair for a while, maybe put him on the couch on his side?" Videl beckoned imperiously.

"Hey! I didn't come here to get roped into doing manual labor! This is all your doing you little geek." Sharpner yelped before glowering at Gohan who smirked in self-satisfaction.

"Oh please, he isn't _that _heavy. I'll even move the wheelchair right next to the couch, see?" Videl unclipped the breaks on Gohan's transportation and wheeled him flush against the cushy sofa. Sharpner continued to pout but relented after Erasa expressed her desire to see his big, strong muscles at work.

x

"Alright, alright, out of my way Videl, although I don't know why you want me to do this considering you're even stronger than I am." Sharpner didn't notice Gohan stiffen as he slipped one arm under Gohan's legs and the other around his back to lift him. With a grunt, Gohan was relocated onto the couch.

"Ha! You don't really expect me to lift Sesshomaru wearing these high heels, do you? With luck I wouldn't break anything besides my ankles!" Videl scoffed. Sharpner gave a bark of laughter as he finished helping Gohan settle onto his side. Gohan relaxed slightly as Sharpner stepped out of his personal space.

"I'm astounded you can even walk in those," Sharpner raised both hands in surrender when Videl advanced on him, "Really, I'm truly impressed!"

"Sharpner!" Videl lunged at Sharpner in order to punch him on the arm but over balanced and had to throw her arms about his neck instead to keep herself from falling to the floor. This only served to amuse Sharpner ten-fold.

"I'm going to kill you Sharpner!" Videl screeched even as she attempted and failed to gain her footing.

x

Erasa was giggling insanely at their antics and Gohan tried desperately to keep a straight face as a show of fidelity. He lasted approximately two seconds before he sniggered most ungraciously.

"Yeah, laugh it up Mister! Just wait and see if you get a good-night kiss from me." Videl hissed scathingly from her continued hold on Sharpner's frame.

"Aw c'mon Videl," Gohan's voice warbled comically with his effort to suppress his laughter, "You have to admit it is funny." Sharpner and Erasa did a double take for they had never heard Gohan speak, but at Videl's nonchalance they quickly got over it.

"No, it's hilarious." Sharpner managed to keep a straight face. Erasa and Gohan cracked up into more peals of laughter while Videl took the risk of a spill to punch Sharpner in the shoulder.

"Watch it little-Miss-Priss or I really will dump you." Sharpner taunted.

"Oh," one of Videl's eyebrows rose in question, "And how will you explain to my father how my dress got all filthy and I couldn't participate in the wedding?"

"He'll probably just tell him you were being yourself." Gohan interjected. Erasa gasped with delight and clamped a hand over her mouth to stem the hilarity before Videl could decapitate her with a razor-sharp glare alone. Sharpner sent a devilish grin Gohan's way for the aiding comment.

x

"Sesshomaru." Videl ground her teeth and fisted her hands. Sharpner winked from behind her at Gohan; Videl hadn't realized she was standing on her own yet.

"You're skating on thin ice, buddy." Videl growled warningly. Gohan did his level best to raise his hands in surrender as Sharpner had. The best he could do was leave the arm folded under him where it was with an open palm and hold the other a shoulder's breadth away also open handed.

"But Videl, I can't even stand on solid ground, let alone skate on ice!"

"It's an expression!" Videl shouted, throwing her hands up in vexation, although all the teenagers caught the glint of humor in her eyes.

"You wouldn't really strike a handicapped person would you?" Gohan asked in an over-exaggerated wounded voice. Videl stalked up to him with faked menace.

"You bet I would." Videl barely tapped Gohan's shoulder with a fist which he was obliged to rub as if it had hurt. In the next instant Videl swooped in for a kiss. Gohan parted his lips cooperatively while effectively ignoring Erasa's dreamy sigh and Sharpner's over-pronounced gagging. Erasa's affronted voice sounded tinny to Gohan's ears and Sharpner's husky answer barely grazed Gohan's awareness.

xxXXxx

"Mmm, I think I've found a new way to protect myself from your barbed tongue." Videl murmured inches from pulling away from the kiss. Gohan could feel her breathy exhales on his moistened lips.

"Feel free to shut me up anytime." Gohan whispered, his lips curving into an easy smile. Videl burst out laughing and consequently fell against Gohan who had a look of chagrin on his face.

"I-I'm sorry Ru," muffled snickering, "That was just such a priceless invitation; I couldn't help myself!"

"It was meant to secure me another kiss not a peanut gallery." Gohan muttered.

"Aw, poor baby, do you want a hug?" Videl simpered.

"Now you're just being condescending." Gohan frowned and looked aside to where Erasa and Sharpner were engaged in their own lip-lock. Videl spied them out of the corner of her eye but ignored them in favor of bringing her lips to Gohan's left temple.

"I am sorry. If it'll make you feel better we can neck in the car on the way back to the hospital, how's that?" Gohan turned his attention back to his girlfriend and allowed a tiny half-smile to grace his lips.

"Do I get a goodnight kiss too?"

"Yeah, I'll even tuck you in." Videl offered amiably.

"I'd like that." Gohan admitted quietly. Videl grinned and cuddled further into Gohan's loose embrace.

x

"You really shouldn't do that; you'll muss up your hair." Gohan fingered one of the curls, straightening it to make it spring back when he let go.

"Missing your hair nerd-boy?" Sharpner drawled. He and Erasa had finished swapping spit and, of course, the jock needed something to occupy his time. Nothing was more entertaining than making fun of the bald kid. Gohan scowled.

"Sharpner, that was cruel. They were cuddling, too." Erasa chastised mildly. Before Sharpner could open his mouth to deliver a sarcastic come-back, no doubt, the teens were interrupted by a knock on the doorframe. Standing in the doorway was one of the other bridesmaids. 'I think Nariko introduced her as Sakura Tsujitani, a cousin.' Gohan watched the woman attentively.

x

"Sorry to break up your little romantic moment guys, but the bride needs her girl brigade." Sakura announced with a keen look at Videl and Erasa.

"Uh-oh, someone's been neglecting her maidly duties." Gohan stage whispered. The teens all burst out laughing, even Videl, though she was blushing at the remark.

"Are ya comin' ladies or am I to face the wrath of a pregnant woman alone?"

"Of course not! We would never abandon you to the will of a craving-driven, hormone-imbalanced, pre-wedding-jittered Nariko!" Videl professed passionately. Sakura swiped a hand over her brow as if in relief.

"Thank Kami!" They all chuckled.

"Ok guys; guess we're off to do our bridesmaid duties. Keep yourselves amused until the ceremony. Oh, I almost forgot! Sesshomaru, you're supposed to go to the reception hall before the wedding starts. That would be right now. Sharpner, you'll help him right?"

"No, I'll leave him right here and wheel an empty chair to the room." The sarcasm was dripping.

"Then be sure to come back and get Ru on the second trip!" Videl called out smartly as she and Erasa left the room. Sharpner stared at the empty doorway for a long moment after they'd gone.

"She sure..."

"Don't. Say. A word." Sharpner cut Gohan off. Erasa could hear Gohan laughing all the way down the corridor.

xxXXxx

Gohan allowed Sharpner to wheel him to the threshold of the reception hall, but then he stubbornly insisted on going in alone. Sharpner was more than willing to shrug off the duty and walked away muttering about how unbearably long weddings were. Gohan, watching until the blonde head rounded the corner, turned his gaze back to the door. It stood slightly ajar, as if someone had slipped through and not bothered to close it properly again. Gohan could hear voices within. Taking a deep breath, he turned the knob and opened the door wide.

x

The minute Gohan wheeled himself into the room the soft murmuring ceased. Gohan glanced up, meeting the eyes of Vegeta who stood, amazingly, with his arms curled under a wide-eyed Goten's bottom. Bulma froze mid-gesture facing Hercule, but her head turned at Gohan's entrance to acknowledge the intruder.

"Gohan! Didja hear? You're my new big brother!" Goten shouted excitedly. If Gohan hadn't been staring so intently at Vegeta he would've overlooked the unconsciously possessive way the Prince's arms tightened around his youngest son. But, there was no mistaking the flash of warning in Vegeta's eyes; Gohan was positive that was intentionally displayed for his perusal.

"I believe I heard something along those lines." Gohan smiled tentatively. Bulma and Goten practically beamed at his almost negligible response. Vegeta bristled slightly and Gohan felt the urge to apologize for his hesitancy.

"Momma and Papa are just doin' the par-tic-a-lers." Goten stumbled uncertainly.

"We're having you signed over to our custody." Bulma explained with a nervous smile.

"On my wedding day no less." Hercule grumbled, put-upon. It only took a glare from Bulma to quell the man. "Of course, whatever is convenient for you Mrs. Brief." Hercule assured with a buoyant laugh that was obviously forced.

x

Gohan caught Vegeta's prideful smirk even as he tried to hide the one threatening to blossom on his own lips. Hercule was dressed almost comically in a white tux with a pink carnation tucked in his lapel. Despite his officious behavior Gohan could see the nervous fidgeting and barely suppressed excitement in Hercule's features. This was a man in love with the woman he was pledging the rest of his life to in mere moments.

"I'm most appreciative Mr. Satan," Bulma intoned with false sincerity, "You'll be relieved to go on your honeymoon without this intruding on your mind." Vegeta snorted derisively. Gohan was quick to note that Bulma's scowl had absolutely no affect on the Saiyan Prince.

xxXXxx

The hall was decked out in magenta and lavender swathes of silk drapery with crystal icicles hanging intermittent throughout. A long white carpet lead up to the altar and the side benches were intricately weaved wicker painted an opaque off-white. Set sporadically along the sides of the room were short column-pedestals showcasing exquisite ice sculptures. The running theme consisted of dainty fairies and water nymphs that were so magnificently carved they stole the breath right from you.

x

Raised behind the altar was the culinary masterpiece of the wedding cake. The seven tiered treat was swaddled in snowy icing with wreaths of gemstone magenta and lavender carnations. Upon closer inspection Gohan noticed the flowers were not frosted but genuine jewels inlaid along the edges of the tiers. Even the sparse greenery was made up of flecks of jade and emerald stone. This was truly the wedding of a billionaire. Gohan would've gagged at the expense except for what the gesture symbolized on the part of Hercule. The man obviously loved Nariko to the extent that he would lavish her with a dream wedding that would bankrupt a village on any given day.

x

Sitting along one row of benches, waiting for the ceremony to start, Gohan noticed the guests were dressed in their finest; and among Hercule's friends, the finest consisted of foreign markets and unpronounceable name brands. Half the women wore bizarre gowns tailored specifically for them, with unique and scarce material, by some high standing and equally inaccessible fashion designer who charged exorbitant amounts for what amounted to a nice dress that could've been bought at the Square Mall for not even a fraction of the price. He had listened to them gossip. Gohan couldn't talk though; after all, Videl and Nariko dressed him in Armani which, he noted with rather malicious satisfaction, had become wrinkled and sweaty by the time the procession arrived.

x

The hubbub raised by the legion of reporters covering the momentous occasion of the Savior's wedding alerted the guests to the arrival of the procession. Everyone turned in their chairs to get a better look. In the back of the isle they could see Nariko's little cousins serving as flower girls. There were three little girls below the age of six dressed in frilly pink and white outfits carrying pretty wicker baskets full of pink and white rose petals. They walked carefully down the isle dropping tiny fistfuls of petals as they smiled angelically at all the attention they were getting. The smallest one, who couldn't be any older than four, ran out of flowers halfway to the altar. With a worried little pout—Gohan heard the woman beside him simper about how cute it was—she turned around and began stooping down to collect some of the dropped flowers.

x

Several of the congregation chuckled with amusement as the girl's father tried to quietly encourage her to continue with her companions. Of course, the media was right along the isle taking snap-shot after snap-shot of the endearing child. Despite her father's gentle remonstrations the girl would not be convinced to abandon her task. Gohan felt a tender smile tug at his mouth when she nibbled her bottom lip in frustration. It wasn't until a vigilant usher brought some extra petals that the girl caught up with her cousins, to the relief of the agitated parental figure.

x

It was with a bit of surprise that people noticed the maids of honor, a troupe of six, making their way down the isle, so focused were they on the wayward flower girl. Gohan knew that two of the women were Nariko's sisters and the mothers of the flower girls; another was Nariko's aunt not by blood but emotional connection; and the fourth was her best friend. Videl and Erasa rounded out the six and lead the procession. All of them were bedecked in their pastel dresses and carried bouquets of pink and white roses and carnations. In the language of flowers they signified innocence, purity, youthfulness, spiritual love, anticipation of happiness, and a joyous union.

x

Videl beamed as she passed Gohan, and he felt a satin-gloved hand stroke his shoulder tenderly before she moved on. He stared hard at her elegant back and missed the slight nod and wink Erasa tossed to Sharpner. 'I'm so glad she's accepted Nariko. She looks so pleased to be in the wedding, she would've regretted not coming if she'd stayed stubborn.' Gohan turned his attention back to the isle in time to catch sight of Nariko and all thought abandoned him.

x

Nariko wore a sleeveless organza gown the lightest shade of pink that could be manufactured. The dress was richly embroidered with beads, sequins, and pearls in a rosy-colored floral design that trailed around the top and waist before tapering off to the right, leaving the left side, below the knee, and the chapel train bare. The dress made Nariko look as if she were floating, a kind of ephemeral sprite about to dissipate if she ever set foot on solid ground. The square neckline and spaghetti straps brought attention to the warm glow of Nariko's beautiful skin and enticed the eyes to her face.

x

She smiled serenely as she fairly glided down the isle. Her face was tastefully decorated with makeup and her hair was done up similar to Videl's except she had two pink roses and sprigs of snowy baby's breath in her hair. Her arm was tucked around her father's; he was a stubborn-looking man with salt and pepper hair who was proudly giving his youngest daughter away. Gohan could see the moisture in the man's eyes and felt an ache for his own parents. They would never see him married or with children or grandchildren; they were gone from him forever. Gohan shook his head derisively, 'Here you are whining about all these missed opportunities and you don't even know if you'll live out the year."

x

Gohan watched on with pleasure as the priest began the traditional ceremony. It was rather endearing when they exchanged vows they wrote specially for each other. Gohan caught Videl wiping at glistening eyes when they kissed and the heartfelt laughter that followed when Hercule picked up his beautiful wife and twirled her around in his arms. Yes, Gohan should be grateful that he had the chance to witness this occasion where a small part of Videl's heart, which was irreparably damaged with the loss of her mother, could be partially mended. Gohan was content.

xxXXxx

"Oh, and then he says, and get this, he says, 'What are you, leukemic or something?' And, I say to him, with a straight face mind you, 'Yeah, actually, I am.' God, you should've seen the look on his face. Priceless!" the mousy looking boy grinned as Kaname and two other patients Gohan didn't know laughed uproariously. Gohan didn't really find the story all that amusing, but that could be because he didn't find anything funny about having cancer. Kaname and the nameless faces beside her didn't seem to have any reservations though because they continued to laugh like it was the funniest stand-up they'd ever heard.

x

Beside him Makekeru made a snide comment under his breath.

"Oh, grow up Keru! Just because you're set in gloom and doom doesn't mean you should project it onto others. If you don't have anything nice to say then keep it to yourself." Kaname scowled in annoyance. The three other patients looked warily at Makekeru and Gohan got the impression they were intimidated by the severe youth.

"Just because I'm not in lunatic land where everything is peaches and cream, and the dying young are cheerful, hyper, bug-eyed, little misfits, does not mean my opinion should be discounted out of hand." Makekeru snarled viciously. Kaname looked like she'd been slapped.

"You're a fucking jerk Makekeru! Why can't you lay off her? She doesn't do anything to you!" A tall youth about a year or two older than Gohan put a protective arm around Kaname and glared at Makekeru. He had a shaggy thatch of brown hair that hung in his chestnut eyes making him appear dangerous. Makekeru snorted and glared stonily forward, ignoring the boy completely.

"You better look at me when I'm talking to you!" the boy snagged the front of Makekeru's shirt and pulled him ruthlessly forward until they were bare inches apart. Gohan, who had leaned backward when the aggressive boy first spoke, flinched and tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. The sweaty palms of his hands lay at the sides of his seat as his fingers gripped his chair until the knuckles turned blue.

x

Everyone was staring at the commotion now. The attention was only making Gohan more skittish; he felt himself trembling. It was Monday and Gohan's first foray in group therapy. He wished he hadn't come. They were in a lecture room with chairs set in an amphitheater style. When he'd asked Kaname why there was such a room in the hospital she explained that there was a medical school attached to the hospital itself and the room was used by lecturers for undergraduate students. At the moment it was filled with terminally ill children, filled being a misnomer. There were a total of eleven children ranging in ages from fifteen to eighteen. Gohan knew there had to be more terminally ill cases then those present and Kaname confirmed it when she spoke of a friend in a separate therapy group. Gohan figured they had to keep the groups small so they'd be manageable. He wished they'd realize this one was obviously too large and take him out of it. Makekeru was looking bored which was only spurring on the opposite boy's anger and Gohan feared violence was impending.

x

"Daani, it's..." Kaname began to murmur at the tall boy's elbow.

"What, may I ask, is going on here?" Several students jumped at the reprimanding voice. Gohan was too focused on trying to keep the tenuous hold on his sanity to pay much attention. Daani released Makekeru as if he'd been burned and took a halting step backward.

"You know I don't tolerate violence of any kind Mr. Motou. Return to your seat at once." Daani bowed his head but it was clear he wasn't apologetic.

"He started it." the boy grumbled darkly. Makekeru sneered back at him.

"I'm disappointed in you both; especially with a new face among us." This drew everyone's attention to Gohan who had not acknowledged anything since the psychiatrist's entrance.

x

Gohan had his eyes closed tightly and was rocking imperceptibly back and forth mumbling under his breath. Dr. Kalinin shot Daani and Makekeru a severe look that had both boys shifting uncomfortably in their chairs. Gohan remained oblivious as he fought with rising memories.

"Sesshomaru? You're all right hon. Open your eyes Mr. Hashuko." Dr. Kalinin approached Gohan slowly as she beckoned softly to him. When she reached his chair, the psychiatrist knelt before him and for the first time discerned his mumbling.

"Videl, help me! Videl, help me! Videl, help me! Videl..." Over and over the mantra continued in a breathless hitching tumble. Gohan's hands still clutched the chair with bruising strength and his face was a rictus of fear.

x

"He, he prefers to be called Gohan, Doctor." Kaname offered hesitantly.

"Thank you Kaname," Dr. Kalinin nodded in gratitude and turned her attention back to Gohan, "Gohan. Gohan sweetie, it's Dr. Kalinin, can you hear me hon?" The other patients shared gazes and watched on.

"Videl, help me! Videl, help me!"

"Gohan, please open your eyes. No one is going to hurt you." Dr. Kalinin reached out to touch Gohan but hesitated and retracted her hand before she did. Every patient noted the hand that curled into a fist and the frustrated exhale that escaped her with a burst of airy sound.

"Videl, help me! Videl, help me! Videl, help..."

"Gohan, how was the wedding? I heard Videl asked you to dance," Gohan's breathy whisperings faltered, "You must have made an impression because Dr. Jomei says Videl was talking about you all night," Gohan became silent all together, "It's always a plus when a pretty girl mentions you," Gohan's eyes opened and looked around in confusion, "Videl's your girlfriend isn't she?" Gohan stared blankly at the doctor for a moment before he nodded dumbly.

"Y-Yeah. I...Well I have to admit, she did all the work." Gohan murmured with a self-depreciating smile. Dr. Kalinin realized he was talking about the dancing and smiled in return.

x

"I bet she enjoyed every bit of it, having a man slave to her every whim." Dr. Kalinin winked conspiratorially at Kaname, drawing in the rest of the students with the simple gesture. Gohan's smile faltered momentarily and his eyes clouded with hints of trauma before he firmly shook his head and grinned at the doctor.

"If she wants to think it was her idea to ferry me around, who am I to disillusion her?" Several of the male patients burst out laughing in a single breath of released tension they hadn't realized they'd been holding. Immediately the girls began to exclaim haughtily about egotistical boys and the boys retaliated with sexist remarks of their own. The topic was never turned to anyone's terminal illness and Dr. Kalinin did not try to make Gohan discuss his almost flashback. It wasn't until later that Gohan realized how adeptly the psychiatrist handled the situation or how truly grateful he was that she allowed him to ease into the sessions with that first bonding experience.

* * *

WARNING: This chapter contains references to a consensual male/male relationship (not pertaining to Gohan) so if you are squick, go away. In fact, how the heck did you get this far! For those open-minded, free-loving readers out there, enjoy the chapter!

**Chapter 34: Fallout**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Welcome to the planet  
Welcome to existence  
Everyone's here  
Everyone's here  
Everybody's watching you now  
Everybody waits for you now  
What happens next? (2x)

(Chorus)

I dare you to move (x2)  
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor  
I dare you to move (x2)  
Like today never happened  
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout  
Welcome to resistance  
The tension is here (x2)  
Between who you are and who you could be  
Between how it is and how it should be

(Repeat Chorus)

Maybe redemption has stories to tell  
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell  
Where can you run to escape from yourself?  
Where you gonna go?  
Where you gonna go?  
Salvation is here

(Repeat Chorus)

Switchfoot: I Dare You To Move

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

What I had not foreseen  
Was the gradual day  
Weakening the will  
Leaking the brightness away,  
The lack of good to touch  
The fading of body and soul  
Like smoke before wind  
Corrupt, Unsubstantial.

Stephen Spender-What I Expected

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The weeks following Gohan's first foray into therapy passed unremarkably; chemo was dispensed and the psychiatrist was endured. Gohan was still not quite comfortable among the other patients in his group, his "reaper-buddies" Kaname called them. But, he was slowly coming to know the others as more than strangers; that's not to say he felt any desire to confide in them his deepest secrets. The struggle between him and Dr. Kalinin was an ongoing endeavor. In the meantime, like all humans on earth, Gohan adapted to his new companions Kaname and Makekeru. The polar opposites became standard fixtures in his life and often invaded his thoughts. With the exception of the rising tension concerning Goten's test results, life was slightly above bearable.

x

December dawned with a light snowfall and marked the end of Gohan's second month in the hospital; Kaname suggested they throw a party to commemorate his survival. Typically, Makekeru found the whole idea offensive and declared he wouldn't speak to her for the rest of the afternoon. Gohan took note of how tetchy the stern boy was becoming, more so than before, whenever Kaname made light of their disease. Videl, on the other hand, endorsed the proposal wholeheartedly, claiming Gohan needed some excitement in his life. Gohan recognized the ploy for what it was, a distraction meant to alleviate his stress levels caused by over-due test results. Exactly a month elapsed since Goten was tested. Precisely fifteen days ago the results were declared over-due. Unerringly three-hundred-sixty hours slipped away without word. Faithfully Gohan fret for the interminable twenty-one-thousand-six-hundred seconds in between that moment and this one. He was still counting.

x

"Come on, Gohan; it'll be fun. We can even invite Sharpner and Erasa." Videl coaxed her silent partner with an arm thrown over his bare shoulders. As she wheedled, Videl gripped the shoulder nearest her hand and gave him a small shake. Gohan threw her a dubious look.

"Hey, right, I haven't met them yet! They were at your dad's wedding, right Videl?" Kaname piped up excitedly. Makekeru sniffed contemptuously from behind his book, letting them know he was listening but unwilling to participate in the discussion because of Kaname's insensitivity from earlier. Kaname rolled her eyes with exaggerated care, sharing her exasperation with them, and blew a raspberry toward the antisocial boy.

"Admit it; you're just as curious as I am, Keru!" Kaname tossed out for good measure.

"I," Makekeru lowered his book to pronounce with overstated care, "was not the one complaining ad infinitum about missing the wedding or the new people to meet." Kaname scowled.

"I wanted to go! There I was laid up with chemo, couldn't sit up in a wheelchair if my remission depended on it, and you sat around missing the biggest, most televised wedding in this lifetime!" Kaname's gestures were as expansive as ever, and equally superfluous. Her incredulous tone imparted the message quite sufficiently.

"Unlike you, I don't make it my mission in life to harass my roommate's visitors or barge in on their family's proceedings." Makekeru snapped back irately.

"Half the country was probably at that wedding!" Kaname shouted at her wits end.

"I wasn't invited." Makekeru stated bluntly. Gohan felt guilt well within as his conscience berated him internally.

"Oh, this is all my fault." Videl pointed out despondently before Gohan could offer his own apology. Three pairs of eyes focused on the raven-haired girl.

"How do you figure that?" Kaname queried.

"I hadn't actually thought to invite you two. I mean, that you would be welcome was a given…so I didn't think I needed to make a formal offer." Videl explained haltingly, a blush stained her cheeks in embarrassment. Gohan caught the surprised expression on Makekeru's face.

"See, your conceit is such a killjoy." Kaname asserted smugly.

"I prefer to call them manners." Makekeru snipped back.

xxXXxx

So it was that Wednesday found Gohan and the gang in the company of Erasa and Sharpner battling it out on the scrabble board. They'd mixed two sets of tiles in order that all six of them could play. In the first round Makekeru seized the lead; arranging "Z-E-I-" to the right of Gohan's "N" in "INERTIA," creating "ZEIN." Gohan was a close third with, surprisingly, Sharpner holding second place. Both boys were eagerly anticipating the overthrow of the human dictionary which they'd come to call Makekeru after he placed his word, which no one could recognize.

x

The argument that ensued between Kaname and "Ruru" was settled when Sharpner pulled out his personal dictionary—brought from school in preparation to write an assigned essay—and proceeded to find the word. Makekeru was not only able to define the word, but also knew its exact placement in the dictionary, not by page but by the word before and after it, both of which he could also define. Sharpner verified Makekeru's assertions before tossing the book at the other boy in his total disgust.

"I bet you read that shit for fun, don't you?" Sharpner demanded of the smirking half-Chinese boy.

x

"…ull of surprises…know-it-all…" Kaname was muttering as she studied her tiles. The scowl on her face revealed her hand, and her improbable advancement above the previous four players. Videl had begun the game with "DELTA"; Sharpner followed with "YEW" utilizing the "E" in "DELTA". Erasa was dead last, but the bubbly blonde did not take offense and patiently waited her turn.

"How 'bout L, A and D." Kaname connected the first two letters with the "R" in "INERTIA" and tagged on the last to the right.

"Lard?" Sharpner queried, his expression clearly nonplussed.

"Yeah, you know, fat? That's ten points." Kaname tapped the pad Gohan was using to keep score. The demi-Saiyan used the pencil to swat the offending appendage away and glared for all he was worth. The chastisement was a mote endeavor because Kaname had already turned her attention to Erasa whose turn it was to go.

"Like, I don't have any words here!" Erasa wailed. "What am I supposed to do now?" Several in the group cringed, reminded unpleasantly of how nails sounded grating against a chalk board.

"You could trade your hand or a few letters." Gohan suggested, to which the blonde relinquished two tiles and selected new ones.

x

"Have any of you decided what to do after graduation?" Videl didn't look at the group, busy replenishing her hand and assembling a new word. Setting "V", above the "E" in "ZEIN" followed by "I", and connecting to the "L" in "LARD" produced "VEIL"; only after her turn did she lift her gaze to gauge the others reactions. Erasa was shaking her head vigorously side to side, Sharpner shrugged nervously, and Gohan seemed pensive.

"I won't graduate 'til next year. I still have time to avoid making any decisions." Kaname lazed backward on her elbows, beaming. Makekeru snorted derisively. "Procrastination at it's best!" Kaname agreed pumping her fist in the air.

"I wouldn't consider that something to brag about," Makekeru was countered with a tile thrown at his face, which he caught mid-air and returned to the box without comment, "I plan to take the entrance exams for Keio." Sharpner bobbled his tiles, sending an "O" and "A" clattering against the floor.

"Fuck me!" The blonde jock managed to gasp out, staring in horror at the younger boy.

"Aw, damn man, that's just gross. Now I have this really disgusting mental image, thanks a lot!" Kaname cried out, throwing a pillow at Sharpner who neatly batted it down. Gohan flinch slightly at the insinuation; only Videl took notice of the movement and set a comforting hand on his bent knee.

x

"It wasn't an invitation! Get your head out of the gutter," Sharpner snarled at Kaname before turning back to Makekeru, "Why would you even want to put yourself through that kind of hell? I mean, I'm not even sure I want to bother with vocational, let alone a four year stint." Sharpner bent to retrieve his lost pieces; he set both below the "T" in "DELTA," and with the addition of "D" from his tile rack, he created "TOAD." Makekeru remained contemplatively silent as Gohan took his turn setting out "C-A-N-D" above "DELTA" and connecting with the "Y" in "YEW."

"That's a word and an acronym, hmm." Videl mused thoughtfully.

"Twenty-four points." Gohan supplied smugly as he gained the lead.

x

"Well?" Sharpner persisted, tempted to shake the boy who was now paying more attention to the game then him. Makekeru held up a warding hand as he concentrated on the board.

"Admit it; you don't have the letters to pull it off." Gohan smirked. Makekeru frowned as Sharpner fumed and the three girls giggled and tossed grins at each other as they observed each boy's antics.

"Che." Makekeru snorted. Gohan felt a certain relish recording Makekeru's negligible score of ten points from the letters "S-T-A-I" linked to the "D" in "TOAD". With the "S" being a blank tile, the arrogant Asian garnered nothing of value.

"Makie" Sharpner called in a sing-song voice, resorting to childish taunting in hopes of receiving an answer. Kaname laughed uproariously when her antisocial friend leveled his death glare, mach 5 at the offensive blonde.

"It's what's expected of me." The blunt, coldly related fact caused the smile to slip from Kaname's lips and the others to fall silent. Sharpner shifted uncomfortably in his spot, fully aware he'd put a damper on the moment with his doggedness.

"Y-You don't want to go to Keio?" Makekeru stared steadily at Gohan until the older teen dropped his gaze. While Gohan had grown used to Makekeru's strange mood swings and severe attitude, his unnervingly sharp eyes still caused him no small amount of unease.

"Heh, heh, well, I made it to third place," Kaname laughed nervously, "That's eighteen points Maru."

x

Gohan didn't even bat an eye at Kaname's shortened version of Sesshomaru—she'd taken great pleasure in mangling it since Videl pointed out Erasa and Sharpner's ignorance concerning his nick name—he was still brooding on Makekeru's confession.

"Hey Sesshy, come on! Be fair!" Kaname tugged insistently on the sleeve of his writing hand. Gohan stared uncomprehendingly at the board which now displayed another string of letters flowing downward. "T-E-N-E-T" it read starting at the "T" in "STAID".

"Don't worry about it." The soft whisper brought Gohan's gaze to bear once again on Makekeru who was now looking down at his lap. "It really isn't such an imposition," a deep huff of breath, "And I know they mean well, that it's their way of showing that they care. They just want me to be successful." Makekeru brought his eyes up from his lap. Sharpner still seemed uncomfortable, Kaname was smiling gently with understanding, Erasa was respectfully quite, Gohan felt a sense of relief, and Videl, Videl was watching Gohan. While the raven-haired teen felt compassion for the conflicted youth before them, her concern was intrinsically tied to Gohan. She would always put his feelings before those of others; and she worried how this discussion of expectations and parents might be affecting the fragile psyche of one as traumatized as he.

"Whose turn is it?"

x

The question broke whatever tension lingered over them. Gohan shook himself from remnant memories and dutifully took down Kaname's score, cracking a joke about how now that she'd reached the pinnacle of her abilities there was only the inevitable fall to follow. Kaname shrieked her outrage and pounced with pillow in hand to deal out justice. Sharpner became the victim of an ill executed assault and retaliated by tackling Kaname to the floor and tickling her until she nearly wet herself. Erasa stood on the side giggling incessantly and Makekeru offered to help Sharpner by pinning Kaname's hands above her head. Gohan's face flushed a deep red with his laughter. And all the while Videl watched from the sidelines, noting the glint of tears in ebony eyes that were not a result of mirth.

xxXXxx

"So then my dad turns around and says, it's a good thing we didn't have more kids 'cause then you'd be blaming me for them too." the tears that had been building up in her eyes slipped down her cheeks and she sniffled a bit. Daani reached out a hand to squeeze her shoulder and the poised Ryoko repositioned her chair in order to put a comforting arm around the upset girl.

"My mom started yelling and screaming, and then my," a soft sob escaped Yuuko's mouth and more tears streaked down her face, "my dad hollered that, that he was starting to regret ever agreeing to have kids at all." Yuuko broke down and raised her hands to shield her face from all the eyes gazing upon her. Straight black hair, trimmed to below the shoulder blades fell forward to better obscure her face and her misery-filled eyes. Immediately Kaname rushed over to give the fraught girl a much needed hug and a few reassuring words.

x

Gohan felt ill at ease and really wished he could be exempted from these meetings. Though Dr. Kalinin had yet to pressure him to speak about anything serious Gohan knew the time was drawing near after two weeks of sessions, and he dreaded it with a passion. How could he possibly be open about even half the things he'd been through with these...these children? Gohan could think of no other term because Yuuko's problem, along with the others he'd heard so far, were problems concerning rejection from their parents, their parent's marriage problems, and what will happen if or when they die. Gohan wondered if it was truly wise, putting him in group therapy to dish out his nightmares to other impressionable minds.

x

"Come now Yuuko; do you really think your father meant what he said?" Dr. Kalinin questioned calmly. Kaname gave the girl one last pat on the knee before returning to her seat. Yuuko was still muffling her quite sobs with her hands but her eyes lifted to meet Dr. Kalinin's. After a few seconds she nodded ever so slightly in the affirmative and re-covered her whole face to hide the tears. "What makes you believe he wasn't just reacting out of anger for the situation?"

"My dad ne'er w-wanted any kids. I knew it e'en 'fore...I had cancer; my mom s-said it was th'reason why he ne'er spent m-much time wi' me and why...he was a'ways so impatient when I got too noisy or annoying." Yuuko revealed in a quavering voice that choked up several times and was muffled behind her hands. Dr. Kalinin frowned slightly but almost immediately offered a heartwarming smile to the young fifteen year old.

"Have you spoken directly to your father about any of this?"

"N-No...he would probably just deny it anyway." Yuuko's shoulders slumped in defeat.

"I'm not sure about your pops Yuuko, and I'm not sure what to say about the problems between him and your mom; but I do hope you realize that we care about you a great deal." Sakuma, an older boy who Gohan did not particularly feel at ease around, spoke out before Dr. Kalinin could say anything. Heads all around the room nodded to add support to the comment and Dr. Kalinin looked pleased. Yuuko lowered her hands to look around the group and offered a tremulous smile of gratitude.

"Thank you, that means a lot to me." she murmured softly. Dr. Kalinin walked over to give her a hug and Gohan saw that the doctor whispered something in Yuuko's ear to which the girl nodded and a few stray tears leaked from her eyes.

x

"I think we should move on. Since you seem eager to talk, perhaps you'd like a turn, Mr. Hashimoto. Is that all right with you?" Dr. Kalinin turned everyone's attention to the eighteen-year-old boy with stylishly messy, dark-brown hair and deep blue-velvet eyes. Sakuma was one of the few patients who refused to wear the hospital garb, the other being seventeen-year-old, fashion sensitive Harada Ayame. Sakuma wore an airy, ruffled white top that exposed a great deal of his neckline and the smooth expanse of his stomach. Skin tight jeans hugged his hips aided by a fancy silver studded belt; a choker of similar design adorned Sakuma's throat. Expensive Italian leather shoes rounded out the ensemble. Gohan's comfort level dropped a few more notches when the boy smiled lasciviously at Dr. Kalinin.

"Of course I don't mind Doctor. I believe we left off our last one-on-one session with a discussion concerning my escapist tendencies. You agreed with my argument that spending my time having sex with my boyfriend is much safer than going off to drink or shooting up with drugs." Gohan grimaced while most of the other students blushed brightly or giggled to Sakuma's utter delight. The boy tossed a wink at Dr. Kalinin, to her apparent chagrin.

x

Uneasy, Gohan slunk lower in his chair only consequently catching sight of another unsmiling boy across from him. The older boy looked rather severe with golden tipped, tastefully disheveled, light-brown hair hanging slightly in his face which was framed by rimless golden eared glasses. It wasn't so much the mystique of the hair or the harsh glint of the light off the glasses that conveyed severity but rather the cold, emotionless golden-brown eyes staring straight back into his. Gohan quickly averted his gaze to the floor and turned his attention back to what Dr. Kalinin was saying in reply to Sakuma.

"...ed enough about your sexual proclivities, I'm more concerned with why you feel a need for intimate physical contact every chance you have. Do you suppose this is a result of your father's mistreatment and lack of emotional regard? Or perhaps you search out these conquests to spite his homophobic aggression?" Gohan felt the atmosphere plummet to sub-zero temperatures, a reflection of Hashimoto Sakuma's warm blue eyes turning into chips of frozen ice. The smile was no longer in evidence on his face and several of the other patients shifted agitatedly in their seats. Gohan thought the whole line of questioning was far too blunt. The things she implied had Gohan's hands gripping the rim of his seat with white-knuckled fists.

"I don't have '_conquests_,'" the quotations were clearly heard in the tone of Sakuma's voice, "I never cheated on my lover. My father can go fuck himself as far as I'm concerned and I'd appreciate a divergence from this line of questioning, _Doctor_." Sakuma's lips twisted in a hateful little sneer when he acknowledged the title. Gohan felt his heart throbbing painfully against his ribs and breathed a little faster. Dr. Kalinin frowned at Sakuma but acquiesced with a not-so-apologetic nod. Gohan saw her eyes flicker in his direction and knew without a doubt that it was his presence and reaction that convinced her not to pursue the subject. It was with a little surprise that Gohan also noticed the doctor's gaze land briefly on the silent boy across from him. Perhaps the good doctor Jomei wasn't so remiss in assigning him to this group. Then Dr. Kalinin was speaking again and Gohan's attention dutifully diverged from his own thoughts.

x

"Gohan, I know you haven't exactly been comfortable with all this, having never been in therapy before now. For this reason I haven't pushed you very much to talk; I want you to feel comfortable with us. However, this is group therapy, and what makes the others, and hopefully you, more comfortable is to know what the others have gone through, and how it relates to yourself. You've had ample time to hear some of the problems our group suffers from, and I am sure they are eager to aid you in your own. I'd like for you to share something with the group, what scares you, what you're feeling right now, how you view your future, anything that might be bothering you that you might need help with?" Dr. Kalinin spoke calmly, offering Gohan a parameter of sorts without forcing the issue as she'd tried to do with Sakuma moments before. Gohan still hated her for it. Six sessions and he managed to fall under the radar, merely a spectator among the anguished sharing of the others. Now in the seventh it seemed that his luck had run out.

x

Gohan's eyes passed over the group evenly split between males and females discounting himself. All eyes were focused on him for what was only the second time since his first, less than stellar, session. Sweat broke out on his brow.

"I'm scared…of dying." Gohan finished lamely; anything else was just too raw and untouchable, especially among outsiders. Several of the others nodded with understanding, offering smiles of encouragement, but when Gohan chanced a glance at Dr. Kalinin she looked less than impressed. Gohan could almost venture to say she looked disappointed with him. A slight adjustment of her notes helped her to focus on what he had offered.

"Can you explain why?" she queried, her tone made a turn for the professional. Gohan winced. That was the same tone she'd used with Sakuma.

"There's," Gohan stared at his lap, uncomfortable with seeing those surrounding him, "Well, there's something to lose."

"What might that be? I am assuming you aren't speaking of the obvious, which is your own life." Dr. Kalinin subtly pushed. Gohan resented the dig; he'd answered her damn question, now she should leave him alone.

"Videl." Her name was spat churlishly; Gohan didn't want to share her.

"Who is she? Is she another patient?" Akai Ryoma, the mousy little boy who was always too curious for his own good, asked the question eagerly.

"She's Gohan's girlfriend. We learned of her during his first session, don't you remember?" Ayame calmly recapped for the younger boy. Ryoma smiled ruefully and shrugged.

x

"Are you telling me you wouldn't want to die because you'd lose your girlfriend?" Daani demanded abrasively, finding Gohan's priorities skewed.

"What's wrong with that? I wouldn't want to lose Inoue, and I care more for him than myself!" Sakuma rejoined harshly in Gohan's defense. Daani's expression twisted in dislike, and Gohan had the distinct impression Daani was disgusted by the other boy's sexuality.

"Hey, come on guys, don't start a fight! Dr. Kalinin says we're supposed to respect one another and what we say to her questions. Daani, you aren't helping Gohan if you belittle his answer." Kimi-chan, one of the youngest girls tried to mediate.

"Oh, shut up! Why are you always butting in? I just asked a simple question. I think it's stupid that someone wouldn't want to die just because he'd lose," Daani hesitated only a moment, looking between Gohan and Sakuma, debating who to insult, "his little fuck buddy." Daani finished viciously, clearly directing his attack at Sakuma.

"Mr. Motou!" Dr. Kalinin called sharply. However, Sakuma clearly thought a harsh scolding was not punishment enough, for in the next moment he'd flung himself at the other boy. With flailing limbs and vulgar profanities escaping his lips, Sakuma's intention was unmistakable; he aimed to beat Daani senseless.

"…ther fucker…ck do you think you are!" Sakuma screamed. He landed a sharp blow to Daani's face before Dr. Kalinin and, surprisingly, the severely unemotional boy pulled him off.

"That's quite enough!" Dr. Kalinin reprimanded in a voice that oozed authority. Daani dabbed at his bleeding nose, watching Sakuma with a jaundiced eye of scorn. Sakuma jerked his arm free from stoic-boy's hold, not the least bit repentant.

"I'm out of here." Sakuma announced, turning his back and stalking from the room.

"Where's Gohan?" Dr. Kalinin demanded, belatedly realizing the bald teen was no longer present in the room.

xxXXxx

Gohan sat curled within the frame of a window along one of the long passageways of the hospital. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a moment all to himself, a moment to think, a moment to reflect. God, he really hated being alone. But, he couldn't go back; he couldn't face the raw violence that filled Sakuma's feral eyes. That one second, when Sakuma's fist was raised above Daani's head, for a single instant Gohan had thought the blow was meant for him, a swamp of flashback images followed the innate flinching reaction. All Gohan could think to do was escape. Amid the upheaval he'd managed to duck out of the room all together. He vaguely hoped that the situation had been resolved. Sakuma hadn't deserved such hateful regard, but Gohan couldn't abide by his reaction either. He'd been on the receiving end of a beating too often to find violence any kind of answer. Gohan pulled his knees in closer to his chest, it was cold comfort.

"There you are." the calm, toneless voice startled Gohan enough that he nearly fell from his perch.

"Who…?" Gohan couldn't bring himself to finish the question, suddenly nervous in the presence of another male without any of his "safe" people in attendance. One slim eyebrow rose above convex lenses, golden-brown eyes gazed without discernable emotion. Gohan still caught the distinct impression he was a source of amusement.

"I don't believe we've been introduced. My name is Tezuka." Gohan was relieved when Tezuka made no motion toward him whether to shake hands or bow. In actuality, the taller boy's arms were crossed tightly about his torso, giving Gohan the sense he wished to be touched even less than himself.

"Gohan-er-Sesshomaru…whichever is fine." Gohan shrugged his shoulders, realizing only then that he'd unconsciously mimicked the other boy's close knit posture. Tezuka nodded by way of acknowledgement before motioning back down the hall in the direction he'd come.

"You should return; some doctors are looking for you."

"Therapy is over for me right now." Gohan clenched his jaw stubbornly as he stared out the window. That meddlesome woman wasn't getting anything else from him today.

"Actually, some doctors came by the room after you left…Something to do with your treatment."

xxXXxx

Gohan regarded the man before him with no discernable change of expression. Without much focus he could feel the hand clutching his almost with enough pressure to break the small bones within, the bruises would be livid given time. One small flicker of his eyes confirmed the tears on her face, not much of a surprise. Videl always endorsed being prepared for the worst but felt the effects of disappointment twice as much upon receiving unpleasant news. For once Kaname looked properly uncomfortable in regards to his health, Gohan couldn't even muster the energy to feel vindicated. Makekeru was doing all in his power to become insignificant. Gohan wondered almost perversely if the other boy's actions stemmed from concern for his privacy or a selfish desire not to acknowledge death's inevitable grasp.

"Gohan, there's still time. Your name is on the list" Dr. Jomei tried to amend the unaccommodating news in some way. As if there was any way to make dying sound less immediate. The good doctor himself told Videl the lists were less than useful in Gohan's case. The words that followed didn't even register as Gohan's mind preoccupied itself with other thoughts. Times like these he was grateful to have the foresight to exclude the others.

x

After receiving the news that Goten's test results were in, he'd asked that the others be told elsewhere. Even now he could picture Bulma having a full blown breakdown. If Gohan followed that train of thought it would lead him around the twisting tracks of the imaginary scene. Vegeta was easy to picture in a corner, body practically screaming avoidance of an issue deemed not his problem. The younger boys would likely be disappointed their bid for another brother was preemptively snuffed. Krillin would be distraught but also resigned to the outcome. Gohan hadn't returned too long ago that attachment firmly set in; and the once bald man already dealt with enough loses for Gohan's death to be anything more than routine. Yamcha was a glaring empty pocket in Gohan's projected scene but the ill boy could hardly find the emotion to feel anything about it. Then there would me Mirai Trunks, the blast from the past would most definitely be riling at Gohan not to give up, to retain hope for some potential match among the throngs of the perfectly-human variety. Piccolo was unlikely to hear the news until one of the others informed him. Gohan couldn't decide if he should laugh or scream out against an unjust world. But hey, the world never promised to be fair. The simple fact of the matter was he couldn't shed a single tear if he tried.

x

Beside him Videl was sobbing hysterically as she gripped him painfully. Gohan had a keen desire to just shove her noisy, bone-crushing presence away from him but the logical part of his brain informed him that would be most irregular, and it would engender a lot of questions. Questions Gohan had no desire to answer. His mind was strangely blank and he couldn't feel, well, anything; except maybe a twinge of irritation. With a detached disgust, Gohan noted that Videl's tears and mucus were being transferred to his scratchy night shirt via the girl's buried face. Dr. Jomei was still talking, about what Gohan couldn't begin to fathom, or even want to try. What was there left to speak of anyway? Gohan honestly felt he could do with a bit of sleep. Yes, he was about due for a nap; in fact, that had been his plan before being side-tracked by this imparting of death. Gohan didn't think twice about rolling over, drawing up his blankets and closing his eyes on the entire world, it would be there when he woke, if he ever did so again. He was silent because he had nothing to say; it was as simple as that.

* * *

Warning: This chapter contains dream/memory sequences.

**Chapter 35: And So It Goes**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In every heart there is a room  
A sanctuary safe and strong  
To heal the wounds from lovers past  
Until a new one comes along

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Within the room, on the quilt-spread bed laid the two teenagers, heads together. Scattered before them from a cloth-bound book were multitudes of colorful snapshots. Prominent in most was a family of three; the father, awkward though he may have been, had a goofy smile, quite endearing; the mother, a woman of exotic beauty possessed wonderful laughing eyes; and the daughter was toddling and cute as a button besides. Gohan's hand hovered over a few, laughing at the antics of a clumsy father, smiling sweetly at the tender moments shared between husband and wife, immortalized forever on something tangible.

x

Reams of photos contained the progression of a tuft-headed baby girl, to a spitfire young woman. Videl spent a fair share of her time trying to snatch up all the embarrassing captures, such as the one of her in the bathtub at the age of three. Gohan managed to snag each and every picture she attempted to hide, sharing the laughter and contentment such images brought to the viewer. But it was when they brought tears that Gohan found himself feeling the most gratitude. These were Videl's memories; these scraps of paper were all that remained of her mother.

"Thank you, Videl." Gohan whispered softly into her hair as he held her to him. Her soundless tears soaked into his shirt as she sought comfort in his embrace. Gohan was more than willing to offer what small solace he could in these rare moments Videl chose to open her past to him. Videl hardly spoke of her mother at all, but Gohan fully believed sharing bits of her memory would help to heal the rift in Videl's heart created by the loss of her mother. Perhaps one day Gohan would find the courage to reciprocate. Besides that one evening Gohan revealed his name, he hadn't discussed his parents, not even the good times they'd shared.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I spoke to you in cautious tones  
You answered me with no pretense  
And still I feel I said too much  
My silence is my self-defense

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Please, Gohan, answer me!" Videl pleaded ever so quietly into his ear.

Gohan laid sideways on the bed, head cushioned on cotton pillows. Glazed eyes, like chips of coal, stared at the wall without awareness. At his back lay Videl, embraced around him. Gently she stroked his scalp, reassuring; in hopes he would hear her through the touch. But his eyes would not focus, nor even blink as she imparted her silent emotions, too full for words. Soft lips brushed along his brow, gentle murmurs, but a whisper in the gesture. And still no change was wrought. He lay unresponsive even now, and could not help but hide away. The only words he knew to say would bring little more than sorrow and pain. And yet she stayed at his side, and loved him still.

"Videl?" a voice called softly from the doorway. Videl glanced up and saw Bulma through the gloom, backlit by the open door. "Any change?" A shallow shake of the head was, sadly, the only response she could give. Bulma sighed, eyed the hospital floor as thoughts, perhaps memories, shuffled through her mind. Her hands wrung together nervously but without her awareness. Videl could not fathom the depth of this woman's concern, this woman who knew a happier Gohan once upon a time.

"You should probably get some rest. You've been by his side since the…since hearing the news." Bulma's voice nearly cracked on the last. Videl stared blankly at the blue-haired woman.

"Would you?" Videl queried, her voice virtually inaudible, but Bulma managed to distinguish the words.

"Stay with him?"

"No," Videl listed her head sideways to negate the assumption, "Would you leave if he were your husband…one of your sons?" Videl looked down, once again, at Gohan's crown as one hand gently stroked the smooth skin. The silence stretched, but Videl's attention did not sway. When the door closed gently behind the older woman it was answer enough.

x

The psychiatrist called it catatonia, the doctors argued in favor of shock. Kaname, in a fit of anger, dubbed it cowardice. But Videl knew it for what it was…heartbreak. After all the words were defined and neatly scribed onto his chart, the result was the same. Gohan lay vacantly on his bed, his body breathing but hardly alive. Videl kept vigil over this shell of flesh, waiting for the moment his soul would resurface. And she loved him still.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And every time I've held a rose  
It seems I only felt the thorns  
And so it goes (x2)  
And so will you soon I suppose

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Do you ever think that things might have been different if you'd never been born?" Being ensconced in a darkened room made posing the question far less daunting and offered Videl the chance to pretend she hadn't heard. The bed beneath him shifted and a body rose above his, two forearms to either side of his head. He glanced up to lock gazes with luminous blue, a glint barely perceived through the unbounded darkness.

"I suppose I do." a quiet admittance, without rancor for the query.

"I dream sometimes," Gohan's eyes looked off into the black void of nothingness, "I can see them happy and alive." The suspended figure above him lowered until he could feel the weight of her body and the arms embracing him tightly. It was reassuring in a purely physical sense, anchoring him in the here and now. Gohan could even discern the faint scent of her shampoo from her evening shower.

"Sometimes I picture my parents together without me," a bare whisper against his collar, bringing his attention back to her voice, "And then I remember how much my mother cherished having a child. If I wasn't there, I know she'd regret not having me. And what if she still had cancer? Who would my dad have to take care of him, if not me?"

x

Silence fell upon the two entwined on the bed. One held the other in a tight embrace, attempting to impart a tangible appreciation for the other's existence. For his part, Gohan struggled with the warring emotions of longing and guilt. He could not, in good conscience, deem himself worthy of his father's sacrifice. In the same instant, he could not say with definitive certainty that his nonexistence would have wrought a positive outcome to his parent's lives. All he could rely on was the need expressed by Videl for his companionship. If the reason for his existence rode solely on Videl's desire for him in her life, he could live with that. As long as she…

"Please don't ever leave me."

"No, not ever." A solemn promise sealed with a snug embrace.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

But if my silence  
Made you leave  
Then that would be my worst mistake  
So I will share this room with you  
And you can have this heart to break

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You promised," her voice was soft, "You gave your word you'd never pull away again." A small bit of resentment bled into the last statement, nearly an accusation. She was finding it more and more difficult not to lash out at the source of her frustrations. Despite her harsh words though, Videl's arms loosely encircled his torso. She fairly curled about his head, laying butterfly kisses and gentle strokes to the unblemished skin. However, harsh words or gentle touch, if he noticed either he showed not outward sign.

x

For four days Gohan lingered in this impassive state. Videl grew more agitated and prone to fits of temper around everyone else. Bulma stopped dropping in after having one too many scathing comments snarled her way. Mirai Trunks similarly made like a ghost and vanished. She suspected Krillin simply couldn't stand to see his best friend's son suffer so. As for her own family, her father finally resigned himself to her inevitable refusal to return home.

x

The only one who seemed immune to her hostile disposition was Vegeta, and that was more to do with his own temperament being something to rival. Nonetheless, it never failed to short circuit her thought process when the stoic man dropped in for a visit. Videl couldn't understand his presence nor fathom the motive behind it. Even now the man was standing vigil in what was quickly becoming "His Corner." He had yet to speak, and often Videl could nearly forget he was there all together.

x

So it was with an alarmed gasp that she greeted Vegeta's rough voice when it broke the silence.

"Don't waste your affections where they are not acknowledged." Recovering from her initial shock, Videl matched the glare that pierced through the pervading gloom. Flashing onyx encountered glinting quartz. A silent battle of wills ensued in which Videl felt a keening desperation to prevail or possibly lose Gohan forever.

"Your sympathy does little for he who lacks resolve." The truth—and what a painful, ripping truth—forced her gaze to fall in despair. She could not fight all fronts without the will of her heart, a heart she entrusted to another. It too was locked beneath the vacant eyes of the one she loved.

"What more can I do?" A bleak query, directed to one without compassion, could garner no hope.

"Spare yourself." The heartache, the inevitable painful loss, the memories to follow, all remained unspoken. The words were related coldly, but they unnervingly took into account her wellbeing. Without a will one was already lost. There was only the one left to save, an aberrant form of triage. Videl could feel the tender tightening in her breast, the emotion preceding an immense loss. She could only recall experiencing such bereavement once before.

x

"Will you stay?" She could hardly voice the words beyond her constricting throat. Her gaze remained downcast, though the other continued to be a stalwart presence whose very aura was like a malevolent undercurrent. Astringent silence settled like a blanket of condemnation. Videl could feel Gohan sifting from her grasp as a handful of sand. The more rapidly she grappled for additional grains the more quickly those she held escaped.

"He determined his own fate." Videl's head bowed under the uncompromising honesty. Her attention was inexorably drawn to the shuttered façade, not so much peaceful as empty, the face of the forsaken. Bending close, until her hair curtained them away from abrasive eyes, Videl pressed her lips to his, a final farewell. Dry, parched lips reciprocated nothing leaving her feeling as if abandoned.

x

Carefully Videl extricated herself from the bed. She did not pay any mind to the remaining other. She was actively cleaving out her own heart as she created the distance between herself and her love. Reaching the door was equivalent to approaching hell on earth. Once she stepped through there would be no turning back. Gohan made his decision, now she would have to make hers. One hand fell to the handle, trembled visibly, and then gripped with such force it was painful. A slow turn and sounds once muffled became much clearer. A shaky breath was inhaled in preparation.

"Don't," She froze over the threshold, "Please don't leave me alone."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And this is why my eyes are close  
It's just as well for all I've seen  
And so it goes (x2)  
That you're the only one who knows

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Shhh, it's all right. You're safe." He sat hunched over his up-drawn knees panting as the fear still held him in its ever tightening grip. Sweat was a slick presence on his skin and dampness in his sheets. It took a few moments before his high-jacked brain managed to sort the overflow of information. Immediately he noticed the hand brushing gently at his shoulder. Next he acknowledged the soothing voice as the one belonging to Videl. These two factors allowed Gohan to deduce the turn of events. He'd had a nightmare, probably cried out in his sleep, and Videl came to chase it away.

"Would you like some water?" Videl queried almost hesitantly, unsure if she should breach the silence punctuated only by the harsh breathing of the bed's sole occupant. Gohan managed a bobbing nod before he collapsed bonelessly backward. Videl shifted then stood to make her way to the conjoining bathroom.

x

When Videl returned to Gohan with the requested glass of water, she saw him with his eyes clenched shut; the fingers of his left hand were rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Bad one?" Videl sat herself in the chair beside the bed, passing over the glass of water along with two aspirin. Gohan palmed the pills, threw them back with a splash of water, cleared his throat, and voiced a gruff affirmative. His eyes were still closed.

"Need to talk about it?" Videl settled one hand on a blanket covered knee in support. She could only imagine the types of nightmares Gohan experienced. With memories like his, life itself had to have been one conscious terror.

"I don't want to scare you." Gohan murmured; his breathing was coming to a semblance of normal.

"I'd like to think I can take it."

"Trust me; you wouldn't want to hear about those sorts of things." Gohan shuddered. Videl could see that his hands maintained the unsteady movement, they were trembling. Gently she took his hands into hers; rubbing over the knuckles with her thumbs, attempting to calm his unease.

"You don't have to tell me. I think I can guess." Videl brought his hands to her lips to brush tender kisses over the bony skin. Then she cupped his face in one palm, guiding him to look into her eyes. "You don't have to explain, just as long as you remember not to blame yourself."

"It's hard not to." Gohan confessed softly.

"I know; that's why I'm here, to remind you every time you forget."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So I would chose to be with you  
That's if the choice were mine to make  
But you can make decisions too  
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes (x2)  
And you're the only one who knows

Billy Joel-And So it Goes

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"No," Videl managed in an unsteady voice, "Not ever." Then she was abandoning the gaping doorway to rush to his side. Enveloping him in her arms was instinct but the answering clutch from one long indifferent brought an unadulterated wave of relief. Tears came, as she knew they would, but were brushed delicately away. His expression was a rictus of pain and apology all at once. The overwhelming sense of despair, the terrible guilt over his actions, and the desperate search for forgiveness were as readable as an open book.

"I'm sorry!" he croaked from deep within his chest. His eyes were painfully dry but bright with distraught emotion. Videl wanted nothing more at that moment than to systematically erase every horrible memory within his head. They scarred him so completely that he shouldered the blame for things even he was incapable of controlling.

x

It is said that a painful account gets easier with each retelling. After the first apology passed Gohan's lips Videl was suddenly inundated with hitching supplications for absolution. Over and over he whispered his admission of failure and she tried to console him with soothing reassurances and tactile comfort. Gohan was not quick to settle though. The bald teen held Videl with a feverish sort of desperation. They were both painfully aware they'd almost lost one another.

"I will never," said with formidable conviction, "leave as long as you have a place for me here." Videl laid her palm against Gohan's chest roughly where his heart would be located. Gohan settled his hand over hers and pulled her in with the other. This time, when their lips met they were bruising in their intensity.

"We'll get through this. Somehow we'll find a way." Gohan murmured into the infinitesimal separation brought on by the necessity of breathing.

"Donor list…still time." Videl agreed hastily before crushing her mouth to his a second time. The harsh click of teeth was beautifully painful. Gohan could even taste a hint of blood as one of his incisors broke the skin of his bottom lip. The grips they were exerting on each other would leave livid bruises as well but neither could find it within themselves to care. Yes, Gohan was alive. Nothing else mattered at the moment. When Vegeta departed from the private room he was not even spared a parting thought.

x

So it was not until the following morning—after a rare night of restful sleep for both teens—that Gohan noticed an innocuous piece of folded paper resting on his bedside table. Curious about what it contained, for only Vegeta could have left it, Gohan took it in hand and perused its contents. After the first couple lines he felt his stomach twist into knots. By midway he was torn between screaming and babbling incoherently. By the end he could feel tears coursing down his cheeks. As the salty drops migrated south, Videl twitched awake due to an odd wetness.

"Gohan!" Videl cupped his face, her own full of worry. "What's wrong?"

x

Wordlessly, the bald teen passed over the paper he'd been reading. Videl scanned the heading, some private company or other, and skimmed through the opening only to stutter to a halt. Her gaze inexorably rose back to the beginning then followed the script at a much slower pace. Little by little her eyes became enlarged as they progressed through the correspondence and processed the meaning behind the words.

"Trunks?" she finally whispered in disbelief.

"It says on there he was tested nearly a week after Goten." Gohan whispered, pointing out the relevant date among the official jargon. He settled his hands around her waist as he reread the characters over her shoulder.

"This…This is…" Videl could not find the words to express what such a small, seemingly insignificant scrap of processed tree signified.

"This is our future." Gohan murmured, and for once he could actually see one on the horizon.

Here was his deliverance…

his redemption.

END-Part I

Author's Ending Remarks:

That's it for part one, which would have been out a few days ago except I had to reformat AGAIN! (Moans piteously and gleefully rips apart the corrupted floppy that used to store her fic.) I had to save from FFnet and redo all that formatting I'd done prior to writing the last two chapters! I'm only lucky that I saved the newest chapters to my comp, before the floppy became corrupted!

Part II will not start for a while. However, for those of you looking forward to it, I can tell you now the title will be "Nightmare's End" so you can flag it when you see it. If you haven't reviewed yet, I'd appreciate at least one, here at the end please! Even if you read this through and it's been up a long long while, please review at least once! I would really appreciate some lasting remarks and criticisms on the fic as a whole!

As for my own thoughts…I think it turned out pretty good. I still have loose ends (grumble:nevergottothedamnsenzubeans:grumble) but those should and will be tied up in the next half if they were not addressed in this one. I think my description fell off in the last chapter but I was trying to deal with abstracts like feelings and emptiness so it came away a little bare? The last chapter is also fairly short, but it wrote itself that way. Please let me know if it was completely anticlimactic or whatever!

Originally I was going to have Goten as a match but then I changed my mind and was left wondering who to match him with. I was considering Vegeta all the way up to and including writing the last chapter but changed my mind at the end. There was supposed to be this big scene and Vegeta would fall into this sort of giving role, but I realized it might mean more for him to have allowed his own flesh and blood son to be tested and match Gohan. I also thought Vegeta would be the kind of guy to unobtrusively inform Gohan of the match after testing one last time if he wanted to live.

Overall, I think I wrote Videl and Gohan a bit too emotional and ready to cry. Rereading this as I was reformatting called to my attention the many chapters where Videl or Gohan or both, or someone else! (gah!) are crying. Of course, if I was diagnosed with Leukemia I think there would be plenty of tears all around, but (shrugs) meh, whatever.

The next fic probably won't have nearly as much crying, though there will be plenty of emotional upheavals as Gohan moves in with the Briefs and confronts some of his less physical demons. There will still be interaction with Kaname, Makekeru, and the therapy group; my original characters will be playing pivotal roles in Gohan's recovery. However, we will also deal with issues among the traditional caste. I think we are all agreed that Gohan has plenty of issues all around, ne?

Thank you for reading, and see you all next time,

Kerwin

SPECIAL THANX TO KEY REVIEWERS: You were there from the start or came along to kick me into gear with your fantastic reviews. Yours were the most constructive and helped me to become a better writer. I thank you all from the very bottom of my heart and hope you will join me in the sequel.

CHANEY, FIREBIRD9900, LADY ANGEL FIREN, LADY JOPAM (SHOCKANGEL/ANGELSHOCK), and SAH-RAE-HYJO

FINAL THANX TO EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER REVIEWED!

, Adrienne D, A.E.R.3, Aleandra Alyra Sarienna, Alucardz-pet, Animefan2017, Anime freaks kira and nene, A random fan, Aurora Borealis, Bandit, Blah, Bliss, Blue-dove7, Catheryn, Cesna Rose, Chaney, Chibi Lauryn, Cold Paws, Cosmos, Crazy Gohan Gurl, Crestfallen Angel, Cruel Kindness, Db6, DBZ Chick1, Dbzfan550, December Jewel, Delphine, DemonDancing, Dfd, Dillpops, DJ Lee, Dragon Girl6, DragonSlayer0304, escudo-blade, Firebird9900, Firestorm2, Freaky, Froboy, Futago akuma-tenshi02, Genki-Rei-Chan, Geta, Gohan, Gota, Honey Nut Loop, HPfan550, jadasb 19, Jera, John, Kari Kamiya10, Kia-Kawaii princess, Korona, Lady Adelia, Lady AngelFiren, Lady JOPAM (Shock Angel/Angel Shock), Lady Sakura-chan, LazzyPerson, Little-kitsune, Mako-Magic, Maeve, Majunior7, Mashed Potato Master, Melissa, Mentalkid, Miroku-has-darkness, Misaki the Assasin, Moonprincess202, Nekosune, Nightcrawler, Notgoingtotellyou, NoZoMi and HoTaRu, Ore No Kagami, Otepoti, Parasite, Phoenix1, Pink-Charmed One, P.L.S, Professor Authordude, Rarity88, Resurging Crisis, Sah-Rae Hyjo, Sakiku, Salsa Kitty, Samurai-lapin, ShadowObscurity, Shaman queen lee, Shea Loner, Silver wolf12, Sk8er-kitty888, Smfandonja, Sooner, Spots, Squirrelface RAE, SS2 Megami-sama and her Yami Raven, Ssjmiraitrks, Stayblue, Stupid kid 04 and blah, Suicidalnutter, Supersaiyaman, swomeSwan, TailFear, Takatorika4ever, Taki-Sama, Teknoman Dark, The Reader is Now Blind, TheShadowPanther, Trunksblue, Truten, Twilight Kitsune, Uber Rei Model 02/03/01, and Wiggle-Chicken


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